Saturday, February 12, 2011

Head Games

Sometimes I think the only real obstacle to losing this weight (other than my screwed up knee) is my head...

Because, as I have said before, I let myself get in my own way.

It's a head game, this weight loss...

First, you have to get it in your head that you WANT to do it...and this is for anything...weight loss, fitness, getting rid of bad habits, training to do something like a triathalon, etc.

Then you have to get it in your head you CAN do it. You can't let yourself stand in your own way.

I know I blog endlessly about how much I love my trainer Dimples and my "J-girls" (instructors at my health club) but I cannot say enough about how much it helps me when they motivate me.

Dimples is always telling me that I CAN do something...or I CAN do a few more...or to at least try something. But so often just when I am about to get in my own way with something, he says the RIGHT something to me to keep me going.

And now he sends "tweets" (yes, I finally am learning about Twitter thanks to my Dimples). It's a good way for him to keep in touch of his bootcamp clients but also to send motivating and positive messages to his clients and followers.

Messages like this (remember twitter limits you to 140 characters so you have to use shorthand):

U must believe absolutely that u're not only capable of achieving your desired goal, but also that it's only a matter of time before you do

I'm keeping that on my look at when I need it...because I often need it.

You can follow him on twitter too if you want...just sign up for:

So today I did a 90 minute spin class AFTER I did the new launch of Body Pump 76.

I was a bit intimidated about it...until I realized that last Friday after the one icicle shut down Houston that I gave myself a spin class that lasted over 90 minutes.

But I almost let my head stand in my way...I almost told myself I couldn't do it.

Thankfully my knee did NOT tell me I couldn't do it!

It was 2:35 minutes of exercise...

I got through it...piece of cake...which helped me resist the piece of cake that I really really really wanted to eat at GOTTPARENTS 50TH Anniversary party (woo-hoo...50 years of wedded bliss to an amazing couple with amazing kids and love love them...).

I wanted that cake. It looked good. My stomach said "yes, yes, yes" but thankfully this time the game going on in my head was a good one and my head said "no no no". And I told GOTTESS to keep me away from it.

GOTTSISTERS didn't recognize me...they haven't seen me since last of them said "you looked familiar but I didn't think it was you"...

love that...
love her for saying it...

For some people that would feel awful, but to my thinking, it is great. I'm happy that I look different.

So I was watching Oprah the other day (duh...when do I NOT watch Oprah?)and she had Jennifer Hudson on.

Jennifer Hudson has gone from a size 16 to a 6. She's lost 85 pounds. She looks amazing.

I've lost more weight but I've had (and still have) more to lose.

She's always been beautiful.

As I looked at her I tried to be honest with myself and see if I thought she was really more beautiful because she is thinner...or am I just trained to think so because that is what is accepted as pretty---thin.

I decided that to my eyes, and my head, she is NOT MORE beautiful...she just looks good...and healthy...and happy.

She talked about how it really plays with your head when you lose the weight. How she walks into stores and picks up things that are the wrong size because they are TOO BIG for her.

Now that is a head game I also play...

When I walked into Victoria's Secret for the first time in 8+ years a few weeks ago I had to talk myself into it the whole way through the mall. And I was afraid I was going to go in there and be told that nothing would fit so I should try Lane Bryant. And I was afraid that I was going to find that I looked like a fool.

But I didn't...and I have a drawer full of new undergarments to prove it.

I was at my favorite store "Lucy" a few weeks ago...I grabbed some pants in in XL and the girl helping me said "no, you need a large...that will be too big".

When I went into the dressing room and the pants fit, I cried.

In my head, I am still a plus-sized girl.

But my body is not...

It's a head game...and I could totally relate to what Jennifer was saying to Oprah about it.

She (Jennifer) also said that she loves trying on new clothes and wearing her new clothes. I can relate to that too...I can't believe I actually fantasize about some of my skirts...that I can actually wear them. I started going through my clothes the other day and realized that I better TRY things on because my brain was saying "no way" but the zipper would go up and my body would say "way...".

Today, after the LONG workout, I met my Aunt Jane (the BEST PERSON IN THE WOLRD) and her friend CAT (Cute and Tiny) for lunch. They had a gift for me.

Jane had taken the photos she took of us (and me) on top of the hill I climbed at our camp reunion. You know...the 218 steps...

For those of you who did not read that blog ("Climb Every Mountain"), I'll give you the 10 second explanation:
When I once couldn't catch my breath after going up 24 steps with a teacher friend I realized that I needed to change my life. So I did. So 6 months later when I climbed 218 steps and didn't DIE, it felt like a big big big deal.

When we got to the top of the hill we prayed and took photos. So Jane gave me the photos today in a frame. To remind me of what I have and will still accomplish.

I cried with joy from the love and beauty of the gift.

Like I said, she is the best person in the world...

and that might be one of the most amazing gifts I have ever received...

And I'm putting it on my nightstand...not because I look good in the photos (in fact, I look make-up and still around 230 pounds), but rather to remind me what I have done and what I can do.

It's like the tweets I get from Dimples...little reminders to my brain that I can do what I have set out to do.

Now one game I play in my head that will probably only ever be in my head and not reality is a fantasy...and that is ok...fantasies are good! They help move us forward. You all know mine:
Oprah invites me to be on her show to tell how I have lost weight and blogged about it and she gives me a Vera Wang gown to wear because I once met Vera and told her I wanted to wear one of her gowns when I lose weight...

That little fantasy is a head game that is all for fun...but it helps motivate me too...


I don't want to stand in my own way:
to finish an exercise in training
to do a long spin class
to try something new with Dimples
to try on new clothes in a smaller size
to walk into a store that intimidates me
to put on something I haven't worn in 9 years
to dress to show off my hard work
to wear my mom's Vera Wang dress and rock it

Because the only thing stopping me is in my head...not my body...

It's all head games...and I am pretty good at those kinds of games (physical games...notsomuch)...

in fact, I usually win...

I think I'm gonna win this my Dimples says: "it's just a matter of time"...

Inspiration Song: JayVee served up Foreigner's "Head Games" today in the 90 minute master class for was the perfect song at the 80 minute mark...she's so amazing...

Bye your head game...

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