Crazy Beautiful Life

"Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death"---Mame Dennis

That might just be THE BEST (or at least ONE OF THE BEST) lines ever spoken in a movie. As I started to type this blog I was watching the incomparable Rosalind Russell portraying Mame Dennis in the movie "Auntie Mame" which is one of my all-time favorite movies. There is not another movie that can make me laugh and cry as much as that one does.

But that line has a lot of truth in it...most of us don't even go up to the banquet...we just sit and starve ourselves of experiences. And we do it (starve ourselves of life experiences) out of fear, laziness, bad prioritizing, distraction, over-scheduling, ignorance, and/or lack of motivation to just TRY something.

I want to go to the banquet...and I want to try everything...and I don't mean food...

The last few days I have done my level best to experience "crazy" and I don't mean at the mall...I'm avoiding that at all costs.

No, I'm just talking about everyday, garden-variety crazy...

Let's start with Thursday.

I had a great spin class with J'taime Jamie and then an awesome workout with Coach Dimples. I know, 2 workouts in one day may seem crazy, but it's really more like doing some cardio and then your weight workout so it's not THAT crazy. I call it my "two-a-days"...after all, I am working with a football coach. After my Dimples time I dashed out to get a haircut from my French/Spanish hairdresser who I shall just call by his name because I can't come up anything better...Fernando. Isn't that the most perfect name for a French Spaniard that is gorgeous?

Fernando and I have been together for over 21 years. We have lasted longer than many marriages (including one of his). We have survived divorces (his), re-marriages (his), miscarriages (mine), deaths of friends and family (both of us), children trauma (both of us). We have grown up and grown middle-aged together. When I first became his client his hair was longer than mine...not anymore..

So Fernando cuts my hair and then after drying it he whips out the curling iron and starts to turn me into a vision of a fat Victoria's Secret model. I told him I was headed to church...I swear I think he thought I said "club". So I showed up at "Lessons and Carols" at the church looking a bit like a woman who was looking for a dance partner. Oh well, the 14 year old girls loved it...

After "Lessons..." I went with GOTT and his family to see a production of...well, I won't say because, sadly, it was pretty dreadful. It is a show that is dear to GOTT and I but this particular production brought me to tears---and not in a good way. Because the director totally ruined the show...he ruined a beautiful show with a beautiful message. At least the actors looked like they were having fun...

And then I came home to the teenage party...crazy Thursday...

Friday amped up the crazy...

Christmas Breakfast for the middle school and Lessons and Carols at my son's school was on board for the morning. The crazy hair was still curly so I just left it and rolled with it. I helped GOTT and TTG with the Lessons and Carols (basically a church service where we sing carols and the story of Jesus' birth is told). I got to play stage manager on Stage left and wore a headset so I cold hear GOTT booming through with instructions like God from above. GOTT likes to talk into the headset throughout the shows so I got a running commentary and his instructions to the light board operator and spotlight boys along with enjoying songs like "Breath of Heaven"...confusing to say the least...after saying "Merry Christmas" to our friends at school and having lunch, my boys left to go hunting and I hit the gym after conferring with Dimples as to whether I needed a day off...I didn't so I went...

But that wasn't the crazy part of the day.

Crazy came later...

I had 2 parties to go to that night. For someone who NEVER has a social life, having 2 things to do the same night was a bit of a thrill...and frustrating as I didn't want to miss a moment of either party.

First up was an all-girls affair at MizLiz's house. GREAT party. GREAT fun. GREAT group of girls. Hard to tear myself away. I was so excited to be invited to hang with that fun group of girls that I was happy to hear that next year she and the hostesses of the other party were going to confer before setting dates so that she and the rest of us can fully enjoy BOTH parties!

So after a little champagne, lamb chops, and gossip I head to the C&B's party held at the C's house. GREAT party. GREAT fun. Got to see all my friends. Everyone looked gorgeous and I do mean gorgeous! And I got to see some friends I don't get to see all the time (shout out to my girlfriend PB who I just discovered is also a South Texas Chica...no wonder I love her so...) and it was pretty nice to slink around the party in something cute instead of a tent.

I was rocking a couture dress...from TARGET. (Tar-zhay if you please...).

All yours for $29...

I avoided the crazy at that party by declining to sip Goldshlagger from the ice sculpture. There was no way that was going to work out for me. Didn't want to mess up the $29 dress. Plus it was time to move on to Diet Coke...

Crazy happened after I left...

I went outside to the valet to get my car. My feet were KILLING me in my stilleto boots (I had them on all day except for gym time) and it was midnight so Cinderella was ready to leave the ball. You know, because of the shoes...and Fairy Godmother's magic only lasts so long. Plus I had a teenager home and her curfew was earlier than mine...

So I'm waiting for my car and my friend's husband comes out to get their car and we start talking about working out, excercise,the Racquet Club, spin class, my weight loss etc. This is a man I have known for about 6 years...very sweet guy. So we are talking and laughing and I don't really notice the guy or guys also waiting for cars. I'm just talking to my friend. My car comes and I hug him goodbye and tell him to wish his wife a Merry Christmas and get in my car and go home.

I'm home about 20 minutes (boots OFF! false eyelashes OFF! makeup OFF!) and I get a call from the house where the party is. I start thinking I must have left something there or something must have dropped out of my purse because why else would someone call at 12:25 at night? I answer the phone and my friend K informs me that I caused a fight.

A fight?

How did I cause a fight? I was gone from the party...

But it seems that some bozo waiting for his car while my friend and I were talking decided after I left that he thought my friend was bothering me.

Bothering me?

We were talking about WORKING OUT and laughing about it...we are FRIENDS.

But the other guy was drunk and decided to make something out of it. Apparently, he thought he was defending my honor...against a man who was asking me how I can stand to be on the arc trainer for more than 5 minutes.

Maybe he (the drunk) hates running on the treadmill as much as I do and felt the need to say something...LOL...

Or maybe, and this is the part I hate, it was because my friend is of a different culture that this guy decided to get ugly with him. And if that is it, may the guy burn...because my friends are my people...it has nothing to do with culture, religion, sexual preference, or sex of the person---I am blind to the oustide of people but only care about the inside of people and their hearts. But sadly that is the theory of at least one witness/bystander as to why the guy got so hot with my friend. I think it was called "Jack Daniels" or maybe "Johnnie Walker"...

But in any case he got ugly with my friend and punches were thrown.

I looked ok that night but not enought to start a ballroom brawl.

My friend was fine and the drunk got taken home by someone else and now I have a very silly story to tell.

And THAT my friends is CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY...

Saturday came and went with little to no crazy...I worked out, I had lunch with a former student, I had a blast taking photos of my friend Jay Vee and her wonderful family, and I had a great dinner with my friend Tiny Dy-no-mite and her husband who took us out for a great meal and conversation. Don't you love a good day?

But here is the BEST part of my day...I jumped on the scale and I HAD TO MOVE THE BIG BAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!! I was under 200. I weighed myself 7 times (ok, I guess that is CRAZY). I jumped off and on that scale 7 times. I weighed myself again after working out. I texted Dimples and professed my undying love for him and the damn hill and the black rubberband and promised to be a good girl and drag his cute ass up that hill endlessly. He was super proud of me. I told him "who needs Santa when I have you"...

I'll confess when I looked at the scale...I cried...

So since Saturday was (relatively---except for the weighing myself a bajillion times) crazy free I guess I thought I needed to double the crazy for today. But today's crazy is all me...all me and my doing and my OCD...

Crazy #1:

I got on the scale this morning. Dimples told me not to do this but I am compelled by my OCD to weigh myself every day...sometimes more than once. I was back over 200. In a big way. Like 3 pounds. So how did I gain 5 pounds in one day? I know know know that I didn't screw up the scale yesterday when it went down, but today's number made me cry---again. I haven't confessed this to Dimples because I know I will get a (sweetly given) lecture---remember, he's good at talking "woman" these days. But really, does the scale have to screw with my emotions so much? I know I shouldn't let it, but it does...

Crazy #2:

I got to the gym, set myself up a spin bike, got my towels and water, was strapping on my cycle shoes and I discover that I have left my heart monitor at home. I consider just jumping on the bike and going but my OCD got the better of me and I knew I couldn't do the workout without the heart monitor. So I went home to get it. Yes, I was totally ready to get on the bike...the iPod was even going, but no heart monitor meant I didn't know how hard I was working so I went home to get it. Problem was, I was out of gas so I had to gas up before going home. That little adventure cost me 20 minutes. How OCD is that? That I would do all of that just to be sure I could tell how hard I was working? Really? Really...

And then I spent 75 minutes on the spin bike and did weights...because of the scale thing...that makes #2 double crazy...

Crazy #3:

I called my friend K back to make sure I wasn't drunk or dreaming the fight story...I wasn't (drunk or dreaming)...it really happened...not sure whether to be ashamed, embarrassed, or think it is funny as hell...

Crazy #4:

I got on the treadmill and ran...even though I am not supposed to. Shhhh...don't tell Dimples! I only did 1/2 mile...but I might sneak back on it tomorrow...the crazy part is that I WANTED to run, even with my knee. Even crazier...it doesn't hurt...actually since it didn't hurt Dimples won't mind...and he will expect me to do more running on Tuesday when we train. He showed up last week and informed me that a better use of my time, when I beat him to the park, would be for me to run or walk fast around the track to get my heartrate up instead of checking my email. Since I like being "teacher's pet" I guess I will be running when he arrives next time. Again, I don't know why I am so compliant with that man...oh yes...he is helping me change my body...that's why...

Crazy #5:

My daughter had dinner with me tonight. In a restaurant. With her boyfriend...

Yes, Ke$ha Barbie eating with me in public with her boyfriend is crazy...and beautiful...

I had more crazy today---shopping at Target, Toys R Us, and Best By (for a family we have "adopted" for Xmas), and I almost got hit by 3 cars as I walked across the parking lot.

Yes, it was a crazy day...

I hope yours was much much saner...but given the time of year, I doubt it...

Inspiration Song: "Crazy Beatiful Life" by Ke$ha...I love her music, even if she constantly sings about getting drunk...it is fun to run/workout/spin to...

Bye Darlings...embrace the crazy...it's better than fighting it...