Bring Me to Life

I know...I know...I've gotten lazy with my blogging...

I'm about to get a new computer...my VERY OWN computer...one I can call "my own"...so I won't have to share and compete to use the one I currently use.

Thinking about a Mac...

Trying to decide between a desktop and laptop...opinions welcome!

So...I have waited a year for this blog.

This particular blog.

The one that marks one year on my weight loss journey.

One year that I used to change my life.

So I have---I have changed my life.

For the better.

I decided a year ago that I couldn't live like I was living.

Didn't want to be the fat chick anymore.

Wanted to be "in shape" and healthy...

Didn't want to be a size 24. Very happy to be a size 10 now.

Didn't want weight loss surgery.

Didn't want to go on meds for my cholesterol and blood pressure.

I don't need them now...not needed at all...

Didn't want diabetes...not a problem these days.

My weight loss goal was 150 pounds.

In a year...

OK, that was a stupid goal...pretty difficult to do...safely...

At my one year mark: 123 pounds lost

I can live with that...

27 more to go...maybe a few more...who knows...I'll let my body tell me when I am where I need to be.

Last night I texted Dimples while I was in Old Navy. I grabbed 2 skirts...one was a size 12...the other was a 10. I thought I would just torture myself with the 10.

Into the dressing room I go and I grab a skirt without looking at the tag and take it off the hanger and put it on.

OK...not too tight...not bad...pretty cute in fact.

I look down at the other skirt that was laying on the seat in the dressing room.

That one was the 12...I was wearing the 10.

So I did a little happy dance around the dressing room and then texted Dimples who, although he was deep into editing game film from his select football team game, still took the time to congratulate me and be proud.

I totally love him...

A year ago I couldn't fathom shopping at a "normal" store. I could only find clothing at the plus-sized stores...or in the plus-sized sections. I was a size 24.

Last night I put on a 10 and had room...

Don't get me wrong...this has not been an easy road to travel.

It has been hard.

It has been very very hard.

But...

It has so been worth it.

I said last summer I wanted to wear flippy little skirts with sandals.

Last Thursday I went to a luncheon where my Precious and Adorable History Teacher friend received an award...and I wore a flippy little skirt and some scary shoes.

It felt awesome.

Here's something not so awesome...the next day, on Friday, when I was teaching Art a la Carte, and wearing a flippy little filmy dress and boots...I took a tumble.

In front of the kids.

The room was dark and I had been looking into the smart board (like looking into an HD tv) and I turned to walk away so another mom could teach her part of the lesson and...

bam...

I tripped over the stage in the classroom.

Yes, Bacchus has a stage in his classroom. And it is painted black. Just so I could trip over it.

Now had I done that a year ago I am pretty sure the building would have shook.

But all that happened to me was that I hit the deck. Thanks to all the push-ups Dimples makes me do, I was able to catch myself with my hands and save my face.

Thank you Dimples...

So I stopped myself from ruining my face and popped right back up with my hands in the air and screamed "I'm ok!"...

The kids cracked up.

My one consolation is that Bacchus had already done the same thing.

I let GOTT have a great laugh over it.

And thank goodness...no one saw "London or France" (my underpants). The dress kept everything covered.

Thank goodness...

I bought some very cute heels yesterday. Heels I would not have been able to squeeze my foot into last year. Heels that would not have supported my hefty weight.

These heels are dangerous.

I am so wearing them this week...

And then I did something I never ever thought I would do...

I bought...

a bikini

Now that bikini will never be seen by anyone but the cat...it is for tanning when I am alone in the backyard.

And no lectures about the dangers of tanning. I know it is dangerous. But tanned toned legs look so much nicer than pasty white ones.

And no, I will never ever post a photo of myself in that bikini.

Like I said...me and the cat...

So what did this journey of a year do for me besides losing weigth, improving my fitness, and improving my health?

Well, it brought me to life.

It has given me back my life.

I now can do things I never thought I could. I now have energy. I now feel really really good.

And it feels really really good to feel so good.

I feel that I have been brought back from the dead. I had allowed myself to turn away from so much. I had become numb to feeling good about myself and to caring about it. I had turned my back on feeling pretty, feeling attractive, feeling sexy, feeling special.

I let myself forget that it feels good to feel good!

But now I have my life back...and there is no stopping me now...

Inspiration Song: "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence...awesome song...one that is always on my workout playlist.

Lyrics are down below...I feel many of them...and I sing it...

Bye Darlings...allow yourelf to be brought back to life...

Bring Me To Life lyrics
Songwriters: Hodges, David; Lee, Amy; Moody, Ben;

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up
(Wake me up inside)
I can't wake up
(Wake me up inside)
Save me
(Call my name and save me from the dark)

Wake me up
(Bid my blood to run)
I can't wake up
(Before I come undone)
Save me
(Save me from the nothing I've become)

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

Wake me up
(Wake me up inside)
I can't wake up
(Wake me up inside)
Save me
(Call my name and save me from the dark)

Wake me up
(Bid my blood to run)
I can't wake up
(Before I come undone)
Save me
(Save me from the nothing I've become)
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/evanescence-lyrics/bring-me-to-life-lyrics.html ]

I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside
Bring me to life

Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead

All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything

Without thought, without voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life

Wake me up
(Wake me up inside)
I can't wake up
(Wake me up inside)
Save me
(Call my name and save me from the dark)

Wake me up
(Bid my blood to run)
I can't wake up
(Before I come undone)
Save me
(Save me from the nothing I've become)

I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside
Bring me to life

New Year's Day

Happy New Year My Darlings!

New Year...time to start over...

May 2011 bring you more blessings, more health, more happiness, and more time to enjoy the things and people you love.

We celebrated quietly last night with some dear friends that we often celebrate with. Just a lovely dinner and some wine and home just a little after midnight.

I did misbehave...but not with the wine...

It was the cheese. I had a cheese orgy. It was not pretty.

I really really really like cheese.

I guess I need to add it to the "kryptonite" list...

But it was soooooo worth it. Dimples will make me pay, I'm sure!

What did I have this love fest with?

An excellent white cheddar (mild) with sage and apples in it....mmmm....

A divine apple smoked mozzarella...yummy

A fig goat cheese...so good it hurt...

And homemade melba toasts...

That was followed by an incredible cabernet-marinated beef tenderloin, garlic mashed potoatoes (just a small spoonful for me) and a salad that I made that had everything but the kitchen sink (or pecans...no nuts for me) in it.

It was a lovely evening...except for the cheese...or at least what I know the cheese will do to all of my hard work.

I got on the scale this morning and it hadn't gone down...but it wasn't up either.

I took today off from exercise. I'm not sure when the last time I took a full day off so I figured if I couldn't recall the date...well, that has been too long.

I did go and see "The King's Speech" this afternoon with my friend KB and her daughter. It was EXCELLENT. I highly recommend it.

As I was going through my day I tried to recall past New Year's Eve nights and past New Year's days...

As a child I don't remember much about New Year's except a lot of football. I remember my father often not looking so chipper on New Year's Day. I need to ask some of my parents friends why that was but I think I can guess.

I remember going to some slumber parties when I was in elementary school and Junior High. We always watched "New Year's Rocking Eve" with Dick Clark. Last night as I watched Dick Clark on tv I was saddened by the damage the stroke did to him but applauded his bravery for continuing the tradition of being on ABC at midnight...and kissing his sweet wife for the camera as he always has done.

In high school I wasn't allowed "out" on New Year's Eve. I had an overprotective father who wouldn't allow it. So my sisters and I were stuck at home---with "New Year's Rocking Eve".

I have very little recollection of New Year's Eve in college.

I wonder why...

hmmmmmm....

I do recall once going with a group of friends to Laredo. We stayed at La Posada. We went into Nuevo Laredo...spent a LOT of time at the Cadillac Bar.

We met up with some friends there---a girl in their group announced she didn't like the ornaments hanging from the deer heads. Then she opened her purse and started to pull out a little tiny gun. I wish I was kidding about this. We told her to put it back. I asked if we could switch tables...

I think I will stop telling this story now because there is sooooo much more and I think that I have said enough...

But we had a helluva time...

Next...

My husband and I went to a few big New Year's blowouts downtown in our early marriage. They were fun but crowded. One year I went to Kerrville and we stayed at my Dad's house and watched "The Gods Must Be Crazy"...I have to say it was a truly great evening...

One year we went to dinner at Brennan's with another couple. Dinner took 3 hours. The bill...well, it was shameful...the other couple was embarrassed it cost so much because it was their suggestion. We didn't eat out for the rest of January...or February...

Now I much prefer to stay home or close to home and just enjoy the company of a few friends and a lovely dinner. Too many drunks out on the street for me to want to get out and about.

2010 was a great year...2011 will be even better...because each year I feel blessed to be alive, to love and be loved, to have friends and to be a friend, and to have my family and my health...and this year, more than I have been in a long time---I AM healthy.

So my resolutions?

To keep eating right and working out...and be a healthy fit, woman!

To keep working with Dimples and hit a 400 calorie burn...often...

To wear one of my mother's dresses...maybe more than one...

To put on a great Medieval Feast with my friend Athena Gal for Bacchus and the kids.

To look into getting my teaching certificate...and maybe just do it...

To help GOTT and TTG put on the best "Peter Pan" ever!

To not let the scale discourage me...and to let my clothes encourage me

To be able to run a mile without wanting to die...and maybe even try for 2 if my knees will let me. But I hate running...

To get control of my "bad toddler" (aka my new camera)and stop having to have Coach Sweetness tell me what to do every step of the way

To help Ke$ha Barbie get into a good college

To help Dimples get a bootcamp started (email me if you want to join us!)

To spend more time with my friends

To tell my friends how much I love them and appreciate them...more often!

To spend as much time with my children as they will allow me...they will be gone all too soon!

To decorate for Christmas...

To use more glitter and fairy dust (stealing this one from my friend V)...but I honestly love love love glitter and sparkle.

To pray more...and to thank God more...

To de-clutter my house...and learn that throwing away something that belonged to my mother does not mean I don't love her...it just means I don't need that thing...

To do things that scare me more often...to try new things...to push myself...

To get Oprah to notice me (well, I have to dream a little...)

To laugh more...

To write more...

To celebrate every day more...because every day is worth celebrating!

So what are you going to do with this year?

Inspiration Song: "New Year's Day" by U2...cliche I know...but it's the best I could do!

Bye Darlings...Happy 2011...make it your best year yet!

Red Red Wine

Right now, upstairs in my house, is a group of teenagers...

I can hear the subwoofer pumping across the house. I don't dare ask how many are up there. I came home after the "party" started and told hubby not to tell me so I don't freak out. I also don't want to know how many soft drinks are up there to ruin the carpet.

I think it is an indication of how loud it is that my cats won't venture into the hallway where the staircase is...

I guess I wont' be getting to bed early tonight...Camiel's bedroom is right above mine and attached to her bedroom is the sitting room (too small to call a gameroom)that is currently teenager heaven. The Cutest Boy in the World has asked if he can sleep in our room because his bedroom is at the foot of the stairs leading to the party.

what I do know is there is no alcohol or cigarettes up there...but there does appear to be some Red Bull.

I don't "get" the whole Red Bull thing. I tried it once...make that twice. I tasted the regular kind and promptly spit it out. I tried the diet kind and after 3 sips declared it disgusting and nasty and threw it away.

A friend who is a bit younger than me informed Bacchus and me that Red Bull and Vodka is a good combination. What does he know...he is under 30. I love him but do not trust his taste in what constitutes a "good" drink. I listen to Bacchus and stick to wine. We patted him on the head and told him we would teach him to drink like a real grown-up. Of course I would have to be a real grown-up to teach him and since I'm not a real grown-up...well, that poor boy will learn...

Now wine on the other hand, well, I totally "get" wine. I like wine, especially if it is red. I'm quite fond of champagne too, as you regular blog readers are aware. And I like white wine too...but mostly I'm a "red" girl for just drinking.

So I found this article by the Mayo clinic about red wine. I won't copy it here, but it does have some information about red wine and heart health.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/red-wine/HB00089

I don't think my blog makes hyperlinks so you will have to cut and paste.

I also found this great article on the benefits of Omega-3 in fish. Since I have been eating enough salmon to basically grow gills and find myself with a desire to swim upstream, I am interested in the health benefits of it (salmon) and not just as a good source of protein for me.

So here...read this:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/omega-3/HB00087

My father died from heart disease...or rather, he had heart disease and died having bypass surgery. One would think that knowing how and why my father died would have been enough for me to have kept my life and weight on track but it wasn't.

But now I know better...and I feel better...

And I love knowing that some red red wine can actually be GOOD for me...in moderation...all things in moderation.

I still remember the first time I had a taste of good red wine. My father loved loved loved Jordan Cabernet Sauvignon. I mean loved it to the point that he bought multiple cases of it. The other night while I was having dinner with my friend Diva D (because she is absolutely fabulousity she gets to be called "Diva"), the table next to us ordered a bottle of Jordan...I almost cried missing my Daddy...

So my Daddy bought all this red wine and one night at dinner he opened a bottle and poured me a (tiny) glass of the Jordan. Into a real (Baccarat) crystal glass. He first told me that good one should always be drunk out of a good glass...preferably crystal...never a paper or styrofoam cup. Then he had me sip it. I thought I was sipping heaven.

When he took me to Europe he allowed me a glass of wine each night at dinner. Now my dad didn't know a whole lot about wine...I mean, for years he drank Lancers Rose...but he was learning and wanted me to "appreciate" it. While in Europe I tasted all kinds of wonderful wines...I will never remember them, but I remember sitting at dinner and my father teaching me about the differences in the wines.

All I knew was that I was getting to drink alcohol...but now I remember those nights so fondly.

I also remember the night I tricked him into eating eggplant even though he said he hated it. Before heading to France I checked out a book in the library that taught me how to read a French menu...I learned it so I would be sure I would get "beef" and not "tongue" and no liver. I knew the waiter said "eggplant" but didn't tell Daddy when he ordered the same thing I did...that had eggplant. He ate all of his eggplant and then I found his fork venturing over to my plate to steal my----eggplant. I waited until he got a forkful of mine before informing him that he was eating---eggplant. I love eggplant to this day...and when I eat it, I think of Daddy.

Eggplant doesn't really go well with red wine by the way...

Daddy taught me a lot of things, but as a cowboy he wanted to raise a lady...a lady who appreciated the finer things in life...like wine, and art, and beautiful things. So he taught me about French crystal...and when I sold my beloved "Monster" steer I took some of my money and bought a complete set of Baccarat crystal glasses...I rarely use them, but I look at them often and remember the joy of going to the Baccarat factory shop in Paris and proudly paying for a complete set of 16 red and white wine glasses and knowing that I would treasure them forever. And I do...

He taught me art, but really just Western art. My father truly loved western art and loved collecting what he could of it. The day he bought his one and only Charles Russell painting he cried and I cried with him. We sat on the couch and stared at it for hours, seriously...Our house was under construction so we were living in a double wide trailer at that time.

I venture a pretty good guess that it was the one and only time a Charles Russell painting hung in the living room of a double-wide trailer...

I tell you this story not as a "brag" that my father once owned a Russell painting, but rather the unbelieveable irony in that he loved that painting so much that he had no qualms about hanging it on the faux-wood walls of the trailer.

He also owned an Albert Bierdstadt painting that was breathtaking. It was his favorite painting, even more than the Russell. He could often be found in the living room staring at it. It was so beautiful and I often found myself staring at it and finding peace. It never hung on the walls of the trailer...

Now when I see a Bierdstadt I usually cry...both for the beauty and for missing my father. There was one that hung over a fireplace in the White House while President Bush was in residence. I spoke to the securty guard about it when I went on a tour...he said he found great peace in just looking at it...I agreed. "W" and Laura had good taste to hang that painting there...

If you have never gazed at one of his paintings, I have a link to images here:

http://www.google.com/images?rlz=1T4GGLR_enUS398US398&q=bierstadt&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=6eIKTdDjCYqr8AaLqISHDg&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=3&ved=0CEIQsAQwAg&biw=1259&bih=434

So beautiful...

My dad was bound and determined that I was going to grow up a lady who knew things about the finer things in life even if I was the daughter of a cowboy. And I did. I love wine...and I love art...but not just western art...I have found now that I love Bierdstadt paintings but I love Rothko's work just as much. And maybe I love red wine a little too much...

But what I really learned about being a lady was not about French crystal and great art, but in being generous with myself and my love...with my time and my energy...and with loving with an open and full heart. I don't want to be a lady because I drink nice wine from a crystal glass and like art...I want to be a lady because I give generously of myself and my heart.

If you want to protect your precious heart and have some good and yummy red wine, here are my suggestions that Bacchus helped me find and appreciate...here are some of my favorites:

Chateau Raspail Gigondas---HARD to find...last spotted at Costco but that was months ago. If you can find it at Costco, buy all you can and then call me...

Chateau St. Cosme Gigondas (2007)---can't vouch for other vintage years, but 2007 is pretty darn yummy and worth the $32 price tag.

(Gigonadas is like a Chateu neuf de pape but cheaper...)

La Vielle Ferme (Cotes de Venteaux)---has chickens on the label...found with the big box wines at Costco...in a big bottle...

Little James Basket Press---found at liquor stores...French...cheap (less than $10.50)...all the leftovers from making the St. Cosme wines...yummy...buy all you can because this stuff is good...I give it as a gift...

Erath Pinot Noir---several varieties...good stuff...I'm not a big pinot noir fan (I like syrah, grenach, zinfindel, and blends...), but this stuff is good.

La Bastide---a red blend...liquor stores...again, buy what you can and call me when you find it...

Molly Dooker "The Boxer" Shiraz...this wine inspired a blog...it is good...high alcohol content.

Newton Cabernet...heavy but good...I like me a good cab...

I haven't found a malbec that I really like so if you know of one, tell me...

I do love blends...especially grenache/syrah blends....heck, I just like red wine.

I'm enjoying a glass of the La Vielle Ferme right now...

I'll share my thoughts on white and champagne another day...for today, as you can tell by the title of this blog it is all about the red red wine...

Inspiration Song: Red Red Wine by UB40...

bye darlings...cheers!

Show Me the Way

It is about to be "happy time" in my house. Mid-term finals are almost done.

For the last few days the black cloud of gloom and doom has hung over our house as my kids have been forced to study math, science, Spanish, English, and history.

Yesterday The Cutest Boy in the World (TCBITW)was studying for history. Bacchus, my wine god, is his teacher. Bacchus made a podcast and put it on his webpage for the kids to use as a study guide.

I was sitting across the house and suddenly I hear the booming voice of Bacchus, coming across the house like God himself talking to me...I hear this rambling stream of thought stuff as he lectures/informs the kids, via the podcast, what they need to know about the final.

It was pretty cool...even if it meant I had to hear Bacchus talking for like 10 minutes...

But then again, he likes to talk...a lot...

He likes to hear his own voice and fully admits to it.

He likes to talk...more...than...me...

That's saying a lot...

But what struck me, as I heard him going over the "need to know" stuff about various ancient empires, was how great technology is...and how lucky our kids are to live in this age.

That my son can hear a podcast and get a full lecture from his teacher.

He also has a smart board in every classroom. If you don't know what a smartboard is, let me tell you this...it is the coolest thing ever in a classroom. You touch it and it does things. It is a magic board!

I went to A&M in the dark ages when we still used computer punch cards to select our classes. My kids don't know what a punch card is...

Ke$ha Barbie didn't know what a vinyl record album was when she was little. Once, when I was driving her home from pre-school, she sang a song. I asked her where she learned it.

She told me that the music teacher taught it to her.

And now, I quote her, because this is good:

"Mrs. Fitzgerald put on a BIG BLACK CD and it played music and I could see the CD spinning around"

That is when it hit me that she didn't know what a record album was.

I drove straight home, sat her on the couch and grabbed my favorite album--"Frampton Comes Alive" and showed it to her. That was followed by "Edge of 17" and "Rumors" and "Hotel California".

I am proud to say that she now collects vinyl...and has a working turntable to play it on. It sounds like crap but she likes it...especially Led Zepplin's "Mothership".

It was a great teaching moment...brings a tear to the eye that she actually listened to me about something...even if she was only 4.

What I wouldn't give for one of those moments now...

oh well...

It does amaze me what my kids know how to do with technology. They both have showed me how to do things on the computer---excel spreadsheets, photo editing, iTunes libraries, Microsoft Word...

They are constantly teaching me how to do things...I'm not sure I ever taught my parents anything but to regret that they had more than one child once I hit the teenage years.

So Dimples made our football bowl game picks for me (us) and I have to say that I must have a lot of faith and trust in him because I agreed to not change the winner of the Cotton Bowl from LSU (his pick) to my alma mater, A&M.

I guess if I can put my faith and trust in him to train me and work me out, and to coach my son, I can certainly trust that he knows more about college football than I do.

Actually I think my cat knows more about college football than I do...but Dimples does know his stuff.

Today when he worked me out I presented him with a new toy...a weighted body bar. Yesterday he tried having me do some dead lifts using the large rubber band (the one I use to pull him up the hill endlessly). It was an epic fail. He almost fell over when he was showing me what to do and then when I tried it I kept falling over and then just completely lost it laughing until I was crying...I told him that I thought he was making that excercise up as a way to amuse himself. In fact I was wondering if I was being "punked" but he assured me it was a real exercise but I told him that there was no way, no how I was risking my face for a deadlift...maybe a facelift, but not a deadlift. So we quit that excercise.

That is why I bought the body bar...it was safer than pulling on a big rubberband.

But I am regretting it now as I am in grave pain because of all the little tricks he had up his sleeve to do with the bar. pain pain pain

But...he is showing me what to do and how to do it and the scale is inching down again and I see a little goal in sight...100 pounds lost by Christmas if I am a good girl. So even when he makes me do things that make me look pretty foolish, I know it is just to improve my body and health. Basically I am willing to look like a crazy person in order to lose weight...and I do it in front of a really good-looking man...I have no shame...

But when I slide into my mother's dress, it will all have been worth it...even if it meant that I did things that made me look like a deranged woman loose in the park.

I have faith in Coach Dimples...he knows what he is doing (Personal Trainer is his JOB...not just football coach) and he doesn't make me do these things just to laugh at me...but I'm sure it helps pass the time that I am pretty easy to laugh at.

He's showing me the way...and I am grateful.

Inspiration Song: "Show me the Way"...Peter Frampton...."Frampton Comes Alive".
Greatest. Album. Ever.

Bye darlings...let someone show you the way to a better you...

All You Need is Love

Today we give thanks for the many blessings in our lives.

I am blessed beyond belief: I have a wonderful family (both my immediate and extended), I have my health (yessssssss), I have a beautiful home, I do volunteer work that I love love love, I have food on the table, money in my pocket, and the future before me.

And I have friends...you people...you are a blessing to me....

Not just because you read this silly thing I write, and not just the kind words you say, but the fact that I know I am blessed to have each and every one of you in my life.

So today I want to REALLY count my blessings and be grateful for all that I have.

Here we go:

I am blessed because I have 2 wonderful children that although they sometimes challenge my sanity and my conviction that I AM a good mother, they are good kids and make me proud every day.

I am blessed to have a husband...he's not perfect...I'm not perfect...marriage is hard...but he is a good man...and it's nice to have someone to share the burden with.

I am blessed that although my parents are no longer with me, I know that I will see them again in heaven and I am grateful for what I learned from them during their all-too-short time here with me.

I am blessed to have wonderful aunts and uncles who have continued to share the burden of raising me since my mother is gone. And yes, I am not yet a real grown-up yet so I still need someone to raise me.

I am blessed to have my siblings. We don't have the best family relationships. In fact, they are pretty crappy relationships, and we are a very fractured bunch since my mother died---and even before---but, and here's the "but" part that I count as a blessing...God GAVE me my siblings and so I will count them as a blessing.

I am blessed to have my sister-in-law. Yes, I am one of those very lucky women who happen to LOVE their sister-in-law! She is a beautiful woman, a wonderful mother, and has a beautiful heart. And how lucky am I that she is not just family, but a friend?

Speaking of which...I am blessed to have GOTT as my dear friend. And GOTTESS. And their little GOTT-SON. Because sometimes we get really lucky and we end up loving someone as much as our own family. I told GOTT the other day that we don't choose our family but we can chooe our friends and we were blessed to consider each other family even if we aren't blood relatives.

And that leads to the fact that I am blessed that I have several friends that I consider to be family...you know who you are...you are the keels on my ship, you are the wind that carries me, you are the arms that hold me. I am blessed to have such wonderful friends...

And I am blessed that I am allowed to do what I do at my son's school. I love love love working with children. I love doing the cotumes for the shows, I love teaching Art a la Carte, I love substitute teaching, I even love going on field trips (sometimes...talk to me next week after I go with the choir). The hugs I get from the kids are a great salary (I have said it before) and I am surrounded with some really great people at that school: Sistah, Precious and Adorable, Bacchus, TTG, Coach Cuteness, Musical Muse, Science Goddess 1, 2, and 3...and so many many more...love love love my SFEDS friends...and since they teach my son they are a double blessing because they are they finest teachers and staff in the world!

I am blessed that I belong to the Houston Racquet Club and found my way into the gym there. I was terrified the first time but now it is a wonderful place for me to go. Who would have thought I would end up being a member of the FITNESS COMMITTEE? I go there to reduce stress, have some time to myself, work my body, and find peace...

I am blessed that I have my "J-girls" in my life: Spinderella (her real name starts with a "J"), J'taime Jamie, and Jay Vee...they have been such great support to me with my health and excercise. I can't tell you how great it is to have instructors that really CARE about you and what you are doing. I love them!

And who can forget how blessed I am to have Fitness Goddess in my corner? She got me kicked into gear and not afraid of the weights...so I would be ready for...

Coach Dimples who is also a double blessing to me. First he was a blessing as my son's football coach and did a great job with him. But now he is a blessing to ME because he really is trying to help me change my life, my ways, my excersise, my body, my mind...and he does it with a good deal of support (and some humor) and has accepted that he is not just "trainer" but "therapist" as well. I can see the changes already and I know that we are just starting on this journey together with him getting me to finish what I have started. It's the back half that is the hard part...it's like lifting a weight---you can push it up, but when you have to bring it down slow and resist gravity, it's hard and it hurts. He is helping me with this back half, this lowering down, this resisting of gravity that would in many cases make people say: "Heck, I've lost 90 pounds and I am done" but he's keeping me going and making it fun while we do it.

I am blessed that my physical has proven that my hard work is paying off. 100 point reduction in my cholesterol has made me say "amen" all day long...

I am blessed that I don't miss hamburgers as much as I thought I would.

I am blessed that I realize that Crave Cupcakes and Fuzzy's pizza are kryptonite to me.

I am blessed that my turkey was amazing today and my stuffing/dressing was almost as good as my Mommy's (because it will NEVER be AS good, just almost so...)

I am blessed that I love spin class as much as I remembered.

I am blessed that my son had an undefeated football season. Not because they won every game, but because his coaches taught him new things. And because they taught those boys how to win with honor, how to challenge themselves at every turn, and how to work as a team. They had a lot of challenges thrown at them---they couldn't practice at the school so they rode a bus to their practice site and lost a lot of valuable time, but they coaches made the most of it and the boys never really complained---but we, the parents did. Once Dimples told me that he would coach them in a parking lot I "got" it...it wasn't WHERE they practiced, it was THAT they practiced. I told you he was a smart guy...

I am blessed that my daughter has proven not just to be a really great math/science girl, but that her talent for photography has grown such that her instructors take definite notice. This is a blessing because it gives her a lot of pride in what she does and she really really really loves taking photos...even if I find it disturbing that some of them are of her made up to look like she drowned...really...

I am blessed that I found a way to make a really yummy low-calorie/almost fat-free dessert...recipe to follow at the bottom of this blog...

I am blessed that there is wine...and Bacchus tells me what to buy and where to buy it...because it is my little "sin" and at least the red stuff isn't all bad for you. Antioxidents, you know?

I am blessed that we have more than one television in the house...because I really don't want to watch football tonight...

I am blessed that I have discovered that writing this is a kind of therapy for me. Sometimes it is raw, sometimes I get to use humor, but it is always always always me and my thougths...uncensored...and it "lets it out" for me...

I am blessed that my family cleaned the kitchen after our big lunch today! I went into the bedroom with the cat and watched something I had recorded on the DVR.

I am blessed that Diet Dr. Pepper exists...because it is my little treat. I am also blessed that Sonic makes a Route 44 of it with vanilla for me when I need a sweet treat.

I am blessed that I found My Fit Foods as a way to eat healthy.

I am blessed that when I had my little diverticulitis episode that I discovered it quickly and now it keeps me from nuts...so I am not tempted by the pecan pie that is sitting on the kitchen counter.

I am blessed that I discovered liquid glucosomine (thanks to Bacchus...he is good for more than wine). I hate the pills...they are nasty and huge...

I am blessed that I can (almost always) pass up dessert because I know that it won't do me any good...but I will eat it if it is worth it...

I am blessed that I remember to use the "salt trick" when I am confronted with a food at the table that I want a taste of, but not all of...I just dump salt on it (if I can't pass it off to someone else). With salt dumped on it, you won't pick at it. This works well at those luncheons and dinners we all have to sit through where they bring you course after course and most of it isn't very good...I take 2 bites of the dessert and then SALT IT...

I am blessed that I have found that I love fish more than I thought I did...

I am blessed that I have discovered that I can do things I didn't think I could do: with my mind, my body, and my spirit...

I am blessed that I can cook as many yummy HEALTHY things as the unhealthy stuff I used to cook...and they are sometimes even tastier...but no, there is no substitute for good queso...

I am blessed that I have lost 90 pounds and still want to lose more...

I am blessed that I haven't given up...

I am blessed that I want to keep going with this...

I am blessed that I kept some of my "thin" clothes and that I can get into some of them...but the cheetah print skirt is still an enigma to me...not sure if I will ever put it on again, but I might TRY it on sometime when I get to that size...

I am blessed that anyone reads this...

I am blessed because I really have too many blessings to count...

And most of all, I am blessed that I love and am loved...and sometimes love is all we need...

First, the recipe...then the song...

Here goes:

ALMOST FAT-FREE LOW-CAL PUMPKIN MOUSSE
(about 200 calories/serving...they are large...better than 400 for pie)

1 can pumpkin
1/2 cup low-fat milk
1 pkg. pumpkin spice flavored Jello pudding mix
1 container fat-free Cool Whip

Mix the pumpkin with the milk and the pudding mix. You can add a little vanilla if you want (I forgot...but I bet it would be better with it so that is why I am telling you to put it in...maybe a teaspoon...). Mix well. Gently fold in the Cool Whip. Put it in serving bowls. Put in the fridge. That's all...tastes like pie except no crust. Really good with some gingersnaps crumbled on top. Adapted from an Alton Brown recipe on the Food Network website.And now...

Inspiration Song: "All You Need is Love" by the one, the only, the BEATLES. It feels right today...


Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you
in time - It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

Happy Happy Thanksgiving, Darlings...count your blessings...we all have so many!

Raise Your Glass

So, a toast...

Raise your glass!

Mine happens to be my new Riedel Cabernet/Red stemless wine glass and it contains a nice (but not too much) amount of Molly Dooker "The Boxer" Shiraz (a Bacchus suggestion that I am very fond of).

Some of you may be reading this in the morning so I hope the only glasses you are raising are filled with orange juice or coffee...

But we can toast anyway!

So what are we toasting to?

No, I haven't reached my "significant" goal or anything special, but I want you to join me in a toast celebrating that I am starting off my---well, you don't really need the age number, do you?---ok, 46th year---and I am starting off year 46 as a much healthier woman than I was when I started year 45.

And I want to toast all of you who read this silly blog and who have supported me as I work my way back into becoming a thinner, healthier, stronger version of myself.

Let's call me:

Anice 4.0

because I have done this a few times...let's hope that the only improvements or changes I make to mayself after this are POSITIVE ones.

I had a lovely birthday yesterday...messages from facebook friends...lunch with my family (even Ke$ha Barbie graced us with her blonde presence)...shopped for the glasses with my daughter...had a yummy sushi dinner with my Aunt Jane and her friend Cute and Tiny (CAT)...and then had a celebratory cupcake with my friend D-"the other neice" (since a friend of ours likes to refer to us as the "Nieces" since our names end in -nice and -nise).

Yes, I got near the kryptonite...a CRAVE cupcake...had 1/2 a banana (I highly recommend it) and 1/2 a strawberry (always a favorite). I consider that a pretty clean getaway considering she had more to offer.

Of course I also should confess the 1/2 of a (large) piece of incredible pumpkin cheesecake at lunch at Pappadeaux. At least I had fish as my entree...

I have pre-warned Coach Dimples (via text) that he has some damage to undo...I'm sure he will insist on getting the full story from me as he punishes me tomorrow with a hundred thousand squats. That man is making me do things I never thought I would or could do...it must be the dimples and cute smile...

So what a difference a year makes...because a year ago I would have had at least 2 cupcakes (instead of 1/2 of each flavor) and eaten the whole piece of cheesecake and would have had fried crawfish or something equally dangerous for lunch.

As I type this I am watching Ke$ha (the real one) on the American Music Awards and it strikes me just what a year can do...a year ago she was probably watching this show on tv and now she is one of the headliners...your life can change in a year!

In the past year I have:

gone from a size 24 to a 14
lost 90 pounds
learned to eat "right"
learned to enjoy working out
returned to my beloved spin classes
gotten to renew my friendship with Spinderella (and have the jewelry to prove it)
made some new friends at the gym (J'taime Jamie and Jay-Vee)
traded vodka sweet drinks for heart-healthier (and lower calorie) red wine
had an a-ha moment climbing some stairs that got me to change my life
climbed 218 stone steps up a hill and survived
had an amazing reunion with my camp friends
hired a fantastic (and yes, very cute) trainer who is just what I need
watched my son have an UNDEFEATED football season
watched my daughter learn to drive, get a license, and then have a tiny wreck (with a schoolbus no less)
sat in a "your kid is college bound in less than 2 years" meeting that scared the heck out of me and broke my heart to realize that she is gone very soon
bought myself a new camera that truly makes me love taking photos
discovered some new wines thanks to my Bacchus
went from a 3XL to a size L t-shirt
costumed 4 shows for GOTT and TTG and had more fun each time I did it
celebrated GOTT's birthday with him and once again confirmed that I can't bowl
celebrated GOTTESS' birthday with her and once again confirmed that I can't sing
started this blog and learned that this is my therapy
begun an obsessive relationship with my scale
discovered that Living Proof Full shampoo really works...
got reaquainted with many old friends courtes of Facebook
discovered that I CAN do squats up a hill and not die (thank you, Dimples)
put on a dress that I bought 10 years ago and it fit
bought my first pair of boots in 9 years...so I bought 2...
wore those boots and had a good looking (YOUNGER!) man tell me I looked "hot"
had several people tell me that they didn't recognize me (because of the weight loss) and I hugged and kissed them for it
found out that Crave cupcakes are my kryptonite...so I avoid the kryptonite
discovered that I can turn myself over to someone else (like my trainer)who's sole purpose is to help me change myself...and I am grateful
and
realized that I have the power to change my body, my health and my life...and I don't need pills or surgery to do it...just a lot of hard work.

Tomorrow I have my annual physical...I am actually looking forward to seeing how my health has changed...I know my bloodwork will look better and my lovely doctor (she really is lovely...like a character from Grey's Anatomy) will be pleased that there is less of me to take care of.

There you have it...I'm sure I have learned more in this past year but between being very tired and the bit of wine, I'm all "thinked" out.

I'm grateful for my health and even though I am now 46 instead of 45 I feel younger and better and I am thankful to all of my friends and family and God for my health and well-being...and the strength to go forward and finish this journey.

So what will a year do for your life? How can you change things for the better?

Think about it...and raise your glass to YOURSELF for anything you do to improve your life...

Inspiration Song: "Raise Your Glass" by PINK! I love love love Pink and I love love love that song...I sorta consider it my theme song these days...LOL...

Bye darlings...

Hurts so Good

Hurts so good?

notsomuch...

well, maybe...

yeah, I guess it does!

Actually, I am in a world of hurt right now thanks to Coach Dimples...and this morning I was in a world of hurt thanks to some excellent Veuve Clicquot Rose champagne that I was overserved last night at my friend's birthday bash.

So last night we celebrated the fact that my fabulous friend Pretty Patricia was having the anniversary of her 25th birthday...she is only 25...give or take...but bless her good genes she doesn't look it!

She hates surprises...and doesn't much care for birthday celebrations (she told me this)...so we had to have a surprise party, doncha think?

I didn't plan the party...actually, I was a late addition...my neighbor was hosting the party and she and the other hostess found out the other day that I am also friends with Pretty Patricia so I got invited to come and swill the champagne in honor of my friend and her anniversary of her birth.

Pretty Patricia and I are "new" friends...we spin together and recently discovered we have a lot in common and just "clicked"...she's already special to me...you know when you just know that someone is meant to be your friend? Yeah, that's her...and the other friends we have in common are some of my favorite people so I'm just surprised we haven't connected before.

I love making new friends as much as I love treasuring the old friends...in fact, this week a dear old friend (I should blog about her...her name IS a song title) is moving away from Texas and it breaks my heart to not have gotten to see her...but it gives me an excuse to travel to California. She let me perm her hair when we were in high school---that took guts on her part, and stupidity on mine. I was lucky she was still my "bestie" (best friend) after that...

so...old friends, new friends...all good friends...

Back to the fabu party...because it was fab-u-lous...

Pretty Patricia was surprised...the champagne and vodka flowed...my neighbor (the hostess) who I shall call "Extravanessa" (because she is extravagant in a totally fabulous way...not in a "spending" kind of way...but extravagant with her love, charm, and friendship!)is always the "hostess with the mostest"...so it was a great "women only" party...except for Javier who works for Extravanessa and was taking GREAT care of us ladies.

So...the Veuve Clicquot...mmmmmmmm....rose.....yummy...I mean, if you are going to overdo it with champagne, it might as well be a really really good one!

Bacchus approved this morning when I told him...I think he was a bit jealous...he was all like "Wow! You got the good stuff served to you...I hope you had all you could" (since he knew I only had to walk across the street and not drive). Then he suggested that I might need a bucket beside me at spin class---if I only had something I could have thrown at him to retaliate...he was, after all, insinuating that I looked "hung over"...bah! Which I was...a bit...just a tiny bit...

I am grateful that I did eat during the party...and no, I am not logging it, and yes, I told Dimples...like Bacchus, he just laughed at me...and suggested I not try it again. He was pleased that I managed to avoid eating a cupcake...but I did indulge in some very yummy salmon in cream sauce (I hate hate hate salmon, but this stuff was extraordinary...), rare filet, and asparagus with prosciutto, and of course the rose champagne...

So this morning when I woke up and drank my liver cleanse it is because my liver needed it...

And I managed to get all the way through spin class...no bucket needed...and burned off 350 calories and sweated out Rose Champagne and Tom Ford Black Orchid perfume.

And...

this afternoon Dimples punished me for another 350 calories and did his level best to push it as much as he could for calorie burn and heart rate.

A bajillion squats and lunges later (with weights in my hands) I can barely walk or sit...I even sent him an email to pat himself on the back for the excellent punishment he gave me today.

But unlike the bit of champagne pain this morning, THIS, the pain from the training session, does "hurt so good" because I know I worked myself to my limit and I let Dimples push me as hard as he could.

On second thought as I sit here I'm wondering how someone with such a fat caboose could hurt while sitting on it (and all the natural padding that the caboose has!).

I can't wait to see what he has in store for me next week...with Thanksgiving coming up I know I need to push hard...and I told him that he has been so sweet and patient and helpful with me that I might give up on one of my "I won't do this" rules...I will let him make me run...but he has to show me how to do it so I am really running and not looking like I am about to launch myself into a male dancer's arms...I run like a ballerina, not an athlete!

Thank goodness for Advil...

Inspiration Song: "Hurts so Good" by John Mellencamp...oldie but goodie and totally fitting...

bye darlings!

All For You

Wow...it has been a while since I blogged...still haven't summed up my awesome camp reunion and I wish I had more/better news on my friend Patrick (he is still in a coma but he is ALIVE and he still needs your prayers).

I've been busy.

Very busy.

But I have still made time to make good food choices and work out. But now the bulk of my "busy" is done and I am realizing that I have time on my hands and that is not good either. Because time on my hands gets me into trouble...

What has kept me from my computer and blogging?

Kids...

and not just my kids...

I've blogged before about my non-job that is costuming the shows at my The Cutest Boy in the World's school. I say it is a non-job because I don't get paid $$$ for it but, as I shared before, my amazing salary is hugs and kisses and a lot of love from 14 year old kids that I grow to love like they are my own. And then they leave the school but they always remain in my heart.

In fact one of them, who is now a senior in high school, came backstage (per my request to his younger brother that was in the show we were doing)and I think I hugged him 50 times and we both laughed as we reminsced about how he still holds the (boys) record for most costume changes in a show and how he stripped down to his boxers and a t-shirt while I dressed him. And how doing that show gave him confidence and how he has turned into an awesome (and handsome) young man who is now student body president at his school. Like I said, I had to hug him 50 times and told him that I could't be proudeer of him if he was my own.

So, like I said...it is a great non-job.

And not only do I get to have the love from these kids but I get to work with 2 of my favorite men in the world---GOTT and TTG. How do you not love working with some of your best friends? And then there is Musical Muse...we get to laugh at the men...it is so fun. A salary would be nice but I'll do it free because I love it so (ssshhh...don't tell anyone...)

Working with them and the kids is really not work...it is joy...I get a lot more out of it then the kids will ever know...they just know I am taking care of them but they are really taking care of me with their talents and love...

So we did Seussical...and the kids were, in a word, AMAZING...

I cried with pride watching them.

And the costumes...oh, they were fun! If you haven't seen the show, you need to know that it is based on the Dr. Seuss books and that you have "Whos" and "jungle" creatures but the costumes are not literal...they were real people clothes but it should give you an IDEA of the character.

So Horton the elephant I dressed in baggy grey clothing...with a bow tie...

And Mayzie La Bird (who is the showy bird) wore my old Victor Costa cocktail dress with ruching and a dropped waist, a showgirl headress, long satin gloves and a tail made from boas and a huge glittery bow...I loved that costume the most...

Gertrude (the awkward bird) wore a blue dress that was almost a tutu and she had a tail that literally ran the length of the stage...again, made of boas (if you have boas to donate, I will use them)

The Sour Kangaroo (who is the boss of the jungle)usually wears African dress but I reimagined her as a 50's housewife complete with pearls, a shirt dress, and an apron (her pouch!). She looked good...

I won't bore you with the rest but I will tell you that when I looked on the stage and saw my darlings singing and dancing that my heart, as the Grinch's did, grew 3 sizes...

I love those kids...

They decided to call me "Mama D" last night...I cried...

because when you have 20 girls surround you in a dressing room for a group hug, you feel pretty damn good...

We did 2 shows yesterday so I stared my day with a body pump class and an hour (special) halloween spin class. My quads are still screaming...

Football is now over and my son has moved on to wrestling. I will miss football and watching my son hit people...oh wait, he will still be doing that just without padding while wearing a leotard...wrestling is ROUGH...and it looks stupid....

But football ended well. The boys went undefeated for the year. Never lost a game. Only gave up like maybe 4 touchdowns. They were pretty amazing on the field.
Coach Dimples and the other coaches did an incredible job...

So now Coach Dimples and I are embarking on a new adventure together. He is going to be my trainer. I don't know who is more scared of it...him or me...

He promises to talk "woman" and not "coach" to me and I have promised not to cry (unless he makes me do the thing he calls the "persuit drill").

I have warned him not to throw things at me and expect me to catch them so excersises with balls are not allowed.

I also told him if he told me to run laps that I was going to run up to him, hug him goodbye and get in my car.

But I do need to shake things up for myself because I'm not losing much these days and I am working too hard not to and I don't want to get frustrated.

So maybe him yelling at me to do things will help...and the dimples don't hurt either...

I asked him Friday if he wanted "out" and he said no...poor man is clueless...he will learn...after our first training session I have a feeling he will be the one who is crying...

I cried the other day (I'm crying a lot these days but it is all good) because I got to wear another size "L" t-shirt. GOTT ordered Seussical shirts for the teachers and as I passed them out to the teachers, Precious and Adorable History Teacher had requested a "L". So I hand his skinny butt the shirt but then he says "can I have an XL please"? Bacchus and I ask him why his skinny butt needs an XL and he says he wants it for the length. And then he dazzles me with a precious and adorable smile and says since I am his friend can I make it happen?...

So I go back to GOTT who does not have a spare XL...

And I ask GOTT what he ordered me...and he sheepisly tells me an "XL" since it was ordered before my whole "I can wear a size L t-shirt" thing after Bacchus gave me a shirt.

So I tell GOTT "hand me the XL" and I march over to Precious and Adorable and hand it to him and inform him that he will now wear my shirt...he was happy...so was I...

And on Friday, when Precious was not wearing his shirt (as he should have), I asked him where his shirt was and he said "I forgot it"

I said:

"NO, PRECIOUS, IT IS RIGHT HERE ON MY BODY AND I AM ROCKING IT...you have MY shirt"...

THAT felt great...and next show I will be a "M" so he will have to order his shirt in the right size...because I am not switching with him if he has an L or XL...there are limits to what I will do for him...even if he is precious and adorable...

Smaller shirts are a big victory...

because last spring it was a 2XL and it was tight...and that was after losing 25 pounds...

And buying clothes in the "regular" not "plus" department the other day was also pretty awesome...so last night I wore "regular" (ok, they were XL's, but not plus sized) leggings and a dress that was basically a tutu and I danced a lot backstage while the kids sang...when I wasn't crying with pride.

And maybe by next spring I can jump back into that Victor Costa dress that I put on my beautiful showgirl bird and I will sing "Amazing Anice" (the showgirl bird sings a song called "Amazing Mayzie") to GOTT, TTG and Musical Muse but I think I will skip wearing the boa and bow tail...

or maybe I will keep the tail just so I have something to shake because Coach Dimples is charged with making things not so jiggly on me...so if he does his job like I think he can I can shake a tail feather and the only thing shaking will be that big bow...

And GOTT and TTG and Musical Muse will be distracted by the bow and not my bad singing...

Inspiration Song:
"All for You" from the Seussical soundtrack...silly little song...I re-wrote the words for GOTT for his birthday because it is all about what a girl goes through to help her friend...

bye darlings!

How Soon is Now?

I am not a patient person...never have been...

Disneyworld makes me crazy with the lines and the waiting. I dont' like traffic. I hate waiting for a table at a restaurant. I don't want to stand in a return line at the store. I can't stand waiting for my luggage in the airport after I get off the plane (but I still refuse to fit everything into a carry-on).

I don't like waiting for the mail to come on the days I am expecting something important (like high school acceptances).

The only way I can tolerate the long wait before getting on a plane (since you have to get to the airport so early these days) is if I can go into the President's Club lounge.

I'm ready for the painters to be finished with my kitchen and sunroom (they have only been here since this morning, but...)...but they are slow and at least it is looking good...and I want the paint fumes gone...now...

So I'm having a hard time with this long slow process of getting myself back into being a "cute" size.

I want to be there NOW...or, even better...yesterday!

"Now" can't get here soon enough...

I look in the mirror and I dont' see a lot of change. Some mornings I wake up and just swear I am a size 6 that day and then I go look in the mirror...no, not a size 6...yet...

The fitness is coming...I can do an hour and a half on the elliptical and I don't totally want to die after spin class. And I'm doing some weight training so even if I can't see my rippling muscles (because they are insulated by fat), once the fat gets burned off I will have arms and legs of steel.

Today I got one tiny confirmation that maybe I am a bit stronger than I was before...I watched the kids rehearse their show at drama camp today and I clapped so they could feel it for their bows and my arms didnt' get tired...maybe if I did that until next week my arms would shrink...a little...

I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't do---I've gotten obsessed with the scale and numbers.

We have one of those "doctor-type" scales that you self-balance and move the little thing in 50 pound increments and then you move the slider at the top for the rest of the weight between those 50 pound increments...you know what I am talking about.

I'm tantalizingly close to being able to move one of the 50 pound increments. But it hasn't budged...yet...now...

It's a psychological thing...I need to be under that number...sadly, it is still a very big number...but I need to be under it to feel a sense of accomplishment.

And I know it is just a number...but it is a number that is a step in my process...a small goal in a series because the larger goal is too overwhelming to wait for.

I am doing everything right...I am eating right, not cheating, doing really good with my food. In fact, I may be eating too little and that could be a problem.

I am exercising every day and burning a miniumum of 600 calories.

I do drink a bit of wine...ya'll know that because you have read it before...but I'm not having enough (a 4 oz glass most nights when I do have wine) to affect it.

I have given up:
fried foods
hamburgers
cheese
bread
flour
potatoes
margaritas (unless I am at Molinas...just one then)
sugar
sweets
ice cream
cookies
cake
milkshakes
desserts
hot dogs
muffins
scones
biscuits
chips
dip
queso
enchiladas
tacos
ribs
salad dressing on the salad
lattes (except for "skinny" ones...which I don't really like that much)
most red meat (except for the occasional small filet mignon cooked very rare)
and BUTTER (my mom is up in heaven shaking her head)

I eat: Fit Foods (fresh pre-packed healthy meals you buy), lean turkey, garden burgers, egg whites, fish (lean---snapper, tilapia, etc), veggies, salad with the dressing on the side, chicken, fish, yogurt, fish, and fish....and fish...I'm growing gills..

So wine is my vice. As I told my friend Bacchus last night: good wine in my wineglass is my happy place right now...so I love him for helping me find what I like so that I get to my happy place when I open the bottle up...

Right now my happy place is Raspail Gigondas (Costco $15)

So when, oh when, can I move that blasted slider thing...

Today when I was working out and playing iPod roulette "How Soon is Now" by the Smiths came on...very cool song by a very cool band fronted by the very cool Morrissey...I can't believe they ever let that show "Charmed" use it as a theme song because it is just too cool for that...and it is 6:46 minutes long...

When you say it's gonna happen now,
When exactly do you mean?
See I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone

OK, so all of my hope is not gone, but I did ask my trainer, Fitness Goddess, why I felt like I was just treading water and not getting anywhere. She was wonderfully encouraging and told me that some weeks I might lose a couple of pounds and other weeks it might be a bit more. And she said I was doing it right---the diet and the exercise. That is why she is my trainer...it's not just the crunches and the weights, its the support...

So how soon is now? Now might just be tomorrow...

"How Soon is Now" by the Smiths...download the long version...or Morrissey's live version...

bye darlings

The Boxer

It's Saturday night and I have the house to myself...except for the cats...

I get to eat when and what I want, open a bottle of what I want to drink, and most importantly, I have control of the remote...but I'm not choosing to watch TV tonight...I've got my iTunes up and have the music going...

I took the day off from the gym...my trainer pointed out that I needed some recovery time and since I have only taken 4 days off since March 25, I decided that I had permission to skip a workout today. I have found that when I do give myself a day off I often am more energized when I go back to the gym the next day. Like anything, too much of a good thing can still be too much and so I gave myself the day off and enjoyed my book and the pool...but I did do a few water exercises to ease my guilt.

I only hope that I'm not replacing being unhealthy because I am fat with being unhealthy because I have skin cancer. But brown fat is way more appealing than white fat so I'm taking chances and playing fast and loose with my skin and aging myself like my great-aunts, my mom and her friends did when I was a kid.

Let me take you back to the early 70's when I was a young thing and what I think of when I think of "sunbathing" (does anyone even use that word anymore?)...

My aunts (they were really my great-aunts or cousins, but everyone was "aunt" so-and-so in my family...) would spend most of the day laying out in the sun while we had family camp. The kids and dads and some of the moms would have a morning horseback ride (remember people, I grew up in Kingsville...on a ranch...you had to ride)and the moms usually took care of the babies and spent the morning at the pool. We got back from our ride in time for a quick swim before lunch. I hated those rides...really hated them...but my dad made me do it even though I always fell off (and earned the name Tinkerbell since I usually did it so gracefully).

I called the aunts "The Dragons" because they sort-of were...I loved them but I was mildly afraid of them. My father was orphaned at 8 so many of these women raised him or took care of him in some way. Daddy was something of a pet in the family since he was orphaned so young so they all had great affection for him...and because he also was a genuinely fun guy to be around. But these were all aunts...none of them were my grandmother...so they seemed slightly dragon-like to me...except for Aunt Alice and Lulu...

Aunt Alice and Aunt Lulu were the glamazons...perpetually tanned and beautiful. All the women in my family were beautiful, but Lulu looked like a movie star and Alice had a glamour to her---maybe it was her ability to match her cigarettes to her outfits. I can still see them oiled up and laying on a lounge chair deepening their tans and become more and more exotically beautiful by the minute---in a REAL Texas woman sort of way. After all, they were REAL Texas women.

We had peacocks at the ranch. They had nothing on the women in my family...beautiful creatures: tanned, wearing Palm Beach style sundresses and Bernardo sandals...bright lipstick...cool drinks in manicured hands (and for some, colored cigarettes)...and for some bizarre reason they sometimes donned very strange, funny little caps to cover their curlers...on the other hand they could make an ordinary handkerchief look spectacular when it was tied around their heads, kerchief-style...

I remember wanting to grow up and be just like them.

I don't smoke (thank goodness I don't anymore...I did once-upon-a-time in college), I don't wear Palm Beach style sundresses and I don't wear Bernardo sandals (they still make them...they are pricey!). I don't curl my hair or wear kerchiefs in it. But I do wear bright lipstick and have a tan...and I oil myself up (Maui Babe and some Hampton Sun or Neutrogena or Australian Gold sunscreen)and lay on my lounge chair and remember those beautiful women (many have passed away)and remember my childhood...and pray I don't get skin cancer.

So I spent my afternoon reading and remembering my beloved dragons...

And then I headed out in search of wine.

I emailed Bacchus for some wine suggestions so I could pick up a fun bottle of something to savor while I watch my Eric and the other vampires tomorrow night when True Blood finally returns. I loved their ad slogan for the show: "Waiting Sucks"...yes, it does! But tomorrow my vamps are back and this time they are dealing with werewolves...can't wait for a good look at Alcide...

So Bacchus gave me some excellent suggestions and I did a little wine shopping but decided that one bottle looked too good towait and I had to open it and have some NOW...

Bacchus really is a wine god...I adore him for many things, but tonight he hit a home run for me (he knows my taste so basically he hits a home run 90% of the time)and I am going to have to find a way to re-pay him for all the great suggestions---oh wait, he is making me chair the 7th grade Medieval Feast next year...that's the payback...he tells me wines to buy to make me happy and I won't get too carried away with the feast...I guess it is his way of controlling me and making sure I will bring some really good stuff (wine) to the party the night before.

So what wine did he have me buy? If you like red, write this down and go to Costco (he tells me they have it there but I had to buy it at Specs because stupid Costco closes at 6 on Saturday). It's a shiraz...

Molly Dooker "The Boxer"...Australian...beware, the alcohol content is higher in this wine so drink it at home...no driving after getting hit by the Boxer...

There are several Molly Dooker wines, so look carefully...I can only vouch for this one...yummy yummy yummy yummy...its a knockout (pun intended)...

If you have an iPhone there is an ap that you can get (this one is courtesy of TTG) called "Lose it". My trainer also recommended it. You put in your actual weight, your goal weight and it serves as a daily exercise and calorie tracker. It's a helpful tool if you like that sort of thing (I do). I saved some of my calories for my wine tonight...and this wine was worth every one of them...I'd rather drink a glass of wine than have a slice of bread any day...

I'm going to sign off so I can drink another glass...like I said, the alcohol content is higher in this and just like you shouldn't drink and drive, I'm not sure I should drink and blog....

Music to enjoy while you drink your yummy shiraz: "The Boxer" by Simon & Garfunkel...it's an oldie but goodie...really nice in the gym for a flat road run or ride...li li li, li li li li li li li....you know the song...

bye darlings

Don't Stop Believin'

I am dyeing an 80's drop-waist poofy short dress with a bow on the hip...I'm dyeing it royal blue. And when I say "dyeing" it, I mean that as I type this it is sitting in my sink soaking to get the remaining dye out of it. It was cream, now it is blue. Mission accomplished. Now I just hope it was ok to get the dress wet and that it will dry ok. And not turn the child who wears it blue...

I have some essential beliefs about dying clothes...rules, so to speak:
1) dyeing is better done in a washing machine but if you have a front-loader, you have to do it in your sink. The last time I dyed something, it was something I needed to make red, it looked like a murder had taken place in my laundry room...there was red everywhere. The blue was contained to the sink this time.
2) you have to believe that what you dye is going to look better dyed the color you are making it...this time, I was right...sometimes---not so much...
3) don't wear anything you don't mind getting dye on...my shirt is essentially tye-dyed now...
4) don't drink while dyeing...do I really need to explain this one? I have broken that rule...well, I didn't pour the wine until AFTER I got the dye bath out of the sink so I guess I just partially broke that rule...(you probably also shouldn't blog while drinking wine but...)
5) you have to be willing to say "what the hell" and just do it...

So now the 80's party dress that was cream is now blue...you can tell I lead an exciting life if the best thing I have to blog about is dyeing something blue...

now on to more interesting things...and if you need a course on how to dye something, email me...

I believe that "Glee" is the most fantastic and wonderfully (and beautifully) written show on television...the cast is top notch and the music...well, if you can't tell how much I love music, then you aren't really reading my blogs...

The music is...sublime...superb...amazing...awesome...incredible...unbelieveable..

ok, now I need a thesaurus...

In any case, the storytelling and the acting would be enough to love the show even if they never sang one song...but they do...and they are incredible performances. I find it amazing that the same guy who thought up the plastic surgery/sexy show "Nip/Tuck" could come up with something as beautiful as "Glee". If you ever saw "Nip/Tuck", you know what I mean...this is a 180 degree turnaround in type of show. If I had known that Ryan Murphy (creator of "Nip/Tuck")had dreamed up "Glee", I might not have given it a chance...that being said, I enjoyed "Nip/Tuck"...sometimes...

So last night I settled in to watch the season finale of "Glee". I was a bit bummed because I will now have to wait until like October to see a new show, but I have almost all of this season's show still on the DVR to enjoy when I am lonely for Rachel, Puck, Finn, Mercedes, Sue, Will, Quinn and precious Kurt.

I poured myself a delicious glass of wine before settling in. I have a wine god, let's call him Bacchus (because he is Italian). He's a friend who I turn to when I want a good suggestion of something yummy to buy...he loves wine and he loves talking about wine. He is a history teacher so I guess the teaching thing doesn't stop. In any case, he's a great guy, a good source for vino info, and a fantastic teacher. The kids love him---I'm so excited that The Cutest Boy in the World will have him next year and he is a great follow-up to Mr. Adorable and Precious who was an amazing teacher this year...along with being Adorable and Precious. So Bacchus tells me to buy Papa Luna at Costco so I do...fantastico! I open it because I decide I need a good wine to enjoy with my favorite show...

So I cry through the show and drink 2 glasses of wine...and I make sure all the Glee music is loaded on my iPhone to enjoy today and always...and I am glad I saved the calories for the 2 glasses of wine...

Today I did my usual sentence on the Precor to loosen up all of my aching sore muscles from the workout with Fitness Godess and the classes with Spinderella. I thought about taking the day off, laying by the pool and enjoying my book but even the touch of headache I get the day after having even a little red wine (but I won't give it up)wasn't a good enough excuse to skip the workout...so I went and let the Glee kids get me through.

I get on that machine and imagine all the great clothes I am going to wear when I get myself into shape and lose the weight. I think of all of the cute clothes that I managed to save from my last skinny phase of life and think about how I will probably not wear any of them but rather get a whole new wardrobe. I mean, do I really ever NEED to wear a cheetah print mini skirt again? (although I have a bet with a friend that I will wear it underneath a trench and come up to school and show her I got into it). I do look forward to the shopping...

After working out, I met up with the kids at theater camp and had a great time watching God of the Theater (GOTT) block the first number for Seussical and applauded Theater Tech God (TTG) when he rolled out a "truffula tree" with a nest on it for Horton the Elephant to sit on...you have to see it to believe it.

I found a dress for "Gertrude the bird with the one-feather tail" to wear but decided to dye it blue since I hated the cream color. Hence the dyeing...

So now that I have given you a pretty boring run-down of my day, I'm sure you are sitting there thinking "where is the lesson? where is the funny?"...

I guess what I have to offer today is that you need to believe...you have to believe in the change, or maybe just believe...the change of a dress (by dyeing it), the change that a show creator (or any artist) can make when offering something different, you have to believe in your friend's advice (if you ask for it like I do with Bacchus) and you have to let that advice change your choices (so I don't keep buying Red Truck red wine...but I like Red Truck too, just like the Papa Luna better), and you have to believe that YOU can change---whether it is losing some weight, breaking a habit, trying to get healthy, or learning something new...and I have to believe that every time I get on that machine I am doing something good for myself...along with pouring that glass of red wine (for my heart, ya know?)...

So don't stop believin'

And go to iTunes (I know I sound like a commercial for them) and download the Glee cast version of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" (the Road to Regionals version). They put a new spin on an old classic and it is gor-ge-ous and will put a spring in your step. You will totally want to sing along and can't we just picture ourselves sitting with our best friends, wearing some ab-fab 80's clothes while we sing along...

And while you are there, perusing the Glee music, just download it all (or if you live here I will burn it for you). "To Sir with love" makes me cry (because it makes me think of my friends GOTT and TTG and Bacchus and Mr. Adorable and Precious and how they have impacted their student's lives...teachers are INCREDIBLE people..."One" and "I dreamed a dream" also make me cry)...there is so much more but that is for later blogs...

Tomorrow I will honor my mother in my blog...it would be her 66th birthday...and later I will tell you all about my "Crush"---and no it is not GOTT, TTG, Bacchus, or Mr. Adorable and Precious...but they are all pretty crush-worthy men...yes, they are!!!!! I luv luv luv them...

Don't stop believin'

bye darlings...