Every Time I Think of You

Tomorrow is the 6th anniversary of my precious mother's death.

Sad day...

But this year I promised myself that I wasn't going to dread it. I'm going to celebrate it.

I'm going to make her proud...I will start the day as she would by eating right and exercising.

And then I will dress myself up in something very fun and...

head off to my lawyer's office.

OK, that part isn't much of a way to honor my mother but I know she would be proud of me for being a "real grown up"...and for taking charge of my life and moving forward.

(BTW, I have a great lawyer...God has given me great peace about him and how he can help me).

And after that...I'm going shopping...for a hot dress...because I can...and because she would.

After that...I might have a friend over for dinner if I feel up to it. The friend is on "standby"...I might not be up to entertaining a friend so she's ok with that...that's a good friend.

I like to do things to honor my mother...do things she would enjoy.

And I am loving wearing her clothes...some of them...most I'm still not in but will be.

I think of my mother so often...

More than once a day...

More than twice a day...

More than three times a day...

So tomorrow will be hard...but I know I can get through it.

I can because this year I have prepared myself for it...and I know I am in a better place than I have been for the last 5 anniversaries.

For some reason I have found myself completely stupid with my Mac. I thought I knew how to "copy and paste" but for some reason I can't get it to work. I was going to copy and paste the eulogy I wrote for my mother here but I can seem to do it...so I will post a link on facebook tomorrow as I have it as a "note" on there.

So, because I am "Mac stupid" and can't do it...and it is too long to re-write, I'm going to give you the gist of it here and let you know some things she taught me...things I think about a lot:

I'll count back from 10 as I did in the eulogy...

10) Cook with butter...do it...damn the diet...it tastes better!
9) travel first class...travel...have fun...go somewhere
8) sleep on a lot of soft pillows...make your bed a sanctuary...splurge on it...you are there for at least 6-8 hours most nights...
7) take more pictures...I love taking photos...she did too...
6) keep a clean house...my mother's house was immaculate...mine is getting there...
5) throw more parties...she was the hostess with the mostest...I'm gonna entertain more...she would want me to...
4) support education...give to the school of your choice...
3) drink more water and exercise more...I'm doing that now! She always worked out and almost always had a water bottle or water glass in her hand
2) go to church
1) love your family...

That was what my mama was all about...comfort, food, love, health, and family...

Whenever I think of her, I remember her beauty...

I remember her love...

I remember her incredible sense of style

I remember so much...so very much...

Sometimes it makes me immeasurably sad to think about her. That was part of the reason I got so fat...I just stuffed down those feelings with food. I was also unhappy in other ways, but losing her was a big part of it...and a big part of whey I couldn't get on with my life.

But I can't use that as an excuse anymore. I have to move forward and I have to take back my life...which I am doing.

And then there's Oprah...wow how she would love that. She would have loved to have gone to the show with me. She would have clapped the loudest and been the proudest. My aunt Jane will be a more than adequate substitute for that...and I am blessed to have her.

So tomorrow, I will live my life. I will do things that honor my mother but I won't spend the day mourning her. I won't spend the day wallowing. I won't spend the day in sadness.

I will thank God for having her in Heaven...and for giving her to me as my mother...and that I am lucky enough to have learned some really great lessons from her.

Inspiration song: "Every Time I Think of You" by the Babys...a strange song for inspiration but every time I think of her, I smile...when I don't cry...

Bye Darlings...honor the amazing Debbie Shelton on Wednesday by doing one of the things I mentioned...