Sunday, November 30, 2014

Birthday

Hello Darlings...

In case you missed it, during the month of November I officially became "old"...but I prefer to think of myself as "vintage"...like a fine wine...

yeah the big 5-0 happened

and although the world didn't come to an end, it did shake up MY life a bit...

I knew it was coming and I don't know why I let it bother me so much, but I will be honest:

IT DID

I loved being 40...I really did...and the day I turned 40 was last birthday I got to have with my mom so it was pretty much my last good birthday....

I considered very carefully how I wanted to approach the day.  And if you had told me 5 years ago that I would want to celebrate it by doing 2 spin classes back-to-back I would have said you were beyond crazy.

But that is what I did...

I turned down offers to go to dinner or have dinner made for me or a party given in my honor...

basically I turned down wine and vodka in favor of sweat

what the hell was I thinking?

But truly all I wanted to do was to prove to myself that 50 was a number and not a number that defined me and that I was capable of strong amazing things...and then to have dinner with the only man I truly really love---my son.

I would have killed to have had Kesha Barbie with me but she is up at her college in the northeast and getting her home was too much on her and me...we will celebrate both of our birthdays when she comes for Christmas...

as a child I loved my birthday...

my mom always gave us great parties so I had some fun times with people like MerryMaryLee and
JoyfulJanet when I was young (please note the happy names for happy birthdays)...I had slumber parties and costume parties and one birthday party where the huge disappointment was that the silly string didn't work...

I think one of my favorite birthday gifts I ever got was...

no surprise here...

my Barbie Dreamhouse

it was 3 stories tall and had an elevator

oh how I loved it...

my Daddy tried to sneak it into my bedroom so that the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the pink townhouse...he carried it in but tripped at the foot of my bed and it came crashing down

and he said a bad word

what he didn't realize is that I was awake but was pretending to sleep...so my eyes were closed and I had to work very hard to not open my eyes when he cursed because he almost never cursed around us

I didn't want him to know I was awake...I wanted him to think he had gotten away with the surprise...

so I laid (or is it layed....Darling Donna please teach me English again!) there very still and pretended I was still sleeping until he got it set up and left the room

and then I immediately bolted from my bed and gave the elevator a test drive (you pulled a little string)...I went back to bed and slept (it was about 5 am when he brought it in) and acted like the most surprised girl in the world when our housekeeper woke me up (she wanted to be first to tell me happy birthday...I loved her like a mother).

that is truly my favorite birthday memory from childhood...because it was the one thing I really really wanted and that my dad wanted to surprise me like that...he loved surprising us!

(and as a side note I have to give props to my ex who knew this story and one time added to my Snow Village collection by giving me the Barbie Dream House and he had to drive pretty far out to get it and he totally hated my Snow Village...just sayin that he wasn't always the perfect husband but every once in a while he managed to be a great one)

I really don't have any other birthdays that stand out for me except the "milestone" ones...

When I turned 30 my ex threw me a surprise party at my mom's house...he enlisted the help of my friend LovelyLinda who would babysit for us from time-to-time as a favor (KeshaBarbie loved her).  They managed to pull off  the surprise and the best part was that LovelyLinda brought KeshaBarbie to the party so that I not only had my daughter there but my friend too! (Kesha Barbie was 1)

When I turned 40 (and my ex turned 47...yes we had the same birthday) my mom and aunt surprised me with a limo ride with my kids and we went to Ruth's Chris and were joined by our dear friends "Aunt" SweetSal and "Uncle"JohnJohn and my Aunt Jane and my mom...it was lovely and Uncle JohnJohn almost fell out of his chair when KeshaBarbie convinced their daughter Kate the Great to eat a very rare steak...weirdly that is what I remember most!  Oh and my sweet friend Cute Cindy and her husband Awesome Andy were there and made the party complete...it was a very nice night and one I will always treasure since I got to spend it with my mom.

I wish she was around so I could tell her how I now understand things like:
Botox
Spanx
night sweats
insomnia
waking in the middle of the night needing to pee
having a plastic surgeon you trust (I think hers still mourns her passing as she was his best customer)

I used to wonder why she greased her face up every night before bed...

I GET IT NOW

There is an industrial sized tub of Aquaphor on my nightstand and every night it goes on my face and hands and elbows and feet and sometimes the rest of me too

And here's the part I don't get: I STILL NEED CLEARASIL

Today I have had to use my son's medicated acne medicine twice on my face...

I just wish my skin wasn't so manic-depressive!

(and no I am not using that term lightly because I am sensitive to bipolar disorder but in this case it is the BEST description of how my skin is...manic with the acne and depressed with the dryness...ugh)

My hair has lost a lot of it's luster...and needs washing less frequently...

and my eyes...once the part of my face I considered my best feature...are heavily lined and wrinkled...

And I love Botox...yes, I love Botox...

I could write a sonnet to Botox...

I have not reached the point where I want to pay for an AARP membership, want to eat at Luby's at 5:30 (I still prefer to eat dinner after 7) or have hot flashes

THANK YOU SWEET LORD FOR THAT

I wouldn't say I am fighting my age...I'm just not giving in to it just yet...

I think exercising helps me the most...it keeps the blood flowing so my skin looks good and my muscles toned up and the joints moving...and I have a blast doing it

I try to eat healthy (although last night my son insisted on pizza and after being a gourmet cook for the last few days I agreed and Papa John's it was..).  I eat a lot of salmon---I think it helps my skin (not my face but the rest of me)...my skin is in good shape and I think it is all the Omega 3's in the salmon I eat...

and all the red wine I consume helps....well whatever red wine is supposed to do for you...whatever it is I have that covered...

So back to my birthday...

I slept in...had a great lunch with KuteKaren at Carrabbas (had an incredible wood fired salmon filet...there I am with the salmon again)...picked up my son from school...prepped dinner...relaxed a bit and then went to Revolution Studio for my double class...

I clipped in at 5:30 with KuteKristina riding with me to keep me going...she is often my ponytail slinging inspiration...

then we had a little break

at 6:30 she passed me off to KuteKara and when I walked back into the studio there were a dozen roses on my bike and...and this was awesome...a lovely note signed by everyone that is part of the Revolution team that knows me...

I burst into tears...

KuteKim (who owns Rev) clipped in beside me and I had JiantJoel next to me on the other side and KuteKara next to him...

Marvelous Mel taught both classes and when I say "she brought it"...well she damn sure brought it...

I bawled through the last 2 songs...literally cried so hard I could barely ride...KuteKim grabbed my hand and helped me thru it and I had JiantJoel egging me on in the best possible way...and I didn't stop crying until I walked out because after we stretched the whole Rev team came out with a lighted cupcake and champagne and their beautiful smiles

it was the best 2 classes of my life...

because I didn't let myself feel 50....I felt 20...

and I was surrounded by so much love and friendship that I could barely contain myself...

and the music was awesome and MarvelousMel gave it her all for me and I had KuteKim and KuteKara there with me and it was simply...and KuteKristina gave me the sweetest journal to write my thoughts in and it is now on my nightstand...and the cover of it is---wait for it---bikes!

PERFECT

when I got home and read the notes from the Rev team and the sweet card from KuteKim I cried all over again...



and The Cutest Boy in the World and I had a delicious steak dinner and I had some very nice wine...and we shared the cupcake....

And later that night I got the best and sweetest present of all...my precious SweetCaroline wrote a blog about me and how I had helped her and literally it was such an amazing gift of love that it took me forever to read it because I was crying so hard.  It was genuine and heartfelt---just like she always is with me...and like the love I felt at Rev that night and the lovely lunch I had with KuteKaren and all the sweet messages I received during the day.

I survived my birthday...

If you had asked me 5 years ago how the day would have gone down I would have said "dinner with the hubby and my son (because I knew my daughter would be in college)" but in truth I would have really been a fat, miserable woman who was very unhappily married and the day would have probably marked the day I hit 345 lbs on the scale...

If you had asked me 4 years ago I would have said that day I would have celebrated with a party with friends...and that I was happily thinner and divorced

and if you had asked me on my 47, 48 or 49th birthday what I would want to do and spend my 50th with I would have said "hopefully with a boyfriend doing something fun"...

but this year there is no man...and that's just fine...my son is always the best date ever...even with a big cast on his foot...

and this year I DID do something fun...

It might not be everyone's idea of fun but for me spending my 50th birthday surrounded by the love of the community I have gotten to love and know over these past 6 months and proving my body is not an old woman's body but one of a fit and healthy woman...and that the only man I wanted to have dinner with was sitting across the table from me---my son...

it was perfect

So I have decided that 50 is not going to define me...

I DEFINE ME

50 is just the age I am....not WHAT I am...

This isn't the greatest photo of me but it was taken a few weeks ago...




and I am going to use this year to celebrate myself...to try new things and do new things and be happy that I am so blessed with so many friends that are in so many aspects of my life: work, school, students, Rev, old friends and new ones...

I'm going to use it as a year of refining myself...of challenging myself...or changing myself in only the best possible ways...my friend MyTommy used his 49th year to do something like this and damn if I can come out of it looking half as good and being half as happy as he is then I will be in great shape

(and did I mention what he does for a living?  HE'S A SPIN AND FITNESS INSTRUCTOR PEOPLE...must be the bike...nah...it's just him---he's always been awesome especially when he was getting me out of certain fraternity houses before I did something stupid...)

I'm going to grow....because I have a whole lot more learning and growing to do...

I may be 50 but I have a lot of living left in me...a lot more things to see and do and try...

and when I turn 60...I will do it on a spin bike...

and maybe I will just do 3 in a row....

Inspiration Song: "Birthday" by....oh come on how could I NOT go there---KATY PERRY!!!!! We all know she is my girl crush and I lurvs her...MarvelousMel even played one of her songs during class to make me super happy...

Bye Darlings---age is a number and doesn't define us...and I had a great birthday even without a party because my party was on the bike and with my spin peeps...and I want you all to join me in spreading your own wings and growing up with me...let's not let our age define us but let ourselves be defined by our acts...in which case I am defined by---SWEAT,...hahahahaha









Monday, November 24, 2014

Bridge Burning

I was all prepared to write a blog about my birthday..one where you would hear me endlessly whine about how much I am not ready to be 50 and how it sucks...I even started it last night...but then something happened with a friend so I want to talk about this instead...so once again jump on the therapy train with me and see where we end up...I'm not sure it will be a smooth ride and I can promise a lot of hills and tunnels (which is where I get scared and lost) but at the end we will pull into some sort of resolution station...just where that is I have no idea...these blogs are just basically word vomit that I spit out when I need to talk about something and today this is more important than how much I hate my 50 year old skin...

Hello Darlings...

If you are friends with me on facebook you might have seen that I lost a friend today...or nearly so...the jury is still out...

I have a dear (or at least thought she was dear) friend who cut me out of her life with no explanation...I continually reached out to her and she wouldn't call me back or text her...a few weeks ago she finally texted me to say I had hurt her terribly but she didn't want to get into it because she had too much going on and when she was done with her stuff she would tell me how I had hurt her and we would get through it...

So I got tired of waiting, and more than a little hurt that on my birthday all she could muster up for me was to post "happy birthday" on my Facebook wall, and sent her an email yesterday telling her I loved her and was confused by what happened and wished she would tell me how I had so terribly hurt her

all along I thought she was mad at me about a request I made of her...but I never got an explanation or told "hey! that hurt my feelings...you aren't being supportive"...but instead she just said ok and then nothing...

So I emailed her and told her I missed her and wanted to know what was going on...

she responded...

At first I thought it was about some stuff I posted on FB (because she kept saying "your postings" and then "Facebook" in her email response ) so I thought it was that...

BTW this was all via email since she has refused to speak to me on the phone for over a month...

but then an email later she basically yelled at me saying "this has nothing to do with your posts and I don't think you are getting it!!!!"

ok...

Maybe it was because 4 different times in her first email she said "postings" or Facebook?  Like 3 paragraphs worth of telling me how what I posted hurt her deeply and was like a knife in her heart?

But apparently despite that it had nothing to do with social media...

I.am.confused.

Color me super confused

And by the way being yelled at in an email is disquieting...and you know when you are being screamed at...

I had wanted to resolve this weeks ago when I could tell she was ignoring me...

mostly because I like to resolve things right away and not dwell (ok so this is soooo dwelling here because I am blogging about it) and I like to apologize when I have hurt or angered someone and ask forgiveness and move the hell on...

I don't like things to fester...things that fester start to ooze and get nasty and smelly and infected and then what was a little thing becomes a big one...

When an elephant poops in the room you clean it up...

(I learned that from a therapist and if you have ever smelled elephant dung you know why that is a perfect thing to say...you just don't leave something that stinky laying around)

If I had hurt her I wanted to fix it...right away...

so that's when I started calling her...

when she finally responded she told me she had too much else going on and when she was ready she would discuss this with me...

so I was basically expected to be like a little dog that you accidently kick but then he comes running up to you a minute later because he forgot you kicked him

I am not a dog

and by not giving me a clue as to what was wrong and what I had done to offend her so much she just chose to close me out of her life and put me on the back burner until she wanted to let me back in and tell me what I had done to so horribly offend her...

I don't work that way...

I work like this:
you offend me in some way...
if it's a major offense I tell you right away...
and then I forgive you

if it is a minor thing I let it go...
life is too short

And if I offend you I want to be told right away I have committed an offense and let's deal the hell with it and get it over with...

you work through it with your friends and loved ones...

and you do it right away so that you don't confuse things

Today I was told by my friend I was abusing her...not sure if she meant I was abusing her by asking her to explain what she was so mad at or by the offense I had committed but in any case she used the word abuse

Right now I am shaking me wee little head on this one...

I still am unclear as to just what I did that was so awful and horrible...because her accusations against me changed with each email...but I think it still comes down to FB...

I have lost friends before because of things I said on my blog but this was the first time I was losing someone over FB postings...

oh right...it wasn't that...

or was it....

I am so confused...

but the good news is that she did text me later and apologized for lashing out at me...I think maybe we still can be friends...and I am very happy about that

But I learned a hell of a lot from it all...

1) Don't go to bed angry---we all know this one but it's really proof that you need to tell someone that they have done something to upset you right away...don't let it sit and that proverbial molehill becomes a mountain...just talk it out and get it behind you

2) Social media changes friendships---your life is out there for the world to see and what you post might upset someone

but...

3) it's your life and your FB so you should be able post whatever you want...you should not have to hold back enthusiasm for something that gives you joy just because someone else might get jealous about it...

4) middle aged women can turn into middle school girls in 2.6 seconds...I don't even have to touch this one...I just got gobsmacked in the face with it again and jeez I thought that by turning 50 I finally could leave middle school behind...guess not...

and here are the things that weren't just reinforced to me but truly were surprising to me to discover:

1) I can't really be anyone but who I truly am...once a cheerleader always a cheerleader...and when I love something or am enthusiastic about something I can't help but yelp with joy...I love thanking people publicly and giving a shout out to those who help me or improve my day or life...I love bragging on my kids and my students...I love sharing the things that I love with others...because I want to spread the joy or get someone to try something new!    So I can't curb my enthusiasm very much...and I am not sure I should be asked to...and I shouldn't let someone's jealousy or ego force me to not be authentic or express myself...

2) I have been told by some people that I am too self-absorbed and narcissistic...that no one really gives a damn about my thoughts...today I learned differently...not everyone may give a damn about what I think but I don't think anyone is offended by my silly musings...and really no one should care what I think because my opinions are just that...MY opinions...no one has to like them or approve of them but unless I call you out directly and by name how can I truly offend you?

I realize sometimes I might offend someone with my political leanings so that is why I tend to keep it to the blog and not FB and I know full well that some people won't agree with me on things but everyone is entitled to their opinion and they don't have to like mine...but I have the right to express it.  I have lost friends over my support of gay rights...I was sorry to lose their friendship but it has not changed my mind one bit about marriage equality or that I feel that gay people make just as good parents as straight people do...or that no one should be discriminated against because of who they love or what gender they identify with...I believe in love and considering right now that all of my love and affection comes from a grey formerly stray cat I can't judge nor would I ever judge.  I will judge you if you abuse someone but not by what your sexual preference is. 

I believe in love...and when I love something or someone I love telling them so (ask my poor children who get "I love You"d too death) so if I love you---well you are gonna hear it...

I was overwhelmed by my friends telling me not to change...and if you don't like what I post on FB I hope you do what I do when I see something that I find silly or not to my liking---

SCROLL DOWN AWAY FROM IT

and if that person is a constant offender of your values just remove them from your feed

or unfriend them

you don't have to subject yourself to something that bothers you...and if I am what bothers you then just ignore me...the lovely thing is that I will likely never know it...

I have had to cut a few people out of my life....my reasons are very personal but in some instances it has been because of substance abuse and others it is because that person has emotionally abused me or abused my friendship in a way that was unacceptable to me (like making me the unknowing cover for someone to carry on an affair...not kidding...not ok...)

We have to get toxic people out of our life...toxicity can spread...

but we need to be sure that we truly need to let those people go...because once you burn a bridge sometimes there is no way to get back over the river and you just might want to visit the other side of that river again...

you have to be careful when you lash out at someone...

or when you withhold your feelings to someone and instead just give them the cold shoulder but hope that at some point they will just sit back and let you have a go at them for it...

or when you wait so long to tell someone they hurt you that what really hurt you gets forgotten and that molehill is Everest...and the real reason you were upset with that person was easily forgiven but then it become more

so much more

I don't have a problem with losing a friend when you just naturally drift apart...lives change and move in different directions...and that is perfectly ok...it happens and it is no ones fault...but you still love that person (and without naming names I hope a certain sweet friend I used to spend a lot of time with who's life moved in a good positive way and in a good relationship will see this and know that I love her very much and I miss her but it's no one's fault and it's all good)

I tried not to burn any bridges when I divorced my ex and I have remained friends with just about everyone but his best friend

who never liked me anyway

the last time I saw the man he was rude and unfriendly...but he tends to be that way anyway...and I told him to tell his wife hello...and I know he is protective of my ex so that is ok...I'm not going to burn a bridge with him because I love his wife and daughter dearly...

If you are going to cut someone out of your life think carefully and choose wisely...

I was even told today "do not contact me again" but I wasn't willing to walk away when I knew I had not committed an offense that was great enough to end a friendship and I wanted to fight for it...because I love my friend...

in my youth and younger days my father and my ex used to accuse me of "painting myself into a corner" because I would get ticked off and issue ultimatums and declare I was "done" with someone or something and very often I really didn't want to be done...I was just mad and wanted to be right or get my way

I was a spoiled brat

but after years of sitting alone in that corner waiting for the paint to dry so I could get out of the corner I learned a lot about how very stupid I was being...

and I am a lot more careful about corners and what I walk away from or declare an ultimatum about...

I have so many wrinkles in myself that I need to iron out or botox (freeze) so that they don't get worse...and I am not talking about my skin...

I will let someone go if they want to....but I will fight before I do so...and I try not to just get pissed and pull a trigger when it isn't warranted.

This summer I counseled a young friend I love dearly that she needed to let go of some people in her life that weren't doing any good in her world...that she was to rise above what was going on and to just let it go...I know she struggled with it and it was so very painful for her but she did it and is much happier for it...she relied on her faith and her own good sense to move on...and I am so busting proud of her for it...and I learned a lot from watching her do it...she showed a level of maturity that many young women her age don't have and I admire her so much for doing it...I love her dearly and she is a hero to me because she did something most young people would not do...she needed to leave those people behind but she did it with enough dignity that I am pretty sure if she ran into them at Starbucks that she won't be the one who turns tail and runs away...

so don't burn those bridges...if you find yourself walking over one to the other side be sure you leave a clear path to run back...the new side may not be brighter or better...

or you may like the new side better and find good things there...but you still need to have the freedom to go back to the other side and see what is still there...

it might be something really good you forgot and left behind...

So...

be someone worth fighting for
be a friend that won't let another friend go without a fight if they are worth keeping
let people loose who are toxic and hurt you

and don't burn bridges...

because bridges are very hard to build...

Thanks for taking this therapy ride with me...if I can just inspire just one of you to forgive someone or to not go to bed angry with someone then all I have dealt with today is worth it...I"m not sure any of it made sense but I am who I am and I guess the bottom line is I'm still trying to grow up and learn from things...

Inspiration Song: "Bridge Burning" by the Foo Fighters...oh how I love them...great band and great lyrics and frankly I want to know why God put someone as awesome as Dave Grohl on this earth and didn't give him to me...I'm pretty sure he drives a big ass truck...it's about making mistakes...and once you burn those bridges you can gather the ashes but they will blow away...

Bye Darlings...don't let people change you...don't let someone make you feel bad about yourself when it is their own issue that is the problem...don't let someone's jealousy rob you of your joy...

and don't burn bridges...







Sunday, November 9, 2014

(You Gotta Have) Friends

Hello Darlings...

Well a couple of Fridays ago I had a little hiccup in my plans for that particular weekend and my life for these next few weeks...

I had to experience something every parent dreads...

a kid with a broken bone

and now...

a cast...

A few weeks ago The Cutest Boy in the World (TCBITW) broke his right fibula in a football game.

(And please please NO JUDGEMENT on the fact my son plays football...he loves it and frankly I already had one friend tell me "but I guess that is what comes with playing football sometimes"...just say your are sorry and ASK HOW THE CHILD IS and don't pass judgement on how it happened...it felt like being hugged and slapped at the same time when that was texted to me by my friend--like saying "sorry but that's what he gets for playing"...ugh!)

I had looked down at my phone to answer a text when it happened...it was a kickoff and I wasn't paying a lot of attention...but at the end of the play there was a boy down on the field and even before RoyBoy said "that is TCBITW on the field" I KNEW it was my kid...

KuteKaren held my hand until they got him up...the trainer and the team doc carried him off the field and even from way up in the stands I could see he was hurting...a lot...

We watched as a gaggle of little girls hung over the railing to check out what was going on with the hurt boy...

I sat glued to my seat like a good varsity mom even though everything inside me was screaming:

MY BABY IS HURT AND I NEED TO GET TO HIM AND HOLD HIM AND KISS THE BOO-BOO AND MAKE IT ALL BETTER BECAUSE I AM HIS MOMMY...

but I just sat there and held on to KuteKaren...

and then the trainer texted me with the dreaded:

"you might want to come down here..."

I kissed KuteKaren and RoyBoy goodbye and made the long trek down the bleachers to my son...

We were at Rice Stadium...it's a big place

It's a long damn way down to the field when you are at the top and with my crappy knees it is even worse (and I was in cute Varsity Mom clothes so I had on this long maxi skirt that I kept tripping over) and then I began to feel like the mom in Poltergeist when she was trying to get down the hall to her kids and the hallway keeps getting longer and longer

that was the longest trip down a set of stadium steps I have ever experienced...

I get down there and one look at my son's face told me everything...

he was hurt...and not just a twisted ankle...

The team doc (who lucky for us is one of the best orthopedic surgeons in town) explained that he thought something was broken and to come to his office in the morning for x-rays...

and he gave us a painkiller prescription (which turned out to be super difficult to find now that oxycodone is one of those drugs that are scheduled and regulated more strictly)

and yes I wanted to take the painkiller myself and no I didn't actually take it...

because we couldn't get any...all the 24 hour pharmacies near my house or the ex's house were out...

When I first got down to my son HotDoc came and sat with me (HotDoc gets her name because I am pretty sure she qualifies as the most gorgeous OB/Gyn in the world and she delivered TCBITW...her son plays on the team and she is a friend...an amazing friend)

HotDoc wasn't going to let anything bad happen to TCBITW...she brought him into this world and she has stuck by him ever since...when he got a concussion 2 years ago she checked him out for me then too...so she sat there with us until the game was over and interpreted everything the orthopedic guy was saying and even helpfully had some super-sized dose of ibuprofen that the ortho guy said "get it now!"...lucky lucky lucky us...

Then PrettyPhyllis came to hold my hand and her hubby LAwsome (that is my hollywood couples combo way of putting two names together...his first name starts with LA and he is Awesome) came to lend us support...

The headmaster and athletic director came by...but weirdly the coach never did and frankly I'm not so happy with the man about that...we were winning 45-0...

We had a lot of emotional support during the second half of the game and after the game while we waited for the boys to board the bus...we are blessed by how wonderful my son's teammates are and their wonderful families are amazing...

I got into my car and called KuteKaren and cried...and then pulled it together and went into mom overdrive mode...

once I got him home and he showered and ate he said he hurt and just wanted to get to bed...

the next day we went to the doctor and did the x-rays and sure enough the bone was broken so he is now in a dandy-fine school colored purple cast...

Saturday and Sunday I got a lot of phone calls and texts and emails (thank you D'Nice,  LovelyLisa, Debquestrienne, and CuteColleen and DarlingDebbie and many more) asking how he was and offering to help and go to the store (Marvelous Margaret and Pretty Phyllis you are amazing) or just run errands for me...

And KuteKaren came by and brought treats so that definitely perked him up...rice krispies treats will do that...that was a rock star move...

And as I sit and write this another friend's son has broken his leg in a game...I know it is a rough sport but these boys LOVE it.  So now my son and his friend will form the "cast and crutches club" at school and since they have the same doctor I have a feeling that poor man is going to get mighty tired of cute blonde boys with broken legs...

I'm just waiting for them to try "let's race down the hallway"...I can see the seniors placing their bets now...

The other mom and I are even trying to work out doc appointments together so that we can help shuttle our broken boys and help each other out...

and that is what I am talking about here...

how we help each other out...

because we all know it takes a village...

especially when it comes to raising boys...

but it has also taken a village to raise me...

When I was young I remember my mom's friends and their kids being around so much...and woe to you if you EVER ignored the command of ANY mom be it your own or another...they weren't moms---they were THE MOM...you just did what any of them said to do...trust me I had not one mom but about 7...and to this day if I was to lose one of them it would be like losing my mom all over again...

when my mom died those women held me together...they were my super glue...they knew they had to take over...I felt their love from the pews at the funeral and afterwards for weeks and the years to come...and some of them, like CuteCarolyn and PhabulousPhoebe still look after me...

and I need a lot of looking after...

a whole lotta looking after...

My mom's death was the most devastating thing to ever happen to me...losing my dad was crushing but losing my mom killed me inside more than just a little bit...

it literally took some of the life out of me...life that I have never fully gotten back...

I was so gut-punched and it was so unexpected and sudden that it was as if it was a dream...

no, make that a terrible nightmare...

but lucky for me I had friends to lift me up and hold me when I couldn't stand alone...

I had KuteKaren who made sure I attended a gala I had helped organize and she got me prettied up and kept me going all night...she made sure I kept going even when I didn't want to and she knew my mom would have killed me if I had sat home that night...

I had NotADullChristy to come and watch my house when I was at the funeral home.  She stayed there with her husband and young daughter and accepted flowers and deliveries and was there to hold me when I got out of the car after picking out my mother's casket.  Her sweet child, who I love dearly, looked at me and said "why you crying?  your Mommy in HEAVEN!!!" and that was just what I needed to hear...

I had friends come over and help me tidy up my cluttered house and bring food and take my children.  I had one amazing friend Fabnessa (she's just fabulous) open her home for the reception after the funeral...and many friends like MarvelousMaura and CuteCindy and CuteCarrie who helped her and made sure I kept moving forward and being someone my mom could be proud of...(and CuteCarrie brought me her dilled carrots which pretty much are my happy place of veggies)

And then there was DarlingDana...if I start to write about how she helped me I won't finish this blog but when she called me hours after my mom died (when almost no one knew) and I heard her voice I can tell you her strength radiated through to me...and when I told her I was going to eulogize my mom she is the one person who truly believed I could do it (she had to do it for her very precious young niece so I knew she could help me)...I felt her strength as I stood in front of everyone in the church and I knew as long as I looked at her and my mom's friends that I could say what I needed to say...I felt as if she was standing beside me holding me up...and she also took care of my son for about a month...and has always been the one person I could always call and say "can you take care of/pick up/wait for TCBITW?"...and she would do it...

I went through weeks in a fog and they were my guiding light...

After some time (about a week) I knew I had to go back to the school and help GOTT by finishing up the costuming of "The Music Man".  It was our first real collaboration (other than a tiny brief foray into helping decorate a set that previous fall---the best thing I got out of that was my BuddyBubba, a now grown man who I love so much I cry when I see him...).

Anyway...

(can you tell the ADD is on def-con 5 today?)

Anyway...I went to school and  crept into the back of what I thought was the empty fine arts center only to find the entire 8th grade class having religion in the room...I tried to be stealthy but...

I wasn't stealthy enough...then sweet LovelyLauren sees me and asks Father W if she can go hug me...the next thing I know I have about 50 kids herding to me...and I was crying so hard I could barely stand...those children literally loved the hurt out of me and to this day I have so much love for each and every one of them that I wish I could call them all my own...they will never know what that meant to me but I know it when I see them...

It's a mighty thing when your friends come together to help you out and to love you out of whatever pain you are in...and I feel that I often don't do my fair share in return...

And even though my son's broken leg doesn't compare to losing my mom it still felt good and amazing to receive the outpouring of love from our community and to have so many mamas offer to help us out...

you may never know how much it means to a single mom who can't leave her child how wonderful the offer of going to the store can be...

or to have a mom call and ask how your child is feeling and that they are sorry he is hurt and just let you cry a bit or express your sadness for your child's injury...

or to have an amazing young lady text me that she is praying for him and me (my little Hummingbird angel love girl...) through the night...oh boy I needed that one!

or to have 50 comments or posts on facebook telling you that your child is in their prayers and thoughts..

or to have a friend come by and bring treats to cheer a patient up...

or have someone bring your child home so you can take a much needed break and get yourself sane with a spin class (PrettyPhyllis to the rescue again)

sometimes when I realize how little it takes to truly lift someone up I get mad at myself that I don't do more for others...

it is wonderful and amazing to give time to charity and worthy causes but it also does a world of good to do some random acts of kindness...

like...

pay the toll on the toll road for the guy behind you...

or let someone in front of you in the check out line when she has 3 items and you have a basketful

or if you will just sit and listen when a friend says "can I come over and talk...I need advice" (you know who you are woman and I am proud of you and how you are moving your life forward)

or to cook dinner for a friend who is sick...and don't forget to give her the recipe so she can cook it later when she is feeling better...

or to offer to pick up a friend's child from school when you know the other mom is busy...

even a Facebook shout-out can lift someone's spirits to new heights...

or a text that says you are thinking about someone when they are having a tough time (and try not to be judgmental if it's something they did...just send love...the lecture can come later)

big gestures like throwing a party are wonderful but what is even better is when you have a friend that says "I will cook you dinner for your birthday" and it is the most delicious meal ever...
(yes that happened and yes it was amazing and perfect because it was D'nice who did it and she's an amazing cook...I'm not big on big parties anyway but I do love her chicken piccatta more than anyone else's)

I used to delight DarlingDana by making an extra batch of my special chicken salad when I would make it for a party or teachers...just showing up with that Tupperware container of chicken salad goodness put a smile on her face and I know she misses that salad since she moved to another town...but it is little things like cooking a bit extra of a favorite meal or treat that your loved ones will remember...just like I remember CuteCarrie bringing me those yummy carrots...

It's almost Thanksgiving so I want to challenge all of you to do a few random acts of kindness in thanksgiving for all the love you receive...I'm going to try and to some little something each day because I feel so very blessed by my friends...I will try and do things for my friends and strangers alike...

I am so grateful for my life...

I have two amazing children that bring me joy every single day...I love them more than I thought it was possible to love anyone or anything...

I was able to leave an unhappy marriage and still make a home for my kids...and it is a  beautiful and comfortable home...

I have a job I love where I get to be with some amazing and awesome kids every day and their love and hugs sustain me...

I have a car that is practically new and kitties to cuddle...no man but for now the cats will do just fine because no man would willingly take on my schedule these days...

I have a wonderful place to workout and keep myself healthy...and I love each and  every single person there...my Revolution Studio friends do more than hand me towels or get me sweating...they lift me up...

I have an amazing family that I love so very much...sisters and a sister-in-law who put up with my nonsense and explain to their children how I am pretty much Auntie Mame...and my cousins who keep the fun in my life and my aunts and uncles who love me despite of myself...

and I have friends...so many wonderful loving friends...friends I have known for years, friends I have recently met, friends from the schools I work at, friends from working out, friends from my son's school...and friends who appear in my life from what seems like nowhere and are angels...

you gotta have friends...

they are your team...
they are your parents...
they are your guardian angels...
they are your support staff...
they are your light in your life...

So do a little something for a friend...or a stranger...

you never know---that stranger may end up being a friend...

So for me I want to have as many friends as I can...because I can't make it without them...

YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS...

at least I know that I do...

Inspiration Song: "Friends" by Bette Midler...there are about 1000 songs named "Friends" so I am distinguishing this one as the "you gotta have friends" one...because you GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS...

Bye Darlings---and thank you to all of my friends who love me through my troubles and mistakes and help me raise my kids and take such great care of me...