Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Blessed

Hi my darlings!

Ok so maybe it is a bit self-indulgent to blog on your birthday, but I am gonna do it anyway...

Because it is my birthday...

So 49 years ago...yes, I will admit my age because 99% of you who read this know me and know I am 49...

So 49 years ago I was born to Debbie and Bobby Shelton.

I have lost both my parents but I still have my family...and my beautiful children Ke$ha Barbie and The Cutest Boy in the World

So today I am going to list 49 things I am thankful for...because sometimes I need to remember just how damn blessed I am...and I could save this for Thanksgiving but I am doing it now so I know my blessings then

These are pretty much not in any particular order...except maybe the first one, because they truly are the thing I am most thankful, blessed, and grateful for

1. I am blessed to have my children

2. I am blessed by my friendship with my friend D'nice

3. I am blessed by my friendship with my friend KuteKaren

4. I am blessed by my friendship with JayVee

5. I am blessed by my friendship with my friend and brother from another mother GOTT

6. I am blessed my friend GOTTESS in my life

7. I am thankful for GOTTSON who brightens my world when I am with him

8. I am thankful for the wonderful children I get to work with...especially my student actors and my student directors and stage managers...I am so blessed to get to be with them

9. I am thankful that I had the best mom and dad and grandma in the world

10. I am thankful that there are contacts in this world to fix my terrible near-sightedness

11. I am thankful for reading glasses because the contacts fix the distance but not the ability to read a menu

12.  I am thankful that I attended Epiphany Episcopal Day School and still am friends with so many I went to school with

13.  I am thankful I went to Tivy High and am still friends with so many classmates

14. I am thankful for Twirler Girl and her amazing kids who I love spending time with

15. I am thankful I grew up in Kingsville...because I have so many friends from there...

16. I am thankful I no longer live in Kingsville...sorry....but its true...Houston is the right place for me

17. I am thankful I own a beautiful home that I have raised my kids in

18. I am blessed that I was able to buy a new car this year and that it doesn't eat gas like my old one

19. I am thankful for all the teachers who have taught my children

20. I am thankful for all the coaches who have coached my children

21.  I am thankful for all the friends I have made through my children (in other words...the parents of the kids my kids go to school with)

22.  I am thankful for all the kids I get to substitute teach...because THEY teach me!

23. I am thankful that I have discovered Pinterest otherwise I would not have 1,234 recipes for salted caramel that I haven't tried

24. I am thankful that I have not tried any of those salted caramel recipes

25. I am thankful for Dr. Bonnie Baldwin and the new body she gave me

26. I am thankful for JayVee's spin class kicking my butt every Tuesday and Thursday

27. I am thankful that I was able to lose all the weight I lost simply by eating right and exercising

28. I am thankful for wine

29. I am thankful for vodka

30. I am thankful that wine and vodka are there for me but not a crutch...nor is chocolate...I just happen to really really enjoy a nice cabernet...

31. I am thankful that I love salmon

32. I am thankful that I love chicken fried steak but I am able to be just as happy ordering salmon...most of the time...

33. I am blessed that I have my aunt Jane to lean on when I need her

34. I am thankful that I married my ex-husband because he gave me incredible children and is a good father to him...and although we weren't a happily married couple we are a happily divorced family

35. I am blessed that I am able to get along so well with my Ex and that my kids actually have a better life because of our divorce...and we haven't screwed them up with it...

36. I am blessed to have so many amazing friends...

37. I am blessed to be healthy

38. I am blessed that there is chicken stock to use in my Thanksgiving stuffing in place of all the butter my mother once used

39. I am grateful that I have had so many friends hold my hands through so many trials in my life...even if it is just watching my son play football or wrestle

40. I am thankful I went to Texas A&M University...I am very proud to be an Aggie

41. I am thankful for my sweet pets...especially my new stray we took in

42. I am thankful that I live in the United States...it's not perfect but we are free

43. I am grateful to have this blog as a creative outlet

44. I am grateful that GOTT believes in me and has given me so many opportunities to use my talents to costume his shows...because I love him and love doing it for him and the kids

45. I am thankful for Botox and Latisse...yes, I use them and no I am not ashamed of it

46. I am thankful for the wonderful schools my kids attend and have attended

47. I am grateful to be the woman I am today

48. I am blessed to be a child of God and a Christian...God has been so very very good to me

49. I am blessed, grateful, and thankful to have my kids...and yes, I know I listed them twice...but they are a double blessing to me...they are my alpha and omega...my beginning and my end...the reason I breathe and work so hard to be a good mom...and they are the most precious perfect humans to me...

So here I am...49 years old and grateful for all the love I have in my life...the photo is a little fuzzy but then again so is my brain sometimes...



And I am blessed, thankful and grateful to all of you who read this and support me...

Inspiration Song: I love a good Elton John song and this is one of my favorites: "Blessed"...it is a beautiful song

Bye Darlings...I'm not seeking birthday wishes here...but hopefully I have inspired a few of you to list your blessings before the upcoming holiday!


Sunday, November 17, 2013

Better Man

Helllloooo Darlings...

It's been a while!  Did you miss me?

I have to blog more...and now that I am done with a show (but starting another tomorrow) I will have a bit more time to use this creative outlet more often.

So...

the title...

you getting curious if I am writing about:

a new boyfriend? (or boyfriend in general since it has been more than a quarter century since I had one...)

Nah...

No new men in my life other than that stray kitty we took in (and yes, I am totally in love with him).

Nope...

This is about...coaches and teachers...

Because in the past couple of weeks I have been exposed to some really great ones.

Because I dabble in teaching as a sub...and yes, I have no business teaching math and I apologize to my friends who's children have had to endure my attempts at algebra...I appreciate the excellent teachers my children have had every time I stand up in front of a classroom full of beautiful wide-eyed children expecting me to fill them with knowledge...or at least give them candy if they have behaved on a wild Friday...

You all know of my love and devotion and admiration for my friend GOTT (God of the Theater...husband of GOTTESS and father of GOTTSON)...

He.Is.Amazing.

We just finished doing our 26th show together as director and costumer...

And I have loved each and every one of them...and I love watching him work with the kids/students/actors more and more each time.

This show was "Arsenic and Old Lace" with high schoolers...I was nervous but instead I have found myself just loving the kids as well as the other teachers in the department that GOTT works in at the school...shout out to "John the Music Man" and "Phabulous Phil"!

I love watching GOTT direct...he doesn't just tell and actor what to do...he helps them to figure it out for themselves.

Now THAT is teaching and directing.

And he does it better than anyone I know.

He's an amazing mentor and friend to his students.

Why else would my sweet Miss Cass the Class Act have been with him for 14 shows (and she is just a senior in high school) or my Amazing Amanda want so desperately to learn from him and work with him?

He elevates school productions...and the kids learn so much and will take what they have learned from him beyond the stage.

I remember we had one former student who told us that he ran for class president and then student body president at his high school because GOTT cast him as the second lead in his 8th grade musical.

We have another former student who is studying to be a stage manager in college because GOTT and TTG (Theater Tech God) taught her how to do it in junior high

and more of his former students from his middle school teaching days have gone on to win the local high school acting awards than any other teacher in the city

and have I mentioned that he is NICE?

and that my son would walk away from a group of friends to run over and hug him and GOTTESS and GOTTSON at a school event BECAUSE HE TRULY LOVES HIM?

yeah...when I count my blessings GOTT is definitely one of them

My son was blessed this year to get to be coached in football for the second year in a row by Coach E...I love that man because he gave my son such confidence in his abilities that when asked to play with the Varsity team after his JV season ended my son said "yes" full well knowing that he would never get on the field during the championship game but he was good enough to contribute to the team during practice...even though he was smaller and younger than the other linebackers.

And Coach K...who is also his Honors Chemistry teacher...and don't let the title of "Coach" fool you...yes, back in the dark ages when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was in high school most of the coaches who "taught" only taught the blow-off classes.  This man is a graduate of the Air Force Academy and a true chemist...he just happens to also be able to coach football and wrestling.  Poor Coach K gets my son for about 4 hours a day now...thank goodness they love each other.

And we have my beloved WC...Wrestling Coach...who we have known for 8 years now...his belief in my son is what every mom would hope a coach had in their son.  He blew a gasket when the Varsity Coach nabbed my son to continue playing football by asking him to play varsity (to which my son had no choice because the man will be his coach next year and unless he wanted to polish the bench with his butt all season he had to say "yes").  And I will say that Varsity Coach proved to be a really great guy and great coach...but WC was none to pleased...but he got over it.  My son's response to WC's frustration at his having to be off of wrestling for an additional 2 weeks: "WC THINKS he owns my soul...but he only owns 90% of it"...Thank you my sweet WC for being a man my son thinks so highly of...and loves so much...and I know you love him...

My son loves history and is taking AP World History right now because he had 3 incredible men as his history teachers in middle school.  (He had a great female history teacher too but this blog is about the MEN).  He truly loves them and I can tell you that he considers Precious and Adorable History Teacher, and Bacchus, and Smithy to be not just teachers but friends and mentors and we both feel blessed he had them as teachers (Ke$ha Barbie had two of the 3 and she feels the same).  TCBITW remembers so many things they taught him and I know he loves history because those men made it come alive and made it interesting for him.  Something I never had a history teacher do for me...

TTG not only taught my son some theater tech stuff but he was also my son's church fellowship leader in middle school.  My son enjoys every second he spends in his company and sometimes it would be days later but he would quote me something TTG said or some lesson he learned from him...and he still does...

My son has a great father...

But I am so happy he also has some really great men in his life to teach him...to mentor him...to coach him...to make him laugh...to make him learn...to make him think...

And when I walk into the classroom I try and remember all the great stuff those guys do for my son and give a tiny little bit of it back to the kids I am teaching...

I do the same for the kids I costume...I listen...I counsel...I hug...I hold hands..I laugh...and I have GREAT pride in their work on the stage...

Teachers touch lives...

I am not a teacher but I hope just by how I treat children I can teach them to be better humans...and that is a lesson I have learned from each of those men...

So....

Thank you GOTT

Thank you TTG

Thank you Coach E

Thank you Coach K

Thank you WC

Thank you Varsity Coach

Thank you Precious and Adorable History Teacher

Thank you Bacchus

Thank you Smithy

And even though you haven't taught my son but you do teach me things:

Thank you John the Music Man

Thank you Phabulous Phil

I love you all...sincerely...dearly...

And I hope I am 1/100th as good as you when I am in the classroom (look! I used math!)

Inspiration Song : "Better Man" by Pearl Jam...because I can't find a Better Man than the men I have discussed here today...they are truly without equal...

Bye Darlings...I hope you had a great man teach you something...and if you have kids I hope that they have men as wonderful as these men to teach your kids...


Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Time to Say Goodbye

Hello Darlings...

Don't let the blog title scare you...I'm not moving away (well I am moving but not out of Houston) and I'm not stopping my blogging (although as infrequently as I have blogged lately you might think so...it has been over two months).

No, I am just having to say goodbye to a few things in my life...

Let's start with one I have no control over...because it is under the control of the calendar...

Saying goodbye to the easy days of summer...

It was so nice not to have a schedule...to stay up late and get up late...to laze around by and in the pool and enjoy the time with my kids.

But then school started again and those lazy days of summer were gone.

It's still hotter than hell but no more free days.

My son got to say goodbye to his "play video games all day" days...he literally sometimes would only emerge to demand a feeding and then back to his room he would go to yell and scream like some sort of demented person.

The yelling and screaming was directed at his friends...not me...thankfully...

I don't understand all this video game stuff anyway...he gets on the computer/phone/Xbox and plays with his buddies and they spend most of their time insulting each other...

Chalk that up to another thing in "boy world" I don't understand.

Because if I ever told D'Nice "you are a stupid-ass fool" she would disavow me as her bestie. And I don't think KuteKaren would like being called an "idiot"...I do hurl nasty insults at JayVee but only during spin class...otherwise I treat her like the goddess she is...

So other than being a CIT at camp this year...where my son had to say "goodbye" to being a camper and "hello" to being a counselor...my son spent his summer yelling into his computer at his friends and occasionally swimming in the pool with me.

Rough life. (Joking)

Now he gets Honors Chemistry and Honors Algebra 2 and AP World History and football practice where it is over 100 degrees on the field...and games where he comes home so scratched up it looks like he had a fight with a bobcat...and lost...

Rough life. (Not joking...it's a lot for a 15 year old)

And Ke$ha Barbie was home all summer but she is back up in New England for school and saying goodbye to her wasn't easy either...

It was harder last year when I left her in Boston but I still cried when I hugged her goodbye the last night she was home.

We didn't have an easy time of it this summer...she was used to being on her own schedule and not checking in with her mother every day/night and being expected to be home at certain hours an I was used to it just being me and The Cutest Boy in the World (TCBITW) and we had our own schedule and dinner plans, etc.

I guess it is more than just saying goodbye to her for the summer...this summer I have had to say goodbye to her childhood and to realize that she really won't be living with me again (at least I hope not...I'm paying too much in tuition for her to come home and live with me while she "finds herself").

She says she really doesn't want to live in Texas again...even over the summer...so I have had to say goodbye to her being with me for more than just a few days here and there.

Basically she has gone from being a resident in my home to just a visitor...and that has been hard to swallow...and saying goodbye to her being a kid and now an adult is rough.

She will turn 20 in a few weeks...She now enters the 3rd decade of her life and I have to face the fact she is a woman now and not a child.

But she will always be my baby...

This summer I said goodbye to my almost perfect (for me) body because between stress and rehearsals and a lot of "oh I will eat what I want" I gained a few pounds...so now I am working hard to get that off...I refuse to let all of Dr. Baldwin's work get hidden by some stress weight...

This one is hard....I'm saying goodbye to my house.

I put it on the market a few weeks ago, immediately got a contract but they buyers got cold feet so its back on the market.  I have an awesome agent and I know it will sell again.

Frankly since the holidays are around the corner I'd just as soon wait until January to make a move.

I love my house...I truly do...but it is more than I need at this point in my life.

I said goodbye to one of my kitties.

Thankfully it wasn't a death "goodbye" but rather a letting go...

My ex and I literally shared custody of one of our 3 cats.  He doesn't much care for 2 of them but he really loved our little Siamese.  So she would spend one week at our house and one week at his.

But then I had a moment where I realized that my selfishly loving my little cat didn't necessarily translate to being what was best for her.

So she lives full time with my ex and I get to visit her when I pick up TCBITW.

And so I filled that hole in my life with a new boyfriend...

He's a beast

A real beast...

He likes to snuggle...but he also likes to bite...

No, I did not find a man with a big ass truck to invite into my life...instead I invited the stray cat that has basically been living here since February into the house.

The kids named him "Dragon" which I think is the stupidest name ever for a cat but they are happy with it.  He's named Dragon because Ke$ha Barbie did not care for the name that TCBITW picked out for the cat. He was to be named after one of the dragons in Game of Thrones but Ke$ha Barbie declared that was not to be and he is Dragon.

I think he should have been called "Ninja" because he is stealthy...but I got over-ruled...

He's a gorgeous cat and sweet as pie and we are all thrilled with him...all of us except for fat Zulu and silly Seringa (my other two cats).  They are not on board with this plan of replacing Angel the Siamese (not that they cared for her either).

In a few weeks I get to say "goodbye" to football and "hello" to wrestling and frankly it can't get here soon enough.  It's been a long hard season.  My son and his team have done well...and I frankly love that every Thursday I get to spend game time with my friend PrettyPhunPhyllis and her son LuckyLucas (I'm going to steal that child...I lurvs him...), but I"m ready to not here the sound of helmets clashing and wondering if my son is on the bottom of the dog pile.

At least with wrestling it is one-on-one and I can see where he is...

And we eat better...we have to...we live and die by the scale during wrestling.  I don't let my son diet but I keep only healthy stuff in the house and all junk food is banished.

So in an effort to eat better I tried a new chicken dish that I found on Pinterest...I am attempting to try and cook the stuff I have pinned instead of just pinning willy-nilly with a bunch of stuff...

So here's the recipe...It might make you say "goodbye" to plain roast chicken:

Rosemary Roasted Chicken with Red Grapes...

3-4 lb roasting chicken (do yourself a favor and buy a good organic one...it makes a difference)

1/2 stick butter
fresh rosemary
salt
pepper
2 cloves garlic finely minced...or about a teaspoon or so of the garlic paste kind...
red seedless grapes
olive oil


soften the butter and blend up with the salt, pepper, garlic, and about a teaspoon or so of finely minced fresh rosemary...make a paste of it...

spread some of the butter paste under the skin and use the rest to rub all over the chicken.  Take about 3 sprigs of rosemary and put them into the cavity of the bird.

Place the grapes in your roasting pan (I use my Le Crueset cast iron french oven)...you can take them off the stem or just leave them on...doesn't really matter.  Pour a few tablespoons of olive oil over the grapes, sprinkle with salt and pepper and toss to coat...

Place the buttered up chicken on top of the grapes and put it, covered, into a 425 degree preheated oven.

Roast one hour.

Uncover and roast an additional 15 minutes or so or until done...let rest 10 minutes once you take it out of the oven

The pan juices are slightly sweet and delicious...

My son made half a chicken disappear in 10 minutes...he said "goodbye" to that bird quickly...

Try it...it will disappear...

So my friends, I'm not saying goodbye...and I promise to be a better blogger...but forgive me if I get distracted by costuming (yes, I have that too)/football/wrestling/house selling/etc...

Inspiration Song: oh, this is a good one...so a few months ago GOTTESS and I went to the karaoke bar with SuSu, AngelinaBallerina, Mayzie la Jess, MistyBarbie, and a few other gals...so we see that this guy is up there and he is going to sing "Time to Say Goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman.  We were all like "yeah...right...".  Um...YEAH FREAKIN RIGHT...OMG he was amazing...he blew us away...GOTTESS chased after him to tell him we could use his talents at the theater...people were filming it with their phones...It was a surreal experience because NO ONE a the karaoke bar can pull that off...except for that guy!

Bye Darlings...say goodbye to what you must...but please don't say "goodbye" to me because I need you to get through all of my goodbyes...

I love you all...




Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Beautiful People

Hello my beautiful people...

Gonna start out by saying I was going to write a blog about something else and was gonna use a Backstreet Boys song as the title...but I got sidetracked by a photo and changed my mind...but never fear the BB's will make an appearance...or maybe that should scare you a bit...

In any case I was checking out Facebook the other day and I noticed this GORGEOUS photo of my friend DivineDawn.  She had changed her profile pic and it stopped me dead in my tracks.

Now DivineDawn is one of those stop-you-in-your-tracks pretty girls...her whole family is (yes, even her mama and don't get me started on her kids or husband)...and I should really hate her because she is not only pretty in person but...

she.takes.damn.good.photos.

le sigh...

I am NOT photogenic (and please please do not think I am seeking some sort of affirmation here how nice my profile pics are...it takes about 5000 for one to even resemble me...my face doesn't photograph well).

DivineDawn looks good in person and digitally...

But in reality it is not a physical thing so much...it's her smile...

she smiles with her whole face...

like Tyra says...she "smizes"...(smiles with her eyes)...

But it's not even that...it's that her beautiful heart is evident.

She's gorgeous on the outside but truly stunning on the inside.

The first time I met her I knew she was a beautiful person...

yes, she is...

I have a lot of friends like that...I would say all of you are...because if I am to count you among my friends I have to LIKE you and I like beautiful people...and by beautiful I mean the INSIDE is pretty.

I have this friend I have told you about before...Glamazon...she is another "stop you in your tracks" beauties...she has the smile that is killer...gorgeous eyes...and she is 6 ft tall...

She looks like a model...she should have been a model...

But her true beauty is her faith and love...and lucky for me I get to have that...

Some beauty is unconventional...

Like my sister KK...she has a lot of tattoos and her hair is usually some sort of shade of blue or green...and she is a tiny bird of a person...but she is a colorful bird and she has the sweetest heart...I don't think I have ever seen her be mean to anyone...

And my sister SuSu is as gorgeous as Julia Roberts (and kinda looks like her) but she rarely wears makeup...or at least not the bordering-on-drag-queen amounts I do.  She is just naturally pretty...and she is the best mommy...and not a mean bone in her body either.

I've told you how beautiful my aunt Jane is...anyone who knows her knows she is as beautiful as any model...because she is so gorgeous inside. She's not the typical pretty when you see her...but then she smiles and laughs and you see that true beauty...

My children are beautiful...I won't even try to describe how beautiful I think they are.  Even when Ke$ha Barbie is behaving Satan-like she is still pretty..just a pretty little demon...and The Cutest Boy in the World is just that...the cutest boy in the world.

My friend JayVee is a pretty girl.  So is her daughter.  Her whole family is incredibly attractive.  But she has a heart that makes her gorgeous and that heart got her her husband I call "The Hunk" and her kids are stunning because their parents taught them how to be beautiful on the inside.  Her daughter SweetKass is so pretty sometimes I just stare at her eyelashes and pretty eyes and she just is the sweetest thing...and I don't even get scared when she gets her scary dental instruments near me (she is studying to be a dental hygienist...she will be popular).

When I laid eyes on my friend TonyFab I knew he was a beautiful person just by looking at him..and yes, I was quite right about that...(darling I have to figure out a way to see you...)

My friend Mr. Gorgeous (MLS...yes, you my darling that I went through school and you now live in NYC) is prettier than me...inside and out...you can tell it the second you lay eyes on him...my daughter wants him and his partner to adopt her (I won't let you dear...I love you too much)

My dearest friends D'Nice and KuteKaren are beautiful woman...and I love it when we get to be silly girls together because we have so much love for each other...KuteKaren's husband is a very patient man with us...thank you RoyBoy for putting up with your wife and "the nices..."

And TwirlerGirl...with her beautiful hair and beautiful smile and beautiful children is a stunner too...because she always has the heart to listen to another person...

And even though I have never met her, I think Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess...thebloggess.com) is a stunner...because she is a really pretty girl on the outside but her openness and willingness to share her struggles with depression and anxiety with the rest of us makes her more gorgeous than Heidi Klum.  Some day I hope I get to meet that very beautiful woman.

I could go on and on and on about all the beautiful people in my life and I will surely leave someone out...I know I will so I better stop before I hurt someone's feelings...

This may seem all rather oxymoronic of me to talk about beauty when I went under the knife last Xmas to vainly remove my unwanted flesh and add a bit more to another part of myself, and yes, I do love me some poison in my face to stop the wrinkles...and yes, I am vain and have a Sephora store in my bathroom to prove it, but all that surgery has made me come to realize what beauty is.  I needed that surgery to remove what I considered a very ugly part of myself---the unhappy fat girl---but it didn't make me beautiful...it just made it easier to wear jeans and look better in camisoles.


My mother was stunning.  Really truly beautiful.  But sadly inside she had her struggles and she always thought by having someone wield a scalpel or needle and "fixing" her that she would be more beautiful and make her happy.  She needed to find her inner beauty and I don't think she really ever did because the outside did not need fixing at all...I found a photo of her at 20 with her natural hair color and before any nose jobs or surgery and she was so beautiful I cried.  I loved my mother with all of my heart and I hope I have learned not just how to put on mascara but how to find my true beauty...even if she never saw it in herself.  My mother was a very nice and loving person, but part of really being beautiful is finding yourself...and being happy with yourself.  Even if you aren't perfect...



I guess the bottom line is that to me beauty is not in the eye of the beholder but rather in the heart.

If your heart is beautiful, you will be beautiful.  It may not always be by society's standards...and maybe no magic mirror would proclaim you "the fairest in all the land", but if you are beautiful inside then the outside will reflect it.

And if you are a good person who gives a damn what a magic mirror says...I've never met a mirror I really liked anyway...

Inspiration Song: "Beautiful People" by Chris Brown.  No lets not get our hate on because he is not a beautiful person for what he did to Rhianna...but the man can sing and make good music and I was sad to hear today he says he is going to quit the music business because people can't get past what he did.  I am in no way condoning his awful behavior but I do like the beats he puts out...but I am betting he won't quit...

Bye Darlings...be...BEAUTIFUL!  And thank you DivineDawn for being my inspiration...in many many ways...

I love all of you very beautiful people who read this blog and support me...no go and be beautiful to others...you did your job here by reading.



Tuesday, July 30, 2013

I Love It

Wow...2 blogs in as many days...

I'd like to say I am super inspired to write but mostly it is a way to avoid going into the smelly room that belongs to my son and starting the "let's make this look like Better Homes and Gardens Is Showing Up" process of cleaning and organizing...

You see I have made a deal with myself...for every task that I totally hate doing but must do to make my house look awesome I get to do one fun thing...

So if I organize my desk...I get to lay out and read a book...

If I clean all the glass and glasses in the bar...I get to watch a movie

If I make my bathroom look like something on the Houzz website and not like someone vomited a Sephora store all over it...I get to read a few magazines...

stuff like that...

My reward for cleaning out the plasticware/tupperware cabinet was....a big ole glass of vodka...

So right now my meaningless and hateful task is polishing the silver tea set that lives in my dining room.

First of all I would like to say I don't even KNOW why I have the darn thing except for the fact it was my mothers.

I have never served tea in it...

And I seriously doubt I ever will.

I just can't see myself inviting anyone over for tea and then actually using the tea set...besides I bet the tea would be terrible.

It is horribly tarnished...

because I pretty much never set foot in my dining room...except for Thanksgiving.

In my next house I don't even care if I have a formal dining room...as long as I have a place for a table that will seat my family and a few friends...well, that's all that I need.

So my reward for polishing the silver is that I get to write a blog and escape for a bit.

So since I had my surgery I didn't do my usual "things I love" blog around the first of the year...I was too busy recovering and acting like Barbie.  But I got inspired by my blog heroine the other day when she posted about some things I love so I decided I would be the total groupie I am and do the same.

She gave an awesome prize to a random person who left a comment as a sweet reward.

I have no prizes.

Sorry...

but maybe if enough of you leave comments I might decide to have a random drawing and pick one of you for a prize...

maybe it will be that I serve you tea from my Mommy's silver tea set...

but I wouldn't count on it...

So leave a comment and let's see what happens...you can do it on the bottom here or on my facebook page.

So here are things I love these days...try them out...see if you don't love them too!

1) JENNY LAWSON!!!!  Yes, I totally love a person I have never ever met.  She is my hero.  A friend turned me onto her website and 30 seconds into reading her blog I promptly jumped to my Amazon account and bought her book.  It's on my iPad...it is therapy.  It reminds me I am not the only person who had a crazy childhood.  I also have the audio version because I just like hearing her tell her stories.

She was on Katie Couric (which totally makes her legit) but it's not just the funny stories she tells.  Sometimes she is very raw and open (about her anxiety and depression) and for me it is like having a warm blanket around me to know that crazy happens and you can still be amazing.

So here is one of my very favorite blogs she ever wrote...use it as a gateway drug to the rest of her stuff...and yes, thanking me for introducing you to the amazing Jenny Lawson...

http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

Trust me...do not read this if you have liquid in your mouth or need to pee...once you have dipped your toe into the awesomeness that is her you should continue to read her blog:

thebloggess.com

And then you should order her book...it's called "Let's Pretend this Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir):
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0399159010/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=thebloggess-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399373&creativeASIN=0399159010

And you should also buy her stuff...I have a Beyonce the chicken coffee mug and a shirt that says "Because Wine"...because wine...

I will never ever ever be half as good a blogger or writer as her but if you even sorta like what I write you will love her stuff too...

I am a huge fan...and I would die die die if she ever read my blog.  In my dreams we meet for tea (oh! there's a use for that tea set!) and wear silly hats and red dresses...if you read her blogs you will see why this is my dream.

Jenny Lawson....you are a goddess and I would totally serve you tea from that tea set if it was your hearts desire...

2) Flavored vodka and tonic...yeah, I mentioned this yesterday but I'm telling you it WORKS...it sounds like it won't but it does.  The other night I was out at a girl's night and Susu ordered blueberry vodka and soda but I asked for it with tonic.  GOTTESS tried it and said she liked the tonic too.  We are so simpatico.  (and I just have to mention that you know you are totally sister-wives with someone when they hand you the key to their car and let you take their car home because The Cutest Boy in the World wants you home and she wanted to stay...that is LOVE people...)
So try it...I sometimes add a bit more flavor using a flavored liqueur (I favor the Drillaud liqueurs to Schnapps)...it's also the bomb using the Drillaud peach and plain vodka and tonic...).  And if you are a gin drinker I made D'Nice a gin and tonic with a splash of St. Germain (elderberry liqueur) in it and she is now in love with that cocktail.  I'm bribing her with the promise of more for her decorating advice.

3) Summer tv shows that don't suck.
I totally love that my fav show of all is on during the summer : So You Think You Can Dance!  Message me if you want to discuss.  It takes the pain of missing Downton Abbey and Game of Thrones away.  And of course I am enjoying this season of True Blood.

I watch a lot of tv.  I don't have a man who drives a big ass truck in my life so I make do with television.

I'm also quite enjoying:
Top Chef Masters (Curtis Stone...need I say more?)
The Next Food Network Star (I'm pulling for Russell)
Devious Maids
Drop Dead Diva

and my favorite girls are getting ready to come back on: The Double Divas...OMG they are the bomb!

If you want to laugh your ass off and learn something at the same time check this out:
"Drunk History" on Comedy Network (Tuesdays maybe?)
my kids and I love it...we laugh our heads off and I can promise you I will never forget what the Haymarket Riot was all about...and if you watch it you will know what that is...

Now these might make you scratch your head but if you really know me you might get why I love them:
Ink Master (yes, tattoos...no I won't get one but I am strangely attracted to Dave Navarro)...Spike TV
Top Shot All-Stars (guns...and men...me likey)...history channel Wednesdays
Bar Rescue (it's fun and you learn new cocktails)...Spike TV on Sundays

4) Argan Oil...I put it on my hair, I put it on my face...it rocks.  Get any kind...use it...

5) Palmers Dry Oil...you get this at the grocery store or drug store...it's cheap...it's this amazing oil you rub on and it sinks in and you are soft and smell nice.  GOTTESS and I are OBSESSED.  It helped us survive the dry air of Arizona.  It's helping my scars go away.  My friend PrettyCyndi got me hooked when she suggested it and all I can say is that it will forever live on my bathroom counter and I always have a spare in the cabinet.  It is the best moisturizer ever.  I have the lotion and soap too.  Good stuff.  I might not have the name exactly right but I am too lazy to go and look so just go to the lotion section at the store and look for a white box that says Palmers and get the oil.  You will love me for this.

6) My housekeeper's green sauce.  My incredible housekeeper Su is from Mexico. She made me this sauce and then taught me to make it.  It's sooooo good...it's just green tomatillos and jalapenos.  That's all...you just remove the husks from the tomatillos (try 10) and a throw in some jalapenos (2 for mild...5 for good heat...7 for sun-searing scorch)...throw them in a pot and cover with water. Boil until they are good and soft.  Let cook 20 minutes.  Put into your blender.  That's it...just blend and done.

Mix with sour cream, cilantro and avocado for a dip...

I"m addicted....

My kids love it on the pork tacos I make...they are super easy too...

Take a pork shoulder (pork butt roast...boston butt roast...) and cover with garlic salt and lemon pepper and brown well on all sides.  Throw it into your crock pot and cover with Goya Mojo sauce (in a bottle...HEB has it as does other stores that carry Goya products). Turn the crock pot on low and let cook all day.  Remove most of the juice (reserve about half) and then take two forks and shred the meat right there in the pot...add a bit of the juice back to keep it moist.  Serve in tortillas (we like corn) with the green sauce and some orange onions (carmelize a sliced sweet onion and once it's nice and brown add about 1/4 cup orange juice and let the juice simmer away).  Delicioso!

7) My 4-Runner I call Beyonce.  Ok, not everyone is in the market for a new car but if you are...go test drive one and fall in love.  I lurv her...

8) Unexpected containers.  I like decorating "silly" but fun...so right now my mouthwash is in an old Jim Beam bottle that is the same type of bottle that they used for the "I Dream of Jeannie" bottle...you can get them on eBay all day long.  It's way more fun to get your mouthwash from a liquor bottle.

I use my silver trays as little organizers for my bedside and perfume bottles because I am not a "serve canapes on a silver tray" kind of person.

I use old bar glasses to hold my make-up brushes and pencils.

And I have a glass compote bowl that holds my kids water flavoring stuff (Mio, crystal light, etc)

A waterford bowl that holds my hair rubber bands...

9) Flavored olive oils and vinegars.  If you have one of those shops that sells flavored olive oils do yourself and favor and start indulging.  It will vastly improve your salads and cooking.  If you need suggestions just message me.  JayVee and I love the chipotle olive oil mixed with the chocolate vinegar on a spring salad...awesome.

10) Fairy Drops waterproof mascara...it works and makes your lashes look amazing.  You can get it on Amazon.com...it is the best waterproof mascara EVER...I can swim in it and survive JayVee's spin class in it and not look like Alice Cooper...

11) Caruso Steam Hairsetter...finally! rollers that curl my hair and it works...and it doesn't damage my hair.  I had one 15 years ago and you had to add salt and stuff but now you just fill the little steamer up and steam the curlers and put them in and voila you have Heidi Klum hair...

12) Thinkgeek.com...I love this website.  I bought GOTT his birthday gift from here and I got GOTTSON and awesome soccer chair that looks like R2D2.  My favorite umbrella EVER is the light saber umbrella...if you are a geek you need this stuff...

Now here is my "Hall of Fame"...these things will always be favorites:
1) Angel Perfume
2) Mary Kay Timewise products
3) Michael David wines
4) Lululemon tops for exercise class
5) Jay-Vee's spin class...I feel sorry for those of you who don't belong to the HRC...
6) lingerie...
7) George's Pastaria...I could eat there every night....

Ok so now I need to return to the silver polishing and step away from this.

Try this stuff...I promise you will like it...

And leave a comment because you never know...I might just invite you over for tea and then a drive in Beyonce and then we can have flavored vodka and tonic when we get home and watch Drunk History...

And maybe I will even make you a salad...or let you have some green sauce...

Inspiration Song: "I Love It" by Icona Pop...cute little song...fun stuff...

Bye Darlings...I truly love all of this stuff but if you do nothing with this list at all be sure you go and read thebloggess.com...I have RoyBoy to thank for helping me find her and she is my inspiration...and let me know what you love!

And I forgot one more thing I love...I love all of you who read this!









Monday, July 29, 2013

Virtual Insanity

Wow...I have not blogged since...April...

I got kinda busy and stuff has just gotten in the way...my life sorta went insane...

well, not exactly insane but at one point I did question whether I was suffering from an anxiety disorder or depression...

no...

really...

I don't take those kinds of things lightly...so I took it seriously when I had a few weeks that I just wanted to sleep a lot and not do much but watch tv.

Mental health is not anything to ignore.

And like my physical health, when something is wrong I try and do what I can to fix it.

I WAS feeling very overwhelmed...I had promised GOTT I would costume a professional show, the school year was coming to a close, I needed to get my house listed and put on the market, I needed a new car, and Ke$ha Barbie was home from college...

Having a teenage girl back in the house is enough for anyone to feel like they need a mental health check-up

I was feeling so out of sorts I went to my doctor.

She suggested a try a mild antidepressant.

So I did...but after a few days I started to feel worse, not better...

and my stomach hurt all the time...

and I was feeling..."stabby"

little things set me off...and I had a crap load of work to do.

And then I ended up in the ER with uncontrollable vomiting one night and that pretty much put a stop to me and that medicine.

Turns out my body couldn't handle it and so, with my doctor's blessing, they (the meds) got flushed down the toilet..that was after getting some fluids in the ER (and thanks so Ke$ha Barbie for being a wonderful daughter and helping me though it).

Once the drug was out of my system I felt like myself again...but it took a few days...

My "normal" self.

Now why I am saying all of this right here in this blog?

Because I am an open book...but also because I firmly believe I have to practice what I preach.  I have begged loved ones around me to get help when they have had issues...and I had to do the same.

Listening to your body...and your head..now THAT is something we all need to do.

I don't know if I WAS depressed but I can tell you I felt anxious...and scared...and worried...and very very overwhelmed.

But I pulled it all together and found myself again and I did what I had to do.

And just because that medicine didn't work for me doesn't mean that I don't believe it is an incredibly good drug for the people who need it.  I totally believe 100% that if you need something to balance your unbalance...well then people...GO GET BALANCED AND TAKE THE PILL...

And who's not to say that I might not find myself once again in that position.

And if I do, we will explore other options...other drugs...therapy...

whatever it takes...

because you can't live half a life...or at least I don't want to...

And I don't want to ever let "me" get in the way of my own life and happiness.

So right now I'm good...all good...

And that is for today...

And I take each day as it comes...one day at a time...

And I got my stuff done....

I costumed the show and had a blast doing it.  I was proud of myself...proud of GOTT...proud of GOTTESS...proud of GOTTSON (he had the lead!)...proud of my wonderful cast...

I will blog about the show later (it was Seussical in case you forgot) but not today.

But I do really miss the cast and crew...and I so miss hearing "Alone in the Universe" and "Solla Sollew" sung by the cast...I cried through it every night.

It was very theraputic...to get to just release into the beauty of those songs...each show I went up to the sound booth and stood in the spotlight crows nest and listened to the incredible voices on the stage and I wept with love....and pride...and joy...

Next up a I have a few more shows to do that terrify me but I can do it...I have to...I would only let myself down if I didn't do it...

What else?

I sold my car...

My son called my old bronze suburban "Oprah" because it was big and brown (the only disparaging thing I have ever let him say about my beloved Oprah Winfrey).

So now I am tooling about town in a brand new shiny black Toyota 4-Runner I have dubbed "Beyonce" because she is so pretty.  I can wirelessly play my music from my phone, I can safely drive and yell at my children on the phone thanks to the built in bluetooth, and I can safely back out of my driveway thanks to the back-up camera.

The best part was 5 minutes after leaving the dealership a big rainstorm started and I couldn't figure out how to turn the windshield wipers on...so I pulled over and figured it out...and then turned on my music and drove my new car with a big smile on my face even though it was storming outside.

The only negative thing I have had happen was today:

because one should not put a paper bag with two bottles of vodka in the back end of a 4-runner and then drive a bit around town and then open the back end of the car without first making sure the bottles haven't come loose and are rolling around the back end and when you open the door they fly out...

and crash...

onto the pavement

and shatter

and basically the HEB parking lot smells like a distillery and so did I...

glass...everywhere...

me...mad as a hornet at myself...

cuts...a few...

replacement vodka...in my bar...

(and I highly recommend Stoli blueberry vodka and tonic as a refreshing summer drink as well as a way to recover from the fact that you stupidly let an entire handle of Tito's and a bottle of Stoli blueberry crash onto the HEB parking lot...you're welcome)

I'm getting my house ready to sell...D'Nice came over to help me rearrange some things and make it look awesome and we had fun yesterday when she decided that my silver curio cabinet in my dining room needed "gilding"...so she gets this paste/paint stuff and rubbed it all over it and now my Pier 1 silver/mirror tall curio looks like a custom piece...it looks fabulous!

I'm about to go tackle The Cutest Boy in the World's bedroom and rearrange some things there while he is on a little vacation with friends.

As for Ke$ha Barbie's room...

well for that I pretty much need to go back on the meds.

I have asked her to tidy it up but for some reason she persists in just throwing her clothes all over the floor despite the fact she has a full walk in closet.

Her room is a toxic waste dump...

Here's how I can best describe it...

Remember John Hughes the amazing movie director that made all those great teen films in the 80's like "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "16 Candles"?

Well her room looks like John Hughes went to the art director for one of his movies and he tells the art director "have the set decorator make this girl's room look like the worst possible version of a teenage girl's room...but make sure what you start out with before you trash it is awesome and beautiful and quite elegant"

yeah...

it looks like a movie set gone wild...

Now go look at your own child's room...the blog will wait...go and look...and feel better...

you're welcome...

The Cutest Boy in the World doesn't make too much of a mess...he just has a lot of cords to video games and computers.  He digs in his drawers like a dog but at least I can shut the drawers.

Let's see...what else...

Twirler Girl and I came up with an awesome way to make a Jalapeno Cucumber Mint margarita based on a drink I had with GOTTESS when we were in Sedona.

I'd give you the recipe but I don't have one...I just throw a little jalapeno in the blender along with some mint sprigs and some diced peeled cucumber and agave nectar and tequila and ice...and blend...

It's delicious...

if you need me to get more specific, just message me...

you can also do this by muddling it and shaking it if you want a "rocks" version...

it's really good...too good...

and...

you're welcome...

I guess that pretty much sums up what I have been up to.

I know I have made light about some of this stuff but please believe me when I say that my struggle with anxiety was quite serious.  And if you are someone who has had those struggles too you know what I mean and I have a real appreciation for everyone who can get out of bed each morning and face the day without wanting to just crawl back in...and for those of us who sometimes can't.

Listen to your heart...

Listen to your head...

Listen to your body...

And take care of all of them...

For now Jay-Vee's spin class, my friends, and a little vodka and a lot of sunshine are helping me get through...

It's all good...

for now...

today...

one day at a time....

Inspiration Song: "Virtual Insanity" by Jamiroquoi...love that song...and although my insanity wasn't virtual at times I sometimes felt it was all just in my head...and it was...but I got through it...

Bye Darlings...seek help when you need it and don't be ashamed if you do.  I am here to say I needed help, sought it, got it, and got back on track...and I'm not ashamed to admit it.


Thursday, May 2, 2013

Lime in the Coconut Part Dos

So I left you with a little cliffhanger last time...it's been so long since I have blogged I figured I better give you a reason to keep coming back...

So pour that glass of wine, mix that drink, brew that coffee, or get that soda over ice (and if you are sipping cucumber water as you read this I am not sure whether to feel sorry for you or be proud...)...pull up your chair and finish my little Sedona girls trip with me...

A quick recap:
GOTTESS planned a trip for 6 girls to Sedona...we had a long flight, I met TonyFab, we managed to be 6 women with one grocery cart but only one bag of pita chips, we had deer in the backyard, we went hot tubbing, we took a fun Pink Jeep tour ride while GOTTESS look like the Unibomber and I matched the Jeep, my daughter Ke$ha Barbie was in danger in Boston (not really but it felt like it) so I used that as an excuse for a massage with the adorable Victor, we had our dinner served by a magician, and some of us got up at 4:30 in the morning to take a balloon ride...

Here we go...

LIME IN THE COCONUT PART DOS

Chapter 13: UP UP AND AWAY IN MY BEAUTIFUL BALLOON...EXCEPT THAT I AM STYING ON TERRA FIRMA THANKYOUVERYMUCH

GOTTESS and SuSu and KuteKerry got up at 4:30 (or was it 4:00?)

KuteKatie, Darling D, and I slept in...

Actually I had booked an 8:30 facial so while I did sleep a lot later than the Balloon girls, I didn't sleep all that late...and I was very grateful to not wake up to frantic emails about bombers in Boston.

Now those of you who know me well know very well why I DID NOT take the balloon ride...

But for those of you who do not know me well, here's why:

I.DON'T.DO.HEIGHTS

EVER

MAKE THAT NEVER EVER

Um, I will almost not even get on a step stool...and a ladder?  fugetaboudit....

I don't like to be high (except on life...).

I don't climb things

I don't do rockwalls...I don't take scary bridges...I don't zip line (but I might...maybe...)...I don't like gondolas or sky rides...never gonna bungee jump...and there is no way in hell I will ever sky dive...

Let me put it this way---

I LIKE STAYING ON THE EARTH

The only "floating" I do is in the water...not gonna float about ground.

And the other factor in my decision not to take the balloon ride (beside pure terror and all the horror stories I have seen on the news about balloons and power lines and crashes) is that I am very very claustrophobic...and the thought of being in the basket made me cray-cray...plus the "up high" part...

So there was about as much chance that I would ride the balloon as me flying to the moon...

NOT.GONNA.HAPPEN.

and I also knew that my freakout was not going to add to the enjoyment of anyone's ride...and yes, I can state emphatically that I would have freaked the heck out.

KuteKerry offered me some King Cake Vodka for courage (see the blog "Mardi Gras Day" why that is funny...and not a good idea) but even that...or Xanax...wasn't going to make me fit for flying...

So they took the ride...and we stayed on terra firma...

I am happy to report they had a great time and it was a wonderful adventure for them...I am happy to say they returned intact and happy they did it...

I am happy to say I did not...

Instead I had my lovely relaxing facial...

Chapter 14: WHY DOES MY FACE SMELL LIKE STRAWBERRY YOGURT?

I love facials...

In fact, I think I can say they relax me more than a massage does...

I need to have more facials...

(Note to self: Have more facials...they make you happy!)

So while the lovely Ginger piled on all kinds of food smelling stuff on my face (and yes, I find it ironic her name was Ginger) I laid (or is it "layed" or "lay"?  I never got that one straight...MarvelousMargaret or sweet DelightfulDonna (an English teacher) please tell me!)....

anyway...I was laying down...or is it lying?  lie-ing?

ok I am digressing...

let me start again...

Ginger piled stuff on my face while I reclined on the facial bed...and I found it very relaxing...

how's that?

and I was super happy I wasn't in a balloon...

So after all the cleansing and moisturizing and massaging and putting on of masks, I was a very happy girl...even if my face smelled vaguely like strawberry yogurt...

I don't usually care to smell like strawberry yogurt...or food in general...

although sometimes I do enjoy smelling like chocolate...(see my new obsession with Palmer's Dry Oil...it's the bomb...go get some at the grocery store...it saved my skin)

So after all of that deep cleansing I decided to do the only logical thing...get myself sweaty and ride a spin bike for an hour and 15 minutes.

I went to the spa gym, put on a playlist and rode the bike...and made myself pretty happy doing so since I felt like I was being a slug missing spin class...

after all that virtuous working out I figured the next thing I needed was food...

stat...

so I looked at the spa menu and bingo...salmon...

Chapter 15: WHY WINE AT LUNCH IS ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA WHEN YOU ARE ON VACATION

I went to the spa restaurant (recommended by KuteKerry and KuteKatie who had eaten there the day before) and had a really delicious salmon dish...salmon on homemade ramen noodles with miso broth...if I figure out how to make it I will share the recipe

although I highly doubt I will be making homemade ramen...

To replenish my depleted electrolytes (I worked out HARD) I ordered coconut water...

(is a lightbulb going off in your head now?)

I hate coconut water...

but I figured...let's give it a try...again...

it came with a slice of orange...

I tried it...

I liked it...

but I also ordered a glass of white wine...

my alcohol consumption level was beginning to get out of equilibrium so I needed it...and it went well with my meal.

So yeah...wine at lunch while on vacation on a Saturday...color me happy....

I read more of my book and loved the fact that 6 of us can go and do our own thing and nobody objected or felt left out...

that is why you travel with perfect companions like I did...

So what's the next thing you do after having your pores cleansed and your face still smells like strawberry yogurt?

Chapter 16: FALCONS AND HAWKS AND OWLS...OH MY!  YES!  LET'S ALL HOLD AND PET THE BIRDS OF PREY...

So I tossed on my suit and I headed to the pool...I figured at least one member of our little party would be there and I was very happy to see GOTTESS there and then we found DarlingD.

GOTTESS filled us in on the balloon ride...DarlingD and I agreed it sounded like fun but were very happy we stayed on the ground.

Some of the girls were headed to the spa for other treatments and GOTTESS and I wanted to go to town to shop for a few souveniers so we headed back to the casa but along the way we saw...

BIRDS

now they were not randomly flying birds but rather birds set upon perches so that the guests could look at and interact with them.

There was a falcon, a hawk, an owl, and some little baby bird that the bird man kept telling us was NOT a baby but rather a full grown SMALL bird but to GOTESS and I it was a baby bird...it was tiny and cute...even if it could rip your eyes out.

It was a kestrel...GOTTESS opted to hold it...Miss Fraidy Pants here did not...I have a photo of her holding the bird but I do not post photos of my friends...only myself...but here's some shots of the birds...they don't care if they are on my blog or not...









GOTTESS and I petted the owl.  That falcon did not look like it wanted to be petted (and yes, I don't believe any falcon looks like it wants to be petted) so we just looked at it.  When it began to flap it's wings I began to worry if my hair looked too much like some sort of food it would like (I have a problem with goats and llamas thinking so) but then I remembered it is a raptor and my hair didn't much resemble some sort of rodent (at least right then...although it has been known to resemble one when I am wearing a hairpiece...KuteKerry and SuSu and GOTTESS refer to it as "the ferret"...see the blog "Mardi Gras Day" if I have confused you).

KuteKerry is fond of birds so we texted her to come and have a visit before the bird man took them away.

I have to admit, even though they could have taken out my eye, they were pretty cool...and that owl was about the softest thing I have ever touched...

now I want an owl of my own...

but I don't think my cats will approve...

but Ke$ha Barbie would totally be on board with it...

I do have chimney sweeps (birds) in my chimney right now...but they don't count...and I am so off topic with this I do believe I need to go and take one of my son's ADD meds...

so back on topic...we left the birds, found KuteKatie by the "adult only" pool and proceeded to get cleaned up so we could shop...

because....

Chapter 17: I HAVE A BLACK BELT IN SHOPPING FOR A VERY GOOD REASON

Let me preface this by saying that I got called not once but TWICE by American Express Fraud alert while I was in Sedona...

do you think maybe they were worried?

I'll get to more of that in a moment (because KuteKatie and GOTTESS will be disappointed if I don't)

So DarlingD, SuSu and KuteKerry decide they don't want to go into town to shop but KuteKatie, GOTTESS and I do...so the 3 of us load into the suburban and head into town.

First stop is this really cute shopping center that was built to resemble a mercado somewhere in Mexico.

We shop around...I buy spices, GOTTESS buys a ring, KuteKatie considers some necklaces.

I'm after the spices and some authentic jewelery, GOTTESS needs presents for the parentals and GOTTSON and KuteKatie is looking for fun stuff...and we all become obsessed with the salted caramel fudge I felt compelled to buy.

yeah...it was THAT good...

basically if you put salt, caramel, and chocolate together you can't help but find a winner there...

We found a store that had some cute clothes in the window.

You know how when you see something in a window that just screams "This will totally be like Julia Roberts in the shopping scene from Pretty Woman" so you go in and look at it and...

it's crap?

yeah...that's what happened...

I've seen better looking clothes in the stalls at the local Fiesta store...

but from the window they looked REALLY cute...

so we abandon the darling shopping center and head back toward the main shopping street in Sedona.

We just luck into a cute little shopping center and voila!

Souvenier time!

We buy dream catchers (my children need them for their nightmares even though they are teenagers...although maybe I should hang one from my bed so I quit having bad dreams and dream of a man with a big ass truck), Christmas ornaments, and I find gifts for JayVee and D-nice.

I wanted to go to that particular shopping center because they had a store there that had stuff that GOTTSON would like...it's a store full of things that change color in the sunlight.  My kids always enjoyed their stuff so I knew GOTTSON would too...

GOTTESS fixes up the gifts for GOTTSON and KuteKatie and I wander into the next store where we find blinged out sunglasses...

I try a pair on...they look pretty cute...GOTTESS takes my photo...I'm thinking "mine!" until KuteKatie notices that they are $270...

no...

never gonna happen...

I may be considering purchasing a $400 blender (a vitamix...please tell me if you have one and love it!) but I'm not stupid...

So we leave that store and find ourselves in the olive oil and vinegar store (very similar to the one I visited in Boston when I took Ke$ha Barbie to school).

The woman who works there is sweet but basically clueless so I fill her in on all the awesome combinations of vinegars and oils I enjoy (and maybe one day I will blog about it but not today).  She takes notes.  They ship for free so GOTTESS and I are sold and purchase a few bottles of goodies to enjoy at home.

I will say one thing...

they had bacon flavored olive oil...

I might just consider drinking it one day...

it's the bomb to fry an egg in...

KuteKatie finds a store with necklaces...she is still on the hunt...she finds one that she likes but GOTTESS and I tell her to back away slowly as the stuff on it is bigger than her pretty head...so she wisely does...

By this point we are hungry and desperately in need of a something alcoholic so we ask the shop girls and they recommend a place down the street.  We head there...margaritas are calling our name.

We sit and order...KuteKatie gets a regular margarita (with a souvenier glass!), GOTTESS orders one that has cucumber and mint in it and mine is pretty much the same with the addition of jalapeno...

I highly recommend you try a margarita with a little jalapeno muddled in...

trust me...

it's...amazeballs...

We had a fun dinner (the other girls opted to stay at the resort) and shopped a bit as we headed back to the car.

GOTTESS found a cute little picture in one store that she held up and said "this is you!":

"A little glitter never hurt anyone"

yeah...that's me...

and GOTT has me costuming a show again so I think I might staple it to my forehead (he is not much of a glitter fan and I pretty much sweat it I love it so much...Glitter is my life...remember I am Tinkerbell)

There was a gay man running the store...GOTTESS and KuteKatie pretty much had to drag me out as I tend to want to just hang out with gay men whenever possible...because I lurvs them...and I seem to be catnip to them...

So we head back to the resort and face the fact that the next morning we have to pack up and leave...

Chapter 18: LIME IN THE COCONUT

yes!!!!

here it is!!!!!

Well...sorta...you gotta read a bit more...

DarlingD, Susu, KuteKerry, and GOTTESS decide to go on a hike Sunday morning.

KuteKatie needs her rest and sleeps in and opts to have a leisurely yummy breakfast in the restaurant.

I get up and head to the spa gym and my nemesis the spin bike.

I say nemisis because the damn thing was one of the Lance Armstrong Lifecycle things and I hate it.

HATE IT

People built like me knock their knees on the stupid handles under the handlebars...not built for me.

I love my Keiser at the club....

It's like driving a Ford when you are used to a Mercedes...make that a Maserati...

So I do my time on the bike to pay for my sins and head to the spa restaurant for a late breakfast.

Egg white omlette

coffee

coconut water

WITH LIME

bingo!  I have found a way to like coconut water...

you put the lime in the coconut and drink them both up...

got it?

Good!

If not you are too young to be reading this blog...

I have my breakfast and head back to the casa to shower and pack.

KuteKatie and I pack and dress and enjoy watching "Anchorman" on tv...and we begin to panic wondering where the rest of our little group is...

They finally make it back...scarf down the remaining food and shower and pack and we hit the road for Phoenix.

Chapter 19: I USUALLY ONLY EAT TACO BELL IF I AM QUITE DRUNK BUT WHEN YOU STOP FOR A POTTY BREAK THERE YOU SORTA HAVE TO GET A TACO

We needed a potty stop...

Taco Bell was on the way...

so a few of us indulged...

I did not have one of the "oh so talked about" Doritos flavored tacos (can you believe they need a whole new army of workers because of them?  I'd like to see the day a restaurant needs an army of workers because they have started serving salmon burgers...)

We head into Phoenix and I begin to worry that we are a bit late and me and my big ass bag will miss the "check your bags in" deadline...

mercifully we did not miss the deadline and the big ass bag made it onto the plane.

Sadly I did not have TonyFab or anyone fab to sit with me on the return flight but the plane did have tv on it so I watched "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" and was entertained.

We got to Houston and managed to find all of our bags at baggage claim.

Sadly KuteKatie and I couldn't remember what floor the car was parked on in the garage so we did take an extra tour of the airport parking garage but we found it and were soon on our way...

I dropped her at her house, headed to mine, and got home in time to be screamed at by a cat...

Why the hell did I ever leave Sedona?

I came home to CATS...no man, no son, no daughter...CATS!

Epilogue:
I have now been home over 10 days...I want to go back...I came back to sub teaching at my children's former school...this week I got to have not one but 2 jobs...technology and helping my friend MarvelousMargaret with the little chil'ren...(and yes, moving little kids is exhausting...blog coming about that).

Is it possible to detox from your detox?

All I can say is...go there...with good friends or loved ones...and enjoy!

Oh, and read "Let's Pretend this Never Happened"...

Inspiration Song: "Lime in the Coconut" by Harry Nilsson...you put the lime in the coconut and drink em both up"...yes, put LIME in your coconut water...and the song is silly but fun...and I do love the movie "Practical Magic" and the Midnight Margarita scene...and yes, I named my blog after a non-alcoholic drink I had on my last day in Sedona...how do you like that?

Bye Darlings...go to Sedona...have lime in your coconut water...travel with fun sweet friends...be grateful your child isn't near a bombing...have a facial even if it makes you smell like strawberry yogurt...a masseuse who is good looking and great is always a good thing...jalapeno muddled into margaritas is amazing...hot tubs are fun with good friends...stay outta the balloon if you are afraid of heights...pink jeeps are fun...

but coming home...even if it is only to your cats...makes a vacation really...

wonderful!

xoxox









Monday, April 29, 2013

Lime in the Coconut

Disclaimer #1:  I started writing this blog while  I was teaching 6th grade math (and yes I use the term "teaching" very loosely because it is really high level babysitting and just to reassure those of you who may have had a child in "my" class that day---I totally had a cheat sheet so no lasting permanent math damage was done and when your child misses a math question on the SAT please don't blame me although it would be a convenient excuse and I make a good target). (Note from Anice after she has finished teaching: NO ACTUAL HARM WAS DONE TO ANY ACTUAL CHILDREN but I can't say that they will all be the same after my attempt at algebra...) But that's not the "disclaimer" part here ...what is the disclaimer is that I am trying to type this blog on my iPad...heaven help us all for what autocorrect might do to this...

Disclaimer #2....I am heavily under the influence of the humor and writing style of my new heroine---Jenny Lawson.  She is a blogger and columnist for the Houston Chronicle...but more importantly she wrote a book that I am insanely in love with ---"Let's Pretend this Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir)".  RoyBoy turned me on to her blog and I read it for a minute and promptly went on Amazon to download the book.  Buy.This.Book.  It's damn funny.  She makes me look like the total amateur humorist I am.  She's brilliant.  She's hilarious.  I totally plan to stalk her and send her notes if I can figure out how to find her.  I plan to make her my new "other" best friend...I'd never drop my old besties in favor of a new one but I do want to add her to my collection.  And in homage to her this blog will have...chapters!  Her chapter titles alone make me laugh out loud.

Disclaimer #3....unlike the above memoir things in this blog are totally true and not "mostly" true.  Therefore names have been changed to blog names to protect the innocent.  You will already be familiar with some of the characters (GOTTESS chief among them).  We did nothing wrong or that could get us arrested and the alcohol level was far below that of what it was when we went to Mardi Gras but all the same I like to protect my peeps...you never know who might Google up your name and what they will see and heaven forbid it is my blog...

Disclaimer #4...this is a long blog...as I start this I realize I may have to break it up...so pull up a chair and pour yourself a beverage of choice (I would go with "wine" or "dirty martini" but it might be morning when you read this and "coffee" or "diet coke" are your best options)....in any case you have been warned that this is a long one so you better go and pee now...

So without further delay...let's get this party started...

LIME IN THE COCONUT

Preface:

So I'm sure your first question is "what the hell is this blog about if she is calling it Lime in the Coconut and it's about a trip to Arizona with 5 other women"?...

The answer will be revealed in due time...there's your answer..sorta...

I have a reason...not a very GOOD reason but a reason nonetheless

Besides, you are sitting here wasting your time reading this so you know you want to find out, right?

And while doing so you are secretly singing the song to yourself (and if you don't know this song you are too young to be reading this blog...) and thinking of the movie "Practical Magic" and wondering if somehow I am going to say something about making magical midnight margaritas here...even though there are no coconuts in good margaritas...but yes, there is lime..

And yes I know that Arizona is a dry desert (boy do my lips and skin know that) and not a tropical place but believe it or not there were actual limes and coconut (water) involved...

Chapter 1: WHY GOTTESS IS NOT JUST MY SISTER WIFE BUT ALSO THE BEST TRAVEL PLANNER....

So a few months ago GOTTESS sends out an email and basically says that she has found a fabulous resort in Arizona and has booked a casa at it and we should all go.  6 of us booked the trip and put ourselves into her wise and wonderful hands...

Because you see, when GOTTESS plans a trip, well you just gotta go...

So it was me, GOTTESS, Susu (you remember her from such blogs as "Last Friday Night" and (shudder) "Mardi Gras  Day", KuteKerry (ok I will admit she is "Friend 6" from "Mardi Gras Day"), DarlingD (I wasn't sure how to handle her name since it is sorta distinctive so I'm shortening it to "D"), and KuteKatie who constituted our little party of 6.

DarlingD was already out in Phoenix so she wasn't on the long-ass plane ride with us (I know you are wondering how a flight to Phoenix can last so long but it did...answer to follow) so the rest of us took a flight leaving about 9:30 on Thursday morning.  I picked up KuteKatie at 7:15 and we got to the airport in plenty of time for us to chill in the President's Club before getting on the plane (and that might be the only time I have been in the Pres Club and NOT had a Bloody Mary).

So onto the plane we went (and at this point you are really happy this is a blog and not a book where you might actually have to pay for things like these super short chapters)

Chapter 2: YOUR HANDBAG IS BETTER THAN MINE AND YOU ARE MY NEW BEST FRIEND AND IF I HAVE TO BE STUCK ON A PLANE FOR 4 HOURS I AM GLAD IT IS YOU

So I am by myself on the plane...so is KuteKatie.  GOTTESS, SuSu and KuteKerry managed to have seats together...I was only 2 rows behind.

I'm sitting there and then I see this guy...white jacket, gorgeous scarf, fabulous jewelry, and a Michael Kors handbag TO DIE FOR.  Very nice looking man.  Great jewelry.

I started praying "please let him sit next to me because the only way this flight is gonna be fun is if I am next to someone who IS fun"

wish granted

(And I should note that when GOTTESS saw him she prayed the same thing for me...my sister wife knows me all too well...she knows I love FAB and this guy was screaming FAB with that handbag)

he plops next to me in the middle seat...I'm by the window

5 minutes into it we have introduced ourselves to each other and I know he has been up for hours upon hours and is traveling to a family funeral and his flights had gotten waaaaay screwed up.  And for blog purposes Mr. Fabulous shall now be known as TonyFab.

I promptly offer to change seats with him as soon as we are allowed to do so without risk of being shot...I wish I had video of it because:
1) I am still amazed I fit into a plane seat much less not need an extender
and
2) the fact that I scampered from one seat to the next without tilting the plane is pretty much a miracle because if that plane had been a pinball machine "TILT" would have occurred...
and
3)we managed to not disrupt the other passengers...miracle

10 minutes in I learn that he has been with his husband for 20 years and he knows I am divorced and the mother of the amazing Ke$ha Barbie and the incredible The Cutest Boy in the World (TCBITW). I know he is a realtor in Kansas and he knows I once weighed 300 pounds and went on Oprah.

We switch seats and he dozes and I start to read my hysterical book (promise me...if you even sorta like my blog you will LOVE "Let's Pretend this Never Happened").  When the flight attendants finally make it back to us TonyFab says he is buying me a drink for letting him have the window seat.

I promptly order the Bloody Mary I so missed having in the President's Club...

thank you my darling TonyFab

We spend the rest of the flight gabbing and enjoying each other's company.  GOTTESS stops by for a hello. The poor fellow next to me has tried to chime in on our conversation but frankly when you have found a new best friend a 3rd wheel is not welcome...

So it takes 4 hours to get to Phoenix because of the storm...not 4 hours with the time change but 4 actual hours in flight (it only took 2 hours 5 minutes to get home).  Thank goodness I had TonyFab with me.

We deplane and I introduce him to the girls and I sadly say goodbye to a man I dearly wish lived here in Houston so he could be my gay husband (if his own didn't mind)...I really need one for those times you need a date but don't WANT a date...and my son doesn't always cooperate...and I know that TonyFab would make sure I had fun and looked...well...FAB!

So TonyFab, if you read this darling...you have a friend for life here in Houston...kisses my darling!

Chapter 3: SIX WOMEN, 7 SUITCASES AND A SUBURBAN

So at this point I think I have failed to mention that I took not one but 2 suitcases with me...a tote and a huge ass suitcase...like enormous...like I worry every time I travel that it will be over the weight limit...like I know there are people who go to Europe for a month with a smaller bag than this...it borders on being a trunk.  Part of the reason is that I have to travel with my pillow.  And it's a temperpedic so it's big.

The other girls all have nice little carry on sized bags...but not me!  I'm the oldest of the bunch but certainly not the wisest when it comes to packing.  These gals work and travel a good bit for their jobs so they know how to pack.

But I need a helluva lot of crap to be "me" so I have a helluva big suitcase.

The girls laughed their heads off at it...I deserved it...but being me, I needed my stuff...

and my pillow...

and 4 maxi dresses (yes, we were only there 3 nights) and all my workout clothes plus other clothes plus another dress plus my rollers plus all my beauty products (basically a Sephora store) plus 2 pairs of athletic shoes...plus...well, you get the picture...

So we say goodbye to TonyFab and head to the rental cars...GOTTESS has wisely booked us an SUV and we super-sized it and got the suburban.

GOTTESS has never driven a suburban before.

GOTTESS drives a sedan.

I am the only member of our party who has driven a suburban but because GOTTESS rented the car, she had to chauffeur us...

and she did a dandy fine job of it...I think before it is all said and done she might just come over to the dark side and want a suburban for herself...

We heard on into the car and away we go...first stop food and then on to Sedona...

Chapter 4: MY ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION LEVEL IS BEGINNING TO DROP AND SO YOU BETTER FIND A PLACE TO EAT THAT SERVES BEER

We end up at...Chili's...

Actually it wasn't a bad choice at all.

They had beer.

I opted for a Blue Moon.

It had been a hell of a week starting with me subbing for 6th grade Math (yes, today was not my first time at that rodeo) and Ke$ha Barbie being in Boston in college for the bombings and me worrying that she was in class in the city...thankfully she was safe in Medford when the bombings occurred.

Only one other member of our party joined me and she shall remain nameless to protect her innocence but I will confirm it was NOT GOTTESS as she was driving...

I had a burger (it was good) and a second beer (I was NOT driving).

KuteKerry had started the morning off not feeling well so she perked up after some chicken and everyone happily scarfed down lunch and as I looked around the table at the 5 women I was with I can honestly say I couldn't have been happier to be in their company...and I knew we were in for a good time.

Chapter 5: SIX WOMEN AND ONE SHOPPING CART AND 8 OR WAS IT 10 BOTTLES OF WINE

We herd back into the car and head down the road to Sedona.

Our ears pop

We exclaim at the beauty we see before us

We discuss spin class and songs on the radio and why we love Bruno Mars and the lead singer from the group "Fun"...

We discuss many things....many many things...hell there were 6 women in the car...I think we could have solved pretty much any issue if you had presented it to us...if we had tried I think we could have solved the budget crisis and poverty...

We get to Sedona and hit the Safeway right away.

If you think shopping without a list is confusing...try being 6 women with one cart trying to organize what we THINK we might want (we knew we had a kitchen but just how stocked it was remained to be seen).

We did know we wanted wine

and fruit

and other stuff

and somehow we only ended up with one bag of pita chips

now that was our first mistake...because you can't have 6 women on a trip and have only one bag of pita chips...

(I would also like to note that in Arizona you can buy hard liquor at the grocery store....awesome)

But we managed to round up what we think we wanted/needed and headed on out to the resort...

Chapter 6: THERE'S A DEER IN MY BACKYARD...YES, A REAL LIVE DEER...MAKE THAT A FEW REAL LIVE DEER...

We get to the resort and are blown away...it's gorgeous.

The call it "Enchantment" for a reason (look it up...Enchantment Resort in Sedona).

Totally.Totally.Gorgeous.

GOTTESS had wisely booked us a casa which consisted of one bedroom with 2 queen beds, 2 huge full bathrooms, a huge living room with 2 murphy beds (queen sized), 2 fireplaces, a full kitchen, and a patio...

where the deer were playing right outside...

oh and no antelope...(please say you "get" this..."where the deer and the antelope play....")

but despite no antelope it was...

heaven

enchantment

yup...I drank the Kool Aid and I want more...actually I drank the cucumber water and the prickly pear lemonade but never mind...you know what I mean...

Me and my big ass suitcase were very happy there...

This is what we saw from our patio:



They took us on a tour and we "ooh'd and aaah'd" our way through it and once settled in the casa we saw the deer in the "back yard" and decided that we needed to open the wine and crack open the pita chips and have happy hour on the deck.

Which we did

And yes, the bag of pita chips was pretty much destroyed at that point.

A few girls left to check out the spa and the rest of us remained to drink more wine and I showed them the video of the Wisdom Tooth Murderer on YouTube.

(If you have not seen the Wisdom Tooth Murderer look it up...I promise you will love me for it...If I could figure out how to post a link here I would...because it is literally the funniest thing I have seen in ages...just click on the photo of the girl who looks like she has a giant diaper on her head...I promise you that you will be happy you did).

The spa spy girls returned and we elected to head to the bar (it was outside) for sunset...

Chapter 7: SUNSET WITH THE GOLDEN GIRLS (AND YES I AM FULLY AWARE THAT SOUNDS LIKE A "BEACHES" TYPE BOOK TITLE)

So off to the fabulous outdoor bar we go...and we run smack into...ourselves in 20 years...

not kidding

except there were only 5 of them...

but they were a group of women who traveled together and were friends...

they loved us...we loved them...

of course 2 of them were Pi Phi's like me so it was truly a love match...

they were adorable...I wish I had their names...I bet they are on Facebook...

I lurved them...like I wanted to just sit there and soak up their awesomeness...but it was cold and we needed seats by a flame

you know...one of those flame things for outside to keep you warm?  yeah...one of those...

KuteKatie ordered the Prickly Pear Margarita...

it came highly recommended

I highly recommend you don't order it...

all 6 of us tasted it and even KuteKatie (who is one of the nicest girls you will ever meet) sent it back.

I pretty much "ooked" out the group by ordering steak tartare...SuSu at some with me but the raw meat was pretty much mine and it was awesome.  

We had a few other appetizers and a round of drink and the sun went down and we decided that the only logical thing to do was to go...

Chapter 8: HOT TUB TIME (MACHINE)

yeah...we went to the hot tub...at the spa...

The Mii Amo spa at the Enchantment Resort is the bomb...and we descended upon it like the fun craving girls we are...

First we got into the indoor hot tub in the ladies locker room...well actually GOTTESS and I tried out the dry sauna and then joined the other girls in the hot tub...but we noticed that SuSu and DarlingD weren't with us and we found them outside in the outdoor hot tub...sipping wine mind you...

(this was only after we sorta managed to chase off some poor woman who was doubtless trying to forget the fact that she had kids...and a hubby...and friends...with the peace and love of the hot tub...but then we came along and partied her right outta there).

GOTTESS and I sipped our hot tea and our group was happily bubbling away and then we were joined by some guy named John (who was quite good looking but sadly married) who had probably had not just a little more wine than us but A LOT more wine than us.  I bet his wife was happy we entertained him.

Anyway after some hot tub time (machine...I'm sorry...I saw that movie and thought it was funny as hell...and the whole time I was in the hot tub I was sorta hoping the clock would turn back for me and I would find my 20 year old self in the hot tub) we headed back to the casa and got ready for bed.

Chapter 9: WTF? WHAT THE HELL? WHY IS MY EMAIL SO FULL OF MESSAGES ABOUT BOSTON? I HAVE BEEN SLEEPING AND WHAT IS GOING ON? I'M SOOOOOOO CONFUSED...I JUST WOKE UP....

ok, so that is the longest chapter title ever....but literally that is how I felt when I woke up Friday morning.

I was sharing a bed with GOTTESS (as good sister wives do) and I checked my email quickly only to find an email from the president of Ke$ha Barbie's school and some other emails from concerned friends...

GOTTESS, being the excellent sister wife she is, notices my concern and we get on my iPad to see what the hell is going on...

yeah...BOSTON

Ke$ha Barbie in school in Boston.  Medford to be precise but she goes into Boston for her art classes.

Medford is next to Cambridge which is next to what is apparently the place where the idiots who bombed the Boston Marathon were having a gun fight with the police.

GOTTESS and I try to see, via my iPad, what the hell is going on...we accidentally turn a video on and then become completely stupid trying to shut it down lest we wake up KuteKerry and KuteKatie who are blissfully sleeping in the next bed unaware that my daughter is in the vicinity of mass murderers...

(ok, so that is a slight exaggeration but they were close enough that the campus got shut down and they asked the kids to stay in their dorms except for eating in the dining hall and classes were cancelled)

We quiet the iPad and get up and find that SuSu and DarlingD are up so we can turn the tv on and I can find out if I need to go into "Mom is in total panic mode" or not...

Thankfully "not" was the answer...

Ke$ha Barbie was easily reached by phone and informed me she was safe in her dorm room and would remain there with her boyfriend (who has waaaaaay more sense than her) until meal time or the "all clear" was sounded.

I stopped hyperventilating at that moment until she tells me that it is "Jumbo Days" there and that the newly accepted students were on campus to check things out...

I guess they checked out what happens when a terrorist is loose...

(As an aside here and in all seriousness...the university did an excellent job keeping the kids safe and my daughter was not in danger Friday nor was she on Monday when the bombs went off...and my heart is broken for the victims of this horrible tragedy and believe me when I say I pray for the people affected by this...the city of Boston...and I thank the sweet Lord for keeping my daughter out of harms way)

but really there is nothing quite like waking up to find out that your daughter is in some sort of danger and everyone knows it but you...

So once I could breathe again I was happy to dress for the next terrorizing part of my day:

THE PINK JEEP TOUR

which leads us to...

Chapter 10: IT'S ONLY A 30 DEGREE ANGLE EVEN THOUGH IT FEELS LIKE 90...

Part of GOTTESS' awesome "tour guide-ness" was to book some fun things for us to do...

The Pink Jeep Tour was one of them...

It's a wild ride...

in a pink jeep...

over rocky terrain...

Good advice: go to the potty first

even better good advice: don't drink a lot of liquids before the tour either

We got picked up by the Pink Jeep Tour company...in a pink jeep no less...and driven into Sedona.

GOTTESS managed to look like the Unibomber in her hoodie and glasses but she was beautiful nonetheless...GOTTESS is always beautiful..even when she is looking like a crazy person who lives in the wilderness and writes manifestos...

anyway....

we get to town and get organized for our trip.

We get our own jeep...with one extra passenger...

thank the sweet Lord she was a sweet, kind, fun, patient woman...named Ann (she will never read this so no blog name) and thankfully she was familiar with iPhone photography....

Our driver, I-can't-remember-his-name, was fun and funny...I think I better just call him "Driver"...

anyway....

we get into his jeep and off we go...

I'm so happy with the color of the jeep that the rest really didn't matter.

We begin to ride over rough terrain and seeing GORGEOUS scenery.

It was fun...we stop and take photos...

like this...



because you can't have enough photos of yourself jumping...

More...







We take a lot of photos and soak up the scenery and the total geek in me is loving that there is a tree that looks like a "Godswood" tree from "Game of Thrones" (if you ever want to discuss that show please let me know because I am addicted...like I can spend hours talking about how amazing Peter Dinklage is and how much I love the show...)

Part of the ride was to go down this 30 degree incline...which doesn't sound like much until you are in the jeep and actually doing it...here is a photo of a jeep doing it (not ours...come on...I take good photos but I am NOT magic...)


And then our driver had one more little "let's see how much these girls can scream" inclines to drive down:


The tour was fun and my photos don't begin to do it justice...

We headed back to the resort for a little pool time and some spa time...

Chapter 11: YOU DON'T NEED UMBRELLAS TO HAVE A GREAT DRINK BY THE POOL TO RELAX...AND A MASSEUSE NAMED VICTOR DOESN'T HURT EITHER...

This is the pool:


Yeah, right now I know you are feeling really bad for us that this is what we had to look at as we lounged by the pool and sipped drinks...

I was continuing to get emails updating me on what was going on with Ke$ha Barbie's school...and it wasn't helping me to relax...

So when I headed in to my massage with the Amazing Victor I was a ball of tense...but since it was an aromatherapy massage I got to pick my "mood" and the oils...so I went with "I feel Blessed...I feel Loved" and ended up with a delicious blend of rose, geranium, and frankincense...how do you spell that word?  You know it's one of the things the Magi brought the Baby Jesus...and it smells marvelous...

anyhoo...

He gave me a fabulous massage and it didn't hurt one bit that he was really cute and very sweet...

and afterwards I found out that the Boston Bombing suspect had been caught and when I called Ke$ha Barbie to ask her about it she says...

drumroll please...

"Oh Good! I can go shopping tomorrow!"

yeah...I needed ANOTHER massage after that comment...

So I just sighed to myself and headed back to the casa for a shower and a glass of wine and to get ready for dinner with the girls...

Chapter 12: WITH 3 STEAKS YOU GET A FREE MAGIC SHOW!!!!!!

After we all cleaned up and compared notes on spa treatments we headed to one of the resort restaurants to have dinner.

I naturally needed a martini (I was still stressed from the bomber...and no I don't mean GOTTESS looking like the Unabomber (or is it Unibomber? I have spelled it both ways to cover myself...) but the real bomber in Boston...) and a glass of wine...and a large very rare steak...

We had a lovely table by the fireplace (which sadly that night didn't work but whatev's....) and our waiter came and took our drink order...

First indication we were not in great "waiter hands"...SuSu ordered some bottled water which was PLOPPED in front of her...

WITHOUT A GLASS...

Um...no...

SuSu handled that quickly....and I still relish the fact I was across from her so I could see the look on her pretty face when that bottled PLOPPED down in front of her...

Dinner was good but I will admit it was not the best steak ever...but I was hungry...and the smoked mashed potatoes were the bomb.com....

We had a really lovely time just enjoying each others company and when the waiter presented the bill he informed us that he was a magician...

yeah right...

so he comes back and says "Do you want the best 2 minute magic show ever or the best 5 minute magic show ever?"

Why take 2 when you can get 5?

So we rolled with 5...

I can't describe it all here but I will say this:

THERE WAS MORE SCREAMING AT THAT TABLE THEN THERE WAS ON THE PINK JEEP TOUR

He totally freaked us out...

And I will admit it just might be the best 5 minute magic show I ever saw...but he still wasn't a very good waiter...

You know how you say "stick to your day job?"...in his case he needs to stick to his night job...

I just don't get the feeling there is a large call for magicians in Sedona...

So after dinner we headed back to the casa for a night of sleep and since SOME of us were getting up at 4:30 we needed to get to bed...

And I will say that SOME of us did not include moi....

Because the gals getting up at 4:30 were going on a balloon ride...

which leads us to....

Chapter 13: UP UP AND AWAY IN MY BEAUTIFUL BALLOON...EXCEPT THAT I AM STAYING ON TERRA FIRMA THANKYOUVERYMUCH

GOTTESS and SuSu and KuteKerry got up at 4:30...

And right there my friends I am leaving you with the proverbial "cliffhanger"...

That's right...

I'm stopping this blog right now...

Because my darlings you have really read enough, no?

So I think I will stop right here and I PROMISE I will finish and post the rest of this blog by...let's say...Friday?

Maybe tomorrow...

But for now I am gonna let you rest your tired eyes and finish your drink...

So in the next blog I will answer pressing questions such as:

1) So what went on during the balloon ride?

2) why didn't Anice go?

3) what happened on the rest of the trip

4) why the hell is this blog called "Lime in the Coconut"?

yes...all in due time my darlings...

Inspiration Song: "Lime in the Coconut" by Harry Nilsson...and no, I'm not explaining it JUST YET...

Bye Darlings....I'll finish my little travel tale for you very very soon I promise...pinky swear...criss cross applesauce....