Monday, January 31, 2011

Feeling Good

I like Mondays...not always, but sometimes.

I liked today...I pretty much played "dress up" all day.

First...the cheetah print skirt.

Yep, I wore it.

I rocked it.

I rocked it with black stiletto boots.

Which Dimples warned me not to do but I told him that my knee be damned, I was going for "hotness" and not hot mess so no other shoes would do.

So I wore the cheetah print skirt up to my son's school and showed my friend (the middle school principal) because I told her I would.

Check that off the list of things I planned to do when I lost weight.

So I sit in said skirt and watch GOTT choreograph the first part of "Hard Knock Life" and proceed to scream with delight through it all...

It is going to be totally adorable...GOTT is genius.

After that I decided it was time to go shopping...

for...

underwear...

(men, you can just stop reading here...or scroll down a bit...because you cannot relate to the experience at all...)

I've lost so much weight that I needed to be "fit" for undergarments and dammit I have worked hard so I was going to reward myself with something from Victoria's Secret.

When I get to goal weight I'm going to blow a chunk of cash on something from Agent Provocatuer (right now I only wear their perfume) but for now VS will more than do.

I go into the store and the darling sales girl screams when I tell her I have lost 110 pounds. She kept asking me how I did it...

4 bras and 8 pairs of underwear later I left the store with a red bag full of undergarments in my hand.

I haven't shopped at Victoria's Secret in 8 years...almost 9...

It. Felt. Great.

Would it be oversharing to say that I even bought some thongs?

I always overshare...

But if Dimples is going to have me do a bijillion squats, lunges, and step-ups, by damn I will not have panty lines...

After all of that fabulous shopping it was time for bootcamp.

Which was awesome...

We are all getting stronger...more fit...feeling good...

But the best part was that we were joined by a WARRIOR...a beautiful kicked-cancer-in-the-ass warrior...my friend Princess C...

(You see...when you kick cancer in the ass you get to be called Princess in my world...)

So Princess C will celebrate one year since her surgery tomorrow...

And she looked beautiful to me...

her hair has come back...and her beautiful eyes were more beautiful than ever...

and she worked out and had fun with us and said it felt so good to be moving...to be outside and enjoying it...and I loved watching her move about the park with us.

Because...she is here...

Because she survived...

Before bootcamp I showed Dimples my "goal" dress.

I pulled it out today and gave it a good long hard look.

I have a couple of goal dresses...they were my mother's. All of them black, all of them special...

But this dress...this is THE dress.

It's the Vera.

The Vera Wang.

No, not THE Vera Wang that I want Oprah to get me...that will be a gown...

This one is a cocktail dress.

One I chickened out of wearing to a party 8 years ago.

Here it is...

front view...one shoulder...sheer in the back...


Here is the back...you can't really see it very well...

So I show this to Dimples...who just smiled and looked slightly puzzled as to why I was holding a dress in front of him, but he's a doll and patient so he let me explain...

And I told him that I was holding the little scrap of black fabric he was working to get me in.

I often visualize that dress when I want to give up...

Today it made me run faster.

When I got home I hung the dress back up. And then I decided I couldn't help myself.

I had to see how "far" I was from getting into it.

I slipped it on...over my head...

ok

Then I reached for the zipper...

it zipped!

OK...

stretchy fabric...

but it was not heinous...I mean, with a good pair of spanx (or two) I could wear it.

I showed Ke$ha Barbie. We both got pretty excited. I cried. She hugged me and kissed me...and finished zipping me up.

And declared that I was going to look hot in it when I wore it.

So now I have a couple of months before the party I plan to wear it to. And I now know I can do it.

It's in my grasp.

But I'll still need spanx...or a thong...or fishing line and Crisco.

In any case...I can wear the dress.

When I took it from my mother's closet after she died I said it was because I wanted to wear it sometime. I didn't know when or how but I WANTED to wear the dress again.

After a few years I figured I would just give it to Ke$ha Barbie.

She says she is fine with it being mine...what a good daughter...

So it was a good Monday...and I'm feeling good.

I wore a silly skirt with boots, I bought thongs and bras, I zipped up a dress that I thought I would never wear.

But despite all of THAT good...the BEST part...the truly BEST part was Princess C showing up to work out with us.

Because she is a warrior...and she will be strong again...and she is, and always has been BEAUTIFUL

And she's feeling good...

And THAT, well that...that is priceless...she is here and she kicked cancer in the you-know-what...and she's feeling good...

And that makes me feel REALLY good!

Inspiration Song: "Feeling Good"...multiple artists...George Michael has a great version...but my favorite is Buble...Michael Buble...he's dreamy...

Bye Darlings...do something that makes you feel good today!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Point of No Return

so....

Today I jumped on the scale and it did another dip...took me into a new weight "class"...I'm in the 180's...thankyouverymuch, Dimples...

When I saw the number...

after jumping around a good bit and jumping back on it to check and make sure that after the 2 glasses of wine I had last night that I wasn't hallucinating...

I thought...

"I never want to see 190 again!"

There is no reason for me to see 190 again...none whatsoever...

Last night we had dinner at George's Pastaria.

Would you think us odd if I tell you we did so on Friday night as well?

Well, we did...

because I can't get enough of their rainbow trout prepared "body builder" style (with veggies...no sauce...just broth) and the wine that ReRe (George's wife) pours me...last night I mixed it up and had a glass of red AND white...

So we get home and I'm feeling happy since it is "wine night" and I go into my closet and spy a skirt that looks like it MIGHT fit.

The last time I wore that skirt (that I can remember) was to the opening game in Reliant Stadium in 2002.

That particular day I had challenged myself with a 3 hour...yes, 3 hour...spin class.

The class was hell but exhilarating...and I cried when I finished it. I sat on my bike and cried and cried...several of us did...

And then I realized it was nothing compared to riding the MS 150 but for me that day it was a personal victory...just like yesterday and the 75 minutes was...

So that particular day in 2002 I did the class and then went to the football game. I put on the denim skirt and a red top..trying my best to wear "Texans" colors.

My friend Danalicious ('cause she's fabulous and gorgeous) was sitting behind me with her sister Stacybaby (also fabulous and gorgeous).

I feel a tap on my shoulder.

They are cracking up.

I had fallen asleep.

Yes, I fell asleep in Reliant Stadium with a crowd roaring and I was sitting in my seat exhausted and snoring...

EMBARRASING!

So there the skirt is...and I grab it and try it on and...

IT FIT!

I am so wearing that skirt to a party Friday night where the dress is listed as "denim"...

I'm GOTT's other date to the party so I told him to tell GOTTESS we should coordinate and wear demin skirts and boots...I'll let her pick the color of top...we can march into the party like the cast of "Big Love"...I am, after all, his other wife...

(not really...but we refer to me as such...)

I got so excited that I could get the skirt on that I tried on other things and found that I have a new wardrobe to choose from.

I even fit into one of my cheetah print skirts....not that it needs to see the light of day again.

But it is nice to know that it fits.

I tried on one of my "goal" dresses.

It was my mothers.

Black.

Gucci.

Fitted knit.

To quote a line from "The Devil Wears Prada"....with a little fishing line and some crisco it could work...

Well, maybe not fishing line and crisco, but it did go on and with some spanx it could see the light of day...or candlelight...

By spring it should be something that I can slide into...but I think because it is knit that the spanx will be required no matter what...

And when I put the skirts and dress on I realized that I didn't want to grow out of them at all.

Like my weight this morning, I am at a point of no return.

I don't want to go back here...I want to go down from here and never see these numbers on the scale again.

And I totally give all of you permission to yell at me if I start to put it back on. I've done this too many times...I can't do it again!

I don't want to be destined to be a fat woman who is occasionally thin.

I want to be at a healthy weight and stay there. It will take work and committment from me but if I can lose what I have so far just since March (about 110 lbs), then I can do what I have to do to keep it off.

Last time I did this I let myself get the best of me. I let myself get lazy and some of the weight crept back on before my mother died. And then she died and I gave up completely.

I can't do that again...I can't return to where I am...or where I have been.

Again and again I have people tell me that I am inspiring to them...

I'm not.

I'm really not...

If anything people should look at me and think "thank God she got her butt in gear" because of how I used to be.

As I have said before, inspiration comes from someone doing something truly inspiring. I'm just doing what anyone and everyone needs to do to stay fit and healthy.

I eat healthy food in the proper porportions.

I eat 3 small, sensible meals a day and 2 snacks.

I have the bulk of my diet as fruits and vegetables and lean protein.

I exercise 6-7 days a week.

I mix it up with cardio and strength training and when I am with Dimples, I get both...

That's really how anyone should live...eat sensibly and exercise.

Simple.

Not inspiring.

Just living.

Easy.

And now that I realize that I am really at a point of no return, I don't plan to be here again...

Inspiration Song: once again provided by my wonderful friend and support team cheerleader---JayVee. I got a double dose of her spin class this weekend (happy place!) and she played this both times (cause I love it)..."Point of No Return" by Kansas. Love it...

Bye Darlings...find your point of no return...

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Viva la Vida

Viva la Vida...live the life!

Are you living the life or Living la vida Loca? (crazy life)

I can relate to the la vida loca...that is me 90% of the time...but today I'm talking about living the GOOD life...the life we all want to live...

Yesterday my girlfriends Athenagal and Chauchacha taught a great art history lesson to the 7th grade class...Romantisism and Realism...and the first painting discussed was Delacroix's "Liberty Leading the People".

They showed the kids the Coldplay video of "Viva la Vida"...where Chris Martin (lead singer) wanders about in king's robes carrying a copy of that painting.

As I heard the song over and over (for each class) I was reminded:
1) how much I love that song
2) how much I love Coldplay's music
3) what a great statement viva la vida is...live the life...

And I love that painting...

After the art lesson we met Dimples for a workout and had a great time...perfect weather, fun friends, awesome trainer...and we laughed a lot. You can't burn 400 calories in a better way...

that is surely Viva la Vida...

Right now I feel that I am pretty close to living my best life. I still have some issues to work out...things I am not going to blog about because even though I am pretty much an open book here there are things that I do need to keep private...but for the most part, I'm living the life I want/hope/dream about.

My children are healthy and happy...they amaze me every day and I am blessed that I get to be called "Mom" and not just "Anice"...

I have wonderful friends...really wonderful and supportive friends

I am healthy...I'm almost at a healthy weight...I am healthy "inside" with my cholesterol, sugar levels, etc.

I am fit...I can run...I can spin...I can lift weights...I work out...

I have a great gig with GOTT and TTG...I get to work with people I love and how awesome is that...and the kids...oh, I don't have enough good words for the kids and my love for them...

I have Dimples (lucky me!)...and JayVee...and Spinderella...and J'taime Jamie...

I have the possibility of getting my teaching certificate...something I would really like to do...

I have this blog as a creative outlet...

But still no Oprah...but there is hope!

Today I achieved a personal goal...I did a 75 minute spin class. As I told Dimples it was "a piece of cake"...I'm sure he is happy that I thought the class was a piece of cake and didn't EAT a piece of cake.

The class was fun and I'm happy to say that I was pretty pumped that I lasted all the way through and still had some energy left...

Because...

I had to sit through hours and hours of middle school boy's state wrestling championships.

UGH!

Alas, The Cutest Boy in the World did not place or get a medal but he made a valiant effort at it and the boys he lost to were bigger and older than him. But he took them the distance and his coach was pleased with how well he did.

We had one boy win a state title and several other boys who placed 2-6.

I'm very proud of them!

But I'm so tired of sitting...so very tired of sitting.

Who ever thought you could be tired of sitting?

I sat there and watched our boys fight it out with other boys.

While wearing leotards (called a singlet)...

and longed for football season...

because I "get" football...sorta...although Dimples still has to explain most of it to me...and I understand what is going on on the field even if I don't know what all the positions are.

Wrestling is still a mystery to me...one sport I'm not sure I'm ever going to "get".

But my son likes it, so I will be supportive and sit and watch endless hours of it and pray that he stays safe. Today one boy on our team may have broken an ankle and I watched a boy from another team tear his ACL (or at least it pretty much look like he tore his ACL...poor kid).

I used to fear the injuries from football but now I understand that my son is safe with all that padding. I'm not saying he won't be hurt, but he is less likely to do so with shoulder pads on. It's a life I understand.

Wrestling is a life I am still figuring out...and I hate the demands to remain at a certain weight and all the physical contact.

The weight thing really gets me because as much as I am working to lose weight, I find it hard to put my 12 year old boy on a diet to make a weight class and feel good about it. And some of those wrestlers do extreme things to drop the weight...running in plastic suits, sweatboxes, steam showers, not drinking water...

no...

that is not the life I want for my son...

so he can wrestle but we aren't doing the crazy stuff...

because I want to Viva la Vida...not Viva la vida loca...

and that, my friends is what I call "loca"...crazy...

I'm crazy enough...I don't need to add to the crazy.

Inspiration Song: "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay. Gorgeous song...love the music...

Bye Darlings...Viva la Vida...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Welcome to the Jungle

Guns N' Roses

J'taime Jamie gave us Guns N' Roses and 2 Britney Spears songs today in spin class. I liked the Britney---after all, I gave those songs to her...the rest of the class liked the G-N-R...

I like that song too...although I like Paradise City and Sweet Child O'Mine a little better.

So when my friend Dollface suggested it for a blog title I just had to do it...I'm still running my little "contest" but this one seemed to be a no-brainer.

After spin I had a workout with Dimples...we discovered our park had been almost flooded but we made it work...and then I headed to school for some prep work for our Art a la Carte lesson tomorrow.

Have I bored you to death yet?

So now I am making butternut squash soup (recipe on the bottom in case you dont want to look for it in "Hungry Like a Wolf" blog...

I decided that I would peel and chop up my squash vs. buying it already peeled and diced.

I do not recommend my plan.

I almost ended up in the ER...

Cutting up the squash just to try and peel it was tricky enough...it almost slid off the countertop. So then I get it into managable chunks and can't find my vegetable peeler.

So I use a knife.

Not a good plan.

That almost resulted in some gouges in my fingers and my thumb being cut off.

Most of the way through the first squash I found the peeler...

Thank you, kitchen fairy!

So I chop up the first squash and dive into the second.

This time I have the peeler.

They can be dangerous too...

And for some reason the squash got a little "slimier" so it was hard to hold.

But then I got that squash diced and mission accomplished!

Tossed it with some olive oil, sea salt, and cinnamon and put it in to roast.

There is an easier way...2 easier ways:

1) buy it peeled and diced---this is my choice from now on

or

2) slice it in half lengthwise, scoop out the seeds, lightly oil it and bake it cut side down until it is soft. Let cool and scoop out.

Why didn't I do "plan 2" with the squash?

And for some strange reason I have this film on my fingers now that I cannot get off...I've tried a scrub, I've tried olive oil, I've tried dish soap...

on the other hand I think I may have discovered a really great natural skin-tightener that I might be able to market as "facelift from a plant"...

So now that I have (hopefully) amused you with my tale of dangerous cooking, I'll get to the "jungle" part of this story.

I've never been to a jungle unless you count the fake one at Disney World...or Middle School (that is a very very scary jungle).

I've been in "the bush" when my brother and Sister-in-Love (that is what I have renamed her...not Sister in Law but Sister in Love because she is my sister through love...my love for her!)...

Anyhoo...

They lived in South Africa and we went to visit them. My kids were in 2nd grade and Pre-K. It was the trip of a lifetime.

We went to a game park and saw lions eating after a kill, zebra running wild, and my brother had a giraffe that thought he was the family pet.

I feared the Black Mambas (deadly snakes) and loved watching the weaver birds in the tree that they all built nests in.

Those weaver birds are pretty smart little birds...at least the females are. The males build the nests...show it to the little wife bird...if she likes it, she moves in. If she doesn't, she rejects it and makes him make her a new home.

I like that...

We spent 4 weeks in South Africa. I hated to leave...it is a remarkable country.

We spent most of our time at my brother and SIL's home about 3 hours north of Johanessburg. We also went in to Johannesburg to shop and enjoy the city.

Something exciting ALMOST happened there...I say "almost" because the exciting thing didn't actually happen but it ALMOST happened...

Because...

OPRAH WAS THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mom, Ke$ha Barbie and I walked into a shoe store. The girls working there noticed we were American. They asked if we knew Oprah.

I said: "No, I don't personally know her but I know who she is and want to meet her".

Then they told us we had just missed her by like 3 minutes.

I went running all over the Sandton Mall trying to locate her. I just wanted to SEE her...I wanted to be in her proximity.

I still cannot explain to you my fascination and obsession with her, but there it is...

I chased her all over a South African Mall.

I could have been shopping but I was looking for Oprah...oh, and I had a prety delicious lamb shwarma in the food court...we thought she might be there.

When we returned to the states, Oprah had a television special about her trip there.

She was deeply affected by her trip there. So were we.

It is a beautiful country with beautiful people. I never felt unsafe although I know there is crime there. Johannesburg is like any big city...you have to know where to go and where to be.

We stayed in the Sandton area (think nice residential)...we avoided Soweto (a terrible sad slum).

We shopped in the flea market and bought treasures. I bought bowls made by women who used telephone wire to make the bowls. They are beautiful. I have a wine opener that is a tusk from a wart hog. I have beautiful wooden bowls. I have beaded salad tongs. Treasures...

The best part of the trip...finding out SIL was pregnant with my nephew.

We also drove down to the coast. My brother decided we needed to take our lives into our hands and experience South Africa's version of real-life "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" called the Prince Alfred Pass.

Don't. Ever. Do. It.

It was horrific.

First, you are driving in some mountains like, oh say...Arizona. No problem. Just remember to drive on the LEFT side of the road.

Then you ascend into the mountains and it becomes very alpine...I kept thinking Heidi was going to pop up. It is what I imagine Norway or Sweden are like. Beautiful...

I was mildly terrified when I saw some cars in the valley...cars that had fallen off the road. Not a cool feeling.

so we are driving this winding pass...or rather my husband is driving. And the roads are narrow. And they hug the mountain.

And Mr. "I am the best driver" forgets what side of the road to drive on and we almost crash into another car...or into the side of the mountain...or down the cliff.

I really needed a drink after that.

Sadly it was hours away...

Needless to say we did NOT take that pass back when we returned to my brother and SIL's house...

Once we got to Plettenburg Bay (our destination)we met up with some friends of my brother and SIL's.

It was incredible to meet them...because the wife's father was one of my foather's dearest friends and I was once-upon-a-time supposed to stay with her (her name is Cathy) when we were in high school. I was to go to South AFrica, stay with Cathy and then go to her family's game lodge. But apertheid was in full swing and it became dangerous so I didn't get to go.

So 18 years later I finally got to meet Cathy...and we stood in her yard and cried with joy. There is a long story to how my brother became her friend but the shorthand version is that my SIL's dad (who is from Dallas) met Cathy's husband, brought my brother and SIL to meet him and Cathy and Cathy said her dad was good friends with a man from Texas...who turned out to be my father.

Fate...perfect fate...

I loved our time in Plettenburg Bay and with Cathy. My brother had always told me she was just like me with a South African accent. It is true. She and I finished each other's sentences. I long to see her again.

Leaving South Africa was hard...it was a wonderful country, we learned a lot...and we were flying coach....LONG TRIP...

Ke$ha Barbie sat on the floor of the airport terminal and declared she would not leave South African soil...

I pointed out that she was on the 2nd floor and had left the soil 10 minutes before when she got on the escalator.

While we were there we had incredible experiences...meeting friends, having a chance to feed and pet elephants, chasing Oprah...

But we had a really great "ah-ha" moment that I will never forget...

Ke$ha Barbie and The Cutest Boy in the World very much wanted a Nintendo Game Cube. They wanted Santa to bring it. Santa brought their gifts to our house in Houston...not South AFrica where I would have to pack them...

So Ke$ha Barbie was wondering aloud, on Christmas Day, as we were traveling south to Plettenberg Bay, if Santa had brought her the game cube.

At that moment we were passing a shanty town.

I asked SIL to pull over...

and pointed out to Ke$ha Barbie that those people didn't have phones, or tv, or bathrooms...and she shouldn't worry about a game cube when she was in this incredible country.

South Africa has no middle class...we would be wealthy there. I mean, we had a steak dinner for all 9 of us in a first class restaurant and our bill, including all the wine we drank and HUGE steaks...was less than $200.

We had pizza with beer and drinks for $11...and Ke$ha Barbie had pasta and juice...

So when I tell you that those people are poor...I MEAN POOR...

Oprah said something on her special that I have never forgotten.

She said that she and her staff took polaroids of the kids in one of the shanty towns they went to. The children did not believe that the photos were of themselves.

Because they had not ever clearly seen their own faces.

No one had a mirror....

So they didn't know what their own face really looked like.

Wow...

We learned so much there...I long to return...

even if I have to convince myself that a black mamba will not get me or my children...

I've got more stories but this blog is already as long as a novel so I will sign off and return my brain to Houston...and dream of Africa...

Inspiration Song: "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N'Roses...because J'taime Jamie played it in spin class and Dollface suggested it would be a good blog...

Bye Darlings...don't get lost in your own jungle...and count your blessings...

Roasted Butternut Squash Soup:

Roast your squash...either peel and dice it into 1" chunks (or buy it that way at Costco) or cut in half, scoop out seeds, lightly oil and bake and cool and scoop out pulp.

Put the chunks (or pulp) in batches in your blender or food processor and puree. Thin with vegetable stock or chicken stock.

transer puree to a pan...add chicken stock or veggie stock to thin out to soup (chowder) consistency. You can also add some cream, half and half, fat free half and half, or milk (lowfat or fat free is better for you).

Season with curry powder (hot or mild), cinnamon, and a pinch of salt (or to taste).

Heat and serve...

I read a recipe where you bake some apples and puree them in...gonna try that next time!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Obsession

I have become slightly obsessed with tracking this blog...followers, number of page views, where readers are from, traffic sources, referring websites, and the little graph that shows how many people have been reading my blog.

Like most things I am obsessed with...I'm more than a little obsessed.

Like the scale...I visit my scale several times a day. Not healthy, I know...but I do it anyway.

Cheese...yes, we all know my obsession with cheese. I think it is more so because I no longer really eat cheese except when I am having a food orgy. The last time I had cheese it was a love affair. That cheese was so good that if it had been a man, I would have made out with it...

I'm obsessed with working out. Today I did his bootcamp...twice...Hey, if you had a trainer as good as my Dimples is you would be obsessed too...because yesterday I went to the store and bought smaller workout pants...thanks to his guidance...

no, not on the pants...I did not make the poor darling go shopping with me...his guidance on eating and working out...

he does not guide me to be OCD with all of this by the way...that is all me...

I am obsessed with making soup these days...it's an easy way to eat my veggies and it warms me up

I am obsessed with roasting vegetables...because I don't have a grill and I like the way they taste after roasting better than just steaming...

We all know my Oprah obesession...good show today about happiness, by the way...

I am obsessed with the art history stuff I have been teaching...totally obsessed with Bernini's sculpture...if you watch "Angels and Demons" you will get a small dose of it...

so back to my thing with the stats...of course when I look at the stats have to totally over-analyze everything about it...I wish I had never clicked on that tab on my blogger "dashboard"...

So the blog I have written that has been viewed the most is "Feel Good Time"...the one with the fat photos...

lovely...

that is the one that resonates with you people...me and the fat photos?

Actually, it's all good...it is fine...it probably is one of the most honest, raw, and unfiltered blogs I have written. Just now sorta regret the photos...and the one I posted the next day.

So why so many views on THAT blog?

I mean there are half again as many views on that blog as the next most popular one.

Why?

Running in second place...but a distant second is "Singing in the Rain/Umbrella"...and then "Living on a Prayer" and then "Favorite Things"...

I cannot tell you why I write what I write any more than I can tell what you people want to read...but I try to keep it balanced between soul-baring torture, silly stories from my past, tips on how I have lost all this weight (over 107 pounds now), and...angst...

But if there are things you want me to blog about, I'll do it...or try to...even if it means some controversy (remember "Freedom 90"?...that little firestorm...actually it wasn't too much of one as I got mostly/almost all positive feedback).

I'm thinking it might be fun to have a contest...so let's try this...it will challenge your creativity and mine...

Submit to me a song title...you can do it on the comments here or post to facebook...I'll choose 3 and let you people vote and then I will write a blog that fits the title. If I can do a week based on Duran Duran I think I can do almost anything...but let's have a few rules about song ideas:

1) English please...I know I did "A Dios Le Pido" but that is one I am very familiar with...so if you can, stick to English...please no obscure Chinese folk songs.

2) Please, no songs before 1940...or if you must, not earlier than 1900...

3) No, I won't do strange songs like "Marzie Doats" or anything from Weird Al Yankovic...or "Muscrat Love" or "Run Joey Run" because there is absolutely no redeeming value or reason for those songs..

4) you may also say a song title and some sort of topic like "fitness" or "childhood"...

5) you have one week...

and now I know I will become obsessed with this...

Inspiration Song(s): I have 2 "Obsessions" on my iPod...that 80's one-hit wonder "Obsession" by Animotion or "Obsession" by Sky Ferreira off the Vampire Diaries soundtrack...take your pick...

Bye Darlings...give me something new to obsess about...

Sunday, January 23, 2011

All In

Are you all in?

Now you are asking "all in for what?"...

My answer: for whatever you have set out to do...

Today during spin class JayVee had Lifehouse's "All In" in the mix. She dedicated the song to yours truly. I was honored. She says it was because I was "all in" for my fitness and weight loss...

I hadn't thought about it, but I guess I am...

Of course that got me pondering...

Sometimes I think about my blogs, sometimes they just flow.

This was a weekend where not much happened so I didn't really have a jumping off point for the blog until JayVee put that song on and we started rolling.

So "All In" got me thinking that I needed to see where else in my life I was or wasn't "all in".

Right now my house is NOT all in...I've got stuff piled up everywhere...things I need to go through, things I need to toss out, things I need to move somewhere else. I have pictures that need hanging and photos that need to be put back out that have been packed away. It's a wreck...clean, but a wreck.

So...next on the list...house!

I AM all in for my costuming job...we are doing "Annie" and I cannot wait to costume up some orphans and Daddy Warbucks. As soon as I finish this blog I am watching the movie again so I can take notes...

Here's one that I am a bit stuck with---getting my teaching certification. I looked online...did I tell you this before?...and discovered that without taking any additional classes I am only qualified to teach...

FFA

yes, that would be Future Farmers of America

I don't think so...

You see, I have a degree in agriculture so that pretty much limits what I am qualified for.

I can teach kids about cows...horses...goats...

hmmmmm...

no....

So to be "all in" for teaching I'm going to have to do some work.

I can do that...it's the "when" I am worried about, not the "how" or "what" part.

So that goes on the "things I need to do" list too...

what else?

I'm chairing a big project at school but that is under control because Athenagal is my co-chair and since she has chaired MAKOR charity balls, this is a breeze for her...I'm good to go there...

I am about to have to adopt the wrestling coach...that will take some work...and it is it's own blog...

And then there is the whole "go on Oprah and have her give me a Vera Wang gown" bit...I'm all in for that...call me Oprah...call me!

There are other things, but they aren't things I need to be "all in" for.

So what about you?

Have you considered what you have planned for yourself this year?

It's January 23...what have you done to get started on making your life, your family's life, your world better?

There is no time like now to get started...don't put it off...

I put off taking care of myself and getting fit and losing weight for so long...there was always "tomorrow"...

but "tomorrow" never came...I just kept doing what I was doing without changing. I kept on eating...and sitting on the couch...

There were things I planned to do with my mother...but I lost her before we could do some of those things.

Now that is an extreme example of why not to wait, but when I tell you that my mother was just 60 years old and very healthy when she died. I never dreamed that I would lose her so young...but I did...

and tomorrow never came...

I thought I would have all the time in the world with my dad...I knew he would be the worlds greatest grandpa...after all, I had just had a girl and my daddy LOVED girls...

but at 59 he was gone to soon...died having heart bypass surgery...he only held Ke$ha Barbie twice...

tomorrow with him never came...

Now I'm not trying to say people you love in your life are going to die (well, yes they will but that is not my point)...my point is that to most people 59 and 60 years old are still pretty young...you wouldn't expect them to die...so I never considered the possibility it could happen.

But it did...

I think we need to just DO it (here I go sounding like a Nike commercial again but it is a good slogan...) and not put it off or find excuses not to.

I wasted hours and hours of my life being lazy...accepting being fat...avoiding the gym because I was I didn't care enough about myself to take the time to go...eating fast food because it was easier than making something healthy...letting sugar make me feel better instead of feeling better because I worked out.

I do know that most people who read this blog are not overweight like I was...many of you don't need to lose a pound. Many of you are healthier and thinner than I will ever be...

but we all get stuck with our junk...it's like the crap sitting in my living room that I just need to throw out...I just walk by it instead of dealing with it.

So tomorrow I am going to deal with something...maybe it is just one box, one bag, or hanging a picture or two, but I have to start.

A very wise teacher once told me that I was going to have problems with Ke$ha Barbie. She is equally right and left brained. Yes, it is hard.

I was having trouble getting her to clean up her playroom. So that very wise teacher gave me a suggestion.

She told me that instead of telling her to clean the playroom I needed to make a game of it...make it something that took the task into small chunks rather than one big overwhelming project.

Now THAT makes sense...it made sense to me with that, it made sense to Ke$ha Barbie, and it makes sense now.

Just like I have taken this weight loss into small goals, I'm going to do these other things in small chunks so I can get a sense of accomplishment rather than discouragement at what is not done.

So that is my advice to you for anything you are doing (by the way, I am GREAT at giving advice I don't always follow myself...LOL)...take it in small chunks...but be all in...be committed!

Commit to whatever you want to do with yourself...your life...your body...

make time to do it...
save the money to do it...
find the energy to do it...
prioritize yourself and your family so you WILL do it...

I'll let you know how that works for me...

Inspiration Song: "All In" by Lifehouse...love that band!!!!!! And I love JayVee, her spin class, and her support...

Bye Darlings...be like a gambler...be all in!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Living on a Prayer

I am going to post a terrible photo today...not as terrible as yesterday's photos, but not good quality and the model doesn't look so great in the photo. But it will give you an idea where I am in my weight loss.

I tried taking photos last night...with my iPhone...in my closet. They turned out pretty bad. This is as good as it got...

Not a good shot...not a good photo.


OK, but you get an idea of what I look like. Mind you I took this photo...by myself...in my closet...with my iPhone...AFTER working out at bootcamp...hair is a mess, make-up non-existant...and I don't really know how to take a photo of myself.

Maybe I will try again...but for now, sorry as this is, it will do...and I only did it because I said I would yesterday.

So...a lot of you read my blog yesterday. That raw, honest, here's how it feels and looks like (the photos) blog.

Whew...

Glad it is behind me.

I've thought about posting those photos for some time now but wasn't ready. I was yesterday. Not sure I would have been today.

Today I did a great spin class with J'taime Jamie and then had an awesome workout with Dimples. Poor baby, he had to stand in the rain to train me but he smiled and said it was fine and I am a lucky girl that he is as dedicated (or more so) than me. Most trainers would have said "too bad" but he kept me going...

did I mention that the cold front was blowing through? along with the rain?

I'm lucky to have found him...

I cleaned up (and dried up and warmed up)and headed to the middle school so that I could find out if GOTT had announced the cast for the spring musical (he hadn't...I'm going to have some tears to dry tomorrow...). I'm subbing tomorrow for the art teacher (love that!)so I met with her and then I headed home for OPRAH TIME!!!!

Oprah is doing her Australia shows...a place I would love to visit. On this show she had Bon Jovi with her.

I swear that man gets hotter by the minute...

that is so not fair...

anyway...he sang 2 songs..."It's my Life" and "Livin on a Prayer".

As I, and Oprah's audience, sang along with the chorus, I was struck by how good the words really were...at least with the chorus and bridge. The "Tommy and Gina" stuff is just filler to me...I like the good parts:

We gotta hold on to what we've got
It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not
We got each other and that's a lot
For love we'll give it a shot!

Oh, we're half way there
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer
Take my hand, we'll make it I swear
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer
Livin' on a prayer!

We gotta hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when it's all that you've got



So here is my little bit of philosphy...courtesy of Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora...

We gotta hold on to what we've got

yes, we do...because what we have is what we have...we need to make the most of it.

It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not

Here is disagree with Jon and Richie, just a little bit...because sometimes we NEED to make it...I definitely plan to make it to my goal weight stay healthy...but sometimes it is good enough to try...

We've got each other and that's a lot for love...we'll give it a shot!

Right now I have all of you, and my family and friends, and Dimples, and JayVee, and J'taime Jaime, and Spinderella, and the Tamster (I gave TamTam a new name), and GOTT, and TTG, and the Amazing Katherine...and...well, I have a whole team of support...

But we have each other...I'm here for you...for those who just read this blog, and for those who hav asked me how I have done it, and for those who call me to say "help!" and for the women who followed me in the buffet line yesterday to see what I ate...

And I do it all out of love...and I feel your love and support...and when you have someone...anyone...backing you, well give it a shot...no matter what it is...

Now as for the rest of the song...being halfway there and living on a prayer is how I am about 99% of the time.

If not for prayer I couldn't function.

I pray all the time...for myself...for my loved ones...for my friends...for random strangers...

I believe in the power of prayer.

I have thankfully never needed the power of prayer to help me live...but I have used it to ask for others to live.

In most cases, they didn't...

But I don't blame God for that...and I am glad I prayed for them...because covering someone with prayer is like a blanket of love.

And God hears those prayers and answers them...just not always the answers we want.

But it shouldn't stop us from praying...

Sometimes when I don't know what to pray, I just pray "The Lords Prayer". It is the perfect prayer. I also find myself often saying the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi...it's pretty perfect too.

The words to the prayer of St. Francis are at the bottom of this blog. They are words to live by...they are what I try to do with this blog sometimes...

And now the last part of the song:

We gotta hold on ready or not
You live for the fight when it's all that you've got

Now that part...

That is how I feel each and every time I work out or spin...

I'm in a lot better shape today than I was yesterday and than I was last month, etc.

Dimples has amped it up for me...and it shows in my cardio work as well as my strength.

But I have to admit that every time I get ready to do cardio, spin, or train I have to tell myself that ready or not I need to hold on and JUST DO IT!

I sound like a Nike commercial, I know...

I told Dimples today about my new plan...that I was NOT going to say that I coulnd't do something. He liked that plan.

And yes, it is working for me...I just said "yes" to everything he had me do today. Thankfully it did NOT involve lifting 20 pound weights while balancing myself like a tripod...but it did involve a lot of running and pulling.

I was praying by the end of it...

Tomorrow I am giving my body and my knee a well-deserved break. I'm going to take the day off from working out and training. Dimples is ok with it and so am I.

I'm learning not to over-do so much...not to be quite so OCD with it all but to keep up with my program and eat as I should...

Because if I do it all like I should...listen to Dimples...eat right...work out hard each and every time...rest when my body needs it...and pray...

and hold on to what I've got...

I will get to where I need to be...sooner or later...

And that is a lot.

Inspiration Song: "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi. Still one of the best damn rock and roll songs ever written. And yes, because Jon Bon Jovi gets sexier and hotter and more gorgeous by the minute...

Bye Darlings...pray...just pray...

The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Feel Good Time

Today we had a Dimples bootcamp...I had 7 mamas there (including me)...we had fun...

The weather was...perfect! Just the reason we live in Texas...it was about 65 degrees (very comfortable) and sunny. Like I said...just the reason why we like to live in Texas.

He (Dimples) divided us into 2 groups and we all did squats, push-ups, leg thrusts, step-ups, and pulled each other with resistance bands.

Seriously, it was fun!

We were all a little sore from Monday's bootcamp (and me a bit from yesterday's yowza extravaganza with the push ups on the barbells) so it was good to get the kinks out.

But right now...I'm a hurtin'

Sore...

Tired...

Ready for a nice long soak in the tub...a tub full of epsom salts (and lavender) with the whirlpool going.

I plan to basically LIVE in the bath for the next few hours...

It's not that what I did today was any worse than what I usually do, it is just that I'm training my body to do things it usually doesn't WANT to do.

And it is working...

the scale bar...sliding down...

a skirt I wore last fall...sliding down my hips...too big...

a skirt I thought I would wear on Friday when I teach...fit 3 weeks ago and is now too big.

Love it

Love it

Love it

Love Dimples...yes, I do...

When I was talking to my friend Athenagal today we were laughing about how my daughter declared I was "nicer and happier" since I had lost weight and was working out.

She said: "thank goodness she didn't say you were nicer when you were heavy!"

Oh, I agree...

I laughed and told her that I had always considered myself the "fat jolly girl" but later, when I had time to think about it, I realize I wasn't...

To the rest of the world I was happy and jolly and funny and I'm sure many of my friends thought of me as their fat and happy friend...who they wished would lose some weight...

I was never happy with being fat.

I just didn't know how to get out of it. I didn't have the motivation or energy to try and do something about it.

I can't tell you how many times I was in a dressing room at Lane Bryant, trying on things in a VERY LARGE SIZE and I would look in the mirror and...

cry...

it didn't feel good to put on what amounted to a big trapeze top and stretchy pants and look in the mirror and realize that I looked like a very large blonde apple...in a size 24.

Wow, I can't believe I actually put that number in this blog.

I would look into the mirror and try to convince myself that I looked good. I guess to a certain extent I looked as good as I could considering I was a size 24...but no, I didn't look good.

And it didn't feel good to be that way...

My legs and feet constantly hurt. And my knees hurt...a lot...
I moved without grace and waddled about.
I was always out of breath.
I would sweat a lot...not because of working out...but just walking.
I didn't fit into chairs...and feared breaking one...
My feet and ankles were swollen and it was hard to wear shoes...

Now...
the only time my legs, feet or knees hurt is after a good hard workout...so they hurt in a good way!
I move with grace...I can get around easily...
The only time I am out of breath is when Dimples has me run up the hill or if I am going hard on the spin bike (with the Amazing Katherine urging me on!)
I sweat a lot more now...but as a result of exercise and working out...sweat like that is beautiful and sexy...
I fit into chairs easily now...I no longer have to squeeze into them!
And my feet and ankles...no longer swollen...and have I mentioned the stilletos I like to wear? Yes, I have and I do...

I feel good now...I feel really really really good...

I can do so much more and I have so much more energy. And I don't look into the mirror and want to cry because I see a fat girl staring back at me.

I'm not thin...but I am thinner...

OK, I'm going to do something that does not feel good now...I'm going to put up a photo of myself at my heaviest. It was a weight I was at for over a year. I know when I went to the doctor, about 2 months after this photo was taken, that I weighed...well, let's say it was just shy, very very shy (3 pounds) of 300.

You do the math...

I know I gained weight afterwards. But I use that number as my "official" number because it is the one I know for a fact is what I weighed at one point.

I've cut out my friend to protect her innocence...because I love her...

OK, here goes...

Wow...

here is another one...deep breath...here goes...and again I have cut out my friend in the photo...this was taken while standing on top of a nuclear submarine while we were in Hawaii...


A lot of you who read this blog saw me everyday...or frequently. You remember what I looked like. But some of you never saw me in my full fat glory.

So there is is...

And no, it doesn't feel good to look at it...but it does remind me how far I have come and why I don't want to be there again.

I really don't EVER want to go there again...EVER...

When I think of how good I feel NOW and how it just gets better every day, well, I wonder how I lived like that for so long.

Today I joyously showed Dimples a little something fun...I held up my wrist with my heart monitor watch on it and I did a little adjustment. We do it from time to time...so I told him I wanted to show him something and I held up my wrist...

And I started adjusting the "weight" number...down...

with each little click to adjust it down, his smile got bigger...and that number got smaller.

Now, it is not a GOOD number. I am not thin or svelte or small...but I am so much better than the woman in the pictures above.

But it is a number I haven't been at in a long long long time.

And the fact that the other night 2 12 year-old boys declared me the prettiest girl at the party is something that DOES feel good...because they have known me pretty much all of their lives...and nothing is sweeter than the honesty of children.

Before writing this blog I read a blog I regularly follow. It is written by a very funny (and gorgeous) girl who had the lap band procedure and has lost a lot of weight...like 160 pounds or so...

I enjoy her humor and observtions. Her journey has been different because she is banded (and with that comes a host of food things) but I can relate to the feelings she has about losing weight and working out and keeping it off. She's hit her goal weight...she is stunning.

But she blogged about wondering if she was always meant to be a fat person. And she cried about it to her girlfriend...even though she is much thinner and has a pretty cute figure now. And she feels bad that she sometimes holds a grudge against herself for letting herself ever be a fat person...and with all that comes with it...with her stretched out body, etc.

(Here's a link to her blog if you want to read it...she's pretty funny...scroll down and find some of her older posts...I laugh out loud a lot...
http://cheeseandsunkist.blogspot.com/2011/01/naked-crying.html
she's good...)

I can totally relate...because is is exactly how I feel.

Because I have been here before and I have been fat fat fat before. More than once. And I am so afraid that something will happen and I will be there again.

Oh, that doesn't feel good either...

But I really do hope and believe that this time it is for good. This time I can stick with it. Because I am worth it...and that, my friends, does feel good to say...

So I am off to make dinner (salmon on a bed of arugula with blueberries)and then a nice long soak in the tub...which will feel very very very good...

Because a hot bath feels good
and working out feels good
and eating healthy feels good

and wine would feel really good but I'm cutting out wine during the week so no wine for me...

And Oprah...yes, meeting Oprah would feel good...I had the dream again last night...I met Oprah and she gave me a Vera Wang dress...like a fairy godmother! It felt good to put it on...it was satin and sexy...and very very very Vera...

I don't know why I am obsessed with Oprah...but I am...

And maybe tomorrow I will post a photo of me now...if I will ever agree to let someone take a photo of me! (Dimples is asking for it so I guess I will).

Inspiration Song: "Feel Good Time" by Pink. Off the "Charlie's Angels" soundtrack...a really good pump-you-up make you feel good tune...

Bye Darlings...go and do something that makes YOU feel good.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

You Can Do It

"You can do it...Nothing to it!"

Fabulous words of advice...

Given to me by the Amazing Katherine during our spin class with Spinderella today.

I was pushing hard to get through the heavy tension I had on my bike and the Amazing Katherine looks at me and says:

"you can do it! Nothing to it!"

I think I need to embroider that onto a pillow...in shiny gold fibers!

The Amazing Katherine is my favorite and best cheerleader...very soon I am going to dedicate an entire blog to her and her family's foundation that benefits people with intellectual disabilities...The Amazing Katherine is just that...AMAZING!

And of course my other amazing person...Dimples...today he got me to a new level...we burned through over 400 calories (trust me, that is big...wear a heart monitor and you will understand how hard you have to work for a 400 calorie burn)!

So between spin and my workout with Dimples I could pretty much eat a pint of Blue Bell...or fried chicken...

but I don't want to...

I'm even shunning wine (during the week...weekends are fair game)to keep the weight loss shred going. Despite my litte flirtation with ruining my diet on Saturday I am below where I was that morning...yay!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dimples is like the Amazing Katherine...he is always telling me I can do it...even when I think there is no way I possibly can.

Like today...when he set the 20 lb. handweights (they are big suckers) on the ground and had me do pushups while holding the handles...

I said "no way"

he said "yes, you can"

and I did...

and then he had me do the same thing but do a leg thrust out and in and stand up in between each push up...

again I said "no way"

and he said "yes, you can!"

and I did...

and then he had me get into the pushup position, balance myself and pick up a weight (while balancing on my feet and one arm like a tripod) and pull it back for 10 reps...each side...

again I said "absolutely no way I can do that"

he said "try 5"

I did 10...each side...

and then he said "now put it all together"...yowza...

and this little voice in my head said:

You can do it, Nothing to it...

So the Amazing Katherine's comment got me thinking...while I was waiting on my car to get the oil changed...that we all tend to limit ourselves.

Dimples always tells me not to ...he tells me I can do things and that it is mind over matter...and he finds ways to encourage me when I think I can't do the last 2 or 3 reps of something because he reminds me I have already done 13 or 18...

And the Amazing Katherine always tells me I can do it just when I think I can't push my legs any faster or harder on the spin bike...

it's that bit of encouragement we all need...

I've written about this before...how we can do things we think we can't. Too often we stand in our OWN way more than anything or anyone else does.

It's really about finding a way to push yourself through...or to just say "yes I can" or to rearrange things so that it is possible.

Today Ke$ha Barbie informed me that I am a happier and easier to deal with mother since I have been working out. She says that my attitude has improved and that...wow, this almost HURTS to write because it sorta hurt my feelings...she "likes me more" these days.

Hmmmmmmmmmm...not sure how I feel about that, really...

was I not likable before?

or is just that she is basically Beelzebub most days and like most teenage girls she thinks her mother is:
stupid
dumb
out-of-touch
knows nothing
worthless
full of useless advice
can't do anything right
is a fashion disaster with no fashion sense
too picky
too critical
and
really really crazy

I know I felt that way about my mother...until I realized that not only was she the most beautiful woman in the world she was also the wisest and most wonderful.

But at 17 Ke$ha Barbie just sees me as a cook, maid, and banker...most days...

Maybe when dealing with her I need to say my affirmation:
You can do it, Nothing to it...

because she often makes me...

CRAZY

but I digress...as usual...

(although I think I am hearing an "amen" from the choir of moms who have teenage daughters)

Back to "what we can and can't do"...

I do have moments when I amaze myself with what I can do now...and it never fails to hit me when I run, yes RUN, up the stairs that changed my life. Because I do it now without being winded...in stillettos...

The fact that I can wear stillettos amazes me too...yet sometimes I still have to tell my feet "you can do it"...

When I run I am surprised that I can...because I thought that there was no way, no how I was going to run...but I should have listened to Dollface and kept the running to a minimum because my knee is still giving me a bit of pain...

I'm always surprised by how quickly my heartrate recovers when I am working out...the fact that my heart, once working so hard to pump blood through my fat body, can beat now to an athletic pace...well, that just really floors me.

Our bodies can do so much more than we think they can...our only limits are what we tell ourselves we can't do...and yes, sometimes things like bad joints, bulging disks, and real injuries can limit us...but they shouldn't STOP us.

So I am going to make a pledge to myself...for the next week I am NOT going to say I can't do something...I'm just going to do it when asked...

let's see how that works for me...

Inspiration Song: "You Can Do It" by the Brand New Heavies...funky little band I found a few years ago when I heard another song of theirs.

Bye Darlings...You Can Do it...Nothing to It!

Monday, January 17, 2011

You Will Leave a Mark

Today is Martin Luther King day...a day to honor a man who did much with the little time he had here.

I often wonder what he would think of the changes in our country since his death.

Have we changed that much?

Have we changed enough?

I'm not sure..

I still think there is a lot of bigotry out there. And not just about race...it extends to religion, sexual preference (uh-oh..it's the gay thing again!) and sex.

I still don't think we are all tolerant enough. We aren't open enough. We don't live without prejudice.

My blog...my opinion...

I will never understand how someone can feel superior to someone else based on skin color.

Now hair color I totally get...because I have always known I am prettier than my brunette friends because I am blonde!

Joking...JOKING...

but as ridiculous as my statement about being blonde is, there are others who feel the same way about skin color.

That is a shame.

And there are those who believe gays shouldn't have certain rights (like marriage or a legal union) or should be allowed to adopt or do certain jobs (Don't ask don't tell, anyone?)

And then there are things still denied to women...

I can go on and on but it diminishes the point I want to make here...because you get what I am saying...

have we changed enough?

Did Dr. King change us enough?

I hope so...but I'm afraid not...

sigh

Dr. King did remarkable things...he changed the world...maybe not to get it perfect, but he did affect change.

So today as I contemplated all of that (while watching Oprah discuss Dr. King) I started thinking about how we can affect change in our own little worlds.

I try to every day...I try with the kids I am around and I try to with this blog. Sometimes this blog is far more about me than helping anyone but when I am around the kids at the school, it is all about them.

I got 3 little confirmations about that this weekend...that I have done some sort of good:

1) as one sweet child waited for her parent to pick her up from the choir auditions I handed her my phone to relieve her boredom. The kids couldn't have their phones so she left hers at home. She took my phone and in the "notes" section she wrote me a note. It is personal, but what she said was the sweetest thing...it was a note of love and it made me cry to read what she said...I guess she loves me...I guess I have left a mark on her...and I love her...

2) I got a call from a friend who's son made the region choir...she told me that after GOTT called to give him the good news the first thing her son asked was "Does Mrs. D know?"...OMG, I luv luv luv him for that...I kept after him the whole night before the auditions to not yell at the wrestling meet and Saturday morning he was worried he had lost his voice...but obviously he didn't! I love it that he wanted me to know...

3) This is the best one...not so much I have done good with helping kids, but this one...well this one is one I will hold dear forever. So my friend J picks up her son and his friend after the dance party on Saturday. The boys get in the car and are discussing the party. My friend asks the boys about the girls...who looked pretty, etc. The boys name off some names and then my friend's son (who I have known since he was 3) says...oh, I love this..."but the prettiest girl there was Mrs. D.!"...I cried...I cried in the middle of bootcamp when she told me...I'm crying now...for a 12 year old boy to declare me the belle of the ball is just the bomb...

So now my resolve is even stronger to get my teaching certification...I love teaching middle school kids and if one or two of them listens to me, well, that is all I need...

I don't "teach" them now, per se, but I do chaperone a lot and work with the 8th graders (kid #1 and Kid #2 are 8th graders) so I guess I do have some influence with them.

It's subtle, but we all influence children more than we know.

We influence each other a lot too...

Today Dimples started a bootcamp for me and my mommy friends...I'm doing my level best to get all of my friends to join us. It is a fun way to work out and get in shape.

Dimples has left his mark on me...he's changed my body, my fitness, my diet...all for the good...

The kids I teach have left a mark on me...I remember their courage when they audition, their talent when they perform, their arms around me when they hug me, and I remember their tears I dry when they come to me with an issue.

GOTT and TTG have left their mark on me...I've learned so much from them that it would take a weeks worth of blogs to do it...

Precious and Adorable History Teacher has left his mark on me...if not for that trip up the stairs with him when I couldn't catch my breath, I might not have had my "ah-ha!" moment...

My friends have left their mark on me...with their love!

Sometimes the people that leave their marks on you are Very Important People...they are the ones in your real life...those close to you...friends, loved ones...

And sometimes it is someone like Dr. King who causes us to examine our hearts and leaves his mark on the world.

Inspiration Song: "You Will Leave a Mark" by A Silent Film

Bye Darlings...make your mark and leave it...

Sunday, January 16, 2011

L. E. S. Artistes

So the other day I was starting to write a new blog and all of a sudden I start having trouble with my blogger website. It won't save. I can't get the internet to work.

Ironically my husband had just done something with the Wi-fi in the house so I totally blamed him but instead it was Comcast's fault...it was an outage in our area.

I'm still going to blame him...

That blog went into the trash bin...literally.

I was writing about prepping to teach an art history lesson. I had been CONSUMED with preperation for the lesson as was my teaching partner. I mean, I had literally spent hours and hours learning about Bernini, Carvaggio, Rembrandt, and David. It was a lot of stuff...a lot of European art.

But it is some very cool art.


On the other hand, the lesson plans were...terrible. When we teach these lessons to the kids, we go into their classrooms (in middle school we teach during their history period) and use a power point that has been designed by some sort of art history person.

Well, that person took a day off when he/she did this lesson...

First, it was covering too much information, too many years of art, and really, too many artists...

But they also were focusing on the wrong stuff ABOUT the artist.

So my teaching partner and I revamped it. We just went rogue and did our own thing. We used the old lesson as a framework---in other words, we just covered the artists the lesson covered...that was it...we did the rest.

I know have a new appreciation for those artists and I did enjoy all the research and study, but I'm glad it is behind me.

Here is a sample of Bernini's work: Pluto and Persephone...AMAZING




We taught the lesson, kept the kids (fairly) interested, and even survived having a fire drill in the middle of it all. We talked non-stop for 48 minutes.

I told Bacchus it exhausted me and I was happy that I didn't have to do it every day. He LOVES to talk...even more than me. I LOVE to talk, but I felt a heavy responsibility to the children and the material to get it right.

In the middle of all of this teaching I got a text from a friend that she/he had lost her/his job. I'm not saying anything more here to protect her/his privacy but she/he was fired unjustly and I really felt bad for her/him. Normally I wouldn't disclose somthing like this but it will come into play later. All you, my dear readers, need to know is that a friend lost a job that she/he had held for 7.5 years and was fired unjustly.

After my teaching I texted Dimples and asked if he was in the mood to put up with his favorite pain in his arse and he agreed to meet me for a de-stressing workout. See why I love him? He's there when I need him...

I followed the workout with 4 hours of watching my son and his team at the city-wide wrestling championships.

Boys in leotards grappling each other.

lovely...

Between art and wrestling I needed that workout...literally BETWEEN art and wrestling...because they both scared me...

Several of our boys won medals but alas The Cutest Boy in the World did not...but he had fun trying. Some of my mommy friends expressed disbelief and joy at my weight loss...I luv luv luv them for it...and I happily told them that I give Dimples a lot of credit for being trainer/therapist/hand holder and that they could have him as their own trainer/therapist/hand holder if they wanted.

Because we are having a boot camp starting next week...if you live in Houston and want to join us, email me!

Anyhoo...

After wrestling we went to my fav fav fav restaurant (George's Pastaria)and ReRe (the owner's wife and mistress of the vine at the restaurant) was truly a goddess in my book because she had a delicious glass of muscato poured and placed it in my hands just as I walked to my table.

That is why I love George's Pastaria...ReRe KNOWS what wine I love and just when I need it...personal service to their customers is top-notch

I had asked Dimples if I could have some pasta that night and he told me:

No

And then I asked about garlic bread and he told me:

No

(he told me to imagine it was a big pile of sugar and wouldn't do my body any good...when I got up this morning and the scale was down I sent him a mental kiss and hug...)

And then I told him about the wine and he told me:

Go for it

Yet another reason why I love Dimples...he knows when Mama needs her fruit of the vine.

So ReRe and George (ok, there is no disguising his name...I mean, come on, the restaurant is called "GEORGE'S Pastaria")suggest I have the rainbow trout cooked "bodybuilder" style with veggies.

That is why I love George's Pastaria...the owners want happy customers...and happy friends...not just people who come to eat...

I'm telling you, you need to make this your favorite place...great food, great wine, great service...need I say more? 1/2 the price of Carrabbas and so much better...

Anyhoo...

I had a great dinner, kept to my diet, only had 2 glasses of wine and headed home.

Got up yesterday at 5:00 so I could chaperone the middle school choir and Region Choir auditions. The kids work so hard learning their music and it takes quite a bit of coursage to get up there and sing before the judges. I'm super proud of them.

I was super proud of me because I managed (with the help of 4 other moms) not to lose any of our kids and I only had to intervene/fight with the people running it about 3 times...that might be a new low record for me. GOTT was proud...

My son did not get into the Region Choir. As he describes it, he had an "epic voice crack" in the middle of "Come Travel With Me" so he knew he was out before he was even done. Oh well...

I came home from that and took a nap...it was GLORIOUS!

Then I went to chaperone a middle school party that some friends were giving...and I didn't behave so gloriously there...

Now lest you think I was falling down drunk in front of the kids, re-boot your brain and focus on these words:

Mexican food

Oh, it wasn't pretty.

Because thus far I have only been faced with Mexican food when I am at a restuarant and able to choose what I was eating.

But this was a buffet of snack type things and not one of them was going to make Dimples smile and not one of them was something I could alter to be less fattening.

Nachos.

Queso.

Tamales.

Beef flautas.

and...

my downfall...

quesadillas

Really really good quesadillas.

I lost count after 4...

It was basically a night of beer and quesadilla overload for me.

I was starving and I had made a huge mistake because I should have eaten before I went.

But I didn't...

And those quesadillas? Really really good...

but a lead balloon in my stomach and left me feeling pretty gross this morning.

But wait! There's more...

CRAVE CUPCAKES

curses!

There they were...CRAVE cupcakes. Sitting on a cute little stand all ready for me to grab one and eat it.

So I did.

It was chocolate.

It was fantastic.

Dimples is going to punish me good for that little forbidden food orgy.

My girlfriend told me that when they went to pick up the cupcakes that the line was out of the door. Her husband asked her:

"What are they selling there? Crack?"

Yep, that has always been my word for it...CRACK. They are CRACK cupcakes.

A deadly drug that you cannot resist once you have had one...

But I learned a lot these last few days and I will share my little lessons with you since I am in a teaching mood...

1. I would have been totally hot in the 17th century. Look at this detail from Bernini's Persephone and Pluto.

That looks like my thighs, people...

It is pretty amazing that he was able to carve that rock to look like such soft, supple flesh. AMAZING...

So yeah...I would have been a hot chick just as I am...soft round curves, thick thighs. And I am totally in love with Bernini's sculpture.

2. OK, so #1 isn't really a lesson...but this is. And it is one we all know...when God closes a door, He always opens a window. In my case:

Door Closed: terrible power point and lesson to teach the kids
Open Window: we had the time and energy to make up a new lesson

Door Closed: my friend losing her/his job
Open Window: she/he can now pursue the career she/he REALLY wants to do

Door Closed: I coulnd't eat my favorite dish at my favorite restaurant
Open Window: great restaurants have options...and they fed me a GREAT alternative to my favorite so I could stay on my diet

Door Closed: "epic" voice crack that derails my son's audition
Open Window: I don't have to deal with all the Region Choir stuff (but congratulations to the parents that do!)

Door Closed: no scheduled workout with my favorite trainer when I was stressing
Open Window: he totally rocks and made time for me...even if it meant he had to shiver in the cold...

Door Closed: Mexican food buffet with no redeeming food
Open Window: Crave Cupcakes...because who the hell cared by then...

I guess what I am saying here is that I have found it a lot easier to be flexible these days and to not be so rigid.

3. My third lesson is in not beating myself up. My son didn't beat himself up for his voice crack in the middle of his singing audition, so I shouldn't beat myself up for falling off the "eating clean" wagon.

Food orgies happen

Yes, I should not have had that really bad food last night but I behaved the day before and I am behaving now so it's not like I had a week-long or even weekend-long undoing of my diet...it was 3 hours...

I have to say that a year ago I would have taught that lesson, come home and taken to my bed for a few hours and then slogged myself to the wrestling thing where I would have sat on my fat behind and watched the boys and then followed it with some wine-fueled eating at George's Pastaria (where I would have indulged in some really amazing and sinful Rigatoni Alfredo...if you want to be "bad" they can do "bad" really well there). The next morning I would have been sluggish and slow and sat in my chair during the Region thing, followed IT with a nap and then headed to that party in a tent and black stretchy pants and lived by the buffet and eaten much much more.

Instead...I taught my lesson with energy and enthusiasm, did my favorite workout---A Dimples Training---went to wrestling and ran all over the gym taking photos, got up early and with energy and took care of choir kids and, yes, took a nap (50 minutes...perfect), and then rocked leggings and stilletto boots at the party and misbehaved (with food) just a little.

It's not that I am so great or good...it is about changing how I handle my days that makes things better for me. Seeing Dimples instead of napping on Friday I KNOW gave me the energy to get through the rest of the weekend.

I took yesterday off from exercise but today I'm hitting it hard at the gym with spin and body pump. And tomorrow the bootcamp starts so I'll pay for my sins of last night and move on.

And not do it again...for a while...

Today is a new day...clean slate...gonna do it right and not look back...

Oh, and teaching that lesson on Friday taught me more than just art...it confirmed my resolve to get my teaching certification...I'm going to do it. I told GOTT and he was excited for me...see why I love love love my GOTT? Support when I need it...and so much more...

I don't know WHAT I think I can teach...but it is something to work for...

Inspiration Song: "L.E.S. Artistes" by Santogold...she's pretty cool...

Bye Darlings..."Re-boot" if you need to...it's a new week...

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I Just Wanna Run

I just wanna run...really, I do...hard to believe since I hate running.

But today I want to run.

And I can't...

because my left knee is still screwed up.

Up until now the problem has always been my right knee.

I tore the meniscus in it a few years ago running up and down the stairs to the soundbooth/crows nest at the Country Playhouse. I was stage managing a show for GOTT and my domain was in the crow's nest where I "called the show". I had a blast doing it (the show) but all the wear and tear on my knee when I weighed somewhere between 280-300 pounds (I refused to weigh myself then)was pretty much a downer.

You would think THAT would have gotten me to lose weight...but noooooooo....I just had it fixed...sadly I had to do it twice.

When you are short and weigh that much the wear and tear on your joints and body is something else. My knees bore the brunt of it.

Here are some things that happened to me and/or my body because I was so fat...and this doesn't include looking like the "Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man" (a "Ghostbusters" reference and if you don't know it, you shouldn't be reading this blog...). So here goes...it is shameful:
1) tore my meniscus twice
2) swollen feet and ankles (all the time)
3) out of breath every time I climbed stairs
4) needed to have a seat belt extender on a plane
5) didn't fit into seats at the movies
6) tore the leather trim on my car seat getting in and out
7) couldn't wear shoes except for Crocs
8) almost couldn't get into the submarine I was visiting
9) couldn't touch my toes
10) couldn't see my toes
11) could only wear stretch pants
12) couldn't wear necklaces unless they were long
13) grew out of 2 sets of wedding rings
14) almost ended up diabetic
15) high blood pressure almost needed meds
16) high cholesterol almost needed meds
17) would get out of breath blowdrying my hair
18) couldn't get dressed without breaking a sweat
19) no boots would fit over my calves
20) couldn't do a zipline tour in Hawaii because of my weight

That's enough for now...pretty sad little list...not nearly as much fun to write as the one last night. (see "100 Years" blog).

Do you know how humiliating it is to ask for a seat extender on a plane?

no? you don't?

good...

because it is a pretty crappy feeling...and I cried the first time it happened...and sadly THAT should have gotten me to get on a diet and get in shape...but instead I just asked for one every time I got on a plane.

I also know that whenever I was on a plane and NOT with my children that I am sure the poor people on my row were not happy that I was there, with all my bulk, taking up some of their little bit of space.

Plane rides were hell...there was no comfort.

I can't wait to get on a plane and NOT have to ask for a seat extender.

Riding in a car wasn't much better...and movies were always an ugly thing because I had to squeeze in the seat. I preferred theaters where the arm rests went up and down...gave me more room...except when I sit next to my husband who takes up as much or more space than me.

Now I go to the movies and there is room for my bag AND me in my seat. I take up a lot less space.

I saw on "The Doctors" tv show where some guy said that your goal should be to weigh as much as you can and take up as little space as possible.

In other words, you should be lean and muscular...a pound of fat takes up more space/room than a pound of lean muscle. So it's ok to weigh 140 pounds if you are lean muscle.

But you also shouldn't weigh 105 pounds and have no muscle...we need that muscle to support ourselves.


So that is a photo of 5 pounds of fat and 5 pounds of muscle...pretty scary...

I copied this photo from another blog...Pinay fitness...here is a link to a pretty good blog that explains it better than I can:
http://pinayfitness.blogspot.com/2010_09_01_archive.html

I also remember that incredible visual of Oprah pulling that wagon of fat that represented how much weight she lost. It was quite a way to put it.

Basically I have lost enough weight to have lost a 6th grader. I look at some of the 6th grade kids and picture myself carrying one of them on my back.

When Dimples and I discussed how to get my heart rate up if all I could do was walk, he suggested a get a weighted vest. I can't imagine putting on a 40 pound vest to walk, but on the other hand I walked around with a 100 pound "vest" on me so what is 40 pounds...especially if it gets me going since I may have to skip running.

I did a lot of damage to myself with my weight. But I can correct a lot of it...and I have...my blood pressure is good, I am in no danger of being diabetic, my cholesterol and triglycerides are great, and I take up less space.

Of course there is another dirty reality to all of this...loose skin...because it will only "go back" so much. So I am going to have a tummy tuck...and I hear they hurt...a lot...so maybe that will keep me from gaining it back.

I don't like pain...

Which leads me back to this thing with my knee...and the pain I am in.

A friend of mine, who has knee troubles (I'll call her "Dollface" because she is pretty and she shares a name with a doll...)warned me about this. You see, Dollface has had knee troubles too and she warned me that running wasn't a good idea for girls like us. She has never had weight issues but Dollface knows her knee troubles and has the surgical scars to prove it. She told me that walking was good but the running was going to get me...

and it did...

but it felt so good yesterday to run in the cold instead of walking and I was getting my heart rate up and I was all excited thinking of how proud of me Dimples was going to be and how proud I was of myself that I went over a mile and a half and was heading into 2 miles and the music was going and then...

there was this little feeling...

nothing popped

nothing twisted

nothing "went" (like my knee going out from under me)...

I just had this feeling in my knees that I needed to stop...my lungs and energy were fine but the knees were feeling "sore".

I wear a patella support band on my right knee but now I think I need one on both.

So instead of being proud of me I think I have Dimples frustrated with me...

Today I told him I was still hurting and sore...so once again he modified my training and we focused on strength and let the cardio take a backseat.

He likes me to burn 400 calories in a workout. We did 250.

But I'm ok with it...because I know I still did good for my body and my arms are good and tired and poor Dimples was freezing and I still got a sweat up so I figure anything I do is better than nothing...

But I don't want to risk permanent injury (Good grief, Dimples said that to me and I almost burst into tears) so we are taking it easy on me and the knee until it gets back to "normal" which I hope is very very soon.

And as for the running...well, maybe I need to do like Dollface says and keep it to the short little jaunts I take on the jogging track at the park with Dimples and maybe it is just not in my long-term fitness goals to run.

But now that I can't...

I want to...

Now isn't that just like me...I always want what I can't have!

So file "running" with "Crave Cupcakes"...things I can't have but I want.

Who would have EVER thought I would say I wanna run.

Not me...

Inspiration Song: "I Just Wanna Run" by The Downtown Fiction. Pretty good little song...I USED to start my run with it...sigh...

Bye Darlings...don't run away...

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

100 years

So this is my 100th blog...big weeks for hundreds for me...

100 pounds lost
I am now in the 100's in weight
100 blogs

So here, my beloved readers, is another hundred...

100 hundred things you may or may not know about me:

1. My children are the best thing I have ever done.
2. Being a mom is the greatest gift God has given me.
3. I am a total sap...I cry at EVERYTHING
4. I hate to watch football unless my son is playing.
5. I hate everything about wrestling...
6. I love being an Aggie but I am not a fanatic about it.
7. I love to cook.
8. I hate to clean up after cooking.
9. I like to scrapbook.
10. I make a huge mess when I scrapbook.\
11. A hot bath is always a happy drug for me.
12. When I am at a hotel, I MUST take a bath at night.
13. Crave cupcakes are kryptonite to me.
14. I don't care if I ever eat Pizza Hut again..
15. I like beer. A lot.
16. I like wine. A lot a lot.
17. I like champagne. A lot.
18. I like vodka. A lot.
19. I like tequila. It does not like me. I dance on tables.
20. I have, in fact, danced on many tables.
21. I want GOTT to teach me how to dance...someday...
22. I would love for Maks from DTWS to teach me to dance!
23. I love Hawaii...all the islands, Kauai the most...
24. I'd rather go to Hawaii than Paris.
25. I'd love to go back to South Africa.
26. I miss my mother every day.
27. I miss my father almost as much.
28. I'd rather go to spin class than shop...shocking!
29. Glee is my favorite tv show.
30. Modern Family is my second favorite tv show.
31. I'm trying to learn to like salmon more...getting there
32. Top Chef is my favorite reality show
33. Toddlers and Tiaras is my guilty pleasure
34. The Real Housewives shows on Bravo are my other guilty pleasure.
35. I don't care if I ever eat a buffalo wing again...ever...
36. I could eat blueberries every day...and I try to.
37. I still hate running.
38. I majored in Agricultural Economics in college...weird...
39. I showed cattle while in high school...weird...
40. My advisor professor told me I was "the one recognizable female in the department" (I think that was good?)
42. I had a professor tell me to "not wear Giorio perfume to class because it was sexy and distracting"...hmmmmm...
43. I am a proud member of Pi Beta Phi
44. Friday Mountain Girls Camp was one of the greatest influcences on my life...really...
45. I can't ride a horse to save my life
46. I can't play tennis to save my life
47. I can't catch a ball to save my life
48. I can't throw a ball to save my life
49. I don't care that I can't do any of those things.
50. I cry during musicals...always...
51. "What I did for love" was the first song in a musical that made me sob. (A Chorus Line)
52. "The Lion King" is my favorite musical
53. "Wicked" is a very very close second
54. Of the "classics" I like Rogers & Hammersteins "Cinderella" the best...
55. I would like to get paid for doing the costumes at the school but I will keep doing it for free (and love)
56. Hearing a child, other than your own, say "I love you" and mean it is very very very special
57. The last 15 pounds have made more difference in my looks than the previous 85...weird...
58. I can run over a mile...and I am proud of that.
59. I sweat so much at spin I need a towel under the bike (ewwwwww...I know...)
60. I don't enjoy Pilates...but I try it anyway
61. I wish I was a teacher
62. I would only teach middle school
63. I happily call GOTT my other husband. I love him.
64. GOTT's wife calls me his other wife. I love her.
65. I enjoy fishing more than I thought I would
66. but I would rather just lay out on the boat...
67. My children's birthdays are the best days of my life.
68. Holding my chilren the first time took my breath away.
69. If I had to choose just one thing to drink it would be Diet Dr. Pepper.
70. or wine...but I would get nothing done.
71. I miss popcorn...especially at the movies...
72. I think the chase scene in "Raising Arizona" is the best chase scene ever...and one of the greatest movies ever...
73. I can say the names of all the presidents in chronological order.
74. "50 Nifty United States" helped me pass a few tests
75. So did "Schoolhouse Rock".
76. I think Paul Newman is the sexiest man...EVER...
77. If I could look like someone else, it would be Olivia Wilde.
78. I am a Griffindor, but I have a lot of Hufflepuff in me (GOTTson loves that about me...and knew it...)
79. I wish I drove a VW convertable Beetle instead of a suburban...but I like my suburban
80. Writing this list is harder than I thought it would be.
81. Losing 100 pounds was easier than I thought I would be.
82. I love learning about and teaching art history.
83. I'm lazy...really, I am!
84. Once I hit a size 20 I ceased caring about it.
85. Now that I am a 14 I want desperatly to be a 12...then a 10...and then an 8...
86. I'd rather workout with Dimples than any other way of working out...he pushes me more and I have more fun.
87. I could go to spin class every single day and love it.
88. My favorite ethnic cuisine is Ethiopian. Yummy!
89. I'd rather eat Thai food than Mexican.
90. I think my daughter's photography is AMAZING...
91. My best dish: Tres Leches cake
92. My second best dish: beef tenderloin
93. What I eat most now: salmon on a bed of greens and blueberries with fat free dressing.
94. I keep photos of my cats on my phone
95. I would like to meet Oprah...a lot...
96. I have over 1900 songs on my iPod...all genres...
97. I can't exercise without music...unless I am with Dimples.
98. I wish I could sing
99. I wish I read the Bible more and knew it better.
100. I am proud of my weight loss, my increase in fitness, and this blog.

So there is a silly list of 100 things about me...I could have gone "deeper" but this is about fun...

Today was my "triple threat" day...I went for an early run, did spin a few hours later, and then worked out with Dimples. The bad thing is that I seem to have done something to my left knee (the one not operated on)so now it really hurts. I ran for almost 2 miles and was so proud of that but the thrill was short-lived when I discovered that I might have hurt it. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow and the pain will be gone or nearly gone. It made it a realy challenge for Dimples to keep my heart rate up today...

Thank you for coming on this journey with me...please help me stay on the course!!!!!!!!!!!

Inspiration Song: "100 years" by Five for Fighting...great song...

Bye Darlings...here's to seeing 150 before summer...