Building a Mystery

Disclaimer:
today's blog deals with some adult issues...not for the kids...and if you are one of my sweet former students, skip this one my darlings...

So...the cats out of the bag...I'm getting divorced.

So now what do I do?

Maybe Oprah will call and when she gets me dressed up she can find me a date.

But I'm not really ready to date...not yet...I need to know myself as I am before any of that happens.

Someone who I am close to talked to me about "my next husband"...

Um, no...

NO...

Hell to the no...

I mean, I just got the closet to myself...why the heck would I want anyone's stuff in there now...I go in there and revel in the fact that it is now filled with nothing but cute, skinny, tiny, "thin girl" clothes and I don't want any man crap to get in the way.

My bathroom...it's mine...

My bedroom...it's mine...

My house...it's mine...with my kids.

Don't get me wrong...I was blessed to have been married to a really amazing and wonderful man. We just don't belong together anymore. But I will never regret that I married him and I am 100% certain I could not have picked a better guy to have kids with.

But I am pretty happy right now to have my life in front of me as it is...

Right now the men in my life are my soon-to-be ex (who will always be a constant) and my son and my Dimples...and that is plenty.

But as I walked through the door of my house yesterday and saw that stuff was gone (to his new place) I had a realization that the way that house looked was now up to me...my opinion alone.

So I'm going to do a few things to turn it into MY house. Mostly in my bedroom and bathroom.

Because someday, I might "entertain" there.

Come on...have I shocked you?

Let's not be stupid here...I'm an adult...and at some point "adult" things are going to happen in my life and in my bedroom...just not while my children are around.

So I want my bedroom and bath to be a feminine sanctuary. I'm gonna "foof" it up a bit and add some lace and silk...and maybe a new white bedspread.

I took down my wedding portrait...it seemed stupid to have this huge portrait of myself as a (very young...21 years old) bride hanging so grandly in my bedroom. It's gonna live in a closet for a while.

So when I do...ahem....entertain...I won't have my wedding photo staring some man in the face but I do want it to be a place that is inviting and comfortable...and for me to peacefully sleep in ALL BY MYSELF.

And now I have the ultimate fantasy...not just a huge walk in closet to myself, but I also have 2 sink areas...

ALL TO MYSELF

wow...

I"m sure this euphoria of all my space and "it's all mine" will fade, but for now it is making me a bit giddy.

I'm sure it is just my brain's way of dealing with it...and soon I will come crashing down and reality will sink in.

My bestie D-nice (rhymes with Anice) is coming over tomorrow to help me rearrange some stuff in the house. She's amazing at it...she can "do" shelves like nobody's business. And she knows exactly what picture should hang exactly where.

My mom was like that...I am not...good thing I have D-nice...

So we are going to work on my bedroom, bathroom, living and dining room and maybe the den and see if we can't turn this place of mine into a lovely family home that a woman is in charge of...not a cougar's lair...not a romper room (that can go several ways depending on your version of "romp")...not a house with animals on the wall and testosterone everywhere...but a place that I can entertain in...LIKE A WOMAN...and I'm not just talking about my boudoir...

I've taken loads of clothes...my fat clothes...to Goodwill. I do not want to keep them around. Unlike my "thin" clothes I held onto, there is no reason to hold onto fat clothes.

I wore a skirt the other day...actually it was a skort....one of the coaches told me:

"that skirt is too short"

I believe I stuck my tongue out at him and told him to can it...and then said "do I look good in it?"...he said "yes, you do" and then I told him "so shut up"...

he's adorable...and the "yes, you do" is why I forgave him...and no, it was NOT too short...and yes, I did look good in it...

I don't plan on doing a lot of shopping yet...so I am glad I held onto some of my "former skinny" clothes...of course that was years ago when I was under 40 so maybe the adorable coach has a point...but I'm also trying to allow myself the freedom to be who I am and dress the way I want to dress now that I can actually wear some cute things.

I have a birthday party to go to tonight...the attire is "snappy casual"...I hate that term...never have figured out what it means but I do know I won't be wearing jeans because I do not own a pair.

But I look forward to buying some and seeing how they look in my new body.

Like my house and my bedroom...it's all decoration...

and how you decorate it lets others know who you are...unless you want to build a little mystery...

and sometimes, a little mystery and surprise...well, that may be more fun that seeing it all...

ok, so maybe adorable coach has a point with the skirt...

nahhhh....

Inspiration Song: "Building a Mystery" by Sarah McLachlan...one of my favorite singer/songwriters and one of my favorite songs...listen to it over and over...and over...

Bye Darlings...I'm building a little mystery...maybe you should too...