Bulletproof Heart

OK, those of you who know me well know I DO NOT have a bulletproof heart...at least not emotionally!

Emotionally, no...I do not have a bulletproof heart. I cry at the drop of the hat. I am sooooooooooooooo emotional. I am the one leaving the movie in tears, I'm the one who cries at Hallmark commercials...I'm the one crying at the choir concerts.

And today my heart took a beating...because we are going to have to say goodbye to our precious, precious Patrick.

Patrick is my friend who was in a car wreck in October. Things are not good. He is not coming back to us. I am devestated for his family, especially his wife and daughter...

I have no words...

I'm crushed.

I've known him since he was a boy. He had a special relationship with my mother. His father and my dad were very close.

I cannot imagine not seeing him again. Not kissing him hello and goodbye. Not standing with my arm around him laughing at something. I can't imagine not seeing his incredible smile again.

And I am not his wife...I'm not family...I'm just a friend who loves him...

My bulletproof heart is broken.

Broken...

Strangely this day started off with proof that my heart, or at least my body, is better...getting bulletproof...

My doctor...the oh-so-lovely-should-be-on-tv-gorgeous doctor called to excitely tell me that indeed my inside is matching the outside.

My body is improving...

My cholesterol (overall) is down 109 points!

My triglycerides are down a whopping 198 points! (can I get an "amen" from the choir for this one?)

My HDL is up (as it should be when it improves)...I'm in the "good" range...approaching "very good"...

My LDL is way down...and in the good range...

My glucose is as it should be...

All my levels are "good and normal"...

no meds for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Another "amen" from the choir, please...)

Celebration was in order...but I kept myself in check and worked on preparing Thanksgiving food...

Stuffing made? check...

Turkey in the brine? check...

all items purchased (after 3 trips to the store)? check...

So all I need to do tomorrow is roast the turkey, warm the stuffing, zap the green beans and sweet potatoes, roast the brussel sprouts, and make the "creamy dreamies" (the mashed potatoes...a name from my sister S...).

Easy...

So after shopping and cooking I did a session with Coach Dimples and he worked me into a frenzied sweat and a mega-calorie burn. Thank you, Darling Coach Dimples...

As I was leaving I saw an email that I decided to ignore for fear...it was about Precious Patrick...

but once home I decided to look at it and saw the news...it is time to begin the process of saying goodbye to our friend...

So I had a thought about chardonnay...or going to the gym...

Texted Dimples and the gym won...I didn't need him, I needed an hour on the Cybex Arc Trainer and some music...

Push "play" on the new My Chemical Romance album...and off I went.

Dimples approved....the chardonnay came later at dinner....

I tried to clear my mind with the machine and the music but my brain stormed on as I tried to make peace with what was going on ...and my heartbreak for Patrick's family.

I will find ways to be thankful tomorrow...but tonight I am heartbroken for my friend and his family...he will be in a better place and he will be with his mother and my mother (who he called "his angel") but we will be left missing his smile, his humor, and his "Patrick-ness"...

How can a day that starts off so well end so badly?

My heart isn't bulletproof...it is broken...

I'll leave you with Coach's tip for me for handling tomorrow:
drink water and eat turkey first and enjoy the rest...

Goodness but I love that man...he even told me I don't have to log my food for tomorrow...love him even more...

Inspiration Song: "Bulletproof Heart" by My Chemical Romance...totally in love with their new album right now...love it love it love it...

Bye Darlings...blessings to all...