I'm So Excited

OK...confession...I'm writing this blog on a teensy bit of vodka...'cause I am celebrating.

Dimples is gonna be...pissed...

cause I did it last night too...oh well...

so please forgive typos, grammar errors, and general craziness...

You see...

I have a reason to celebrate!

I am going to the Oprah Winfrey Show!!!!!

Now before you all start screaming with joy for me you need to know:
I WILL NOT BE A FEATURED GUEST BUT RATHER I HAVE BEEN INVITED TO SIT IN THE AUDIENCE WITH A GROUP OF AUDIENCE MEMBERS WHO HAVE ALL LOST OVER 100 POUNDS

So no, I don't get to talk to Oprah..

And no, I don't get the Vera Wang gown...

And no, I don't get special shoes or a makeover...

although I didn't really want the makeover and had a male friend tell me yesterday: "don't let them cut your hair...it is your greatest asset...it is beautiful"...

awwwwww....how sweet...

(I got a haircut today...kept my length...got some sexy layers...my friend says it looked good)

I was a little sad and disappointed...thought about not going...but then Dimples pointed out to me that it WAS the Oprah show...and it was a chance of a lifetime...and I should be very flattered that they invited me to the show.

He is right!

He usually is...darn it...

So I am going to Chicago!!!!!!!

And I am taking my aunt Jane...the best person in the world...with me.

We are going to have a mini-vaca of it and we are going to live my mother's dream and see the Oprah Winfrey show.

Now some of you will find this an eensy teensy bit disappointing, but after I got over my disappointment I really got excited. I mean, it IS OPRAH...

Oprah

Oprah

Oprah

Oprah

Her name is like magic...

And I am going to get to sit in her audience...surrounded by other people who have done what I have done...we have all lost incredible amounts of weight...

I have decided to wear my mother's Gucci dress. It fits me...it is hot...it is sexy but will look good on camera.

I'm going to wear fierce red heels.

I'm going to wear her jewelry.

My mother WILL be at that show.

They suggest bright colors but I don't have a bright colored dress that belonged to my mother that is right for the show. So I will wear the black knit Gucci.

Yes, I said "knit"...

it fits like a glove...

and I look damn good in it.

After the show, Dimples be damned...I'm going to eat some Chicago pizza. The taping is in the morning so I will have a pig out lunch and eat some pizza and not feel guilty.

Because I have earned it...

and I can pay for it later...Dimples will make sure of it.

He's really excited for me. He really wanted to go but his schedule won't allow it...not sure his girlfriend would be all that excited about it either.

And Jane is the perfect person to do this with me...she's been right beside me all along and she knows how much this would mean to my mother (her sister).

My other exciting news...my little visit to the plastic surgeon...

So I went and saw a doctor. I really liked him.

So I showed him the "before" photos...he was shocked....

And then he looked at me and...and this is great news...he said I DID NOT need a full body lift!!!!

Only a tummy tuck and breast work.

You see, most people who have lost the amount of weight I have, and have done it more than once like I have, and are my age...well, the skin sags all around your middle...front and back.

But Dimples has carved it off me so skillfully that I only need the tummy tuck. My sides and back are just fine thankyouverymuch!!!!!

He suggests:
tummy tuck
breast lift
breast augmentation
a tiny bit of liposuction on my inner and outer thighs and a nip at the waist....

The surgery itself scares me a bit...the recovery scares me a lot.

I'm interviewing a few more surgeons...and I think I will wait until fall to do it so that I'm not wearing a compression garment during the summer.

But it will be my reward to myself...to finish myself off in a good way. And since I am going to be single, I want to feel good about myself before I take that next step and enter into a relationship with someone.

I told a friend that the surgeon said he could make me "smokin' hot"...

My friend said "you already are"...

awwwww...how sweet...

that was just like when GOTT told me I WAS beautiful when I said I wanted to lose weight to be beautiful.

I am lucky to have friends who are so sweet and supportive.

So there you have it...two things to be excited about...OPRAH and good news from the surgeon (because a full body lift would have just been hell...just hell).

Inspiration Song: "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters...remember that song? Flashback to the 80's...

Bye Darlings....get excited...not just for me but for yourself...do something that excites you today!!!!!!

Head Games

Sometimes I think the only real obstacle to losing this weight (other than my screwed up knee) is my head...

Because, as I have said before, I let myself get in my own way.

It's a head game, this weight loss...

First, you have to get it in your head that you WANT to do it...and this is for anything...weight loss, fitness, getting rid of bad habits, training to do something like a triathalon, etc.

Then you have to get it in your head you CAN do it. You can't let yourself stand in your own way.

I know I blog endlessly about how much I love my trainer Dimples and my "J-girls" (instructors at my health club) but I cannot say enough about how much it helps me when they motivate me.

Dimples is always telling me that I CAN do something...or I CAN do a few more...or to at least try something. But so often just when I am about to get in my own way with something, he says the RIGHT something to me to keep me going.

And now he sends "tweets" (yes, I finally am learning about Twitter thanks to my Dimples). It's a good way for him to keep in touch of his bootcamp clients but also to send motivating and positive messages to his clients and followers.

Messages like this (remember twitter limits you to 140 characters so you have to use shorthand):

U must believe absolutely that u're not only capable of achieving your desired goal, but also that it's only a matter of time before you do

I'm keeping that on my phone...to look at when I need it...because I often need it.

You can follow him on twitter too if you want...just sign up for:
@jessetraining

So today I did a 90 minute spin class AFTER I did the new launch of Body Pump 76.

I was a bit intimidated about it...until I realized that last Friday after the one icicle shut down Houston that I gave myself a spin class that lasted over 90 minutes.

But I almost let my head stand in my way...I almost told myself I couldn't do it.

Thankfully my knee did NOT tell me I couldn't do it!

It was 2:35 minutes of exercise...

I got through it...piece of cake...which helped me resist the piece of cake that I really really really wanted to eat at GOTTPARENTS 50TH Anniversary party (woo-hoo...50 years of wedded bliss to an amazing couple with amazing kids and grandkids...love love love them...).

I wanted that cake. It looked good. My stomach said "yes, yes, yes" but thankfully this time the game going on in my head was a good one and my head said "no no no". And I told GOTTESS to keep me away from it.

GOTTSISTERS didn't recognize me...they haven't seen me since last spring...one of them said "you looked familiar but I didn't think it was you"...

love that...
love her for saying it...

For some people that would feel awful, but to my thinking, it is great. I'm happy that I look different.

So I was watching Oprah the other day (duh...when do I NOT watch Oprah?)and she had Jennifer Hudson on.

Jennifer Hudson has gone from a size 16 to a 6. She's lost 85 pounds. She looks amazing.

I've lost more weight but I've had (and still have) more to lose.

She's always been beautiful.

As I looked at her I tried to be honest with myself and see if I thought she was really more beautiful because she is thinner...or am I just trained to think so because that is what is accepted as pretty---thin.

I decided that to my eyes, and my head, she is NOT MORE beautiful...she just looks good...and healthy...and happy.

She talked about how it really plays with your head when you lose the weight. How she walks into stores and picks up things that are the wrong size because they are TOO BIG for her.

Now that is a head game I also play...

When I walked into Victoria's Secret for the first time in 8+ years a few weeks ago I had to talk myself into it the whole way through the mall. And I was afraid I was going to go in there and be told that nothing would fit so I should try Lane Bryant. And I was afraid that I was going to find that I looked like a fool.

But I didn't...and I have a drawer full of new undergarments to prove it.

I was at my favorite store "Lucy" a few weeks ago...I grabbed some pants in in XL and the girl helping me said "no, you need a large...that will be too big".

When I went into the dressing room and the pants fit, I cried.

In my head, I am still a plus-sized girl.

But my body is not...

It's a head game...and I could totally relate to what Jennifer was saying to Oprah about it.

She (Jennifer) also said that she loves trying on new clothes and wearing her new clothes. I can relate to that too...I can't believe I actually fantasize about some of my skirts...that I can actually wear them. I started going through my clothes the other day and realized that I better TRY things on because my brain was saying "no way" but the zipper would go up and my body would say "way...".

Today, after the LONG workout, I met my Aunt Jane (the BEST PERSON IN THE WOLRD) and her friend CAT (Cute and Tiny) for lunch. They had a gift for me.

Jane had taken the photos she took of us (and me) on top of the hill I climbed at our camp reunion. You know...the 218 steps...

For those of you who did not read that blog ("Climb Every Mountain"), I'll give you the 10 second explanation:
When I once couldn't catch my breath after going up 24 steps with a teacher friend I realized that I needed to change my life. So I did. So 6 months later when I climbed 218 steps and didn't DIE, it felt like a big big big deal.

When we got to the top of the hill we prayed and took photos. So Jane gave me the photos today in a frame. To remind me of what I have and will still accomplish.

I cried with joy from the love and beauty of the gift.

Like I said, she is the best person in the world...

and that might be one of the most amazing gifts I have ever received...

And I'm putting it on my nightstand...not because I look good in the photos (in fact, I look awful...no make-up and still around 230 pounds), but rather to remind me what I have done and what I can do.

It's like the tweets I get from Dimples...little reminders to my brain that I can do what I have set out to do.

Now one game I play in my head that will probably only ever be in my head and not reality is a fantasy...and that is ok...fantasies are good! They help move us forward. You all know mine:
Oprah invites me to be on her show to tell how I have lost weight and blogged about it and she gives me a Vera Wang gown to wear because I once met Vera and told her I wanted to wear one of her gowns when I lose weight...

That little fantasy is a head game that is all for fun...but it helps motivate me too...

because...

I don't want to stand in my own way:
to finish an exercise in training
to do a long spin class
to try something new with Dimples
to try on new clothes in a smaller size
to walk into a store that intimidates me
to put on something I haven't worn in 9 years
to dress to show off my hard work
to wear my mom's Vera Wang dress and rock it

Because the only thing stopping me is in my head...not my body...

It's all head games...and I am pretty good at those kinds of games (physical games...notsomuch)...

in fact, I usually win...

I think I'm gonna win this one...like my Dimples says: "it's just a matter of time"...

Inspiration Song: JayVee served up Foreigner's "Head Games" today in the 90 minute master class for spin...it was the perfect song at the 80 minute mark...she's so amazing...

Bye Darlings...win your head game...

Angel

This is my cat...her name is "Angel". She is an applehead Siamese and the sweetest little thing. Right now she is asleep on the desk as I type this blog...

I got to thinking today that I have a lot of "Angels" in my life...not just my pretty little kitty cat.

I joined a sororoty in college---I am a proud member of Pi Beta Phi (shout out to my Texas Eta friends! And all Pi Phi Angels).

Pi Phi's "symbols" are an arrow...and an ANGEL...our colors are "wine and silver blue"

I wear Thierry Mugler "Angel" perfume...it is my favorite scent (I am fond of others...and right now Tom Ford Black Orchid is making a definite play for my attention).

Angel perfume comes in a star bottle...and the perfume itself is colored...silver blue...

makes sense to me that I love it...and today when I refilled my bottle (yes! you can refill Angel for 30% less than buying a new bottle...another reason I love it) I was once again struck by how angels are so in my life...

I have angels in Heaven looking out for me...Mom, Daddy, my Grandpa...and special angels like my friend D's niece who's birthday is just one day after mine...our names both start with "A" and we almost shared a birthday so I always had a special place in my heart for her...and sadly we lost her to cancer...she was on my mind this weekend...

My doctor is an angel. I saw her today and she was thrilled with my weight loss. I was actually happy to have blood drawn because I am curious to see if my "inside" is matching my "outside" in getting healthier.

I know my heart is better...my EKG showed a much improved resting heart rate (even Coach Dimples was impressed) and she was really excited about that.

Her support has been incredible and I loved being able to share with her that I "got it"...I "got it" for all the times she told me that if I ate better and excersised I could change my life. Showing her today that I have done that was really a high moment in all of this.

Now if only I could be as gorgeous as she is...people, she looks like a character from "Grey's Anatomy" or "Private Practice" except that she is a real bona-fide physician...

My trainer is an angel...he puts up with a lot of crap from me...today he pushed me to my limit and got me to take myself to a level I didn't think I could get to...and it doesn't hurt that he does the running with me and keeps me motivated and stays positive with me...good grief, he got me to RUN...he has to be heaven-sent or some kind of witch to do that...I hate hate hate to run...

My spin and gym instrutors are angels...I love love love them...they keep me going and working hard...

my Aunt Jane is an angel...she is...because she puts up with me...and saves me from myself...

I have always called Ke$ha Barbie "my Angel"...because even when she doesn't act like an angel, she is one in my eyes...

And The Cutest Boy in the World is an angel of a little man...

The teachers at my kids schools are angels...because a good teacher is a gift from god...I regularly want to polish the halos on them...

and you, my friends, are angels to me...not just my Pi Phi sisters...but all of you who love and support me...

And back to my precious little kitty...she was a stray that "found" us...she walked into our yard and never left. She seemed to drop out of heaven so we named her "angel". She once disappeared for 13 days and returned, like a gift from God, on my son's birthday. We thought she was gone for good but I looked out the window of the kitchen door and there she was, looking in, asking to come back inside her home. She was a little lost kitty but she found a way to trust us and became a part of us and we love her...

I'm a little like her...I lost myself for a while but I found a way to trust myself again that I could do this...I became my own angel...and now I let other angels help me...

You're my angel...come and save me tonight...

Who's your angel(s)? Let 'em know that they save you...

And be your own angel...

Inspiration Song: "Angel" by Aerosmith...my favorite band...

bye darlings...

Raise Your Glass

So, a toast...

Raise your glass!

Mine happens to be my new Riedel Cabernet/Red stemless wine glass and it contains a nice (but not too much) amount of Molly Dooker "The Boxer" Shiraz (a Bacchus suggestion that I am very fond of).

Some of you may be reading this in the morning so I hope the only glasses you are raising are filled with orange juice or coffee...

But we can toast anyway!

So what are we toasting to?

No, I haven't reached my "significant" goal or anything special, but I want you to join me in a toast celebrating that I am starting off my---well, you don't really need the age number, do you?---ok, 46th year---and I am starting off year 46 as a much healthier woman than I was when I started year 45.

And I want to toast all of you who read this silly blog and who have supported me as I work my way back into becoming a thinner, healthier, stronger version of myself.

Let's call me:

Anice 4.0

because I have done this a few times...let's hope that the only improvements or changes I make to mayself after this are POSITIVE ones.

I had a lovely birthday yesterday...messages from facebook friends...lunch with my family (even Ke$ha Barbie graced us with her blonde presence)...shopped for the glasses with my daughter...had a yummy sushi dinner with my Aunt Jane and her friend Cute and Tiny (CAT)...and then had a celebratory cupcake with my friend D-"the other neice" (since a friend of ours likes to refer to us as the "Nieces" since our names end in -nice and -nise).

Yes, I got near the kryptonite...a CRAVE cupcake...had 1/2 a banana (I highly recommend it) and 1/2 a strawberry (always a favorite). I consider that a pretty clean getaway considering she had more to offer.

Of course I also should confess the 1/2 of a (large) piece of incredible pumpkin cheesecake at lunch at Pappadeaux. At least I had fish as my entree...

I have pre-warned Coach Dimples (via text) that he has some damage to undo...I'm sure he will insist on getting the full story from me as he punishes me tomorrow with a hundred thousand squats. That man is making me do things I never thought I would or could do...it must be the dimples and cute smile...

So what a difference a year makes...because a year ago I would have had at least 2 cupcakes (instead of 1/2 of each flavor) and eaten the whole piece of cheesecake and would have had fried crawfish or something equally dangerous for lunch.

As I type this I am watching Ke$ha (the real one) on the American Music Awards and it strikes me just what a year can do...a year ago she was probably watching this show on tv and now she is one of the headliners...your life can change in a year!

In the past year I have:

gone from a size 24 to a 14
lost 90 pounds
learned to eat "right"
learned to enjoy working out
returned to my beloved spin classes
gotten to renew my friendship with Spinderella (and have the jewelry to prove it)
made some new friends at the gym (J'taime Jamie and Jay-Vee)
traded vodka sweet drinks for heart-healthier (and lower calorie) red wine
had an a-ha moment climbing some stairs that got me to change my life
climbed 218 stone steps up a hill and survived
had an amazing reunion with my camp friends
hired a fantastic (and yes, very cute) trainer who is just what I need
watched my son have an UNDEFEATED football season
watched my daughter learn to drive, get a license, and then have a tiny wreck (with a schoolbus no less)
sat in a "your kid is college bound in less than 2 years" meeting that scared the heck out of me and broke my heart to realize that she is gone very soon
bought myself a new camera that truly makes me love taking photos
discovered some new wines thanks to my Bacchus
went from a 3XL to a size L t-shirt
costumed 4 shows for GOTT and TTG and had more fun each time I did it
celebrated GOTT's birthday with him and once again confirmed that I can't bowl
celebrated GOTTESS' birthday with her and once again confirmed that I can't sing
started this blog and learned that this is my therapy
begun an obsessive relationship with my scale
discovered that Living Proof Full shampoo really works...
got reaquainted with many old friends courtes of Facebook
discovered that I CAN do squats up a hill and not die (thank you, Dimples)
put on a dress that I bought 10 years ago and it fit
bought my first pair of boots in 9 years...so I bought 2...
wore those boots and had a good looking (YOUNGER!) man tell me I looked "hot"
had several people tell me that they didn't recognize me (because of the weight loss) and I hugged and kissed them for it
found out that Crave cupcakes are my kryptonite...so I avoid the kryptonite
discovered that I can turn myself over to someone else (like my trainer)who's sole purpose is to help me change myself...and I am grateful
and
realized that I have the power to change my body, my health and my life...and I don't need pills or surgery to do it...just a lot of hard work.

Tomorrow I have my annual physical...I am actually looking forward to seeing how my health has changed...I know my bloodwork will look better and my lovely doctor (she really is lovely...like a character from Grey's Anatomy) will be pleased that there is less of me to take care of.

There you have it...I'm sure I have learned more in this past year but between being very tired and the bit of wine, I'm all "thinked" out.

I'm grateful for my health and even though I am now 46 instead of 45 I feel younger and better and I am thankful to all of my friends and family and God for my health and well-being...and the strength to go forward and finish this journey.

So what will a year do for your life? How can you change things for the better?

Think about it...and raise your glass to YOURSELF for anything you do to improve your life...

Inspiration Song: "Raise Your Glass" by PINK! I love love love Pink and I love love love that song...I sorta consider it my theme song these days...LOL...

Bye darlings...

You're the Inspiration

I don't know why, but people keep telling me things like:

"you are such an inspiration"
"you inspire others"
"you inspire me"
"I'm inspired by what you have done"

People---

I AM NOT INSPIRING!

I JUST GOT MY ASS IN GEAR!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyone, ANYONE can do what I have done. It is hard work but it is not hard to do.

You just have to say "yes" and "no".

"yes" to excersise and "no" to bad food choices

Really, it is easy...for the excersise, you just have to MOVE. You don't have to hire a hottie as your trainer (but it sure helps if the fitness nazi who is growling at you is cute and sweet...or maybe you need someone to "mommy" you...or maybe you need a trainer who is more therapist...figure out what works for YOU). You don't even have to join a gym.

Walk your neighborhood---you will be amazed at what you observe...but go fast!

Go to the park and walk around and take a mat and do push-ups, etc. between walking---that is where Coach Dimples met me and worked me out...FUN!!!

play tennis---ok, that only works if you aren't me and can actually PLAY tennis...

play with your kids---and by play I mean get out there and shoot hoops, or play soccer, or just play!

Ride a bike...more fun than you remember...

Walk the dog...until the dog is tired...labs are better at this than purse dogs...

walk around the field while your kid is at soccer practice...the whole time...

Go to the Galleria...head to Nordstrom but park at Neiman Marcus and walk as fast as you can...your reward will be the shoe department! Bonus points: you get to race past the tourist...double points if you ALMOST manage to knock one down...

And as far as food goes:
say no to cupcakes and yes to fruit
say no to cheese and yes to yogurt
say no to hamburger and yes to grilled chicken
say no to pasta but yes to whole wheat pasta (that comes from Coach...)
say no to fried and yes to grilled
say no to fries and yes to veggies (steamed, grilled, or sauteed)
say no to ribs and yes to lean brisket at Goode Company
say no to potato salad and yes to cole slaw
say no to a margarita and yes to a mojito
say no to a cosmo and yes to red wine

I will never tell you to say "no" to wine because I only say "no" when I have been overserved...

See...it's easy...anyone can do it.

And heaven knows I should have done it a long, long time ago before I got so far gone with myself.

This can apply if you are losing 5, 15, or 50 pounds. It's about choices...it is not about anything else...just making choices...making good choices.

I use some "tools" to do this. They help me to say "yes" and "no" to the right things:
"Lose it" app on my iphone...or any app or program that serves as a food and excersise log...
"Eat this Not That" website: http://eatthis.menshealth.com/home
the nutritional webpages for any restaurant that has them...google them...
Women's Health magazine and its website: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/
iTunes---'cause music moves me...

So you see, I am NOT an inspiration...I'm just making better choices.

Now for inspiration, I look to my friends...these are REALLY INSPIRING PEOPLE:

My children---because just looking at them inspires me to be better...at everything!

My friend Katherine who wins medals at Special Olympics is inspiring not just for being an athlete but she inspires me all the time in excersise class and spin because she constantly encourages me to keep pushing on. She is my favorite trainer. LOVE LOVE LOVE her! And yes, she picked up some more medals this past weekend...for tennis, which I will only be her ball girl as and never her partner!

My friend Carolee and my friend Patrick. Patrick is still in a coma with his brain injury (pray for him) but Carolee is always by his side, always putting faith in him and Him (God)that he will be well and whole. Her faith and love inspire me...

My friend W, who lost her husband to cancer when he was far to young. I served cake at their wedding. You could FEEL their love. She is raising their 2 precious children and her faith in the Lord is inspiring to me and her great love surrounds me even though she is in OK and I am in TX.

My friend V, who made me write this blog...because she is a teacher and I know she pours her love out with her lessons. She has always been an artist, but she shares her gift in the most amazing way...I've never seen her teach, but I know her too well to not know how great she is...

My friends GOTT and TTG who are just flat out amazing and inspiring and who inspire me to do more, push my creativity, and we put on a show together...sometimes it is only us backstage at GOTT's desk talking...but it can be a show!

My teacher friends...Precious and Adorable and Bacchus, Musical Muse, and so many more...because they are angels...and they inspire the kids...I could write blogs and blogs about what a gift they are to their students...

Coach Dimples, Spinderella, JayVee, J'taime Jamie---because they inspire me to do more with myself and my workouts and push me to my limits...and they look GOOD while they do it...

My Women Warrior friends who have survived cancer...can you get more inspiring than that? No, not really...because they have beaten cancer...I've just beaten "fat"...they are an inspiration to any who know and love them...

My friend T and his husband R and their boys---because they are a proud family...and I am proud of them for showing the world that they are not any different from any other family...except maybe that they better looking than most of us (gorgeous family...just gorgeous)...

My gay friends who are "out" inspire me...because they are able to be who they are...and hopefully will inspire others to be as brave...and someday I hope no one is called "brave" for being "out"...

Julia Child---ok, so I am a little obsessed with her...it's the cooking thing...but dang the woman could make a roast chicken look like a work of art...

My friend AthenaGal and her mother---style and grace icons...especially her mother...when I grow up I want to be just like her...

My sister-in-law...she knows why...and how lucky am I to have a sister-in-law that I love so much?

My aunt Jane...the best person in the world...because she is the best person in the world and her heart is ALWAYS in the right place and she always puts others first. She has my 91 year old grandma living with her...Grandma has Alzheimers...Jane is, well there is no other word for it but "grace" with her. And so much more...she is so much more...

My Aunt Gayle inspires me...she is a single mom with a kick-ass job---she works for the Jimmy Kimmel show (how fun is that?) and is working on her 3rd (I think it is 3rd) degree black belt...she can literally kick your ass...and she has an amazing boy who makes me smile every time I just look at him...

My drama kids...all you have to do is watch them on the stage and you will see why...

Now, my friends...THOSE are inspring people...I'm just a fat chick who decided to let her inner skinny girl out...nothing inspiring about that...

Tell me I am inspriring for the work I do with my drama kids...or the costumes I find...the way I support the school...or the fact I never met a volunteer job I didn't like...but don't think that I am inspiring for losing weight...because every one of us is capable of improving our minds and health...

we just have to say "yes" and "no"....

Inspiration Song: what else could it be but "You're the Inspiration" by Chicago...

Time Warp

I spent the last week re-living a teenage obsession of mine---The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I love love love Rocky Horror.

I love love love Tim Curry in that corset and the way he says "lab" and "slab".

antici..........
............
...........
...........

.........pation

Oh, that is the best part of that song...

Now if you haven't ever seen Rocky Horror, you totally won't get this blog.

"Glee" did an homage to Rocky Horror last week. The music was amazing. They put a fresh spin on it all. GOTT and I have been listening to it non-stop backstage as we settle and put away things from the show. And Fox Movies ran it non-stop all day on Halloween. I watched it 3 times...

The first time I saw Rocky Horror was here in Houston at the Alabama Theater. My aunt Jane took me (remember her? The best person in the world?). She took me and a few of my friends to see it.

We were totally unprepared for the experience.

The costumed freaks (who were freaks and happy to be called so), the toast throwing, the newspapers on the head, and all the shouting at the characters on the screen.

And then getting up to dance the Time Warp.

I LOVED it...it was a midnight movie and it was full of awesome people who weren't afraid to be different.

Because at that age all I wanted to do is conform but it was freeing to see others who were ok with being different. It wasn't until years later that I could really appreciate it and embrace it myself.

Because being able to be who you are is really amazing.

Some of us can be who we are because we aren't all that different. But I have friends who can't openly show love to their partners (yes...the gay thing again...sorry, it bugs me that my gay friends have to worry that they won't be accepted if they are open about it to everyone). Others have things in their pasts that they are ashamed of.

I myself had a pretty screwed up childhood.

My dad had affairs. My mother was a bi-polar alcoholic.

My dad left us for my stepmonster. My mother took pills, but wasn't very good about taking the pills that would have helped her...she just liked the ones that helped her not feel...

is it any wonder that I was as big as I was?

I have come to discover that I am an extremely co-dependent person who needs a lot of love, affection and positive feedback to feel worthy. I have to fix things. I have to solve things. I have to save people. I have to be the hero...

Is it any wonder that I compare myself to Tinkerbell?

But..........

I can use all of that for good.

I ENJOY helping people.

I love being surrounded by people I love...especially my theater kids and GOTT and TTG...

I love getting to be creative with our shows and surprising GOTT and TTG with the fun things I come up with.

I look on the stage and get all the fulfillment I need when I see the kids having fun and putting on a great show. And when they run off the stage into my arms and tell me "that was a blast" I am happy to share it with them.

I've watched those kids grow and change and discover themselves. I have been supportive when a few have "come out" (a brave thing to do in high school) because I am proud of them for knowing who they are. I have watched some use the theater experience to grow and change (the boy I love so who is student body president). I've watched some take the lead in their shows in high school and continue to move forward with their acting/singing.

High school is hard...you do a lot of things to fit in...

I was so into appearing to be just like everyone else in high school that I compromised myself and my values. Who didn't? (hopefully some of you) My compromise was drinking. I was afraid to drink and had a dad that would have killed me if I came home drunk. I lived in the hill country. Deer. Curves. Low water crossings. I had a friend who paralyzed himself after driving drunk.

My compromise...not what you might expect.

I didn't drink. But I LOOKED like I was. My friend and I took some empty beer cans, washed them, and then filled them with soda. The ruse worked pretty well at most of the parties we went to. Our version of "paryting" many times in high school was to go somewhere and pull up all the trucks and get a keg or steal your parents beer and stand around drinking. Once we did it at the rest stop on I-10...that was safe...not...

So the "not really beer" in the beer can thing worked until some football player took a swig and realized that we had soda in there. And then he declared us the uncoolest cheerleaders ever.

But I didn't drive drunk....at least not in high school. Scares me when I think about college so I won't revist that or go back...

My dad sent me to college with the following "rules" about drinking:
1) nothing out of a trash can---it just can't be good
2) nothing blue or purple---because those are scary colors for drinks
3) nothing that you drink down in one gulp (shots)
4) just drink beer

I broke all 3 of the "do not" rules within my first 2 months of college. May have been my first 2 weeks...may have been my first 2 days...

And why did I do all of that? To conform. To be like the others. Did I like the blue/purple drink? Heck no...

And trash can punch? Can you say "disgusting"?

The 7 shots of tequila followed by beer chasers (I was 110 pounds dripping wet) deserves it's own blog. I think I will call it "Jose Cuervo". It was a bad, bad night...I did tell my father to sue a certain fraternity because I was convinced I was given poison...no one told me tequila is poison...

But I digress...

So back to Rocky Horror...and Tim Curry in his corset...

As strange, and weird, and freaky as that movie is, it is a fun thing to watch. And it was more fun to GO to the movie and see all the crazy around you and have fun with it.

The lesson here? Wear a corset and high heels? Maybe...

Because if the corset and high heels make you feel pretty and sexy...why not? Even if you are not a size 4...

And if my male friend wants to kiss his boyfriend or my female friend wants to hold hands with her girlfriend---GO FOR IT...

And if you want to dance for absolutely no reason...DANCE! I do it backstage all the time...

And if you want to drink something blue or purple...well, there I might have to tell you that it is not a good idea...unless it is wine...and then purple can be GOOD...

Inspiration Music: "Time Warp"...Rocky Horror Glee Show...a really amazing version...or the original...you'll be into a time slip...

bye darlings

Jane

You know I don't use real names on my blog...but this time I have permission...

Because this blog is about and inspired by my favorite woman in the world---my aunt Jane. Today is her birthday. It is ironic that the song "Jane" popped up today during iPod roulette...

I'm really lucky...my mother was the oldest of 6 children and she had me at a fairly young age (she was 20 when I was born) so my aunts and uncles on her side of the family are pretty young. Jane is only 10 years older than me. My other aunt, Karate Mama, is only 4 years older than me (I'll call her that since she is a fabulous mom and is a karate #th (don't remember the number) degree black belt). So I have cool, young aunts and uncles...not old people I visit at the nursing home.

So today Jane turned...well, you don't need the number, do you? Nah...and it is just a number...she's way cooooooooooler and younger than that number would lead you to believe...plus it lets you know how old I am since I am pretty sure you can all do math (Jane is 10 years older than Anice...now you know...). So it's her birthday today...that's the important thing.

I had dinner with her and some of her friends...my poor uncle was the only man there...I think he was overwhelmed by the estrogen in the room so he and my aunt left early. We had a great time drinking wine, eating a yummy dinner that Jane's friend Cute and Tiny made (CAT---because she is cute and tiny...although she is a "dog person"...but I'm gonna call her CAT). Did you know that turkey meatload might just be better than the stuff made with beef? This was....

So CAT cooked dinner and my uncle and Tia (his wife, my aunt)and Jane, and GiGi (my grandma) and I and Darling Friends 1-4 (I told them I wasn't using names) had a great time. I made the salad...and brought the wine...

Darling friends 1-4 are a little like Thing 1 and Thing 2 (but more fun...and nicer...and cleaner)...I promised no names so they just get a number...but they might all earn silly names because I had a blast with them and need to hang with them more often. I even invited myself to a party or two...

Sometimes you just need to hang with the girls...and drink some wine...and drink some more wine...

Girls, when is the next party? Call me...Jane has my number...call me...

Jane has been one of the greatest influences in my life. She is my keel...she keeps me sailing straight and even. She is...AMAZING...

Anyone who knows her is blessed to be her friend.

And she is fun...and lots of fun.

When I was younger and she was a teenager I thought she was the most beautiful person in the world...and she still is. I used to love when she would come to Kingsville to visit...I would sneak into her room and try not to wake her up....well, I wasn't trying hard...my sisters and I would be "quiet" but really make some noise so we would accidently disturb her. I didn't understand that teenaagers needed a lot of sleep at that time...I get that now...I was a teenager once...but then I hadn't been a teen yet...

She was a counselor at camp and was overwhelmingly popular...for good reason...because she is AWESOME...

She took me to my first "R" rated movie...and let me try alcoholic drinks...and I could smoke around her (when I smoked) and she didn't judge...and sometimes bummed a cigarette.

She took me to the beach...many times. But one time in particular she took me, and V (I think...V was it you?) and another friend and her boyfriend. We went to Galveston. We all looked pretty cute in our bikinis. And the guys on the beach looked pretty great. But none of them were paying attention to us. But they did seem to be interested in Jane's boyfriend. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....yes, we managed to go to the gay beach without knowing it. At least the guys were as hot as the sand...

She would endlessly entertain my siblings and me when we were younger. We could spend hours hearing stories about her sorority and college friends. She would teach us funny songs and do silly skits for us. She still does...

Who else would have a car with dent in the front and call it "Hairlip"?

She was also a shoulder to cry on when my mom and I weren't getting along and she has always been a stable force in my life, even when my parents....weren't...

Once she decided to fix her nose...she wanted the bump smoothed out and her septum to be fixed. We have a great family friend who is an ENT/plastic surgeon so he did the surgery. He lives in Florida so Jane went to Florida to have it done and stayed with him and his wife as he recovered. As he tells it, he gave her a fabulous new nose. Perfect, pert and straight. She was healing well. So he (Doc) comes home from playing golf and a little horseplay happens in the kitchen with him, his wife and Jane when he demonstrated something with his golf club.

You know where this is going, right?

Yes, there was an unfortunate accident in their lovely Florida kitchen and Jane's nose bore the brunt of it all...

I think she is still a gorgeous creature...and her nose is perfect...even if Doc couldn't fix it after he re-broke it with a golf club and swing....

If I ever have plastic surgery I plan to recover at one of those post-surgery spa places. Pampering and drugs...and no doctors that horse around in the kitchen with a golf club.

Sometimes when my mom was away on a trip and Jane would take care of us we would make crazy ice cream and alcohol drinks (I was a senior in high school). Kahlua and vanilla ice cream is yummy. Same can be said for Ameretto and ice cream. But not when you mix about 5 kinds of liqueur and ice cream. And forget to put the lid on the blender...

Jane even saved my life once. We were in Hawaii...she was about 16 maybe...and so I was 6...we were at the beach (we like the beach) and I was standing in the water and she was on shore with my sisters...and a big wave came and got me. She said it was like a hand that came and grabbed me. I was there and then I wasn't. Finally I guess I managed to stick my hand out and she grabbed it and pulled me out of the water and back to safety.

I stick my hand out a lot and she grabs it and pulls me to safety...

I love you Jane...you are the greatest human I know...

If you are lucky enough to know her, send her a belated birthday message and tell her you read this.

If you have a Jane in your life, let her know you love her...

"Jane" by Jefferson Starship (that was once called "Jefferson Airplane"...I still don't get that...)

bye darlings...