Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Let Your Love Flow

Hi Darlings...

Well that last blog certainly went off the rails from where it started...

I was doing my annual "state of Anice's life" updated (I was going to call it my State of the Union but currently I have no union...I'm alone...and no I'm not whining about that in today's blog either).

Anyhoo....

I was doing my "here's what's up with Anice" stuff and somehow I ended up in a garden of friends.

That's how my blogs go...

I just type as the thoughts enter my head

(good thing I took typing in high school because I am a pretty good and fast typist and although I'm not always very quick I do have some fast thoughts as I sit and write)

anyhoo...

So we ended up in a garden...with me comparing friends to flowers and what not and I guess it was good...in any case it's just how I feel about friends.

you see to me some friends need to be cultivated and some just grow...they just get planted and with no help from anyone they bloom....because that plant was meant to be in your garden and that friendship was meant to happen between two people.

kind of like my mom and the avocado...

pull up a chair and I will tell you a story...of my mom and the avocado...

Back in the 70's it seemed to be "a thing" to try and grow an avocado from the seed of an avocado (gosh that's a hard word to type...can I call it just an avo?  yes, I shall...)

anyhoo...

it was a "thing" to try and grow an avo from the seed from an avo (ok, I have to keep changing avo from "ago" because spell check thinks I am saying ago and not avo...back to avocado)

anyhoo...

(hell this story is taking forever)

my mom decided she was going to grow and avocado from a seed...

so she washed the seed, stuck toothpicks into the side of the side like a spoke and stuck it on top of a jar of water...supposedly the seed would crack open and make a root and then you plant it.

my mom tried to do that like 400 times...

like with every seed she ever got from every avocado she ever ate.

they never cracked open and germinated...

and she wasn't the  only one...

almost every one of my friend's mom's did the same thing (MamaCarolyn and MamaBetsy and MamaPhoebe I am looking at you here...)

anyhoo...

my mama tried and tried to get herself an avocado tree going

fast forward a few years and my mom notices a strange thing is growing in one of here pots...the pot had some flowers or something in it but in the middle of whatever was growing there a small tree or tall bush was making it's way out of the soil and up...

she thought it was a weed...

turns out it was an avocado plant

seems that my sister Susu (who was about 4 at the time) decided to just stick a seed into the pot and voila...avocado plant

now I can't remember how we figured out it was an avocado plant and how we were able to get a 4 year old to tell us what she had done almost a year before but there you go...

an avocado tree

planted by a 4 year old who just stuck a seed in the ground...

the tree died the minute my mom decided to start taking care of it.

Because you see, she over nurtured it...

she did too much

she tried to hard

and all that was needed was to let the seed grow...and do it's thing

and sometimes, friendships are like that...

we don't need to FORCE it (like my mom and the toothpicks)

and we don't need to nurture it too much...or manipulate it...

we just need to let it happen...

so hey, if a friendship feels easy to you---just be you and let it happen...don't force stuff...

anyhoo...

how the hell did I get here with mom and the avocado?

oh well, this is how I write...

oh yeah, now I know where this was going and sure enough it proved to be true...

you can start off planning something and then end up somewhere else...

like on a road trip...

or...

LIFE

and that is me today...

as a child I had my life planned out...

I was going to go to TAMU, meet my husband, marry him, have a boy and girl and live happily ever after.

MOST of that happened...

TAMU---check

met hubby there---check

have boy and girl---check

live happily every after---NOT SO MUCH

I knew when they opened the church doors on my wedding day and I looked down the aisle at my future hubby that I was making a mistake

I was marrying the father of my kids but not the love of my life

but there I was in a white dress and Daddy holding my arm and all my friends there

and

shit

I had to walk up the aisle...

Daddy said "are you sure"

and that did it...he questioned it and I had to prove him wrong...

I said "let's go"

I loved my husband but I knew from the beginning that I was more in love with being a bride than with him

and thankfully after 24.5 years I released him and I from the bond that was us

end.of.fairytale.

Bride's Magazine did not discuss what to do if you weren't sure...they just had pretty wedding dresses...

I liked the dresses...

and the crowns (duh)....

When I left him I figured I would spend a few years single dating lots of fun men and meeting interesting people

I knew I wasn't going to have a lot of flings but I figured I would go on some good and some bad dates, maybe have a few relationships that lasted a few months or so and within 5 years meet the man of my dreams...

(oh crap I know this looks like a "i want a man blog" but I SWEAR it is not)

That was my plan...

dates...

boyfriends...

man of my dreams...

wedding at the Kahala in Hawaii...

yup...that was what would happen...

But it didn't....

I did meet a very nice man when I was newly single.  He taught me things about myself and was good for me and quite a lovely man.

That's all I will say about it.

period.

But I learned...

I don't discuss him because it's one thing I want to keep dear to me because I learned from it but what I learned is just for me to know.

After him there has been a drought

it's been the damn Sahara...

not even a mirage

no one has appeared on the horizon.

Once again my plans went awry and what I planned did not happen

Because...

YOU CAN'T PLAN YOU LIFE

you just can't...

Because if I did right now I would NOT have cancer and I would not be in my house alone with 3 cats.

I'd at least have been to see Rogue One with some dude who drives a big ass truck!

I was messaging with a dear friend today.  She's very special to me.  My children loved her as a teacher and I love her as a friend.

She lost a child in an accident

A very precious beautiful 15 year old girl

it haunts me and I know it has forever altered my friend and her family

she did not plan to go through life the mother of 2 children and have one of them be in heaven

But I have watched the grace with which she handles the loss...and the great faith she still has in God and in this world.

Her faith has been tested to limits I can't imagine...

and yet today she reached out to offer strength and love for my situation

(by the way that's a friendship that has been watered in tears and smiles and it grows easy)

Because just like you don't plan to lose a child...you don't plan to have cancer

because you can't plan life

you can clean of the seed, stick the toothpicks in it and plan for that avocado to grow and it won't...

it will only grow if the right seed meets the right situation...

and life, even though we can try and put in the toothpicks and force stuff to happen...and we can tell our Daddy "let's go" and march up the aisle to a man who is only sort of right, and we can think our life is going to go down one path...

detours happen and things go off the rails...

And it's how we handle things when they don't go as planned that shows what we are made of.

Maya Angelou is one of my favorite women.

She once said "you can tell a lot about a person by how they handle 3 things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights".

Those are wise words...

It's not how we plan things...it's how we handle things...

just like my mom and the avocado...she should have left the damn thing alone...

And my friend...who has taught me about loss and how to smile when the deepest hurt in the world lives inside you

and so must I handle how my life has gone off the rails...

I have cancer

and how I handle it will help me get through it and heal...

and I"m not going to PLAN how I will handle it...

because if I do it will go wrong...

but I'm going to handle it with:
FAITH
GRACE
POSITIVITY
LOVE
HUMILITY
and
STRENGTH

I do NOT handle lost luggage well at all...
I do NOT do well with mangled Christmas lights (so I bought a pre-lit tree)

but I do know that rainy days can be a gift

and so can having my plans go off the rails

So I'm gonna just let life happen and I am going to do it as best I can

And I'm not going to manipulate it

Because I know there is a purpose...and a reason...

and I'm going to let my life grow (and kill the cancer) and become what it should...

Inspiration Song: Let Your Love Flow by the Bellamy Brothers....I don't know why but I was singing it as I wrote this...it just popped in my head...must be the "let your love grow" part

Lyrics:
There's a reason for the sunshine sky
And there's a reason why I'm feelin' so high
Must be the season when that love light shines
All around us

So let that feelin' grab you deep inside
And send you reelin' where your love can't hide
And then go stealin' through the moonlit nights
With your lover

Just let your love flow like a mountain stream
And let your love grow with the smallest of dreams
And let your love show and you'll know what I mean
It's the season

Let your love fly like a bird on a wing
And let your love bind you to all living things
And let your love shine and you'll know what I mean
That's the reason

There's a reason for the warm sweet nights
And there's a reason for the candle lights
Must be the season when those love rites shine
All around us

So let that wonder take you into space
And lay you under its loving embrace
Just feel the thunder as it warms your face
You can't hold back

Just let your love flow like a mountain stream
And let your love grow with the smallest of dreams
And let your love show and you'll know what I mean
It's the season

Let your love fly like a bird on a wing
And let your love bind you to all living things
And let your love shine and you'll know what I mean
That's the reason

Just let your love flow like a mountain stream
And let your love grow with the smallest of dreams
And let your love show and you'll know what I mean
It's the season

Let your love fly like a bird on a wing
And let your love bind you to all living things
And let your love shine and you'll know what I mean
That's the reason

Just let your love flow like a mountain stream
And let your love grow

Bye Darlings....let your life flow...let the plants grow...

1 comment:

  1. your words are gifts to many souls - keep up the good faith- and believe in the impossible; for nothing is impossible really-it's all about our perspective- peace, and love and finding the joy in all circumstances. love you friend! - stephanie

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