Bring Me to Life

I know...I know...I've gotten lazy with my blogging...

I'm about to get a new computer...my VERY OWN computer...one I can call "my own"...so I won't have to share and compete to use the one I currently use.

Thinking about a Mac...

Trying to decide between a desktop and laptop...opinions welcome!

So...I have waited a year for this blog.

This particular blog.

The one that marks one year on my weight loss journey.

One year that I used to change my life.

So I have---I have changed my life.

For the better.

I decided a year ago that I couldn't live like I was living.

Didn't want to be the fat chick anymore.

Wanted to be "in shape" and healthy...

Didn't want to be a size 24. Very happy to be a size 10 now.

Didn't want weight loss surgery.

Didn't want to go on meds for my cholesterol and blood pressure.

I don't need them now...not needed at all...

Didn't want diabetes...not a problem these days.

My weight loss goal was 150 pounds.

In a year...

OK, that was a stupid goal...pretty difficult to do...safely...

At my one year mark: 123 pounds lost

I can live with that...

27 more to go...maybe a few more...who knows...I'll let my body tell me when I am where I need to be.

Last night I texted Dimples while I was in Old Navy. I grabbed 2 skirts...one was a size 12...the other was a 10. I thought I would just torture myself with the 10.

Into the dressing room I go and I grab a skirt without looking at the tag and take it off the hanger and put it on.

OK...not too tight...not bad...pretty cute in fact.

I look down at the other skirt that was laying on the seat in the dressing room.

That one was the 12...I was wearing the 10.

So I did a little happy dance around the dressing room and then texted Dimples who, although he was deep into editing game film from his select football team game, still took the time to congratulate me and be proud.

I totally love him...

A year ago I couldn't fathom shopping at a "normal" store. I could only find clothing at the plus-sized stores...or in the plus-sized sections. I was a size 24.

Last night I put on a 10 and had room...

Don't get me wrong...this has not been an easy road to travel.

It has been hard.

It has been very very hard.

But...

It has so been worth it.

I said last summer I wanted to wear flippy little skirts with sandals.

Last Thursday I went to a luncheon where my Precious and Adorable History Teacher friend received an award...and I wore a flippy little skirt and some scary shoes.

It felt awesome.

Here's something not so awesome...the next day, on Friday, when I was teaching Art a la Carte, and wearing a flippy little filmy dress and boots...I took a tumble.

In front of the kids.

The room was dark and I had been looking into the smart board (like looking into an HD tv) and I turned to walk away so another mom could teach her part of the lesson and...

bam...

I tripped over the stage in the classroom.

Yes, Bacchus has a stage in his classroom. And it is painted black. Just so I could trip over it.

Now had I done that a year ago I am pretty sure the building would have shook.

But all that happened to me was that I hit the deck. Thanks to all the push-ups Dimples makes me do, I was able to catch myself with my hands and save my face.

Thank you Dimples...

So I stopped myself from ruining my face and popped right back up with my hands in the air and screamed "I'm ok!"...

The kids cracked up.

My one consolation is that Bacchus had already done the same thing.

I let GOTT have a great laugh over it.

And thank goodness...no one saw "London or France" (my underpants). The dress kept everything covered.

Thank goodness...

I bought some very cute heels yesterday. Heels I would not have been able to squeeze my foot into last year. Heels that would not have supported my hefty weight.

These heels are dangerous.

I am so wearing them this week...

And then I did something I never ever thought I would do...

I bought...

a bikini

Now that bikini will never be seen by anyone but the cat...it is for tanning when I am alone in the backyard.

And no lectures about the dangers of tanning. I know it is dangerous. But tanned toned legs look so much nicer than pasty white ones.

And no, I will never ever post a photo of myself in that bikini.

Like I said...me and the cat...

So what did this journey of a year do for me besides losing weigth, improving my fitness, and improving my health?

Well, it brought me to life.

It has given me back my life.

I now can do things I never thought I could. I now have energy. I now feel really really good.

And it feels really really good to feel so good.

I feel that I have been brought back from the dead. I had allowed myself to turn away from so much. I had become numb to feeling good about myself and to caring about it. I had turned my back on feeling pretty, feeling attractive, feeling sexy, feeling special.

I let myself forget that it feels good to feel good!

But now I have my life back...and there is no stopping me now...

Inspiration Song: "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence...awesome song...one that is always on my workout playlist.

Lyrics are down below...I feel many of them...and I sing it...

Bye Darlings...allow yourelf to be brought back to life...

Bring Me To Life lyrics
Songwriters: Hodges, David; Lee, Amy; Moody, Ben;

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up
(Wake me up inside)
I can't wake up
(Wake me up inside)
Save me
(Call my name and save me from the dark)

Wake me up
(Bid my blood to run)
I can't wake up
(Before I come undone)
Save me
(Save me from the nothing I've become)

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

Wake me up
(Wake me up inside)
I can't wake up
(Wake me up inside)
Save me
(Call my name and save me from the dark)

Wake me up
(Bid my blood to run)
I can't wake up
(Before I come undone)
Save me
(Save me from the nothing I've become)
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/evanescence-lyrics/bring-me-to-life-lyrics.html ]

I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside
Bring me to life

Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead

All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything

Without thought, without voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life

Wake me up
(Wake me up inside)
I can't wake up
(Wake me up inside)
Save me
(Call my name and save me from the dark)

Wake me up
(Bid my blood to run)
I can't wake up
(Before I come undone)
Save me
(Save me from the nothing I've become)

I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside
Bring me to life