Monday, February 21, 2011

Maggie May

This weekend I discovered 2 things about myself:

1) that this Episcopalian sometimes wishes she was a Jew...


2) that I often learn more from children than adults...

I can explain both statements by simply telling you that I attended a Bat Mitzvah this weekend.

But there is more to it than just saying I went to it and I love the child and I loved the service and I am proud of her...

Let's go back to Saturday:

The Cutest Boy in the World (TCBITW) and I are rushing out the door...late as usual. I hate being late...but I often am...

So we get to the synagogue and as we pull up TCBITW notices The Ragin Cajun catering truck in the parking lot. It is parked next to the tent set up for the luncheon...

TCBITW: "Only with Maggie can you say the words "Bat Mitzvah" and Cajun food in the same sentence!".

We make it into the synogogue and the service has started...Maggie is standing at the Bimah ("altar" for us Christians) and is reciting the service.

She did an amazing job...

Earlier in the week I told her not to be nervous or worry about it...because:
1) none of us could speak Hebrew
2) all the people in that room loved her and were there to love her...

There was nary a sign of nervousness in our Magnificent Mags...

And, being Maggie, she was wearing a gray dress...with purple tights...

So then comes the part where she reads from the Torah...and her Torah portion was about the Jews, while wandering in the wilderness, becoming quite impatient with Moses (and God) and building the false idol.

After reading the Torah, the Bat Mitzvah then gives a speech explaining the Torah reading and its relevance to her life.

Mags is a very good speaker.

Mags is an excellent writer.

Her speech was awesome. She talked about patience. And how easy it is to be impatient. And how we all have to wait. And how sometimes we feel like God has abandoned us and we wonder why God has not protected us from the bad things in life.

It was like an arrow right to me...a message I needed to hear.

And I was hearing it from a 13 year old girl.

I needed that message, delivered by a very special girl, 5 years ago...and I need it every day.

I am now going to quote part of her speech...her mom gave me a copy:

"The idea the God has abandoned us can be scary. We can start to have doubts, but that is when we need God the most. By showing our willingness to be faithful and patient, we truly find that God is all around us."

Wow...great message, Maggie!

Maggie is a very special child.

Her mother was told she wouldn't make it...she would not be born...

At 5 months gestation, her mother's membranes broke. She was hospitalized for over 2 months trying to keep Maggie from pushing herself into this world all too soon. As her mother tells it, Maggie gave the nurses "hell" even in utero...

Maggie's story is not mine to tell. She has overcome many obstacles. My son was remarking on the way to the service that he remembered when he was in first grade with Maggie and she could barely walk very far.


Maggie plays sports...she plays field hockey, people...not a lot of standing around in field hockey...

I always think of Maggie in this way:
When you tell Maggie "no" her it means "go"...

So the Magnificent Maggie stood before a synogogue full of people who loved her...and there wasn't a dry eye in the house...(shhhhh...don't tell, but even some of the boys cried...)

I marveled at her poise, her grace, her style...and her great insight into paitence...

I am terrbily impatient.

I hate to stand in line.

I hate to wait.

I have lost 117 pounds (and counting) in about 50 weeks and I still don't think it was fast enough.

Poor Dimples has to perform healing rituals (joking...he really doesn't) and therapy (that he DOES have to do) all the time with me...

Like Maggie, to me sometimes "no" means "go" and I take off without thinking.

Like putting clip pedals on my bike without considering that I might need to ride with REAL shoes.

I fixed that...I now have dual pedals.

And this morning I took off on said bike and rode but in my impatience to make a turn I turned too quickly and slid into some muddy gravel and my road tires didn't hold...and I fell...and I have the boo-boos to prove it.

I get impatient with a lot of things...and I need to take some time and remember that I am not on my own clock but I am on God's clock. And I need to let Him guide me, surround me, and journey me through.

I loved the beauty of the Bat Mitzvah service...I admire how hard the Magnificent Mags had to work to stand up on the Bimah and read from the Torah. Maggie made the committment to the work and did it.

The Rabbi summed it up perfectly with one word that I think really defines Maggie...




yes, that is the perfect word for it...moxie...

She's never been afraid of what is hard to do...

Never been afraid to face a challenge...

Never let something stop her...

And neither should I...

And I might just have to take a fashion tip from her and see if I can't rock some purple tights too...because she looked amazing.

Inspiration Song: "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart...2 very different Maggies...but they share a name so I used it...

Bye Darlings...let someone with moxie inspire you...and she just might be 13...

Friday, February 18, 2011

Bicycle Race

oh, poor Dimples...he has his hands full with me...

I did something stupid and he had to deal with it today.

You see, I seem to think I am Lance Armstrong or something (you know, since I spin and all), because I decided to look like a "real" cyclist and put "clipless pedals" on my bike.

"Clipless Pedals" seems like an oxymoron to me...because you clip into your pedals with special bike shoes that have the clips on them.

Makes no sense to me...

So it made perfect sense to do it to my bike.

I took my bike in to Sun and Ski Sports and told the bike repair guy to fix the cables and put the clipless pedals on.

I never considered that I would have to figure out how to get off and on the bike.

Because a spin bike is stationary, you know...

and a real bike...

is not...


But I love the way it feels to ride while clipped in so I made the idiot's decision to flirt with death and devestation to my body by putting the clip-in things on.

The first time I attempted to ride like that was the other morning.

I got up early and grabbed the bike and then could't figure out how to get on.

I know how to get on a spin bike...but it doesn't move.

Getting onto a bike that moves is a whole different thing.

So I grabbed onto my car to steady myself and clipped into the right pedal.

The left one was where I hit trouble...and then my hand slid down the side of my car because it was wet from morning dew.


not a bad crash but I did fall over...onto my bum knee...

there was just a little blood

I finally got on and then I hit the road. All was well and good as long as I didn't have to stop. So I rode continually...

When I told Dimples he just looked at me and reminded me that I needed to be able to get on and off the bike.

I told him I could...

(with a little help)

So we decided to go for a ride today.

The idea was that we would ride and then stop and do some strength stuff like work with the TRX strap bands or do push ups or whatever...

The weather was perfect. It was gorgeous outside...great day for a ride.

We decide to go to Memorial Park. I picked him and his bike up and off we went.

Problem getting on the bike...

Thank God the man is strong and sweet and patient...because I could have killed him while he tried to get me on...I grabbed onto him for dear life until I was safely locked into my pedals...and then I was afraid to let go of him for fear of falling again. We looked like a father with his (very) over-grown child that was trying to learn to ride a bike.

Right then and there he told me that the clipless pedals had to go...not that he minded helping me, but rather that they were a gigantic pain...

in the ass...

(I added the "in the ass" part...he didn't)

So we got going and hit a trail.

Then came the time to stop and do some strength stuff.

Problem shoes are not made for walking or working out

We tried...


Back on the bikes...down the trail...I crash...

the only real casualty was my left thumbnail...I broke the nail...damn...

We then went the other direction in the park...did ok for a while until we eneded up on the jogging track and he had a few people remind him that we weren't supposed to be on the jogging trail...


we knew...but it wasn't safe for me to try and cross the street at that point.

He also figured out how to get me off and on the bike without risking bodily harm to himself as he holds the bike for me.

I asked Bacchus how to do it (he rides...a lot...)and his answer was:

"clip in one side and then the other"

Thanks, Baby...that was a lot of help...not...

Somewhere along the way I remembered that at my club we have some things that clip into the pedal clips for the spin bikes that convert the pedals from the kind you HAVE to wear bike shoes with to "regular" pedals that someone with athletic shoes can use.

I'm trying to find them online right now...

so Dimples doesn't kill me or himself...and so we can have a more effective ride.

I want to leave the clipless pedals on because when I am ONLY riding, especially if I am doing a smooth easy trail I like the way it rides...and I know I am more effectively working my legs. And taking the pedals off and on is not easy.

If you know what the clip-in things are called, please email or message me...Dimples thanks you too...because he knows "Miss Stubborn" here is going to want to keep the clips.

Because I am Lance Armstrong...

only prettier...

Inspiration Song: "Bicycle Race" by Queen...ok, reach waaaaay back...back to Queen's "Jazz" spawned a lot of hits. They publicized the album by having 65 naked women do a bicyle race. And then they took a picture of it and put it in the album. Awesome...

Bye Darlings...."get on your bikes and ride"...

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I Like It

Wow...I haven't blogged for a while...really didn't have much to say...not much to say now...

Life goes on...busy boring daily tasks...some more fun than others...

So when I don't have much to say I usually do a silly here's one for you.

I call this:


I like it when people don't recognize me anymore because I have lost so much weight (115 pounds and counting)

I like it when people I have known for years don't recognize me...

I like it when my own trainer confuses me for another client (briefly)...he's doing good at resculpting me...who needs a scalpel...

I like it when I hear from a friend that another friend told her how great I am looking (weight-wise...)

I like it when I have to dial down my weight on my heart monitor

I like it when a friend tells me her son says I look beautiful...or really pretty...

I like it when the new coach says I smell good ('cause he's cute...and I certainly hope I smell better than the 14 year old boys he is coaching)...

I like it when I put on a skirt that fit great 3 weeks ago and it is loose now...

I like it when I can buy Cheetos for my kids and not even care to open the bag and taste one...

I like it when I have the unexpected pleasure of running into friends when I am meeting another friend for lunch and it turns into a party...

I like it when I get on my bike (not the spin bike) and manage to ride...but only after I took a little spill because I have clips and not pedals...but I like the clips...

I like it when the scale slides down and I know my hard work has paid off...

I like it that I can shop at regular stores (not plus size)

I like it when my son, daughter, and her boyfriend go to dinner and we laugh ourselves silly...

I like it when I get up and do my early walk and have a little peace and quiet time with just me and my music...

I like it when I can get a group of friends together and we do something besides eat---we work out!!!! With the best trainer ever...

I like it that I found the best trainer (ever!) to help me...and that he has the patience of a saint...because he needs it with me...I really love him for what he has done for me...

I like it that I can do better pushups than I saw the 8th grade boys doing yesterday...thought about getting down and showing them but then realized that they would then decide that they needed to say "drop and give me 20" when they saw me...

I like it that I can do 20 pushups like a REAL woman (and not on my knees) when I struggled to do 10 (on knees) just a few months ago...

I like it when my knee isn't killing me...but right now it does...

I like it when Glee gives me new music...but not Justin Bieber songs...

I like it that it is now Lacrosse season and I can take outside pictures where I do much better...

I like it that I went to a 50th anniversary party for 2 people who still truly love each other...

I love it that GOTTSON's basketball team is inching closer to the championship...and that GOTT is having to juggle basketball and baseball at the same time...

I like it when my sweet kitty cuddles up next to me in bed and keeps me warm...but not when my big sweet kitty stomps on me because he is jealous...

I like it when I can put my arms around a friend, tell her I love her and that it will be ok and that it was just what she needed at that moment...because she has done that for me...

I like it that I have Athenagal as my co-chair for a big project and that she is far more organized (and stylish!) than I am...

I like it when I can make a goal and reach it...not just weight, but fitness...

I like it when I am brave enough to try something new...even if I don't like it...

I like it when friends say inspiring things to this from my gorgeous Bulletgirl:
Weightloss is a forever going battle because even though at some point we don't live to eat, we must still eat to live. The journey isn't a "straight Shot". Infact it is a stairway that we at times go up running two flights at a time, and others we find that we do a quadruple back flip. Every meal is (eventually) a choice. A struggle we learn in time to combat. Still, my struggle with my weight continues , even after loosing ninety something pounds. At 135 I find that i still beat myself up because i am not 127. ..the truth is mama, we don't have to be perfect, we just have to be human!!!!

isn't that great!!!!!!!!! Love her...good words to remember...

I like it when my trainer tweets awesome motivation...or when he blogs and it is always what I need to hear...

I like it when I get dimples (a smile) from my Dimples (trainer) when I am working out and doing good...

I like it when I can push back my plate and there is still food on it...

I like it that I can shop in my own closet...and that I have learned to throw some things out...

I like it when I'm ready to throw in the towel at spin class and the next song comes on and gets me going again...

I like it when the Amazing Katherine keeps me going in class...

I like it when JayVee teaches spin and plays my favorite stuff...same with J'taime Jamie...

I like it that I once told a man to stop doing something and let me handle it and now he helps me (that would be Dimples...)

I like it that I have 4 lacrosse coaches basically ready to throw rose petals in my path because I have taken care of getting them what they need for their teams...I need to remind them that I like pink lillies....

I like it that I write this blog and you read it...

Inspiration Song: "I Like It" by Enrique to spin to...

Bye Darlings...I like it that you take the time to read my musings...

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Head Games

Sometimes I think the only real obstacle to losing this weight (other than my screwed up knee) is my head...

Because, as I have said before, I let myself get in my own way.

It's a head game, this weight loss...

First, you have to get it in your head that you WANT to do it...and this is for anything...weight loss, fitness, getting rid of bad habits, training to do something like a triathalon, etc.

Then you have to get it in your head you CAN do it. You can't let yourself stand in your own way.

I know I blog endlessly about how much I love my trainer Dimples and my "J-girls" (instructors at my health club) but I cannot say enough about how much it helps me when they motivate me.

Dimples is always telling me that I CAN do something...or I CAN do a few more...or to at least try something. But so often just when I am about to get in my own way with something, he says the RIGHT something to me to keep me going.

And now he sends "tweets" (yes, I finally am learning about Twitter thanks to my Dimples). It's a good way for him to keep in touch of his bootcamp clients but also to send motivating and positive messages to his clients and followers.

Messages like this (remember twitter limits you to 140 characters so you have to use shorthand):

U must believe absolutely that u're not only capable of achieving your desired goal, but also that it's only a matter of time before you do

I'm keeping that on my look at when I need it...because I often need it.

You can follow him on twitter too if you want...just sign up for:

So today I did a 90 minute spin class AFTER I did the new launch of Body Pump 76.

I was a bit intimidated about it...until I realized that last Friday after the one icicle shut down Houston that I gave myself a spin class that lasted over 90 minutes.

But I almost let my head stand in my way...I almost told myself I couldn't do it.

Thankfully my knee did NOT tell me I couldn't do it!

It was 2:35 minutes of exercise...

I got through it...piece of cake...which helped me resist the piece of cake that I really really really wanted to eat at GOTTPARENTS 50TH Anniversary party (woo-hoo...50 years of wedded bliss to an amazing couple with amazing kids and love love them...).

I wanted that cake. It looked good. My stomach said "yes, yes, yes" but thankfully this time the game going on in my head was a good one and my head said "no no no". And I told GOTTESS to keep me away from it.

GOTTSISTERS didn't recognize me...they haven't seen me since last of them said "you looked familiar but I didn't think it was you"...

love that...
love her for saying it...

For some people that would feel awful, but to my thinking, it is great. I'm happy that I look different.

So I was watching Oprah the other day (duh...when do I NOT watch Oprah?)and she had Jennifer Hudson on.

Jennifer Hudson has gone from a size 16 to a 6. She's lost 85 pounds. She looks amazing.

I've lost more weight but I've had (and still have) more to lose.

She's always been beautiful.

As I looked at her I tried to be honest with myself and see if I thought she was really more beautiful because she is thinner...or am I just trained to think so because that is what is accepted as pretty---thin.

I decided that to my eyes, and my head, she is NOT MORE beautiful...she just looks good...and healthy...and happy.

She talked about how it really plays with your head when you lose the weight. How she walks into stores and picks up things that are the wrong size because they are TOO BIG for her.

Now that is a head game I also play...

When I walked into Victoria's Secret for the first time in 8+ years a few weeks ago I had to talk myself into it the whole way through the mall. And I was afraid I was going to go in there and be told that nothing would fit so I should try Lane Bryant. And I was afraid that I was going to find that I looked like a fool.

But I didn't...and I have a drawer full of new undergarments to prove it.

I was at my favorite store "Lucy" a few weeks ago...I grabbed some pants in in XL and the girl helping me said "no, you need a large...that will be too big".

When I went into the dressing room and the pants fit, I cried.

In my head, I am still a plus-sized girl.

But my body is not...

It's a head game...and I could totally relate to what Jennifer was saying to Oprah about it.

She (Jennifer) also said that she loves trying on new clothes and wearing her new clothes. I can relate to that too...I can't believe I actually fantasize about some of my skirts...that I can actually wear them. I started going through my clothes the other day and realized that I better TRY things on because my brain was saying "no way" but the zipper would go up and my body would say "way...".

Today, after the LONG workout, I met my Aunt Jane (the BEST PERSON IN THE WOLRD) and her friend CAT (Cute and Tiny) for lunch. They had a gift for me.

Jane had taken the photos she took of us (and me) on top of the hill I climbed at our camp reunion. You know...the 218 steps...

For those of you who did not read that blog ("Climb Every Mountain"), I'll give you the 10 second explanation:
When I once couldn't catch my breath after going up 24 steps with a teacher friend I realized that I needed to change my life. So I did. So 6 months later when I climbed 218 steps and didn't DIE, it felt like a big big big deal.

When we got to the top of the hill we prayed and took photos. So Jane gave me the photos today in a frame. To remind me of what I have and will still accomplish.

I cried with joy from the love and beauty of the gift.

Like I said, she is the best person in the world...

and that might be one of the most amazing gifts I have ever received...

And I'm putting it on my nightstand...not because I look good in the photos (in fact, I look make-up and still around 230 pounds), but rather to remind me what I have done and what I can do.

It's like the tweets I get from Dimples...little reminders to my brain that I can do what I have set out to do.

Now one game I play in my head that will probably only ever be in my head and not reality is a fantasy...and that is ok...fantasies are good! They help move us forward. You all know mine:
Oprah invites me to be on her show to tell how I have lost weight and blogged about it and she gives me a Vera Wang gown to wear because I once met Vera and told her I wanted to wear one of her gowns when I lose weight...

That little fantasy is a head game that is all for fun...but it helps motivate me too...


I don't want to stand in my own way:
to finish an exercise in training
to do a long spin class
to try something new with Dimples
to try on new clothes in a smaller size
to walk into a store that intimidates me
to put on something I haven't worn in 9 years
to dress to show off my hard work
to wear my mom's Vera Wang dress and rock it

Because the only thing stopping me is in my head...not my body...

It's all head games...and I am pretty good at those kinds of games (physical games...notsomuch)...

in fact, I usually win...

I think I'm gonna win this my Dimples says: "it's just a matter of time"...

Inspiration Song: JayVee served up Foreigner's "Head Games" today in the 90 minute master class for was the perfect song at the 80 minute mark...she's so amazing...

Bye your head game...

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Just Push Play

So I had my MRI today.

I think I am becoming a pro at them.

When the guy doing the test asked what was wrong with my left knee (he could see the scars from the surgeries on the right knee) I told him:

"My left knee got jealous that my right knee has gotten all the attention so now it wants equal time..."

Then I went on to explain how I was an idiot for running...

Mind you I sandwiched the MRI between J'taime Jamie's spin class and a workout with my poor darling Dimples who although he was sick and about to cough up a lung still found a way to come out and train me.

He (Dimples) took it easy on me until we know what is going on with the knee. I figure what is done is done...

We played with some new toys today. He made some bands that he wraps around a tree limb and I grab the handles and do various exercises with them (similar to TRX bands).

I also bought a stability ball for us to play with. I refrained from buying a pink one (I thought Dimples might look stupid chasing it around).

He blew it (the stability ball) up yesterday. I had fun bouncing around on it.

Today I got to do push ups, sit-ups and pull-ups on it...I like bouncing around better.

It reminds me of a hippity-hop...remember them?

Once I went to Lake Austin Spa. I went with a group of very fun girlfriends. We took a stability ball class.

The balls at the spa had, for lack of a better word (and Dimples loved this), "teats" on know some long rubber prongs.

They were for keeping the balls from rolling around...nowadays the balls just roll, but this was about 10 years ago when it was a new thing.

So me and the girlfriends go into the room for the class.

The room is darkened. Enya music is playing.

Soothing environment.

I'm not sure which one of us did it first (probably me), but we jumped on the balls, grapped the rubber "teats" (whatever) and began to hop around like we were on hippity hops.

We had a blast.

We worked up a bit of a sweat.

We were bouncing around like 4 year olds.

And then the instructor walked in...

She laughed and claimed that NO ONE, absolutely NO ONE had bounced around on the balls like that until us...

I think she asked if we were drunk.

When we returned again she said "here comes trouble...".

The spa was wonderful, the food was incredible (for spa food), the spa treatments were the bomb, but nothing beat those few minutes that we abandoned our adult selves and became children again bouncing on the balls and laughing until we were crying.

Sometimes, you just need to be a kid.

I turn into a kid a lot during my workouts but I have a feeling that the stability ball will turn me into a toddler.

Maybe that is why I like my workouts with Dimples so much...we play...

He pushes me but he does it in a fun, playful way. He gets my heartrate up and gets me burning the calories but we have a lot of fun while we do it. I think that is what keeps me coming back...that I have fun.

Spin class is the same way. I love my instructors...they are the sweetest...but it is also all about the fun music and we all laugh and have fun while the class is going on.

I love the bootcamp that Dimples does for me and my mama friends. We laugh so much that sometimes he has a hard time getting us to pay attention and work. But we do. And I'm so proud of my Warrior Princess C who continues to celebrate her year of kicking cancer by working out with us. I'm proud of all my bootcamp mamas because we all have our own reasons to be there...and we get to have fun doing it.

Dimples played basketball last week as his workout. He said he really loves to play it and it is a great workout for him...more fun than just running 3 miles.

We are going to ride bikes next week as part of our workout. It will be fun to try something different...I'm tempted to add a bell and a flower basket to my bike like I had when I was 10...except that I don't think they will fit...and I have clips instead of pedals so if I crash that basket will explode.

But that is what a workout should should be fun. And sometimes you have to find a way to play while you get your heartrate up.

I spent a few months doing nothing more than the elliptical. I burned calories and worked on my cardio fitness.

I didn't hate it, but I can't say that it was fun.

When I walk into JayVee or J'taime Jamie or Spinderella's spin classes, I have a blast...I have fun...and if I have the Amazing Katherine next to me I have fun AND a cheerleader.

And when I am with it personal training or bootcamp, I have a blast...and the time passes so quickly.

I guess what I am saying here with all of this "play" is that if you are looking to get started on doing something for yourself, find something FUN that you enjoy doing so you will do it.

Maybe it is tennis...maybe it is basketball...maybe it is riding your bike...maybe is is pilates class...maybe it is karate...but find something that you ENJOY doing...something that will keep you coming back for more.

For me it is spinning and Dimples...that is my form of play.

And I might just have to take that stability ball around the park for a spin...just gotta find a way to hold onto it while I hop...

Inspiration Song: "Just Push Play" by Aerosmith. Because you can just push play and have some fun...or just push play on your iPod and get moving...

Bye Darlings...stop reading this and go out and play!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Mamma Mia

My mother has been gone for almost 6 years...but I still think about her each and every day.

I miss her...

I wish she was here to see my children grow up and become such great people. I wish she could watch The Cutest Boy in the World play sports (yay! Lacrosse season started today!) and see Ke$ha Barbie's photography.

I wish she was here to talk to. So she could tell me things are good...that I was once a teenager like Ke$ha Barbie and I survived (and so did she) and how to make her spaghetti sauce that was ah-may-zing...

I wish she was here to see me wear her dress...the dress I once refused to wear.

I have this gorgeous friend. I'll call her "Bulletgirl". There is a reason for the name---she makes jewelry from bullets and that is her company name. It is pretty amazing's a link:

She's really what I would call a "hot" chick. Gorgeous. Sexy. Stunning.

She once weighed 95 pounds more than she does now.

So I saw her last night and met her mother.

Equally gorgeous...equally stunning...equally sexy.

We were showing each other our "fat" pictures. Suffice it to say that mine were "worse" but hers were pretty bad. I didn't recognize her.

As we were looking at photos on our phones, I told her that I also had one of those "really gorgeous" moms. We both rolled our eyes.

It is hard to have a stunning creature as your mother.

And when you are fat and you have a thin mom who looks like a movie star it is that much harder.

So we were comparing notes as to how difficult that was and how we often felt like people would look at us and look at our moms and wonder "what happened?".

Or would say "wouldn't she be so pretty if she was just THINNER?"

I think I mentioned that when I told GOTT that I was going to lose weight because I wanted to be beautiful, he said "but you ARE beautiful" (that WAS the right answer...ding ding ding ding!).

But few people see that when you are overweight...they just see the fat.

And when you have a pretty mommy, they see you as fat and some sort of failure because you don't live up to the beauty that your mother posseses.

So as I looked at Bulletgirl and her gorgeous mom (who frankly could easily pass as her mom was that way too), I was happy for both of them...but not because they are both fit, trim and beautiful (they really are) but because I could see the INNER beauty in both of them.

I met Bulletgirl last fall because her son played on GOTTSON's football team. And then we bonded at GOTT and GOTTESS' Halloween party. She saw me on Saturday and asked GOTTESS if that was indeed me when she saw me (I'm 30 pounds lighter than the last time).

You know when you meet someone and you just "click"...well, that is me and Bulletgirl. It is not just the weight is a "click" thing.

I'm glad she's my friend...

And I love having someone who understands when I say things about my mom.

My mom was stunning...gorgeous...looked like a sister not a mom...

When she took me to A&M for orientation, SHE got asked out on a date...not me...her! The guy thought she was a grad student.


My mom was one of those women who you just LOOKED at when she walked into the room.

She took good care of herself.

Her plastic surgeon misses her almost as much as I do...

But it wasn't just the face lifts and botox...she walked every day and worked out...she stayed fit and healthy.

I must have been a bit of a disappointment to her in that I let myself go and didn't work at it.

I once asked her if she was ashamed.

She said she wasn't...

but I wondered if she was just hiding the fact that every time she looked at my overweight self she wondered why I couldn't control my eating better.

I'm older now and my kids are older and now I "get it" that in a mother's eyes, we are all perfect. I know now that she probably wasn't as disappointed as I thought she was.

I often wish I had my mother's beauty...her sense of style...her ability to accessorize...her taste.

I got some of it but not all of it.

I often like to joke that I wish God had given me my mother's thin thighs and my father's thick hair. I got the opposite. I have my mother's thin hair and my father's thick thighs. Ke$ha Barbie got the right combination...her hair is a glory and her thighs are perfect.

We all have beautiful mothers...they are the most beautiful women in the world. Mine happened to have the kind of beauty that most people consider to be exceptional...but I cannot name a friend among mine that doesn't have a beautiful, beautiful mother...

I miss my beautiful mother...and I wish she was here...

I'm happy I have Bulletgirl to sympathize with when it comes to the "hot mama" department. And I am happy I have her to talk about how it feels to lose so much weight. And when she said last night that she doesn't have many photos of herself as a fat person because she "hid from the camera" I can sympathize. She also said that she often felt like she wanted to disappear...I get that. I'm happy to have her to talk about THOSE things with...

But mostly I'm happy to have her as a friend. A beautiful hot, sexy friend...who makes some pretty cool jewelry...

Inspiration Song: "Mamma Mia" ABBA! The version from the "Mamma Mia" soundtrack is pretty awesome too. I have always loved that song...

Bye Darlings...go and hug your gorgeous mother if you are still lucky enough to have her...

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Tik Tok

I feel like a clock is ticking.

It's counting down the time I have left before I am grounded and not able to work out either by surgery or doctor mandated rest.

And it's killing me more than my knee is.

My knee hurts...and throbs pretty bad at night. But when I am working with Dimples, or riding the spin bike, or running on the track it totally doesn't bother me.

I took yesterday off.

Did no exercise other than walking around and photographing GOTTSON's basketball game.

I really hoped it would make my knee feel 100% better today. Or at least 60-75%.

But it didn't.

It helped a little, but not enough.

So what does that mean?

Either I need to give it a longer rest or...

The MRI will probably show that I have torn my meniscus.

So right now I am doing everything I can in case it is all put to a halt.

Care to join me in my pity party?

I have hats and balloons for ice cream or cake will be served but I do have fresh fruit.

After the devestating news of a former student's death, I was really grounded and quit feeling sorry for myself.

But today, as I had fun at bootcamp, I was starting to feel sorry for myself again. We had a make-up session because the FABULOUS Dimples gave up his morning to take care of us since we missed Friday because of the as I worked out with the world's best trainer and my girlfriends I realize just how much I would really miss getting to do that if I am put on halt for a few weeks after surgery.

And it is killing me...

like I said, my knee is killing me but not like the thought of not spinning or training is.

I have become what I never thought I would be:


I used to make fun of people like me.

I make fun of people like me now.

I make fun of me now...

and you are welcome to join me...

Exercise addiction is healthier than drug, alcohol, or food...but I do see that I could really say I am addicted.

Taking the day off yesterday drove me nuts...I itched to run up to the gym and jump on a spin bike or elliptical. The only reason Dimples was safe was because he was coaching football all day.

If I have to stay bed...or on crutches I will literally go nuts.

I am really examining this with myself because I see myself in dangerous territory where I can see myself compromising my knee to keep going out of fear that the weight loss will stop.

I know I can't do it with diet alone.

And I'm not sure how long I will be "down" after surgery.

Dimples assured me we could work around it and he can get me back but even a few days will make me crazy.

I'm a stubborn stubborn stubborn woman.

I don't like when I don't get my way.

And frankly I don't have the time to have surgery even without the issue of missing my workouts. I really just don't have the time...

So now despite my declaration yesterday that it would be stupid to worry about all of this until I know what is really going on...

I am...worrying about all of this...

and yes, that is stupid.

But like I said yesterday...I am a stupid girl.

So I'm going to workout as hard as I can (or my knee will let me) and wear my stilleto heels and boots and pray for good news after my MRI.

So here, with apologies to Ke$ha, are my new lyrics to her song...

Tik Tok

Wake up in the morning my knee makes me feel some pity
Grab my glasses, I'm out the door, gonna hit the city
Before I leave, brush my teeth and put gym clothes on
'Cause when I leave to work out, I'm sweating and getting gone...

I'm talking spin shoes on my toes, toes
Trying on all new clothes, clothes
Great workout tunes on my phone, phone
Drop squatting, lunging, and bending my knees, knees
Running around the trees, trees
Trying to get a little bit fit, you see?

Don't stop, knees don't pop
Dimples, blow my sneakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
and I'll run in the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the workout don't stop, no

Don't stop, knees don't pop
Dimples, blow my sneakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
and I'll run in the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the workout don't stop, no

Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of fear
Ain't got no pain in my body, but for this knee right here
And now, my trainer gets me going with a workout that's not mild
And I'll run and go up the hill until I look like Olivia Wilde

I'm talking running around the track, track
Tryin to get my ass back
Gonna smack me if I get too slack, slack

Now, now, I go as Dimples works me out, out
Or my damn knee shut us down, down
damn knee shut us down, down
knee knee shut us

Don't stop, knees don't pop
Dimples, blow my sneakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
and I'll run in the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the workout don't stop, no

Don't stop, knees don't pop
Dimples, blow my sneakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
and I'll run in the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the workout don't stop, no

Dimples, you build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me

With my hands up
You got me now
You got me bound
Yeah, you got me

Dimples, you build me up
You break me down
My heart, it pounds
Yeah, you got me

With my hands up
Put your hands up
Put your hands up

Now, the workout won't stop until I give in...

Don't stop, knees don't pop
Dimples, blow my sneakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
and I'll run in the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the workout don't stop, no

Don't stop, knees don't pop
Dimples, blow my sneakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
and I'll run in the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the workout don't stop, no

Sorry, Ke$ha...I ruined your song...

Inspiration song: Tik Tok by Ke$ha...totally love that song...

Bye Darlings...don't let the clock tick down on you...

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Stupid Girl

Sometimes I can be such a stupid girl.

I haven't blogged in a few days...

we had a blizzard here in Houston, you know?

No...not really...we had, like I predicted "one icicle"...

ok, it was more than ONE icicle but the snow didn't happen...


I was looking forward to a little snow...but just a little.

It was about 27 degrees out on Thursday so Dimples and I planned an indoor workout. We did our best to keep me going but without the park to run around I became a slacker...but he kept trying.

My knee...well, that's the part that is giving me real problems.

I went to the doctor...the same doctor who did surgery TWICE on my right knee...torn meniscus both times.

This time it is my LEFT knee.

The doc's resident comes in and pokes around and prods and twists and bends and straightens my knee but doesn't say much. Then the doctor comes in.

He pokes and prods and twists and bends and straightens my knee and says...

"I think it is your meniscus"


"How did you do it?"


"You were running?"


"How much running?"

a couple of miles...on the street...

"well, that would do it."


"Really...but we won't know until you have an MRI."


Double Damn...

Stupid girl for thinking I could run...

The only high point to all of this bunch of fun at the doc's office was that his assistant (love her) and his scheduler (love her too) didn't recognize me. The scheduler told me that when she looked at the file and looked at me she thought they gave her the wrong file.

Ok, that felt good...really, it did...I seriously don't mind it when that this the reaction I get.

So now I am having an MRI on Thursday.


I called Dimples to whine and cry about it.

So I whined and cried about it.

He stayed positive.

I really really don't want the set-back that surgery will be.

So I had a pity party all the way home.

Stupid girl.

When I got home I was all excited to sit down and watch Oprah when I had the rug pulled out from under me and the pity party stopped.

God has a way of jerking you right back into reality when you start to care too much about your own junk.

There, on the newscast, was the news that a former student had died.

A former student that I really, make that loved.

He was a great kid. He went through a lot. I won't get into it here because I don't want to use his passing as entertainment.

Sufice it to say that all of us who knew him are heartbroken and as he is the son of someone of notoriety so the media jumped onto it.

Damn the media...

And that is all I have to say about that...except that my pity party ended there and then.

Thank you, God, for reminding this stupid girl that life has hills and then there are is a hill..losing a child is a mountain...Everest....

So we waited for the great snowstorm...that never happened.

We woke up

All the schools had cancelled classes so the kids had a snow day that wasn't a snow day.

I managed to get up to the club and gave myself a spin class that made my Dimples proud of me.

I sat on that darn bike for over an hour and a half...sweating out grief and frustration and riding while I could since I might get grounded after next week.

Stupid knee killed me later...

Last night I went to a party. Thankfully it was at Extravanessa's house across the street. I met up with GOTT and GOTTESS there (GOTTESS and I enjoy walking around parties together saying how we are both GOTT's wife.).

It was a great party...lots of fun...great to see some friends I haven't seen in a while.

And I will say that I enjoyed hearing the kudos on my weight loss...I'll be vain and admit that it felt good. Very good.

Very very good.

4 glasses of champagne, a crab cake, 2 tiny empenadas, and 2 cookies later I think it is safe to say that parties are NOT a safe place for me.

Stupid girl for not eating before the party...but Extravanessa always has great food so I didn't...

But a girl needs to let loose every once in a while and since all I had to do was walk across the street, I let loose...

And confessed to Dimples...

of course it didn't help that I was texting said confession while eating Ethiopian food with my kids.

Stupid I have a whole 2 days worth of sins to pay for.

So for now, this stupid girl is going to keep going...

And what will be will be...the MRI will let me know.

And I'll cross THAT bridge when I come to it. Because worrying about it won't change it...

And that is NOT being stupid...THAT is being smart.

Inspiration Song: "Stupid Girl" by Garbage. Because sometimes I can really be a stupid girl. Like when I go running at 5:45 in the morning on asphalt...THAT was stupid because that is how I did this to myself. I have a smart trainer...he just has a stupid client.

Bye Darlings...don't be stupid.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Cold as Ice

Actually, it was colder than ice.

I live in Texas for the HEAT.

Cold is not my temperature.

I like it hot...I love summer...I don't mind sweating...

100 degrees outside = love it

On Monday I was sweating through my workout.

This morning...notsomuch.

I have determined that Dimples is the most dedicated and sweet trainer that a girl could ever have...because he braved the cold for "Mama Bootcamp" this morning and basically became a human popsicle all in the name of getting me and my friends into better shape.

We work out in a park. A park we love.


He got to the park a few minutes before me. Then he sent me a picture of some of the ice patches on the ground. It was a balmy 27 degrees.

Now I know those of you who live in colder climates are laughing that I am complaining about 27 degrees, but remember that you would probably melt in my August heat here in Texas.

It's all relative...

And relatively speaking, I'll take the heat over the cold.

We piled out of our cars with our piled-on clothes and set about to try and get hot...or at least warmed up.

I had on a tank, an Under Armor cold-gear long-sleeved top, and another Under Armor long-sleeved t-shirt...and a fleece jacket. A pair of gloves and glove liners. Pants.

Ah, the pants...

the pants that no longer fit...too big (yay!) and kept annoyingly falling down so I had to remove my gloves to hike them back up. I'm giving them away...

My friend Jantastic ('cause she's fantastic)only had a pair of riding gloves so I gave her my fleece ones.

I call that love...mostly cause I just love her but also cause she is a sorority sister so Pi Phi love always wins out...

Dimples had 2 bootcamps this at 8 and one at 9.

I did both of them.


(yes that was a few blogs ago...)

I loved it until my knee decided that it demanded to be heard.

So my knee wanted me to tell Dimples that it woke me up in the middle of the night last night throbbing and that it was giving me some grief this morning. I was going to blame the cold but at this point it was being pretty insistant that I tell him the full extent of what it was feeling/doing and he put a halt to some of my work.

I promised him I would always tell him the truth about pain so I was holding to that promise. Up until today I had some pain but not to the extent that I felt the need to call my orthopedic doctor.

Suffice it to say that tomorrow I am seeing the doctor at 4 unless it snows here and fouls everything up.

I'll let you know...

I once heard it said that "we get one icicle in this city and it all shuts down"...well, we're gonna get an icicle tomorrow and the city will shut down.

Dimples and I have found an alternative place for our workout.


But as soon as we can get back to the park...well, I am so so so there!

I've never liked the cold. You've read my ski stories and having grown up in Kingsville where I remember snow exactly ONE time, cold weather is a bother but not the norm. So I hate it...

Today to warm myself up I played a lot of "sunny and warm" music:
"Island in the Sun" by Weezer
"Island Girl" by Elton John
"Soak up the Sun" by Sheryl Crow

Right now I wish I was on Poipu Beach in Kauai...or on St. Thomas...

But it will warm back up in a week or so and the snow and icicles will be forgotten.

And for all my friends who live with the snow and ice all winter long...I'm thinking about you and hoping you are staying warm and cozy.

Because today, I was cold as ice...

at least I got to light the fire in my fireplace...

Inspiration Song: "Cold as Ice" by Foreigner...great song...great band...

Bye Darlings...stay warm!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Pop Music

I have over 2800 songs in my iTunes library...not all of them are on my iPhone (iPod), but most of them are.

I like music...

I have all kinds of music:
Rock (classic mostly)
alternative (mostly pop-alt)
movie soundtracks
a little country (but not much)
dance tracks
a few classical selections
some "old school" R&B (think Earth, Wind, & Fire)

I make a lot of playlists...I like to just start up the iPod and have a set of songs to listen to.

Ke$ha Barbie spends hours and hours making playlists and listening to music. She probably has 100 playlists.

Mine are not that extensive...

She gets her love of music from me. I got my love of music from both of my parents...but probably mostly from my father.

I started her music education early...including the whole episode I blogged about before when she thought a record album was a "big black cd".

Once she was singing a was a Beyonce/Destiny's Child song...


so there she is in the backseat of my suburban singing "Bootylicious" and saying how much she loves Beyonce (I do too...) and I hear the sample in the song of Stevie Nick's "Edge of 17".

She (Ke$ha Barbie) says she loves that Beyonce song...especially the "music part".

She was referring to the sample of "Edge of 17".

I literally pulled over and stopped the car.

Dug out a cd...

shoved it into the cd player

and reminded her that as great as Beyonce was...

Stevie was first.

And she did it better.

And then a few years later the Dixie Chicks sang "Landslide". I had to give her a lesson again that...

Stevie was first.

And did it better.

Ke$ha Barbie and I don't agree on all of our music...but we probably have about 30-40% of our libraries in common.

I taught her classic rock...Frampton, Eagles, Aerosmith, Led Zepplin, Fleetwood Mac.

She taught me: Muse, Julian Casablancas, Arcade Fire, Jimmy Eat World, Phoenix.

I played the Beatles for her. Took her (and The Cutest Boy in the World) to see "Beatles LOVE" at the Mirage in Las Vegas. She has almost all of Lennon/McCartney's songs on her iPod now...

We only disagree on who we like better...I'm on "Team Paul" and she is "John" all the way...

But we both agree that George Harrison was the cutest of them and the most soulful.

As to Ringo...

no real opinion there.

But he has some fun stuff too...

I always feel a little victory when I discover a song or band before her. Like today when I told her that I had already downloaded "Houdini" by Foster the People...she hadn't even heard it yet.


And I also feel a little victory when she says things like:
The Eagles really had great harmony
Steve Miller is awesome
Frampton was a guitar god

and she has enough sense to think that Justin Bieber is the lamest excuse for a pop star EVER and that the Jonas Brothers are a blemish on the music industry.

My blog
My Opinion

Of course I am a woman who shamelessly has Barry Manilow on her iPod and is happy about it.

And I have a helluva lot of disco too...not all of it "good" disco (I can hear you all saying "is there such a thing as GOOD disco?").

By "good" I mean: Bee Gees, KC & the Sunshine Band, and Donna Summer

and then you have the old school R&B stuff that was almost disco-like...Brothers Johnson (I challenge you NOT to dance when you hear "Stomp"), S.O.S. Band ("Take your Time, do it right), GAP Band, and some of the stuff that Earth, Wind and Fire did (September).

Ke$ha Barbie does not like ANY of that...but then again I hate Vampire Weekend and the Arctic Monkeys so I guess we are even.

I give music to JayVee, J'taime Jamie all the time...they indulge me and play my stuff during spin class. My latest obessions are with a mash-up of Teenage Dream (Katie Perry) and Get Outta My Way (Kylie) or the new Taio Cruz song (Higher). And JayVee always throws in some classic rock for us too...

I once said I would put some playlists on this blog...stuff to get you moving and grooving. I couldn't decide whether to go with a theme (like Disco or 80's) but settled on a good mix that hopefully most of you have on your iPod...I'll do some "theme" ones another day.

These are all good for cardio work...use the beat (rhythm)to set your pace. I won't use anything "scary" or too offbeat (so no Evanescence---although "Bring me to Life" is awesome to warm-up with---or anything too in to the alternative zone).

"Genie in a Bottle" Christina Aguilera
"Speed of Sound" Coldplay

Go fast:
"September" Earth Wind & Fire

Hard Climb (high tension)
"Where You Going Now?" Damn Yankees

Interval (fast and slow):
"I'm Still Standing" Elton John

Steady pace...but quick:
"Train in Vain" Clash
"Ready to Start" Arcade Fire

Climb again:
"4 Minutes" Madonna

"Raise your Glass" Pink

Steady but quick:
"Take it Off" or "We R who we R" Ke$ha\
"Viva la Vida" Coldplay

"Club Can't Handle Me" FloRida
"Thnks for the Mmrs" Fall Out Boy

"Waiting for You" or "Kiss from a Rose" Seal

"Teenage Dream" Katy Perry (try and find the Kylie mash-up)
"Panic Switch" Silversun Pickups
"Get Outta My Way" Kylie Minogue

"I just Want to Run" The Downtown Fiction

Cool Down:
"Drops of Jupiter" Train

So there are some ideas of some music for you to use whether you spin, walk, run, or do the elliptical or arc trainer.

I've got disco lists, pop-alt lists, classic rock, etc. so if you don't like what you see, send me a message and I'll find you something you like.

The main idea is to MOVE...and if you use a beat, you will move better.

Wouldn't you rather hear Train than the ladies on the View anyway? Turn off the tv and turn on your music and get moving...

Inspiration Song: "Pop Music" by M...Spinderella gave us a dose of it this morning and even though my glutes were screaming by the end of it, it was fun to spin to...

Bye Darlings...let the music play....