I am not a patient person...never have been...
Disneyworld makes me crazy with the lines and the waiting. I dont' like traffic. I hate waiting for a table at a restaurant. I don't want to stand in a return line at the store. I can't stand waiting for my luggage in the airport after I get off the plane (but I still refuse to fit everything into a carry-on).
I don't like waiting for the mail to come on the days I am expecting something important (like high school acceptances).
The only way I can tolerate the long wait before getting on a plane (since you have to get to the airport so early these days) is if I can go into the President's Club lounge.
I'm ready for the painters to be finished with my kitchen and sunroom (they have only been here since this morning, but...)...but they are slow and at least it is looking good...and I want the paint fumes gone...now...
So I'm having a hard time with this long slow process of getting myself back into being a "cute" size.
I want to be there NOW...or, even better...yesterday!
"Now" can't get here soon enough...
I look in the mirror and I dont' see a lot of change. Some mornings I wake up and just swear I am a size 6 that day and then I go look in the mirror...no, not a size 6...yet...
The fitness is coming...I can do an hour and a half on the elliptical and I don't totally want to die after spin class. And I'm doing some weight training so even if I can't see my rippling muscles (because they are insulated by fat), once the fat gets burned off I will have arms and legs of steel.
Today I got one tiny confirmation that maybe I am a bit stronger than I was before...I watched the kids rehearse their show at drama camp today and I clapped so they could feel it for their bows and my arms didnt' get tired...maybe if I did that until next week my arms would shrink...a little...
I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't do---I've gotten obsessed with the scale and numbers.
We have one of those "doctor-type" scales that you self-balance and move the little thing in 50 pound increments and then you move the slider at the top for the rest of the weight between those 50 pound increments...you know what I am talking about.
I'm tantalizingly close to being able to move one of the 50 pound increments. But it hasn't budged...yet...now...
It's a psychological thing...I need to be under that number...sadly, it is still a very big number...but I need to be under it to feel a sense of accomplishment.
And I know it is just a number...but it is a number that is a step in my process...a small goal in a series because the larger goal is too overwhelming to wait for.
I am doing everything right...I am eating right, not cheating, doing really good with my food. In fact, I may be eating too little and that could be a problem.
I am exercising every day and burning a miniumum of 600 calories.
I do drink a bit of wine...ya'll know that because you have read it before...but I'm not having enough (a 4 oz glass most nights when I do have wine) to affect it.
I have given up:
margaritas (unless I am at Molinas...just one then)
salad dressing on the salad
lattes (except for "skinny" ones...which I don't really like that much)
most red meat (except for the occasional small filet mignon cooked very rare)
and BUTTER (my mom is up in heaven shaking her head)
I eat: Fit Foods (fresh pre-packed healthy meals you buy), lean turkey, garden burgers, egg whites, fish (lean---snapper, tilapia, etc), veggies, salad with the dressing on the side, chicken, fish, yogurt, fish, and fish....and fish...I'm growing gills..
So wine is my vice. As I told my friend Bacchus last night: good wine in my wineglass is my happy place right now...so I love him for helping me find what I like so that I get to my happy place when I open the bottle up...
Right now my happy place is Raspail Gigondas (Costco $15)
So when, oh when, can I move that blasted slider thing...
Today when I was working out and playing iPod roulette "How Soon is Now" by the Smiths came on...very cool song by a very cool band fronted by the very cool Morrissey...I can't believe they ever let that show "Charmed" use it as a theme song because it is just too cool for that...and it is 6:46 minutes long...
When you say it's gonna happen now,
When exactly do you mean?
See I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone
OK, so all of my hope is not gone, but I did ask my trainer, Fitness Goddess, why I felt like I was just treading water and not getting anywhere. She was wonderfully encouraging and told me that some weeks I might lose a couple of pounds and other weeks it might be a bit more. And she said I was doing it right---the diet and the exercise. That is why she is my trainer...it's not just the crunches and the weights, its the support...
So how soon is now? Now might just be tomorrow...
"How Soon is Now" by the Smiths...download the long version...or Morrissey's live version...