Feeling Good

I like Mondays...not always, but sometimes.

I liked today...I pretty much played "dress up" all day.

First...the cheetah print skirt.

Yep, I wore it.

I rocked it.

I rocked it with black stiletto boots.

Which Dimples warned me not to do but I told him that my knee be damned, I was going for "hotness" and not hot mess so no other shoes would do.

So I wore the cheetah print skirt up to my son's school and showed my friend (the middle school principal) because I told her I would.

Check that off the list of things I planned to do when I lost weight.

So I sit in said skirt and watch GOTT choreograph the first part of "Hard Knock Life" and proceed to scream with delight through it all...

It is going to be totally adorable...GOTT is genius.

After that I decided it was time to go shopping...

for...

underwear...

(men, you can just stop reading here...or scroll down a bit...because you cannot relate to the experience at all...)

I've lost so much weight that I needed to be "fit" for undergarments and dammit I have worked hard so I was going to reward myself with something from Victoria's Secret.

When I get to goal weight I'm going to blow a chunk of cash on something from Agent Provocatuer (right now I only wear their perfume) but for now VS will more than do.

I go into the store and the darling sales girl screams when I tell her I have lost 110 pounds. She kept asking me how I did it...

4 bras and 8 pairs of underwear later I left the store with a red bag full of undergarments in my hand.

I haven't shopped at Victoria's Secret in 8 years...almost 9...

It. Felt. Great.

Would it be oversharing to say that I even bought some thongs?

I always overshare...

But if Dimples is going to have me do a bijillion squats, lunges, and step-ups, by damn I will not have panty lines...

After all of that fabulous shopping it was time for bootcamp.

Which was awesome...

We are all getting stronger...more fit...feeling good...

But the best part was that we were joined by a WARRIOR...a beautiful kicked-cancer-in-the-ass warrior...my friend Princess C...

(You see...when you kick cancer in the ass you get to be called Princess in my world...)

So Princess C will celebrate one year since her surgery tomorrow...

And she looked beautiful to me...

her hair has come back...and her beautiful eyes were more beautiful than ever...

and she worked out and had fun with us and said it felt so good to be moving...to be outside and enjoying it...and I loved watching her move about the park with us.

Because...she is here...

Because she survived...

Before bootcamp I showed Dimples my "goal" dress.

I pulled it out today and gave it a good long hard look.

I have a couple of goal dresses...they were my mother's. All of them black, all of them special...

But this dress...this is THE dress.

It's the Vera.

The Vera Wang.

No, not THE Vera Wang that I want Oprah to get me...that will be a gown...

This one is a cocktail dress.

One I chickened out of wearing to a party 8 years ago.

Here it is...

front view...one shoulder...sheer in the back...

Here is the back...you can't really see it very well...

So I show this to Dimples...who just smiled and looked slightly puzzled as to why I was holding a dress in front of him, but he's a doll and patient so he let me explain...

And I told him that I was holding the little scrap of black fabric he was working to get me in.

I often visualize that dress when I want to give up...

Today it made me run faster.

When I got home I hung the dress back up. And then I decided I couldn't help myself.

I had to see how "far" I was from getting into it.

I slipped it on...over my head...

ok

Then I reached for the zipper...

it zipped!

OK...

stretchy fabric...

but it was not heinous...I mean, with a good pair of spanx (or two) I could wear it.

I showed Ke$ha Barbie. We both got pretty excited. I cried. She hugged me and kissed me...and finished zipping me up.

And declared that I was going to look hot in it when I wore it.

So now I have a couple of months before the party I plan to wear it to. And I now know I can do it.

It's in my grasp.

But I'll still need spanx...or a thong...or fishing line and Crisco.

In any case...I can wear the dress.

When I took it from my mother's closet after she died I said it was because I wanted to wear it sometime. I didn't know when or how but I WANTED to wear the dress again.

After a few years I figured I would just give it to Ke$ha Barbie.

She says she is fine with it being mine...what a good daughter...

So it was a good Monday...and I'm feeling good.

I wore a silly skirt with boots, I bought thongs and bras, I zipped up a dress that I thought I would never wear.

But despite all of THAT good...the BEST part...the truly BEST part was Princess C showing up to work out with us.

Because she is a warrior...and she will be strong again...and she is, and always has been BEAUTIFUL

And she's feeling good...

And THAT, well that...that is priceless...she is here and she kicked cancer in the you-know-what...and she's feeling good...

And that makes me feel REALLY good!

Inspiration Song: "Feeling Good"...multiple artists...George Michael has a great version...but my favorite is Buble...Michael Buble...he's dreamy...

Bye Darlings...do something that makes you feel good today!

New Year's Day

Happy New Year My Darlings!

New Year...time to start over...

May 2011 bring you more blessings, more health, more happiness, and more time to enjoy the things and people you love.

We celebrated quietly last night with some dear friends that we often celebrate with. Just a lovely dinner and some wine and home just a little after midnight.

I did misbehave...but not with the wine...

It was the cheese. I had a cheese orgy. It was not pretty.

I really really really like cheese.

I guess I need to add it to the "kryptonite" list...

But it was soooooo worth it. Dimples will make me pay, I'm sure!

What did I have this love fest with?

An excellent white cheddar (mild) with sage and apples in it....mmmm....

A divine apple smoked mozzarella...yummy

A fig goat cheese...so good it hurt...

And homemade melba toasts...

That was followed by an incredible cabernet-marinated beef tenderloin, garlic mashed potoatoes (just a small spoonful for me) and a salad that I made that had everything but the kitchen sink (or pecans...no nuts for me) in it.

It was a lovely evening...except for the cheese...or at least what I know the cheese will do to all of my hard work.

I got on the scale this morning and it hadn't gone down...but it wasn't up either.

I took today off from exercise. I'm not sure when the last time I took a full day off so I figured if I couldn't recall the date...well, that has been too long.

I did go and see "The King's Speech" this afternoon with my friend KB and her daughter. It was EXCELLENT. I highly recommend it.

As I was going through my day I tried to recall past New Year's Eve nights and past New Year's days...

As a child I don't remember much about New Year's except a lot of football. I remember my father often not looking so chipper on New Year's Day. I need to ask some of my parents friends why that was but I think I can guess.

I remember going to some slumber parties when I was in elementary school and Junior High. We always watched "New Year's Rocking Eve" with Dick Clark. Last night as I watched Dick Clark on tv I was saddened by the damage the stroke did to him but applauded his bravery for continuing the tradition of being on ABC at midnight...and kissing his sweet wife for the camera as he always has done.

In high school I wasn't allowed "out" on New Year's Eve. I had an overprotective father who wouldn't allow it. So my sisters and I were stuck at home---with "New Year's Rocking Eve".

I have very little recollection of New Year's Eve in college.

I wonder why...

hmmmmmm....

I do recall once going with a group of friends to Laredo. We stayed at La Posada. We went into Nuevo Laredo...spent a LOT of time at the Cadillac Bar.

We met up with some friends there---a girl in their group announced she didn't like the ornaments hanging from the deer heads. Then she opened her purse and started to pull out a little tiny gun. I wish I was kidding about this. We told her to put it back. I asked if we could switch tables...

I think I will stop telling this story now because there is sooooo much more and I think that I have said enough...

But we had a helluva time...

Next...

My husband and I went to a few big New Year's blowouts downtown in our early marriage. They were fun but crowded. One year I went to Kerrville and we stayed at my Dad's house and watched "The Gods Must Be Crazy"...I have to say it was a truly great evening...

One year we went to dinner at Brennan's with another couple. Dinner took 3 hours. The bill...well, it was shameful...the other couple was embarrassed it cost so much because it was their suggestion. We didn't eat out for the rest of January...or February...

Now I much prefer to stay home or close to home and just enjoy the company of a few friends and a lovely dinner. Too many drunks out on the street for me to want to get out and about.

2010 was a great year...2011 will be even better...because each year I feel blessed to be alive, to love and be loved, to have friends and to be a friend, and to have my family and my health...and this year, more than I have been in a long time---I AM healthy.

So my resolutions?

To keep eating right and working out...and be a healthy fit, woman!

To keep working with Dimples and hit a 400 calorie burn...often...

To wear one of my mother's dresses...maybe more than one...

To put on a great Medieval Feast with my friend Athena Gal for Bacchus and the kids.

To look into getting my teaching certificate...and maybe just do it...

To help GOTT and TTG put on the best "Peter Pan" ever!

To not let the scale discourage me...and to let my clothes encourage me

To be able to run a mile without wanting to die...and maybe even try for 2 if my knees will let me. But I hate running...

To get control of my "bad toddler" (aka my new camera)and stop having to have Coach Sweetness tell me what to do every step of the way

To help Ke$ha Barbie get into a good college

To help Dimples get a bootcamp started (email me if you want to join us!)

To spend more time with my friends

To tell my friends how much I love them and appreciate them...more often!

To spend as much time with my children as they will allow me...they will be gone all too soon!

To decorate for Christmas...

To use more glitter and fairy dust (stealing this one from my friend V)...but I honestly love love love glitter and sparkle.

To pray more...and to thank God more...

To de-clutter my house...and learn that throwing away something that belonged to my mother does not mean I don't love her...it just means I don't need that thing...

To do things that scare me more often...to try new things...to push myself...

To get Oprah to notice me (well, I have to dream a little...)

To laugh more...

To write more...

To celebrate every day more...because every day is worth celebrating!

So what are you going to do with this year?

Inspiration Song: "New Year's Day" by U2...cliche I know...but it's the best I could do!

Bye Darlings...Happy 2011...make it your best year yet!

Days Go By

Goodbye 2010...Hello 2011!

Another year has gone but for me it has been a huge year of change...change for the better!

The days have flown by...

As I look back on the year, I have some very good memories that I will carry with me into the new year...

Last New Year's started off as I will this new year---celebrating with a quiet evening with some dear friends. Once upon a time I enjoyed a big spalshy party but now I prefer staying in the neighborhood and spending the evening having wine and dinner with people I truly love...and tonight I will get to do that, with the same people I did it with last year. THAT is a good thing...

Last February I saw my very beautiful daughter, Ke$ha Barbie, as a real grown-up girl as she took my breath away when she went to her Cotillion. She looked beautiful...

March changed my life. I went up those stairs with Precious and Adorable History teacher and realized that there was no good reason for me to spend my life getting winded as I walk up some stairs. When he asked me if I was ok, I knew that even though at that moment I wasn't...I would be...

March also brought me back to the gym...by the end of March I had decided that I needed to add exercise into the mix and so I stepped on the elliptical and pushed "go"...

In April I returned to my true love---spin class! Spinderella taught classes that reminded me that sweating on a bike was how I liked to do cardio. April also was when my son's class had Greek Festival and I had a blast helping Precious do it. The kids had fun and Precious and I survived...and I had more energy to do it since I had been working out for almost 6 weeks by then. And April is when I discovered "My Fit Foods" and I'm not tired of it yet...I love their food!

In May we presented Cinderella...and the lovely girl who was "Cinderella" in her beautiful blue gown took my breath away. Having to tell her I found a better dress than she did almost killed me because I hate making a 14 year old cry, but when a small child in the audience screamed out "Look! It's Cinderella!!!!" I burst into tears...it was a good, no make that GREAT show!

In June I stared this blog...what a difference it has made to me to be able to share my thoughts, frustrations, feelings, highs, lows, triumphs, tragedies, ups and downs, and ideas with you all. Thank you, V, for getting me to do this!

In June I also had a blast helping GOTT and TTG do a summer drama camp and I met Fitness Goddess at the gym and she showed me how to use the weight machines for a good workout. I missed The Cutest Boy in the World (TCBITW) while he was at camp but stayed busy with our camp, working out, and having fun in my pool. Oh, and it was Jane's birthday...Jane (you know, the best person in the world?!?!)...we had a blast...she has great friends to have fun with!

July---celebrating GOTT's birthday was a high point. Once again I was reminded that I absolutely cannot bowl to save my life. And once again I was reminded that GOTT can do anything...

I also got to share TCBITW's joy that he won a big award at camp and I was overjoyed to pick him up and see his adorable face again. July also brought a big goal to fruition...50 pounds lost. I also was hit with an attack of diverticulitis (ok, that is NOT a memory I will treasure). It's a lot easier to say "no" to movie theater popcorn (with all of it's fat and calories) since I know I could get very sick from it!

I also got to see the worlds best Sister-in-law and the cutest niece and nephew ever in July. I love my SIL...she is beautiful, sweet, and a great mommy. And I got to see my Aunt Gayle and my cousins...family is a treasure...

August...ah, August...school started again, football started again and I was down over 60 pounds. It was hot but I didn't mind. I loved having Precious walk right by me and then realizing it was ME because he didn't recognize me with the weight loss. And he wasn't the only teacher at the school that did that. LOVE THAT...I don't mind not being recognized because I look so much better!!!!! I also had a great time celebrating GOTESS' birthday and NOT singing karaoke with the rest of the musical theater people. I can't bowl, I can't sing...next year GOTT and GOTTESS need to have parties I am not a "fail" at!

September...it's almost a blur because it feels like all I did was photograph football games. I gifted myself with my new camera that month and Coach Sweetness has had his hands full trying to teach me how to use it properly. Oh, but I got another good gift in September---Coach Dimples! I started running his life (football-wise) at that point when I walked over and told him to quit moving the boys' backpacks and to go coach my son. I reminded him of that moment yesterday and he laughed and said he was glad I did it and barged into his life screaming and waving my arms at him to "Stop! Because I have minions to do that!". I'm glad I did it too...because now I have him helping me and he is EXCELLENT at it.

October---more football, Ke$ha Barbie's other Cotillion (and the supershort dress), and GOTT, TTG, me and the kids gave our audiences a great "Seussical" show. GOTT's Halloween party was a blast and I learned that maybe risking my blonde locks for one night of black hair was not a gamble I want to take again.

November brought another birthday for me...and I was glad to welcome it as a healthier and lighter person. TCBITW's football team went undefeated! I also started working out with Dimples because football season was over. I didn't want to start training with him until football was over because I needed him to love me as a team mom until then...and I needed to love him as a Coach...now I love him because I love him (he is a really good guy)...and because he is helping me to reshape my body and taking me to a new level of fitness. Oh, and I discovered my new obsession---Tasti D-Lite for a healthy treat that helps feed my need for something sweet. If you haven't gone yet, go and try it...try the peppermint sundae...yummy!

And now December is coming to a close. We had a nice quiet Christmas, I cooked a perfect turkey, I've worked out like mad and the scale hasn't moved but clothes are looser so I am letting it go as far as my frustration with the scale. My family is happy and healthy and I am blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life.

It's been a year of many changes.

I drink more wine but gave up fries and cookies.

I've logged about 5000 minutes on the spin bike...yes, I did break out the calculator to try and figure it out and 5000 is just about right. That is 83.333 hours...

I've spent about 10,000 minutes doing other cardio...166.67 hours...about 4.5 per week...yes, that is about right...5 hours per week at cardio and another 1-2 hours at spin...I rarely take a day off. OCD, I know...and I am lumping my training time in there too...Basically I work out for at least an hour every day but some days I do 2 hours...again, it is the OCD...

And no, Oprah has not called to tell me she is featuring me on her show and getting Vera Wang to make me a dress...yet...

In the past I have found myself making resolutions on New Year's Eve that I know I won't keep. This year I will make ones I can keep...because I know what I CAN do. I'm not going to promise myself a dress size, but I will resolve to continue to be fit and healthy. I'm going to help others as I help myself. I'm going to de-clutter my house. I'm going to think about getting a teaching certificate (notice I said "think about" it because I need to see if I can do it...but I do resolve to give it thorough research and thought). I'm going to put up a Christmas tree next year and decorate my house for the holidays. I'm going to cook another perfect turkey. I'm going to get to the point of being able to burn 400 calories in a session with Dimples (it's harder than you think). I'm going to be able to run over a mile...maybe 2...

And at some point I am going to put on my Mama's dress and wear it to a party. And I know she will be proud of me...and I will be proud of me too...

I might just wear her charm bracelet too...and as it jangles on my wrist, it will be music...

Inspiration Song: "Days Go By" by that country hunk Keith Urban. Oooh la la...Nicole Kidman is a lucky girl...

Chorus...take these words to heart:

Days go by
I can feel 'em flying
Like a hand out the window in the wind the cars go by
It's all we've been given
So you better start livin' right now
'Cause days go by



Happy New Year, Darlings! Look ahead to 2011...how can you change your life for the better? And how can you change someone else's?

Get Outta My Way

It's official: I hate running but I do it anyway...

I told Dimples today that I am far too compliant with him and I need to rebel a little more...and then I just did what he said...

So his cute self shows up for our training session today and he announces that we are having a day of "100's"...

It sounded like "coach" talk to me...not "woman"...

but then he smiled and explained that we, or rather I, was going to do 100 of everything: 100 pushups, 100 lunges (each leg), 100 squats, 100 step-ups (each leg...onto a bench), 100 rows, etc...

It felt like 1000...

and joy of joys we got to run in between each set of things...I say "we" because he did jog with me from place to place...

Does it clarify anything for you for me to say that I have been using ice packs for the last 1/2 hour? And that I drank not one but 2 glasses of some really delicious red wine?

My glute muscles are still pulled so mostly I SIT on ice packs...that is a whole new experience for my "nether regions" with that little bit of fun...but it does help and my pulled muscles do feel better...or maybe it is the Advil and the wine...

Remember, Advil and wine are a great combination (that is for you, Jeanette!)!!!!

He asked me if I had taken any ice baths (that was his suggestion)...

Do you know how quickly I said "Hell No!"?

yeah...it was pretty darn fast...but I told him my tub was broken (which it is)...the faucet at least...but there is no way, no how I am sitting in an ice bath...so I just use the ice packs.

I swear he told me that just to see if I would do it...

So this morning I got onto the treadmill and just before I hit the start button I texted him to inform him that since he had taken over my life I was now on the treadmill doing as he said and RUNNING...well, let's not exaggerate here, I basically JOG...

I think his answer was something akin to joyously informing me that it was good for me...I think he was sitting in his office at work laughing and trying to figure out what next form of torture he can inflict on me...after all, I am miraculously compliant with him.

So after a few back and forth texts about what I am to do I tell him I am putting on my music and hitting "go"...

I stayed on the #%#$#%## machine for an hour...he was impressed and probably a little shocked. Especially when I told him later that I was jogging at a pace of 4.3-5 mph at a slight incline...slow for most of you but basically booking it for me.

My friend Tam-Tam came up and laughed at me and was very supportive and then told me I should try running in the park. She has a lot of faith in me. She's the one who made me get back to spin class. I love her but I am not running in the park.

I guess I will shortly eat those words if Dimples tells me to do it...thank goodness Tam-Tam doesn't have his number to tell him...

Another friend messaged me to encourage me to try and do a 5K. This after another friend told me to come and do a relay with her.

I love and respect both of these women...and I will travel to their respective cities to see them and spend time with them but I will not run with them.

Because I hate running...jogging...whatever...even if Dimples is doing it with me and encouraging me to keep going...

But part of me is starting to actually consider the suggestion of the race...not so much to race but to conquer my fear and loathing of it all and to celebrate that I am changing myself.

I'm a pretty tough bitch and I could just knock people out of my way as a form of amusement as I go along...

But right now I just struggle with running 1/2 mile at a time on the treadmill so that 5K is a long long long way off.

The more I think about it, I really understand that the only REAL obstacle I have to it all is myself...and I need to get out of my own way about doing these kinds of things.

More often than not we stand in our OWN way more than we stand in the way of others or let others stand in our way.

After all I am the woman who basically LIED to GOTT and told him I knew what I was doing the first time I costumed a show...I think he knew it too but was desperate.

But had I said "I don't know what to do or how to do it", I would have robbed myself of the very great and very real pleasure I get from doing it now! I would have stood in my own way of finding something that I truly truly truly love to do. I love love love working with those 8th grade kids and I love love love them and I am so glad I didn't chicken out but rather stepped up and TRIED doing something that basically scared me a little and pushed me to do something new and fun. And I would have missed out on the incredible friendship I have with GOTT and TTG...because they are 2 people that I literally cannot live without...my sweet soul brothers...and they inspire me daily...

And from there I found that I loved working with kids and decided to substitute teach and from there I decided to teach Art a la Carte (art history).

I could have gotten in my own way but I didn't...

So now, I really feel like my greatest limit is MYSELF and that I have to get outta my own way with things.

Dimples tells me all the time that I "can do it"...and he pushes me to push myself a little further, harder, faster...more...

And my friends encourage me to do things...like try a 5K...

So maybe I am only limiting myself?

Nah...I hate running...

But I might just do it...

Stay tuned...

And don't limit yourelf either...I'll make a deal with you...you try something that scares you and so will I...except that no matter what I am not jumping out of a plane because that is where I draw the line...

But we should all do something that scares us a bit...because it makes us grow...

Get outta your own way...and I will get outta mine...

Inspiration Song: "Get Outta My Way" by Kylie Minogue. Mostly because I love love love Kylie but also because I hit "play" on it 3 times to get me through my last 1/2 mile on the treadmill today...