Thursday, May 31, 2012

La Femme Parallel

My dear old friend LovelyLinda told me the other day that she really enjoyed reading the blogs about my youth and the times with my dad.  Her husband worked for my dad and most of Daddy's employees were not employees...they were family.  So she's like family.  And how can I turn down the request of the woman who HAND MADE me a quilt as a wedding gift?  The quilt lasted longer than the marriage...and it is a treasure to me to this day...someday I will put grandbabies to sleep on it...

So LovelyLinda...and SuperSharon (who was my Daddy's overqualified assistant who was more mother to me than anyone at a crucial time in my life...she helped Daddy but more importantly to me she helped me survive)...this is for  you...

So about 1980 we were sitting around the double-wide trailer we were living in (the house was not completed so we lived in a double wide trailer...complete with a Charles Russell painting hanging on the wall and some pricey antiques...that was my Daddy's style) when Daddy asked what we wanted to do for Spring Break.

Being me, I answered (fully knowing it wouldn't happen but wanting to sound smart): "I want to go to London and Paris".

I was 15.

My stepmonster that was a shock.

So Daddy said...yes.



We were going to go to London and Paris.

I immediately began to read up on both cities and somehow located a book in the library that taught me how to read a French menu...that was how I tricked Daddy into eating eggplant. (See Blog called "Red Red Wine").

So SuperSharon was given the task of planning our trip.  She should have been a travel was the perfect trip.

We left from New York.

On the Concorde.

Now lest you think I am just bragging here or cavalier about it me, I know how very very privileged I was to lead the life I did.  It was amazing...and it was all by accident of my birth.

I do not lead that life now.

Nor do I need to.

So we go to the lounge for the Concorde at JFK and as we are waiting the most beautiful woman I have ever seen (next to my Mommy of course) comes in wearing dark sunglasses and a gorgeous mink coat.  She had beautiful blonde hair and carried herself like a queen.  She was with a French man who was older than she was.

My dad says: "Now THERE is a chickipoo!" (that was his word for a gorgeous woman---chickipoo).

She was stunning...I couldn't stop staring.  She had eyes for no one but the French man.

He was Louis Malle.

She was Candace Bergman.

God, but she truly was gorgeous.  And to this day the memory of her in that coat sitting in that lounge is the most glamorous vision I have ever had.

I live and breathe to one day look that amazing...

She was at the height of her beauty.  You could tell she was a movie star.  She wasn't snotty...just so very very gorgeous and elegant.

So we get on the plane...and heavens that thing was like riding in a needle...and we take off and the crew proceeds to feed us a lot of amazing French food...even caviar...but I passed that forward to my Daddy cause I don't much care for caviar...or at least I didn't then...

We landed in Paris and it was jet lag on the Concorde.  Pretty amazing.

We went to the Plaza Athenee...quite a hotel.  It's the one where Carrie runs away from Baryshnikov and goes to Big in Sex and the City.  She was wearing a spectacular couture gown...there was no couture on me in Paris that time...or ever...

I guess it was the next day that my stepmonster decided we should go shopping.  I wanted to go to the Louvre.  But I wanted to shop I didn't complain much.

We ended up in some store where my stepmother (ok, I'll stop calling her stepmonster) wanted something "but in blue...not red like this".

My Daddy could not speak a word of French.

And everywhere we went they would point at him and say "Le JR?" (from Dallas...cause he looked a tiny bit like Larry Hagman but really it was the hat and cowboy boots...I mean, who wears cowboy boots and a cowboy hat in Paris).

No, he was NOT "Le JR"...thank goodness.

And yes, that went on for the entire trip...even in London but there it was "is that JR?"

So Daddy tries to ask the saleswoman about whatever it was that my stepmother wanted and there is a communication barrier.

Until Daddy asked her if she spoke Spanish.

There...that fixed it...communication at last.

I was fuming because it meant that once again my father was right...I should have learned to speak Spanish at least to be able to converse in it.

Next thing he knows, Daddy has a line of Americans asking him to translate.

Later that night we were tired and Daddy told me, Noel, and Sarita to shower up before dinner so we could have an early one at the hotel and go to bed early.  That was the night of my Daddy accidentally eating eggplant and liking it.

So before we headed to the hotel dining room, Sarita was first up to bat for the bathroom.

When we checked in she pointed to the bidet in our bathroom and said "why is that here?".

She was about 12.

To be mean and awful, I told her that it was "for washing your feet.  The French are dirty people and sometimes they don't bathe...they just wash their its for washing feet".

Noel didn't correct me.

I'm not sure she knew what it was for herself.  I did...and a year later there would be a bidet in my bathroom and the guest bathroom and my stepmonster's bathroom (there was also one in the house my mother lived in in Houston).  My stepmother thought they were "classy" and informed me my bedroom was to become a guest bedroom the minute I graduated from high school.

Funny was never a guest room..just my brother's room...he liked it cause it had outside doors he could sneak out of.  Don't know what he ever did with the bidet...don't want to know either...

So Sarita heads to the bathroom and I hear water running...a strange sound that did NOT sound like a shower.

Then there was screaming...

a lot of screaming.

I ran into the bathroom...there was water everywhere and that bidet was jetting up like a fountain.

She couldn't get it to turn off.

Seems she had decided to take a "French bath" and was just going to wash her face and...feet.  You know how 12 year olds are...they don't always want to bathe.

So there was an inch of water all over the marble floor of the bathroom, water spraying everywhere and my sister screaming non stop.

Noel and I just stood there laughing and trying not to slip.

Daddy came running into the bathroom when he heard the screaming.


Yup...he slipped and fell down onto the floor and proceed to slide as if he was on a "slip-n-slide" across the bathroom floor until he crashed into the bathtub.

Lots of four letter words were said.

Lots of laughing from us..and my stepmother.

After a few "what the hell where you thinking?"s he managed to get the water to turn off.

As we stood in the watery mess of a bathroom (no dry dry toilet dry anything), he asked "why did you turn on the bidet?".

Sarita explained that she was trying to wash her feet.

He asked "why in the bidet?"

And she said "Anice said it was for washing feet.  Isn't it for washing feet?".

At that point I had a near-death experience and pretty much knew that I had little to no chance of scoring any fun French fashion the next day for my little lie...

He looks at me and says "is that what you told her it was for?"

I slowly nodded yes...and I have to admit I was still I had to nod...

Sarita says "well?  isn't it for washing feet?"

At that point my father looks from her to me to her to the bidet to the floor to her to was like a movie...

And then he slowly said...

"yes, it is for washing feet"

Guess he didn't want to explain what a bidet was for to a 12 year old girl....

He left the bathroom...and informed me to "use your best French since you can't speak Spanish and barely can speak English and get the maid up here to help you clean up!"

I called down and asked for towels...a lot of them...and explained what happened.  Thank goodness the woman in housekeeping spoke English.  But I don't think she prepared the maid who came up for what had happened.

The maid walks in and cheerliy says "Bonsoir" as happily as a little bird...a little bird carrying towels.

She took one look at the bathroom and the little bird disappeared and she was not very happy.

Her "Bonsoir" as she left was not very happy either.

We did try to help her clean it took a lot of towels....

We did all shower (even Sarita...although the fountain from the bidet could have qualified but ick!) and had a nice dinner.

My Daddy forgave us and actually laughed about it...and for years to come.

And THAT, my friends is my BEST French story...

Years later I would go with my mom to France...I did not turn on the bidet...all the bathrooms during our trip were safe.

I have some great shopping stories from that day but that is for another blog and another day...

Inspiration Song; "La Femme Parallel" by Thievery Corporation.  J'taime Jamie (who is from Louisiana but is not French) plays it for us at the end of Body Pump...beautiful song...nice to stretch to...and it is about the only French song I have on my iPod.

Adieu Darlings...bidets are for feet washing...and making a bathroom into a poor Daddy...what he did to deserve us is beyond me...

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Burning Down the House

I just sat outside and watched my son make a paper boat and then set it on fire in the pool.

He was highly amused.

He used aerosol glue to make it flame up even more.

What is it with boys and fire?

He likes to try and set things on fire all the time...once he put glue in a shovel and set it on fire (yes, I was outside holding a hose and witnessing it).

He likes to light things up and burn them.

I often am afraid that my house is going to burn down as a result of all this "fun with fire".

Like I said...what is it with boys and fire?

There are soooooo many things about the male species that confound me.

It would be so much easier if I was a lesbian...I "get" women (but NOT teenage girls).

But alas, I like men...just far as a partner in life goes.  I like men...

But I don't "get" them...and the strange things they do and like...

Like...take the show "Jackass" for example.  Men like that show. I will admit to being amused more than once or twice by it.  But only the "stupid" things they do...not the "gross" things they do (like eating "yellow snow", I just can't go there...yellow snow is gross enough).

Once I saw the Jackass guys fill a hotel hallway with beach balls and they tried to "surf" on the beach balls...body surf...

Now THAT was funny...and I watched it with a male friend and we laughed so hard we were wiping tears from our eyes and we were tempted right then and there to go to Walmart and buy every beach ball we could get and throw them in a hall just to try it.  Of course some idiot on the show managed to bang his head into the corner of part of the hallway and knocked himself silly...and that ALMOST stopped us from grabbing the keys and heading to Walmart.  What DID finally keep us from that fateful Walmart trip was that we just didn't have a proper hallway to do it in...and maybe a lick of sense hit us.

But boy it was funny...and it DID look fun.

I discussed this with KuteKaren the other night...she saw the same thing...and agreed it did look like an awesome thing to do...and thankfully she and I did not head to Walmart for the beach balls.

But next time I go to Palm Beach with her we just might...the Hampton Inn had a great hallway for it.

But I digress...

Men like shows like "Jackass"...and although I do not think that much of it is THAT funny I will admit to finding some of it funny...just not like most men and teenage boys do.

Men also like video games.

Call of Duty

NBA something or other...

Madden football...

Assassin's Creed

How do I know the names of these games...because I have a teenage boy who practically LIVES on Xbox when he is not at school or playing sports.

I think I once mentioned that my ex spent an entire Sunday playing "Tetris" on the Nintendo.

My son tried to teach me to play a few games on the Xbox.

I was, as he put it, a total failure at it.  A total and complete and utter failure at it.  He tried several games and each time I got confused as to what button to push or when to push it.  He finally switched the game off and found us a video to watch.

The other day he tried to teach me how to throw and catch a lacrosse ball with a lacrosse stick.  I did manage to throw the ball and he would catch it.  But 9 times out of 10 I would miss when he would hurl it at me.  I was thinking I was pretty good at "throwing" it but I think all it really was is that my son is pretty darn good at catching that ball in the net of his stick.

For safety he was teaching me while we were in the pool.  I was afraid there was one of those funny video shows filming us because a mom learning to catch a lax ball while wearing a bikini in a pool would make for a pretty good funny video...especially if that mom was me.

I had a lacrosse coach once try to teach me how to throw the ball (with the stick) into a net.  After a few attempts he gently took the stick from my hand and informed me that I was a very pretty woman who obviously had many skills...and I smelled really good...but that he was afraid if I kept trying I was going to hurt one or both of us...and I think he valued all of his body parts...and once or twice that ball shot out and almost maimed some body parts I am pretty sure that man was very fond of.

I was wearing a skirt and heels at the I asked him another time to show me how to do it (when I was dressed in shorts and had sneakers on so I could move easily) and one of the other coaches warned him not to...that coach knew me pretty well and knew that yes, I had skills and that throwing a lax ball into a net was not one of them.

But men will stand and do silly things like continually throwing a ball into a lax net.  My son did it today...against the side of my house.  He managed to hit me in the head a few times with the ball...but he kept at it despite my reminding him that he was going to be doing it from 6:00-8:30 tonight at his lacrosse camp.

Men will shoot baskets endlessly...throw footballs endlessly...putt golf palls endlessly...etc.

And they are amused by it.

But they won't pick their underwear up off the floor.

They will sit in a deer blind in the freezing cold and still not get a deer and yet say they had fun.

They will sit in a freezing stadium and watch their team lose and still say they had fun.

But ask them to go outside and put up Xmas lights when it is 40 degrees out and they will tell you it is too cold.

I know this is another "whining about men" blog...but today as I watched my son light a paper boat on fire I just thought....

"Why are guys so weird?"

I'm living with one...and he is the cutest and best thing in the world...and he totally confuses me about 90% of the time.

How the hell do I expect to live with a grown-up one?

I failed at it once...

Maybe I just need a questionnaire that says "do you light things on fire?  Do you think farts are funny? Does the show Jackass amuse you?"

and if he says yes to any of the above I might just have to make a run for it...but then again I live with one who would say "yes" to all of the above and I love him more than anything in this world.


Just one more thing I will have to deal with if a really good looking man who drives a big-ass truck ever comes my way...

He probably will like to set things on fire...

But maybe, just maybe, he will go to Walmart and get a bunch of beach balls we can body surf on in a hallway...

after all, he would have room in that truck bed for all those balls...

Inspiration Song: "Burning Down the House" by the Talking Heads...there are other versions of the song but in my opinion this is the only one that counts...

Bye NOT let your teenage son burn down the house by trying to recreate the scene from "St. Elmo's Fire" where Rob Lowe sets hairspray on fire for Demi Moore...mine wants to so very badly...not burn down the house...just light the hairspray on fire...

Monday, May 28, 2012

We Are Young

Both of my kids "graduated" in the last 10 days...

Ke$ha Barbie from high school...big darn deal!  She is off to Tufts in the fall and will also get to study art at the School at the Museum of Fine Arts Boston.  Being the talented artist and photographer she is I know she will do well.  She has thrilled me with her choice to study Art History while at Tufts.  I can't wait for HER to teach ME about Rothko...

My son "graduated" from the 8th grade...from a school he has attended since he was 3...and a little longer if you count the times he had a "fun day" in the children's center there (a mommy's day out type of thing).

I have driven one or both of my children to that school every day for 14 years.  I am more attached to it than they are.  My son has "so moved on" to the high school that his sister attended...but for me, well driving him to school that last day was heartbreaking.

It meant so many things...

He was moving on to high school.

My son was growing up.

The place that for 14 years had nurtured my children was no longer going to be "their school".

And on a personal level I have made so many friends there...D-Nice, KuteKaren, KaringKathy (more on her later), Athenagal, and so many more.  And I have become more than friends with some of the teachers...GOTT (my "husband"...and thanks to that I can count GOTTESS as one of my dearest and best friends...but I would love her even if she had nothing to do with GOTT), TTG, Bacchus, my sweet and precious friend the history teacher (that was terrified after I was out of breath from walking the stairs with me and that sent me on my way to losing the weight), MarvelousMargaret, The Lit Queen (my son's English teacher), and so many more.  They are all people I truly truly love.

So yeah...after 14 years I am having trouble letting go...of many things.

Ke$ha Barbie's graduation was easily the proudest moment of my life.

I have not done one thing in this world that matched the feeling of love and pride I felt that night as I watched her walk into her school's stadium and then receive that diploma.  It is a tough school...and she learned so much there...and was introduced to her future (her photography)...and made friends and learned so much more than what was taught in the classroom.  She is going to an excellent university.


And I can't stop it...

Same thing with my son.

I was once told by a terrible and bossy woman (who was not my friend) that I was "discounting" my son when I compared him to my daughter.


She did that to her own kids (KuteKaren and D-Nice and Rowdy Roy and I discussed this the other night).


My children are two very different individuals.

Ke$ha Barbie is totally a Mac...

The Cutest Boy in the World (TCBITW) is a PC.

Both are great computers...both let you find things on Google.  One is not better than the's just a user thing.

I, myself, am typing this blog on a Mac.  I have a Mac because I love the giant screen and how the computer works.  But I know how to us a PC quite well too.

Does that mean I understand my Mac better? daughter tells me I am (and this is her horrible term) "Mac-tarded".

I am also Ke$ha Barbie-tarded.

(See the blog titled "Teenage Daughters").

I actually "get" TCBITW a bit better than I do my little Mac princess.

I can also be "PC-stupid".

Yes, boys (and men) allude me often.

So even when I compare my children I want to assure all of you out there in blog-land that I love my children equally and passionately and am equally proud of both of them.

Even if I use a Mac...

I may use it by I don't usually get it...same with Ke$ha Barbie.

But despite all of that, watching her get that diploma literally made me realize how incredibly lucky I am to be her mother.  She is a gift to me...and a gift to the world.

And my son, even though it was "just" 8th grade graduation...well, I was just as proud.  He is an amazing child.  I am lucky to be his mother too.

Ke$ha Barbie's graduation reminded me of my own graduation from high school.

I don't remember much...

No, it's not that I was drunk or anything...I just don't remember too much about it other than being happy my family was there and that it was hot as hell in the stadium.

And that the A/V club (do they still have A/V clubs?) messed up the senior slide show and played "Foreplay" instead of "Long Time" by Boston which was our class song.

I had a party at the house afterwards but everyone was terrified of my father and that is mostly what I remember about that night.  That and my friend Kris and I making the worst margaritas in the world.

My mother and I left soon after for a trip to Europe (where we had a stop in NYC and I got to visit Studio 54...twice...but that was so 2 blogs ago).  I'll blog about that another day...yes, it was very much "National Lampoon's European Vacation".

AngelAmy posted a photo on facebook of the two of us when we were about 17.  We went to one of those portrait studios where they dress you up in old clothes and make the photo look as if it was taken 100 years ago.  I remember AngelAmy and her size 00 body easily fitting into the old wedding dress.  I had my hair pinned up and as I look at it now I see my mother and my daughter in myself in it...except they are (were) far more beautiful than I...but I love that we all favor each other.  And I love AngelAmy for finding that old photo and reminding me of the fun time we had when we went to the mall and took it.  Thank goodness there are only photos of us at that age...I can only imagine how horrifying video would be...

On Saturday I got to celebrate graduation with several of my friends.

KaringKathy's daughter who I love to call "Gingerlocks" (because she has the MOST beautiful red hair that I so envy and she is gorgeous) graduated Saturday morning and I celebrated with her family that day at a lovely luncheon at our club.  I was honored to be one of the guests as I have watched Gingerlocks grow from an adorable toddler to the lovely young woman she is today.  I have enjoyed the journey with her mom...and she has turned out to be a girl I would proudly call my own.

Speed Racer also graduated Saturday remember him from my blog about the races ("I can't drive 55").  He is KuteKaren and Rowdy Roy's son.  He is a great young I would also be so very proud to call my own.  He and his sister Super Sarah love to do things that scare me (him with the racing...her with the horse jumping) but I love them very much and I was so happy to celebrate his accomplishment with his parents.

And D-Nice also joined KuteKaren and I in the celebration.  Her son, whom I shall call "The Boy Who Would be Mine" (TBWWBM...I totally would claim him as mine) also graduated last week.  He is incredible.  I have loved watching him grow from the sweet child he was to the sweet and gorgeous young man he is today.  He is going to be a doctor.  Thank goodness cause his mama and I need SOMEONE to take care of us!

Other friends' children are graduating kills and thrills me at the same time.  I have known and loved most of them since they were tiny tots...they are now such fine young men and women...and a blessing and treasure to their parents...and me...I love them all...

So I watch my children sleep most of the morning and start to enjoy their summer.  My son spent today trying to teach me how to "shoot" and catch a lacrosse ball and shooting holes in his old school notebook with an airsoft gun.  My daughter returned from a trip to the beach and now has assorted friends hanging out in my yard and pool.

Summer is here...they are young...they have so much ahead of them...

And I plan to enjoy every second of it.

Because before I know it, Ke$ha Barbie will be graduating from Tufts and my son will be walking down the track of that high school to get his diploma.

And I will continue to be lucky to be their mother...

Inspiration Song: "We Are Young" by Fun.  Great little song...starts off a bit rough but it's still a great song...and my children, even though they feel so grown up at times, are still young...

Bye Darlings...treasure every goes too quickly...

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


I like the color pink...

No make that LOVE the color pink...almost any shade of pink too...

I love very girly shades of pink: bubblegum pink...cotton candy pink...princess pink...rose

I love soft shades of pink: baby pink...ballet slipper pink...nude pink...babyskin pink..."Mary Kay" pink...

I love bright pink shades: hot pink...neon pink...fuchsia...magenta...shocking pink...ultra pink...

And I love variations on pink: coral pink...lavender pink...salmon...

I love all shades of pink...I am drawn to pink.

But it is not my favorite color...purple is...but pink comes very very close.

I like pink in combination with other with black...soft pink with brown...cotton candy pink with pink and bright on and white stripes...

I wear a lot of pink.  And right now my handbag of choice is a bright shocking pink leather satchel that Ke$ha Barbie pronounced "ridiculous" but what does she know...

I have a lot of pink lingerie...I feel pretty when I wear it or sleep in it...I'm a sucker for a pretty pink bra or chemise.  Bought a new pink and black bra just today...why?  because it was pretty...and pink...(and yes I am fully aware that is a movie title...God but I did love John Hughes movies and I did love that one!)

I love pink blush, eyeshadow and especially lipstick...I must have at least 25 shades of pink lipstick.

I love pink nails...right now I am sporting Chanel's "May" color and will probably rock it all summer because I love seeing it on my nails and toes.

I like pink wine...I like Rose...but only the real "white zinfandel" for me...real rose...

I love pink champagne...the color...the just seems more festive.

I enjoy drinking a cosmo...cause it's pink...and it tastes good...and it has vodka in it...same goes for a pomegranate martini...or a strawberry or pomegranate mojito (which I am fully aware has rum but I like rum too...just not as much as vodka...)

I like pink food...I love shrimp...I love salmon...I love HEB "Love" dip (oh boy do I love that dip).  I prefer deep red steak but I will eat it if it is "pink" (medium rare...but I prefer rare).  I love strawberry cupcakes and strawberry mousse for dessert.

I'm drawn to the color pink in artwork...Rothko used it and I love his paintings that have any shade of pink featured in them.  And Christo and Jeanne-Claude did an installation artwork that surrounded islands in Biscayne Bay with pink fabric that is my all-time favorite of their crazy brand of art.

I have always secretly longed for a pink Cadillac...convertible...

I like the singer Pink...she's cool...

I'm a big supporter of breast cancer awareness and any pink ribbon project...I'll buy things just because there is a pink ribbon on it.

I really want a pink Kitchenaid mixer...I have a white one but I really want a pink one.

I buy rubber scrapers that are pink...cause I love to stir with them when I cook.

I have a pink cover for my makes me happy to look at it...both the cover and the iPad.

I have a bright fuchsia pink Victoria's Secret t-shirt with ruched sides that for some strange reason I get a lot of compliments on.  In fact, I threw it on today and despite the fact that I was wearing yoga pants and a t-shrit I felt pretty.  I once had it on when I was introduced to a really good looking man and as we exchanged pleasantries I was wishing I had something else on but later he told me "between that pink t shirt and the way you smelled and all that blonde hair,  I'm not sure I remember much else about what was said when we met but you sure looked pretty and smelled fantastic"...very nice...thankyouverymuch...not sure if it was really the t-shrit or the Angel perfume but I quit regretting the shirt.  You never know what will turn a man's head...even a hot pink t-shirt.

I have some new hair products that I first I was attracted by the pink colored containers but they really work.  I have thin, flat, fine hair.  This stuff makes me look almost like a rock star.  In fact it's called "Michael O'Rourke Rock Your Hair"...there is a shampoo (the bomb!), a volumizing hair spray ("Spray it Hard"), Root Volumizer  ("Size Matters"), and this amazing hair powder that somehow makes your's called "Bombshell".  You put a little in your palm, get it onto your fingers and then scrunch it into your hair and roots and voila!  Big volume.  You can get it on Amazon. Here is a link to the hair powder:

You can find the other stuff from that Amazon me on this one...and it all smells good...and it is in the cutest hot pink containers with sequined hearts on it.

My other "must have" beauty product line is...Mary Kay.


Mary Kay...

I hear the gasps out there...especially those of you who know I have a Sephora store on my countertop.

But this is NOT your mother's Mary Kay...

If you haven't bought a Mary Kay product recently...well, don't know Mary Kay.

A few month's ago JayVee's daughter, KuteKassidy, starting selling Mary Kay as a way to earn money to pay for her tuition to dental hygenist school (she will be amazing...and beat out something like 250 other candidates to be accepted).

I went to the party she had and gave the products a try as Kass demonstrated them for us.  I knew about Satin Hands because my Aunt Jane (the best person in the world) gave it to me and it is my favorite way to make my hands feel good.  But the rest of the product line was unfamiliar.

Kass started showing us other things...and I knew I found a new favorite beauty line.

I can't live without my Satin Lips.

And my skin would literally dry up without the TimeWise line of products.

My skin literally drinks in the TimeWise Night Restore cream...and it doesn't leave me greasy or break me out.  The eye cream is the BOMB.

And the TimeWise body care line...well, I wish they sold it in gallon size because I am going to be going through bottle after bottle of both the Visibly Fit body lotion and the toning lotion.  They sink right in, hydrate amazingly, and smell fantastic.  My skin never felt better...and I have been laying in the sun so I should be dried up like a prune but I'm not.

Some man would be very very lucky to feel how soft I am...there isn't one (a man)...but someone WOULD be lucky.  In the meantime I love how good my skin feels.

So I'll make a little deal with's Kass' website.  If you order anything from the TimeWise line FROM HER and you don't love what you ordered, I'll buy it from you!  One must try it for at least a week!  I say from the TimeWise line because that is what I use the most so I can totally back it up.

Feel free to order other products from her as well...ALL of it is great...ALL of it.  It is NOT an old lady fact they have some great stuff for teens as well.  And don't forget to get some Satin Lips and Satin Hands...and then say "ahhhh...".

And feel good that you are helping her pay for her education...and one day maybe a pink Cadillac of her own...she can give me a ride!  And she is the SWEETEST  person ever...she will be so happy to help you...and if you need to ask her questions or want to get in touch with her because you want to know more (or book a party or makeover), call or email me.  I won't give her number here but I will give you her website.

Here is the link to her website: can have rock star hair and fabulous skin...and be in the pink...just like me!

Inspiration Song: "Pink" by Aerosmith...cause it's Aerosmith...and I like Pink!

Bye Darlings...well, just tickle me pink...

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Dim All the Lights

Hello my darlings...

have you missed me?

I have missed you...and blogging...but my life has been CRAZY with Ke$ha Barbie graduating, The Cutest Boy in the World (TCBITW) graduating from 8th grade, helping GOTT with the 8th grade musical, trips to Schlitterbahn, etc.

I will blog about all of that once I have settled myself and stuff around me down...

So instead I think today's blog will be about the Queen of Disco---DONNA SUMMER!

I'll admit it...I'm a fan...

I'll also admit...ok taking a deep breath before I type it...I LIKE DISCO MUSIC.

You see today I got to thinking  about Donna, and her music, and my youth during the days of disco as I was lounging in the sun...

Because today the fact that I am NO LONGER YOUNG came back to haunt me.  I pulled a glute muscle I was laying in the lounge chair trying not to hurt and started thinking about Donna and disco.

How did I pull the glute you ask?

Of course you always want to know the stupid things I do to get into these situations I call my crazy life.

This is a good story...

So yesterday, after spin class, J'taime Jamie is leading us through stretches and she has us get into "pigeon" (I didn't know it was called "pigeon"...I thought it was a hurdle stretch).  So there we are with our front leg folded in front of us and our back leg extended behind...stretching...and she has us go to "monkey" which is basically the splits...or try to do the splits.

I figure "what the heck" and try it and lo and behold my friend JoJo says "look Anice can do the splits!" and there are gasps of awe and amazement all around...well, not really...I was the only one gasping...

So yeah, at my age of "??" years I can still do the splits!

So today when we were stretching after spin J'taime Jamie does the splits and says "Anice can do it too!  Show them!".

You know...there are times that showing off will bite you in the butt...or in this case, tear up your butt muscles...

So I go into the splits...from standing...and as I slide gracefully into position all is well until I feel a "pop" sort of feeling and then...

well, hell....

so as I type this I am sitting on an ice pack...and swallowing advil by the handful (not really but I am taking it on schedule).

But earlier today, as I was laying down in the sun like a lazy lizard---nursing a raging hangover (yes, I did spin class with a raging hangover...sweated out chardonnay...Trainer Girl and I decided to try LOTS of wines last night)---I started thinking about my disco days.

Not that I had many disco days...

But I can tell you that I went to Studio 54 in NYC in the summer of 1982 not once but twice!

I saw things there that NO 17 year old girl should see.

I also had a blast.

And I was with my mother took me to Studio 54...

We were on my "graduation trip" and left out of and returned to NYC on our European Adventure.  I will have to blog about that sometime this summer...we did have some adventures that time...but going to Studio 54 might have been the biggest adventure of all.

We were with some friends that lived in NYC...our friend Star (yes, that is her real name) who was a prima ballerina and her hubby and some of their friends...including an incredibly creepy 27 year old guy who claimed he was a tv producer and kept trying to get me to make out with him...




I was 17...

The first time we went we sat in a roped off area and had champagne.

The music was awesome...and everyone danced even if you didn't have a partner.

I remember dancing so much I was dripping sweat and my hair was hanging all around my face.

But I didn't care...I was at Studio 54.

Then I took a trip to the bathroom and all I can say is that my innocence was pretty much lost at that point.

I saw things in that bathroom I wouldn't want my 18 year old daughter to see...

The women kissing each other didn't bother me...but I'm pretty sure that there was a man in the bathroom in a stall with a woman and all I can say is that they were LOUD and they were doing something that should have taken place in a bedroom.

I peed quickly...

then I went to wash my hands and was shoved away by someone who told me to get out of her way so she could "snort a rail" or something like that...from the bathroom counter.

I now know that was cocaine...I thought it was powdered soap and was getting ready to brush it off the countertop.

I saw more cocaine woman had a super long finger nail and she was offering up cocaine in it to another woman.

Another woman pulled out a baggie of pills...popped a few and then popped on her lipstick.

I just wanted to pee and wash my hands...

I think I left without washing them...which may have been more sanitary anyway.

When I returned to our table area the only person there was creepy 27 year old tv guy who grabbed me and told me to sit and proceeded to try and jump on me...

Some other guy came to my rescue and he calmed down and moved to the other side of the couch thank goodness.  My mother was no where to be found.

turns out tv guy said he would stay with me since I was having fun and my mother LEFT ME at Studio 54 and went back to the Waldorf.

Not one of her better parenting decisions.

I will say that tv guy finally turned in to a gentleman and when I started to cry he grabbed my hand and took me out to a cab and rode in the cab with me back to the hotel.

When I pounded on the door to our room and my mother answered she knew she had made a huge mistake....

I forgave her but I did grow up very fast that night.

We went to Europe and when we returned we went out with Star and her hubby again.

Star had a surprise for me...we were going to a birthday party...for Christopher Atkins of "The Blue Lagoon" fame...

It was at Studio 54.

At least creepy tv guy wasn't in our group.

I never did lay eyes on Mr. Blue Lagoon but I did spend the evening dancing with a totally gorgeous 18 year old guy who's name I can't remember to save my life.

That night I had a blast...and he sweetly kissed me goodbye outside the cab (that yes, my mother was waiting more abandoning me at the disco) and called me "Texas Girl"...

In college I spent many an evening dancing on a bar top at a bar or the dsitress of many a bartender...but hey, that was my thing...

But all of that dancing could not compare with being under the flashing lights and mirror ball of the most famous disco in the country...dancing with a gorgeous boy who could dance and had a great smile...dancing until I no longer felt my feet...dancing until sweat dripped from my body but it didn't matter...dancing until I was so exhausted he practically carried me to the cab...

Oh...and I totally avoided the bathroom that time...that was the scariest place I have ever been in...

So now the Queen of Disco has passed away...may her music live forever...and may we all dance with the abandon of our 17 year old selves when we hear it...

But don't do the splits...

Just saying...

Inspiration Song: "Dim all the Lights' by the one and only Donna Summer.  Because I love her music and I love disco...and I loved Studio 54.

Bye your hearts out...but don't do anything stupid...or you will end up sitting on an ice pack like me...