Redneck Girl

Quote from Ke$ha Barbie:
"this is the most redneck thing you have ever cooked"

Tonight I made beer-can-in-the-butt chicken...

And I gotta admit...it was pretty damn good stuff...even thought now I totally smell like smoke from the wood chips... (recipe at the bottom of the blog)

I guess that would be a redneck girl kind of thing...

So am I a redneck girl?

Sorta...

I mean, I did major in Agricultural Economics in college. It was me and all the cowgirls...I was the one in the back of the room wearing a skirt and Giorgio perfume while the most of the other girls were wearing jeans (and some in overalls...not joking) with their names on the back of their belts. Some of them even dipped Copenhagen...not joking...

I never put my name on my belt...

But I did wear my belt buckles I won at the cattle shows.

Because I did show cattle...

And I won...

And I was damn good at it...

But instead of wearing jeans (with a belt with my name on it) and a western cut plaid shirt, I would show my cattle in a fancy suit from Cutter Bill with a teal silk blouse and matching boots.

Urban Cowgirl was more my style than redneck girl...

I drove a suburban, not a truck...but I will confess I really wanted a truck...and I do live out that fantasy whenever I drive Ke$ha Barbie's big Ford F150 double cab.

I didn't look like a redneck girl, or a cowgirl, or any kind of country girl in college.

I wore things like:
skirts made from a Chinese flag
eel skin stilettos
colored skinny jeans so tight I needed a coathanger to pull them up
skinny jeans with zippers at the ankle worn with "flashdance" off the shoulder tops
Laura Ashley dresses (so I could look like a shepherdess...)
miniskirts with ankle socks and heels (like the girl in the ZZ Top "Legs" video)
preppy clothes

I did not wear cowgirl-style jeans and plaid...

And if I wore my boots it was with my suede skirt.

So I guess that is why I confused the TA who taught my animal science lab when I walked in...

I'm rocking the Chinese flag outfit with the stilettos and I walk into class and he informs me that this was the animal science lab class for people with experience...

and then he goes on to add: "and I'm not talking about dogs, and cats, and gerbils"

(I don't know why he added gerbils but all these years later I still think it was funny).

I told him: "I know"

Meanwhile a guy I knew who I showed cattle with started sliding down in his chair waiting for, as he put it later, "Hurricane Anice to make a direct hit in the direction of the TA".

(TA= Teaching Assistant).

First lab class...castrating pigs...

We were 30 seconds in when the first kid hit the deck (actually the cement floor)...he was going to be a veterinary student.

I asked the TA: "should I pick him up?"

TA said "no, don't bother"

That kid never returned to class.

Another person fainted too...thankfully it wasn't me...

Then we had a lab where steers were involved. The TA asked the boys to move the steers. None of them would. I got annoyed and marched over (in my eel skin stillettos) and moved the steers.

The professor was there that day. He didn't like my dad. My dad didn't like him. Two of the steers had our ranch brand on them.

Not a good sign...

We had to "judge" the steers...I did so...and yes, my Daddy's steers were #1 and #2...

The professor disagreed.

We argued about it...which was allowed because you had to give your "reasons"...

Then he looked at me and asked my name...

Damn...

I told him...slowly...

I think he mumbled something like "it figures..."

We also had to witness animals get slaughtered in one of the labs. I dreaded it all semester. It was very painful to watch.

Before we got started I begged the TA to make sure that when they killed a steer it wasn't a black one. My last and most favorite steer was a big black steer that AngelAmy had named "Monster". He weighed 1300 pounds but thought he was the size of a kitty cat.

I had to sell that steer to be slaughtered after my last stock show. It was traumatic. So I really didn't want to see a black steer killed.

So we watch them kill the lamb...and kill the pig...and it was really awful and I cried the whole time...but I didn't faint.

And then came the steer...and it was gonna be a black one...

I freaked...totally freaked...

The TA starts yelling at the people to NOT do it....something along the lines of "Dear God in Heaven DO NOT KILL THAT STEER"....(the TA was my hero that day).

They killed a yellow one instead...

I was ok with that...well, as ok as I could be watching an animal die.

So you see, I wasn't much of a real ranch girl...

And yes, among the "ranch girl" things I had to do was eat "mountain oysters" (calf testicles) among other unsavory parts of the cow...and yes I had to "work" cattle and ride a horse (which you loyal readers of this blog know I was absolutely a failure at), and I lived on a ranch.

But now this redneck girl likes the city and I"m really fond of my new Michael Kors brown leather stilettos and I don't even own a pair of cowboy boots anymore.

I did the rodeo committee thing for a while but after my mom died it wasn't any fun so now I almost never even go to the stock show much less the rodeo.

I don't listen to country music.

I don't eat mountain oysters or other unsavory parts of the cow...

But somewhere in my heart I am a redneck girl...albeit one who really prefers stilettos to cowboy boots...

Inspiration Song: "Redneck Girl" by the Bellamy Brothers...one of the very few country songs I have on my IPod...

Bye Darlings...what is your secret identity? Mine is stiletto wearing ranch girl...or redneck girl...

BEER CAN CHICKEN:

rub:
4 tablespoons smoked paprika
2 tablespoon salt (kosher or sea)
2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 teaspoons pepper (I like 1/2 regular pepper and 1/2 smoked pepper)
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon (more or less to taste) cayenne pepper

Rub a 4 pound chicken with some olive or vegetable oil.

Rub the chicken with the rub...gently rub some under the skin...put some in the cavity...rub it all over so it is nice and red.

Soak some wood chips in water for about 1/2 hour or so...put in smoker box or whatever you use to make smoke on your grill.

Take a can of beer...I used Shiner Bock...and drink or pour out about 1/4 to 1/3 of it...

Place the chicken over the can...so it is sitting on the can...put that on the grill over medium heat...

Cook until done...it took about a little over an hour...check it with a instant read thermometer because you don't want to overcook it and dry it out.

Let it rest 10 minutes before serving.

I served it with roasted potatoes...

It was delicious!