I'm So Excited

OK...confession...I'm writing this blog on a teensy bit of vodka...'cause I am celebrating.

Dimples is gonna be...pissed...

cause I did it last night too...oh well...

so please forgive typos, grammar errors, and general craziness...

You see...

I have a reason to celebrate!

I am going to the Oprah Winfrey Show!!!!!

Now before you all start screaming with joy for me you need to know:
I WILL NOT BE A FEATURED GUEST BUT RATHER I HAVE BEEN INVITED TO SIT IN THE AUDIENCE WITH A GROUP OF AUDIENCE MEMBERS WHO HAVE ALL LOST OVER 100 POUNDS

So no, I don't get to talk to Oprah..

And no, I don't get the Vera Wang gown...

And no, I don't get special shoes or a makeover...

although I didn't really want the makeover and had a male friend tell me yesterday: "don't let them cut your hair...it is your greatest asset...it is beautiful"...

awwwwww....how sweet...

(I got a haircut today...kept my length...got some sexy layers...my friend says it looked good)

I was a little sad and disappointed...thought about not going...but then Dimples pointed out to me that it WAS the Oprah show...and it was a chance of a lifetime...and I should be very flattered that they invited me to the show.

He is right!

He usually is...darn it...

So I am going to Chicago!!!!!!!

And I am taking my aunt Jane...the best person in the world...with me.

We are going to have a mini-vaca of it and we are going to live my mother's dream and see the Oprah Winfrey show.

Now some of you will find this an eensy teensy bit disappointing, but after I got over my disappointment I really got excited. I mean, it IS OPRAH...

Oprah

Oprah

Oprah

Oprah

Her name is like magic...

And I am going to get to sit in her audience...surrounded by other people who have done what I have done...we have all lost incredible amounts of weight...

I have decided to wear my mother's Gucci dress. It fits me...it is hot...it is sexy but will look good on camera.

I'm going to wear fierce red heels.

I'm going to wear her jewelry.

My mother WILL be at that show.

They suggest bright colors but I don't have a bright colored dress that belonged to my mother that is right for the show. So I will wear the black knit Gucci.

Yes, I said "knit"...

it fits like a glove...

and I look damn good in it.

After the show, Dimples be damned...I'm going to eat some Chicago pizza. The taping is in the morning so I will have a pig out lunch and eat some pizza and not feel guilty.

Because I have earned it...

and I can pay for it later...Dimples will make sure of it.

He's really excited for me. He really wanted to go but his schedule won't allow it...not sure his girlfriend would be all that excited about it either.

And Jane is the perfect person to do this with me...she's been right beside me all along and she knows how much this would mean to my mother (her sister).

My other exciting news...my little visit to the plastic surgeon...

So I went and saw a doctor. I really liked him.

So I showed him the "before" photos...he was shocked....

And then he looked at me and...and this is great news...he said I DID NOT need a full body lift!!!!

Only a tummy tuck and breast work.

You see, most people who have lost the amount of weight I have, and have done it more than once like I have, and are my age...well, the skin sags all around your middle...front and back.

But Dimples has carved it off me so skillfully that I only need the tummy tuck. My sides and back are just fine thankyouverymuch!!!!!

He suggests:
tummy tuck
breast lift
breast augmentation
a tiny bit of liposuction on my inner and outer thighs and a nip at the waist....

The surgery itself scares me a bit...the recovery scares me a lot.

I'm interviewing a few more surgeons...and I think I will wait until fall to do it so that I'm not wearing a compression garment during the summer.

But it will be my reward to myself...to finish myself off in a good way. And since I am going to be single, I want to feel good about myself before I take that next step and enter into a relationship with someone.

I told a friend that the surgeon said he could make me "smokin' hot"...

My friend said "you already are"...

awwwww...how sweet...

that was just like when GOTT told me I WAS beautiful when I said I wanted to lose weight to be beautiful.

I am lucky to have friends who are so sweet and supportive.

So there you have it...two things to be excited about...OPRAH and good news from the surgeon (because a full body lift would have just been hell...just hell).

Inspiration Song: "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters...remember that song? Flashback to the 80's...

Bye Darlings....get excited...not just for me but for yourself...do something that excites you today!!!!!!

Feel

Ok, my darlings...

I have a lot going on in my life right now...

Some of you know what it is...some of you don't.

Some of you who read this are strangers to me. I mean, I don't know anyone in Singapore or the UK but it shows up as a traffic source on my "stats" for the blog audience.

It's pretty cool that perfect strangers read this.

So where do I begin...how do I tell you what is going on without getting TOO personal.

Now you are laughing...I mean, I get pretty darn personal here. I've discussed my feelings about being fat and I have told you I bought thongs at Victoria's Secret. That is pretty darn personal.

But this next thing is...well, I wish I was announcing that I am going to be a guest on Oprah (I love you, Oprah...make my wish come true---have me as a guest and have Vera Wang make me a dress to show myself off in!!!!).

But I'm not...

So here it is...

I'm getting divorced.

Some of you know this already. For some it will a shock or surprise.

I'm not going to blog about why or what happened in my marriage to lead to this. It's been a long time coming. He's a good man. We just aren't a couple anymore and haven't been for a long time. The kids are fine with it and understand.

I'd rather have a good divorce than a bad marriage.

And, as I said to my kids, we will be a family still---just not a married one.

AND I'M GOOD WITH THIS AND I WANT THIS AND I WILL BE JUST FINE!!!!!

Some of you might wonder if my weight loss led to this decision.

Yes, and no...

Yes in that I feel better about myself so my confidence is up...so I have the confidence to do what I need to do to make my life better.

And "no" in that just because I am thin now I'm not thinking I am ready to take on a world of new men...and no, I don't plan on becoming Houston's newest "cougar"...

I plan on just figuring out who I am at this point in my life and learning to be a real grown-up on my own...

I know one thing I don't have to figure out...how to live a healthy life and take care of my body.

And I'm a great mom so even if my kids aren't with me and they are with their dad, I can still take care of them.

Don't be sad for me...be glad for me...

More later, my darlings...for now read the lyrics to my inspiration song...it is what keeps me going...

Inspiration Song: "Feel" by Robbie Williams...one of my very favorite songs...love it so much...read the lyrics...it's like my personal song...

Bye Darlings...be sure to feel your life too..I know I am...and I love you...

FEEL

Come on hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given

I sit and talk to God
and He just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don't understand

I just wanna feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins, going to waste

I don't wanna die
But I ain't keen on living either
Before I fall in love
I'm preparing to leave her

I scare myself to death
That's why I keep on running
Before I've arrived
I can see myself coming

I just wanna feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
'Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins, going to waste

And I need to feel
Real love
And a life ever after
I cannot give it up

I just wanna feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
I got too much love
Running through my veins, going to waste

I just wanna feel real love
IN a life ever after, there's a hole in my soul
You can see it in my face
It's a real big place

Come and hold my hand
I want to contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I've been given

Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand

Abracadabra

OMG...I wore the dress...

You know...THE dress...the one that was my "dream"...

my "goal" dress...

for those of you who are new to this....or haven't read my last 1000 blogs, when I started my weight loss journey one of my big goals was to wear a certain dress.

A dress that belonged to my mother that I refused to wear once when she asked me to. I chickened out...but not this time.

It was the one-shouldered Vera Wang cocktail dress...black, short, and with a sheer (very sexy) back.

I bought some seriously dangerous heels to wear with it...Precious was afraid I was going to hurt myself in them...but I didn't.

So the dress...well, it has been my obsession. So much so that Dimples now knows who Vera Wang is.

Every time I wanted to give up...or not go to an exercise class...or eat the wrong thing...or wimp out in training...I would think about the dress.

Fantasize about the dress...

Because when you are a 24 (or 26)and the dress is an 8...it is a fantasy.

but I would imagine myself in the dress and walking into the party and feeling really good.

THE REALITY WAS BETTER THAN THE FANTASY!!!!

I remember pulling it from my mother's closet after she died and telling my aunt I was going to wear it...and her hoping and believing I would...

sadly I do not have a good photo of me in the dress...I have a very bad photo of me in it taken with my phone...and it makes me look like I have weird tan lines...but it is just a reflection...and my eyes are red...

but I will post it here anyway and when I get the good shots from the photographer I will post those...

here goes...

bad photo...

I really hate the glare on my chest that makes me look sunburned and weirdly tanned but it is what it is...

so I had a busy week teaching and then dealing with the feast...so last night I fluffed up the hair, put on the proper undergarments, and threw on the dress and the sexy heels and headed to the party...

I walked in and made Bacchus and another teacher friend say VERY NICE THINGS to me about how I looked. One of them was very preoccupied by how I was going to stay on my feet in those crazy shoes but I assured him I could do it.

He said "well I certainly couldn't"

to which I replied: "it would be weird if you could...you are a man"...

he laughed and then said "don't fall"

I didn't fall all night.

and I was blessed to have my wonderful friends tell me how proud they were of me...and I am lucky I have such great friends to share things with...

The party was a blast...and yes, I drank too much wine and ate cheese and some really incredible artichoke dip and some crackers that so are not on my diet but who cares...I still fit in the dress today so I'm not going to fret about it. I confessed to Dimples and I think he was so proud of me that he was in a forgiving mood and just let it go...

When I think back to how stupid and gutsy it was for me to think I could actually pull it off and wear the dress, well...I don't know...because I'm not really so sure how I did it but I have to say that I must have done something right...and I think Dimples may have some witch powers himself that he has gotten me to this size.

When we first started working together I told him "you are basically working to put me into a tiny scrap of black fabric".

Well, he did it...

nah, he doesn't have witch powers...he's just really good at being a personal trainer and helping me...

So once you achieve a goal, you need to set a new one, right?

I still have other goals...like losing 22 more pounds (current weight: 167) and being a size 8...

and getting to meet Oprah and have her give me a gown...working on that one...yes, Oprah, I'm right here and I love and admire you!!!!!

So now I have another goal dress...actually 2 of them...both belonged to my mom...one is a black knit Gucci (very tight) and the other is a crazy Mugler dress (I wear his perfume so why not one of his dresses?).

I know I can do it...with Dimples help...and your support...and eating right...and exercising...

no magic needed at all...just some sweat...

abracadabra...

Inspiration Song: "Abracadabra" by the Steve Miller Band...great song...I love Steve Miller...

bye darlings...it doesn't take magic...just determination!

Head Games

Sometimes I think the only real obstacle to losing this weight (other than my screwed up knee) is my head...

Because, as I have said before, I let myself get in my own way.

It's a head game, this weight loss...

First, you have to get it in your head that you WANT to do it...and this is for anything...weight loss, fitness, getting rid of bad habits, training to do something like a triathalon, etc.

Then you have to get it in your head you CAN do it. You can't let yourself stand in your own way.

I know I blog endlessly about how much I love my trainer Dimples and my "J-girls" (instructors at my health club) but I cannot say enough about how much it helps me when they motivate me.

Dimples is always telling me that I CAN do something...or I CAN do a few more...or to at least try something. But so often just when I am about to get in my own way with something, he says the RIGHT something to me to keep me going.

And now he sends "tweets" (yes, I finally am learning about Twitter thanks to my Dimples). It's a good way for him to keep in touch of his bootcamp clients but also to send motivating and positive messages to his clients and followers.

Messages like this (remember twitter limits you to 140 characters so you have to use shorthand):

U must believe absolutely that u're not only capable of achieving your desired goal, but also that it's only a matter of time before you do

I'm keeping that on my phone...to look at when I need it...because I often need it.

You can follow him on twitter too if you want...just sign up for:
@jessetraining

So today I did a 90 minute spin class AFTER I did the new launch of Body Pump 76.

I was a bit intimidated about it...until I realized that last Friday after the one icicle shut down Houston that I gave myself a spin class that lasted over 90 minutes.

But I almost let my head stand in my way...I almost told myself I couldn't do it.

Thankfully my knee did NOT tell me I couldn't do it!

It was 2:35 minutes of exercise...

I got through it...piece of cake...which helped me resist the piece of cake that I really really really wanted to eat at GOTTPARENTS 50TH Anniversary party (woo-hoo...50 years of wedded bliss to an amazing couple with amazing kids and grandkids...love love love them...).

I wanted that cake. It looked good. My stomach said "yes, yes, yes" but thankfully this time the game going on in my head was a good one and my head said "no no no". And I told GOTTESS to keep me away from it.

GOTTSISTERS didn't recognize me...they haven't seen me since last spring...one of them said "you looked familiar but I didn't think it was you"...

love that...
love her for saying it...

For some people that would feel awful, but to my thinking, it is great. I'm happy that I look different.

So I was watching Oprah the other day (duh...when do I NOT watch Oprah?)and she had Jennifer Hudson on.

Jennifer Hudson has gone from a size 16 to a 6. She's lost 85 pounds. She looks amazing.

I've lost more weight but I've had (and still have) more to lose.

She's always been beautiful.

As I looked at her I tried to be honest with myself and see if I thought she was really more beautiful because she is thinner...or am I just trained to think so because that is what is accepted as pretty---thin.

I decided that to my eyes, and my head, she is NOT MORE beautiful...she just looks good...and healthy...and happy.

She talked about how it really plays with your head when you lose the weight. How she walks into stores and picks up things that are the wrong size because they are TOO BIG for her.

Now that is a head game I also play...

When I walked into Victoria's Secret for the first time in 8+ years a few weeks ago I had to talk myself into it the whole way through the mall. And I was afraid I was going to go in there and be told that nothing would fit so I should try Lane Bryant. And I was afraid that I was going to find that I looked like a fool.

But I didn't...and I have a drawer full of new undergarments to prove it.

I was at my favorite store "Lucy" a few weeks ago...I grabbed some pants in in XL and the girl helping me said "no, you need a large...that will be too big".

When I went into the dressing room and the pants fit, I cried.

In my head, I am still a plus-sized girl.

But my body is not...

It's a head game...and I could totally relate to what Jennifer was saying to Oprah about it.

She (Jennifer) also said that she loves trying on new clothes and wearing her new clothes. I can relate to that too...I can't believe I actually fantasize about some of my skirts...that I can actually wear them. I started going through my clothes the other day and realized that I better TRY things on because my brain was saying "no way" but the zipper would go up and my body would say "way...".

Today, after the LONG workout, I met my Aunt Jane (the BEST PERSON IN THE WOLRD) and her friend CAT (Cute and Tiny) for lunch. They had a gift for me.

Jane had taken the photos she took of us (and me) on top of the hill I climbed at our camp reunion. You know...the 218 steps...

For those of you who did not read that blog ("Climb Every Mountain"), I'll give you the 10 second explanation:
When I once couldn't catch my breath after going up 24 steps with a teacher friend I realized that I needed to change my life. So I did. So 6 months later when I climbed 218 steps and didn't DIE, it felt like a big big big deal.

When we got to the top of the hill we prayed and took photos. So Jane gave me the photos today in a frame. To remind me of what I have and will still accomplish.

I cried with joy from the love and beauty of the gift.

Like I said, she is the best person in the world...

and that might be one of the most amazing gifts I have ever received...

And I'm putting it on my nightstand...not because I look good in the photos (in fact, I look awful...no make-up and still around 230 pounds), but rather to remind me what I have done and what I can do.

It's like the tweets I get from Dimples...little reminders to my brain that I can do what I have set out to do.

Now one game I play in my head that will probably only ever be in my head and not reality is a fantasy...and that is ok...fantasies are good! They help move us forward. You all know mine:
Oprah invites me to be on her show to tell how I have lost weight and blogged about it and she gives me a Vera Wang gown to wear because I once met Vera and told her I wanted to wear one of her gowns when I lose weight...

That little fantasy is a head game that is all for fun...but it helps motivate me too...

because...

I don't want to stand in my own way:
to finish an exercise in training
to do a long spin class
to try something new with Dimples
to try on new clothes in a smaller size
to walk into a store that intimidates me
to put on something I haven't worn in 9 years
to dress to show off my hard work
to wear my mom's Vera Wang dress and rock it

Because the only thing stopping me is in my head...not my body...

It's all head games...and I am pretty good at those kinds of games (physical games...notsomuch)...

in fact, I usually win...

I think I'm gonna win this one...like my Dimples says: "it's just a matter of time"...

Inspiration Song: JayVee served up Foreigner's "Head Games" today in the 90 minute master class for spin...it was the perfect song at the 80 minute mark...she's so amazing...

Bye Darlings...win your head game...

Feeling Good

I like Mondays...not always, but sometimes.

I liked today...I pretty much played "dress up" all day.

First...the cheetah print skirt.

Yep, I wore it.

I rocked it.

I rocked it with black stiletto boots.

Which Dimples warned me not to do but I told him that my knee be damned, I was going for "hotness" and not hot mess so no other shoes would do.

So I wore the cheetah print skirt up to my son's school and showed my friend (the middle school principal) because I told her I would.

Check that off the list of things I planned to do when I lost weight.

So I sit in said skirt and watch GOTT choreograph the first part of "Hard Knock Life" and proceed to scream with delight through it all...

It is going to be totally adorable...GOTT is genius.

After that I decided it was time to go shopping...

for...

underwear...

(men, you can just stop reading here...or scroll down a bit...because you cannot relate to the experience at all...)

I've lost so much weight that I needed to be "fit" for undergarments and dammit I have worked hard so I was going to reward myself with something from Victoria's Secret.

When I get to goal weight I'm going to blow a chunk of cash on something from Agent Provocatuer (right now I only wear their perfume) but for now VS will more than do.

I go into the store and the darling sales girl screams when I tell her I have lost 110 pounds. She kept asking me how I did it...

4 bras and 8 pairs of underwear later I left the store with a red bag full of undergarments in my hand.

I haven't shopped at Victoria's Secret in 8 years...almost 9...

It. Felt. Great.

Would it be oversharing to say that I even bought some thongs?

I always overshare...

But if Dimples is going to have me do a bijillion squats, lunges, and step-ups, by damn I will not have panty lines...

After all of that fabulous shopping it was time for bootcamp.

Which was awesome...

We are all getting stronger...more fit...feeling good...

But the best part was that we were joined by a WARRIOR...a beautiful kicked-cancer-in-the-ass warrior...my friend Princess C...

(You see...when you kick cancer in the ass you get to be called Princess in my world...)

So Princess C will celebrate one year since her surgery tomorrow...

And she looked beautiful to me...

her hair has come back...and her beautiful eyes were more beautiful than ever...

and she worked out and had fun with us and said it felt so good to be moving...to be outside and enjoying it...and I loved watching her move about the park with us.

Because...she is here...

Because she survived...

Before bootcamp I showed Dimples my "goal" dress.

I pulled it out today and gave it a good long hard look.

I have a couple of goal dresses...they were my mother's. All of them black, all of them special...

But this dress...this is THE dress.

It's the Vera.

The Vera Wang.

No, not THE Vera Wang that I want Oprah to get me...that will be a gown...

This one is a cocktail dress.

One I chickened out of wearing to a party 8 years ago.

Here it is...

front view...one shoulder...sheer in the back...

Here is the back...you can't really see it very well...

So I show this to Dimples...who just smiled and looked slightly puzzled as to why I was holding a dress in front of him, but he's a doll and patient so he let me explain...

And I told him that I was holding the little scrap of black fabric he was working to get me in.

I often visualize that dress when I want to give up...

Today it made me run faster.

When I got home I hung the dress back up. And then I decided I couldn't help myself.

I had to see how "far" I was from getting into it.

I slipped it on...over my head...

ok

Then I reached for the zipper...

it zipped!

OK...

stretchy fabric...

but it was not heinous...I mean, with a good pair of spanx (or two) I could wear it.

I showed Ke$ha Barbie. We both got pretty excited. I cried. She hugged me and kissed me...and finished zipping me up.

And declared that I was going to look hot in it when I wore it.

So now I have a couple of months before the party I plan to wear it to. And I now know I can do it.

It's in my grasp.

But I'll still need spanx...or a thong...or fishing line and Crisco.

In any case...I can wear the dress.

When I took it from my mother's closet after she died I said it was because I wanted to wear it sometime. I didn't know when or how but I WANTED to wear the dress again.

After a few years I figured I would just give it to Ke$ha Barbie.

She says she is fine with it being mine...what a good daughter...

So it was a good Monday...and I'm feeling good.

I wore a silly skirt with boots, I bought thongs and bras, I zipped up a dress that I thought I would never wear.

But despite all of THAT good...the BEST part...the truly BEST part was Princess C showing up to work out with us.

Because she is a warrior...and she will be strong again...and she is, and always has been BEAUTIFUL

And she's feeling good...

And THAT, well that...that is priceless...she is here and she kicked cancer in the you-know-what...and she's feeling good...

And that makes me feel REALLY good!

Inspiration Song: "Feeling Good"...multiple artists...George Michael has a great version...but my favorite is Buble...Michael Buble...he's dreamy...

Bye Darlings...do something that makes you feel good today!

Notorious

I had really planned to write this blog yesterday but it seems that my husband decided this week to make me and the house come undone by re-arranging the study...which meant no internet for a while and things are a big old miss around here...more than usual. He tends to do these things without really consulting me...like if it is a good time to destroy the house...

So if you read my previous blog, "Come Undone" all the way to the end you know that I achieved 2 goals this week:
I'm under 200 pounds
and
My weight loss total is now at 100 pounds

And here is another awesome thing...I watched "The Biggest Loser" this week and I am thrilled to say that for the first time in like, forever, I weigh less than any of the contestants!!!!

Now all of that should be rather horrifying to most of you...because the fact that I am just now under 200 pounds after losing 100 shows you just how fat I was. Depressing, really...

I mean, I don't have a friend among you that needs to lose anywhere near that much weight.

And even more depressing...I didn't need to be at such a sad state like the one I was in. I should have gotten hold of myself LONG before that scale was almost at the 300 mark. I should have fixed it before 250...before 200...

But you see, it really gets easier to NOT do it the heavier you are. You figure that you are so far gone what is a little more. And then you basically give up.

Losing weight and getting fit is hard. And I think that goes for whether you have 5 pounds or 50 or 150 to lose. Because lazy is EASIER. And losing 5 pounds at 298 is so much easier than losing 5 pounds when you weigh 130...so it is all relative. You have to change things about yourself that aren't always easy to do.

You might have to:
1) adjust your schedule so you can exercise
2) cook more
3) grocery shop more
4) cut out junk food
5) spend more $ on meals (because lean protein is more $$$)
6) pack a lunch
7) get up earlier
8) skip the chips and salsa
9) sweat

But look at it THIS way:
1) you make time for yourself...because you deserve it! So if you need to take an hour to go to the gym, or find someone to pick up your kids so you can attend a class or bootcamp, aren't you worth it?

2)ok, cooking more isn't always fun but it will save you money over going out to eat or buying processed food. In the long run it is in investment in yourself and your wallet because you aren't paying for someone else to do the work...AND you get control of every ingredient (and how much oil and salt) is in your food. Read my "Hungry Like a Wolf" blog for some tips on saving time in the kitchen and good recipes.

3)grocery shopping more can be a positive because you will be putting healthier food into your body (instead of eating out) and pushing that cart burns calories...so does lugging it into the house and putting it away.

4)no one needs to eat junk food...this one is easy...and yes, I do love me some Lays Potato chips but they leave me feeling bloated, greasy and full of salt...now I like to munch on veggies and fruit or healthy crackers (and before the divirticulitis, I ate nuts). No one EVER needs to eat a Twinkie...

5)lean protein will cost more to eat than the cheap stuff...so yes, salmon will cost you more than a chicken nugget but you get so many benefits from the GOOD foods you put in your body...on the other hand, chicken and turkey are CHEAP so you can go pretty far with them. The "Hungry" blog will give you more information on how to incorporate some good lean protein in a yummy way...

6)packing a lunch saves you money and calories...so if you work, plan for it and you will be better off in the long run...or go to Fit Food and bring that. The "Hungry" blog will give tips on great things to pack for lunch that will make you the envy of your co-workers...

7)getting up earlier to exercise IS a pain in the neck, and I HATE to do it, especially this "run/walk 30 minutes before eating" business Dimples has me doing...but it is working so I just drag my butt out of bed and do it...and I try to go to bed earlier...David Letterman isn't all that interesting anyway...

8)chips and salsa can equal almost as many calories as your dinner in a Mexican food place. It's not the salsa...it's the fried chips. Some places serve baked (just ask) or skip it...it won't hurt you...and tell them to just not bring the chips and you won't be tempted.

9)Sweat is beautiful. Jay-Vee and I are going to make t-shirts that say that. I'll let you know when we take orders. Sweat says you are working hard. I sweat buckets when I workout (poor Dimples...thank goodness he can handle it)...if you aren't breaking a sweat, you aren't trying...

Right there are some of the things that have helped me lose weight...I got over being grossed out by sweating buckets, I cook more, I have found a way to love salmon, I put myself as a priority in my life.

Today I got up at 6:30 and went for a run/walk and then followed that with Body Pump for an hour and an hour of spinning (thank goodness for the Amazing Katherine cheerleading me through all 7 minutes of "Money for Nothing" or I might have passed out on the bike!). I tried to do mat Pilates for a bit but I am still having trouble finding my love for it---but I'm not giving up! And since J'taime Jamie teaches it, I will keep trying it. It was a great way to spend a Saturday morning and I burned over 800 calories doing it.

I've become rather notorious at the gym as the formerly really fat chick...and that is ok...a few women have told me that I have inspired them...that is ok too...because they will go on and inspire someone else! I'm just paying it forward.

The sad thing is that we are getting ready to start a "Biggest Loser" challenge of our own and I so could have totally OWNED that contest...I would have been a big-time winner...

But you know what? That's ok that I have done the bulk of my loss before the challenge...it will motivate me to work even harder AND maybe what I have done will inspire someone who is as big as I was to realize that THEY can do it too...and THAT will make me a winner---if I get just one fat chick or guy to realize that she/he can lose 100 pounds without pills or surgery too.

Dimples wants me to take some photos as I progress. I told him I TAKE photos, not model for them...but he says it will motivate me and show me how positively I have progressed. I'll do it for him...but not because I want to. I might make Coach Cuteness take the photos for me so at least I have a shot at looking decent...Dimples wants me in gym clothes (really? now you KNOW how much I love him if I will do that) and Cuteness will have to be sure that he gets me at my best angle (which is me NOT being in the photo). I am a notoriously bad subject in pictures...I just don't photograph well...

Right now I have to say that it has been hard to do this but not as hard as I thought it would be. I've had a lot of help and support along the way. I still have some more weight to lose but I feel like someone who is looking at a road map and I see where I left from and I see my destination---my destination is getting closer and I am enjoying all the sights along the way...I'm in no hurry to rush by everything...slow and steady will get me there just the same.

It took me 10 months to lose the 100 pounds. Not bad...not bad at all...

So thank you friends, thank you Dimples, thank you JayVee, thank you J'taime Julie, thank you Fitness Goddess, thank you Spinderella, and thank you Fit Foods.

If you haven't read the "Hungry Like a Wolf" blog, read it for tips on what to cook and how I eat...just posted it.

Now if I can just get Oprah to read this blog and invite me on her show and give me the Vera Wang gown...I will be notorious for sure!

Inspiration Song: "Notorious" by Duran Duran. Because I am a bit notorious for being a loud mouth...

Bye Darlings...read the Hungry Like a Wolf blog if you haven't already...

Halfway Gone

Yesterday I jumped onto the scale...

AND I AM HALFWAY TO MY GOAL WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woo-hoo!

Let's all do a little dance now...boogie in front of your computer screen because I'm dancing and I don't like to dance alone...unless I am in my bathroom (where I am a prima ballerina).

I did it...
I did it...
I did it...

I can feel you all giving me a fist bump (or is it a fist pump?) right now...

Put on a smaller skirt today...wore that smaller skirt...didn't care if it made me look like a fat old Cheerio (that is a "Glee" term for cheerleader)...

Saturday I am taking all the "fat" clothes to Goodwill.

I never want to wear black stretchy pants again unless they are leggings and I am wearing something cute on top.

I have wanted to write this blog for a few weeks now...so happy I got to do it today...because I didn't have time yesterday.

Because the Cutest Boy in the World had a football game...and I had a new camera to try out.

My friend sold me his "old" camera...it is a huge step up for me...I have to adjust things with this camera. But when I get the hang of it I will feel all "Sports Illustrated photographer" with it. So I am also looking for a new HUGE lens...you know, one of those big ones that make me look all "I know what I am doing with this camera and I'm taking pro-style shots and they are GOOD".


I took the camera to the game and warned Coach Dimples that I was maybe not going to get the best shots this time but I would try. I gave myself a B+ this time...but I didn't care because I am halfway to goal weight...

My friend David-chi (rhymes with Da Vinci) was there. I am giving him this blog name because he is an artist with the camera. He takes amazing photos. I treasure the ones I have that he has taken. So he came out with his big camera and BIG lens and shot with me and tried to help me...but he shoots a Nikon so he could only help me so much with the camera...but he was good with the tips on shooting better. I even let him take a photo of me...might share it but I have to see it first.

I also had fun hanging with my sideline pal, Trainer Girl. She's awesome...wish she was a teacher at my kids' schools. We talked about our vampire crush and our love of crushed grapes. I'm going to have to bring her a bottle of red next time because she takes such good care of our boys. At one point the ref called my son for holding but she ran over to tell me that he WAS NOT holding and that the coaches knew it...love her for that...I was feeling sad for my boy because it cost the team a touchdown. The next play he took out the boy that was going for the quarterback and the QB scored a touchdown so it was all good. They got the goal...

and I am halfway there...to goal...and I don't want anyone to call "holding" on me! I'm not going to hold back...I'm going to go out there and hit like a tackle...

So being halfway to goal got me thinking...how am I going to make sure I fully commit to going all the way with this?

The answer...all of you...

and this blog...

I feel accountable now. I feel like one of those people on those reality shows where you have to re-do the house and the cameras are rolling. You have to get it done. The cameras are rolling...

And then...God willing...I will go on Oprah.

And she will give me my wish...a Vera Wang dress.

I met Vera Wang once when I was with my mother and Ke$ha Barbie. I told her that one day I would be thin enough to wear one of her dresses. My mother had one. I cannot find it. It depresses me because I once was small enough to wear it but chickened out. It was small, tight, short, and backless. I could wear it but chickened out. If I can find it, I will not chicken out.

Back to Vera...

When I met her and told her that one day I wanted to be small enough to wear one of her dresses. Even if all I did was clean the house in it. She told me that she wanted me to lose the weight and wear one of her designs. Maybe she will give me one...if Oprah asks her.

That is my fantasy...I go on Oprah...I walk through the "fat" photo of me wearing a Vera dress and Vera is standing there clapping and telling me that I don't have to give the dres back after the show is over. And then I come home and put on the dress and clean the house...

the house cleaning is part of the fantasy too...

I know I can go to Kohl's and buy a Vera Wang from her line there. And I think I will as a litle promise to myself. But I want the real deal...

So I need the body for the real deal...

I will have the body for the real deal...

And maybe Oprah will call...I have until May...

Until then I will wear Vera perfume and let it inspire me...

Inspiration music: "Halfway Gone" by one of my very favorite bands---Lifehouse...

Bye Darlings!