All In

Are you all in?

Now you are asking "all in for what?"...

My answer: for whatever you have set out to do...

Today during spin class JayVee had Lifehouse's "All In" in the mix. She dedicated the song to yours truly. I was honored. She says it was because I was "all in" for my fitness and weight loss...

I hadn't thought about it, but I guess I am...

Of course that got me pondering...

Sometimes I think about my blogs, sometimes they just flow.

This was a weekend where not much happened so I didn't really have a jumping off point for the blog until JayVee put that song on and we started rolling.

So "All In" got me thinking that I needed to see where else in my life I was or wasn't "all in".

Right now my house is NOT all in...I've got stuff piled up everywhere...things I need to go through, things I need to toss out, things I need to move somewhere else. I have pictures that need hanging and photos that need to be put back out that have been packed away. It's a wreck...clean, but a wreck.

So...next on the list...house!

I AM all in for my costuming job...we are doing "Annie" and I cannot wait to costume up some orphans and Daddy Warbucks. As soon as I finish this blog I am watching the movie again so I can take notes...

Here's one that I am a bit stuck with---getting my teaching certification. I looked online...did I tell you this before?...and discovered that without taking any additional classes I am only qualified to teach...

FFA

yes, that would be Future Farmers of America

I don't think so...

You see, I have a degree in agriculture so that pretty much limits what I am qualified for.

I can teach kids about cows...horses...goats...

hmmmmm...

no....

So to be "all in" for teaching I'm going to have to do some work.

I can do that...it's the "when" I am worried about, not the "how" or "what" part.

So that goes on the "things I need to do" list too...

what else?

I'm chairing a big project at school but that is under control because Athenagal is my co-chair and since she has chaired MAKOR charity balls, this is a breeze for her...I'm good to go there...

I am about to have to adopt the wrestling coach...that will take some work...and it is it's own blog...

And then there is the whole "go on Oprah and have her give me a Vera Wang gown" bit...I'm all in for that...call me Oprah...call me!

There are other things, but they aren't things I need to be "all in" for.

So what about you?

Have you considered what you have planned for yourself this year?

It's January 23...what have you done to get started on making your life, your family's life, your world better?

There is no time like now to get started...don't put it off...

I put off taking care of myself and getting fit and losing weight for so long...there was always "tomorrow"...

but "tomorrow" never came...I just kept doing what I was doing without changing. I kept on eating...and sitting on the couch...

There were things I planned to do with my mother...but I lost her before we could do some of those things.

Now that is an extreme example of why not to wait, but when I tell you that my mother was just 60 years old and very healthy when she died. I never dreamed that I would lose her so young...but I did...

and tomorrow never came...

I thought I would have all the time in the world with my dad...I knew he would be the worlds greatest grandpa...after all, I had just had a girl and my daddy LOVED girls...

but at 59 he was gone to soon...died having heart bypass surgery...he only held Ke$ha Barbie twice...

tomorrow with him never came...

Now I'm not trying to say people you love in your life are going to die (well, yes they will but that is not my point)...my point is that to most people 59 and 60 years old are still pretty young...you wouldn't expect them to die...so I never considered the possibility it could happen.

But it did...

I think we need to just DO it (here I go sounding like a Nike commercial again but it is a good slogan...) and not put it off or find excuses not to.

I wasted hours and hours of my life being lazy...accepting being fat...avoiding the gym because I was I didn't care enough about myself to take the time to go...eating fast food because it was easier than making something healthy...letting sugar make me feel better instead of feeling better because I worked out.

I do know that most people who read this blog are not overweight like I was...many of you don't need to lose a pound. Many of you are healthier and thinner than I will ever be...

but we all get stuck with our junk...it's like the crap sitting in my living room that I just need to throw out...I just walk by it instead of dealing with it.

So tomorrow I am going to deal with something...maybe it is just one box, one bag, or hanging a picture or two, but I have to start.

A very wise teacher once told me that I was going to have problems with Ke$ha Barbie. She is equally right and left brained. Yes, it is hard.

I was having trouble getting her to clean up her playroom. So that very wise teacher gave me a suggestion.

She told me that instead of telling her to clean the playroom I needed to make a game of it...make it something that took the task into small chunks rather than one big overwhelming project.

Now THAT makes sense...it made sense to me with that, it made sense to Ke$ha Barbie, and it makes sense now.

Just like I have taken this weight loss into small goals, I'm going to do these other things in small chunks so I can get a sense of accomplishment rather than discouragement at what is not done.

So that is my advice to you for anything you are doing (by the way, I am GREAT at giving advice I don't always follow myself...LOL)...take it in small chunks...but be all in...be committed!

Commit to whatever you want to do with yourself...your life...your body...

make time to do it...
save the money to do it...
find the energy to do it...
prioritize yourself and your family so you WILL do it...

I'll let you know how that works for me...

Inspiration Song: "All In" by Lifehouse...love that band!!!!!! And I love JayVee, her spin class, and her support...

Bye Darlings...be like a gambler...be all in!

Feel Good Time

Today we had a Dimples bootcamp...I had 7 mamas there (including me)...we had fun...

The weather was...perfect! Just the reason we live in Texas...it was about 65 degrees (very comfortable) and sunny. Like I said...just the reason why we like to live in Texas.

He (Dimples) divided us into 2 groups and we all did squats, push-ups, leg thrusts, step-ups, and pulled each other with resistance bands.

Seriously, it was fun!

We were all a little sore from Monday's bootcamp (and me a bit from yesterday's yowza extravaganza with the push ups on the barbells) so it was good to get the kinks out.

But right now...I'm a hurtin'

Sore...

Tired...

Ready for a nice long soak in the tub...a tub full of epsom salts (and lavender) with the whirlpool going.

I plan to basically LIVE in the bath for the next few hours...

It's not that what I did today was any worse than what I usually do, it is just that I'm training my body to do things it usually doesn't WANT to do.

And it is working...

the scale bar...sliding down...

a skirt I wore last fall...sliding down my hips...too big...

a skirt I thought I would wear on Friday when I teach...fit 3 weeks ago and is now too big.

Love it

Love it

Love it

Love Dimples...yes, I do...

When I was talking to my friend Athenagal today we were laughing about how my daughter declared I was "nicer and happier" since I had lost weight and was working out.

She said: "thank goodness she didn't say you were nicer when you were heavy!"

Oh, I agree...

I laughed and told her that I had always considered myself the "fat jolly girl" but later, when I had time to think about it, I realize I wasn't...

To the rest of the world I was happy and jolly and funny and I'm sure many of my friends thought of me as their fat and happy friend...who they wished would lose some weight...

I was never happy with being fat.

I just didn't know how to get out of it. I didn't have the motivation or energy to try and do something about it.

I can't tell you how many times I was in a dressing room at Lane Bryant, trying on things in a VERY LARGE SIZE and I would look in the mirror and...

cry...

it didn't feel good to put on what amounted to a big trapeze top and stretchy pants and look in the mirror and realize that I looked like a very large blonde apple...in a size 24.

Wow, I can't believe I actually put that number in this blog.

I would look into the mirror and try to convince myself that I looked good. I guess to a certain extent I looked as good as I could considering I was a size 24...but no, I didn't look good.

And it didn't feel good to be that way...

My legs and feet constantly hurt. And my knees hurt...a lot...
I moved without grace and waddled about.
I was always out of breath.
I would sweat a lot...not because of working out...but just walking.
I didn't fit into chairs...and feared breaking one...
My feet and ankles were swollen and it was hard to wear shoes...

Now...
the only time my legs, feet or knees hurt is after a good hard workout...so they hurt in a good way!
I move with grace...I can get around easily...
The only time I am out of breath is when Dimples has me run up the hill or if I am going hard on the spin bike (with the Amazing Katherine urging me on!)
I sweat a lot more now...but as a result of exercise and working out...sweat like that is beautiful and sexy...
I fit into chairs easily now...I no longer have to squeeze into them!
And my feet and ankles...no longer swollen...and have I mentioned the stilletos I like to wear? Yes, I have and I do...

I feel good now...I feel really really really good...

I can do so much more and I have so much more energy. And I don't look into the mirror and want to cry because I see a fat girl staring back at me.

I'm not thin...but I am thinner...

OK, I'm going to do something that does not feel good now...I'm going to put up a photo of myself at my heaviest. It was a weight I was at for over a year. I know when I went to the doctor, about 2 months after this photo was taken, that I weighed...well, let's say it was just shy, very very shy (3 pounds) of 300.

You do the math...

I know I gained weight afterwards. But I use that number as my "official" number because it is the one I know for a fact is what I weighed at one point.

I've cut out my friend to protect her innocence...because I love her...

OK, here goes...

Wow...

here is another one...deep breath...here goes...and again I have cut out my friend in the photo...this was taken while standing on top of a nuclear submarine while we were in Hawaii...

A lot of you who read this blog saw me everyday...or frequently. You remember what I looked like. But some of you never saw me in my full fat glory.

So there is is...

And no, it doesn't feel good to look at it...but it does remind me how far I have come and why I don't want to be there again.

I really don't EVER want to go there again...EVER...

When I think of how good I feel NOW and how it just gets better every day, well, I wonder how I lived like that for so long.

Today I joyously showed Dimples a little something fun...I held up my wrist with my heart monitor watch on it and I did a little adjustment. We do it from time to time...so I told him I wanted to show him something and I held up my wrist...

And I started adjusting the "weight" number...down...

with each little click to adjust it down, his smile got bigger...and that number got smaller.

Now, it is not a GOOD number. I am not thin or svelte or small...but I am so much better than the woman in the pictures above.

But it is a number I haven't been at in a long long long time.

And the fact that the other night 2 12 year-old boys declared me the prettiest girl at the party is something that DOES feel good...because they have known me pretty much all of their lives...and nothing is sweeter than the honesty of children.

Before writing this blog I read a blog I regularly follow. It is written by a very funny (and gorgeous) girl who had the lap band procedure and has lost a lot of weight...like 160 pounds or so...

I enjoy her humor and observtions. Her journey has been different because she is banded (and with that comes a host of food things) but I can relate to the feelings she has about losing weight and working out and keeping it off. She's hit her goal weight...she is stunning.

But she blogged about wondering if she was always meant to be a fat person. And she cried about it to her girlfriend...even though she is much thinner and has a pretty cute figure now. And she feels bad that she sometimes holds a grudge against herself for letting herself ever be a fat person...and with all that comes with it...with her stretched out body, etc.

(Here's a link to her blog if you want to read it...she's pretty funny...scroll down and find some of her older posts...I laugh out loud a lot...
http://cheeseandsunkist.blogspot.com/2011/01/naked-crying.html
she's good...)

I can totally relate...because is is exactly how I feel.

Because I have been here before and I have been fat fat fat before. More than once. And I am so afraid that something will happen and I will be there again.

Oh, that doesn't feel good either...

But I really do hope and believe that this time it is for good. This time I can stick with it. Because I am worth it...and that, my friends, does feel good to say...

So I am off to make dinner (salmon on a bed of arugula with blueberries)and then a nice long soak in the tub...which will feel very very very good...

Because a hot bath feels good
and working out feels good
and eating healthy feels good

and wine would feel really good but I'm cutting out wine during the week so no wine for me...

And Oprah...yes, meeting Oprah would feel good...I had the dream again last night...I met Oprah and she gave me a Vera Wang dress...like a fairy godmother! It felt good to put it on...it was satin and sexy...and very very very Vera...

I don't know why I am obsessed with Oprah...but I am...

And maybe tomorrow I will post a photo of me now...if I will ever agree to let someone take a photo of me! (Dimples is asking for it so I guess I will).

Inspiration Song: "Feel Good Time" by Pink. Off the "Charlie's Angels" soundtrack...a really good pump-you-up make you feel good tune...

Bye Darlings...go and do something that makes YOU feel good.