Sunday, January 3, 2016

Yoga

Hello Darlings!

Yesterday I took my 100th yoga class at my spin studio....I've only been doing yoga since early May so for me that's a lot of yoga...this blog is for all of the beautiful yogis in my life...


Oh no...

you saw the title...and yes there is a song called "Yoga"...more on that later...

and now you are thinking...

here she goes...

she has become THAT girl...

she is a yoga girl...

all dressed up in her Lululemon gear carrying a mat and a water bottle...

well...

sorta...

I didn't have a mat until last week when my sweet precious daughter of my heart Marvelous Mel gifted me with the most beautiful pink Lululemon yoga mat...it's so cute it hurts and it matches my pink spin shoes perfectly.

And I wear some Lucy gear in addition to my Lulu so I am not 100% a Lulu girl...

But I want to tell you a little more about me and the yoga...

Believe it or not the relationship is REAL...I've been doing it now since May of 2015 and I have no intention on breaking up with it...

If Facebook let me have "in a relationship with spinning and yoga" as a status I totally would...

you all know how I love spinning...it's my favorite way to wish death upon myself...but it also is more fun than I can describe and I feel like a total badass when I am in class...

But the yoga thing is a new love affair...and lucky for me the spin studio has yogo so I don't feel like  I am cheating on my old boyfriend with my new boyfriend...I just walk out of the spin room and take off my shoes and off to yoga I go...

But I thought I would let you in on what yoga is like for me...what random thoughts go through my head as I twist and pose and want to die. 

This is what goes through my head in spin class...please note I am calling the instructor "she" but it could just as easily be "he" and yes this is exactly what I am thinking during class:

OH GOD WHY AM I HERE AND UGH I DID NOT GET MY FAVORITE BIKE BUT I WILL JUST BE HAPPY I HAVE A BIKE AND GOOD LORD HERE WE GO AND WHY IS THIS FIRST SONG SO DAMN FAST AND I CAN'T KEEP UP AND THE WHOLE ROW BEHIND ME IS OFF BEAT AND SO IS THE CHICK TO MY RIGHT AND I NEED WATER AND THANK GOD THAT IS BETTER WHY WON'T SHE LET US SIT DOWN I AM DYING AND THEY ARE ALL STILL OFF BEAT AND CRAP NOW SHE IS MAKING US DO LEFT LEAD AND I CAN'T DO LEFT LEAD AND NOW TAPBACKS OH HELL TO THE NO TO THE LEFT LEAD TAP BACKS THANK GOD WE GOT TO SIT BUT OH NO WE ARE BACK UP AND SPRINTING AND I AM DYING AND I AM TOO OLD FOR THIS AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR ARMS AND THESE 3 LB WEIGHTS FEEL LIKE 30 LBS AND HOW DOES THAT TINY GIRL NEXT TO ME DO IT WITH 3 LBS WEIGHTS AND NOW I AM CRYING BECAUSE THE INSTRUCTOR IS TOUCHING MY HEART WITH HER AMAZING MESSAGE OF BELIEVING IN MYSELF AND I NEEDED THAT TODAY AND I AM STILL CRYING AND NOW ITS THE LAST SONG AND WE ARE SPRINTING AND THANK GOD WE ARE DONE AND I DIDN'T DIE TODAY IN SPIN AND I LOVE THE INSTRUCTOR AND I LOVE THESE CLASSES AND I CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN TOMORROW...

yes...that is me...each and every time...

I don't cry every time but sometimes during weights I want to...

and there have been a few times I wanted to throw those weights at the tiny human who is making us lift those weights as we pedal but then he/she smiles at me and I realize I don't want to hurt that pretty face and it's not his/her fault I am a weak old woman...

Yoga goes a little differently...there is a running conversation in my head but even though I am trying to focus on breathing my ADD gets in the way...

yoga is hard people...but it is even harder for ADD people...and Slow Flow yoga is almost unbearable because you have to hold the poses...

for like...

forever....

So me and yoga started out our relationship rather rockily.  The first two times I attempted yoga was at my old workout place.  I loved the sweet instructor to pieces but it was more mat pilates than yoga and the music was Enya and I was bored out of my mind.  I left both times midway through class.  So date #1 and date #2 were a total bust.  If yoga had been man there would not have been any more dates.

Date #3 with yoga...a workshop.  It wasn't a yoga workshop per se but yoga and a goal setting workshop.  My friend Anna Banana was teaching.  I love her so I thought "what the heck" and went.

I knew nothing.

If you are a Game of Thrones fan then just picture me as being Jon Snow and KNOWING NOTHING...

I sorta knew what downward dog was and that was about it.  But Beautiful Bhavin was there to help adjust us and I had KuteKara right behind me.  And there was this incredible woman next to me who was giving off so much great energy that it was contagious.  She's my Scottish Lassie I shall refer to as Jackie the Lionhearted.  Or how about just Jax...that'll do...And on the other side of my was AmazingAryani and she was flowing along beautifully and I kept looking at her to see what to do next...because I had no idea what any of the poses were other than down dog and warrior...

and I didn't realize there is more than one warrior...

Anyway they were flowing right along and I just followed...

and an hour passed and suddenly we were lying on the floor flat on our backs and I realized I didn't hate yoga....I had just been with the wrong yoga...

It's like my ex and me...he's a great guy but the wrong guy...I had tried the wrong yoga and THIS THIS THIS was the right stuff.  I wanted to date THIS yoga...not the other ones....THIS was the yoga match for me...

So I told my friend Magic Mike about it and he shared with me that he was studying to be a yoga instructor.  I promised to be at his first class.

what was I thinking?

I mean seriously WHAT WAS I THINKING?

I was committing myself to doing yoga again...what if that last time was just a freaky accident?

And then lo and behold the spin studio added a yoga studio and Magic Mike became an instructor and his first class was upon me.

So I took myself up to the studio and laid out a mat they loaned me.  The room is gently warmed by infra red heaters that send heat to your body but don't feel like Houston in August because it's not a hot wet heat...it's gentle...

So I sat down on the mat in that gently warmed room...

and...

I fell in love...

deeply and profoundly in love...

I cried when it was over...cried with pride for Magic Mike and cried with the knowledge I had found something I loved.

I wish I could find a man to love as easily as I found and fell in love with yoga.  It was a total accident...I wasn't looking to do it or up my fitness stuff but suddenly there it was and I loved the hell out of it.

So now that I have filled you in on all the boring background of how I found yoga and fell in love let me tell you how it is for me to DO yoga...

Trust me if I could sell seats to watch I would because I am sure it is hilarious to watch...like maybe I should be an example of how NOT to do yoga.

This is what I think I look like in yoga:




"I'm Sally O'Malley and I'm 50 years old!!!!!!" (that's what the video above is...)

Except that I am 51...

and yes, I am always pulling up my pants...

So here is me and yoga...for reals y'all.  What you read in italics are the thoughts that are racing through my head...

Class starts and we are quietly trying to focus our intention...

and my ADD gets raring to go...

and we are focusing on breath and setting intentions

and...

and then sure enough I suddenly feel the bobby pin in the back of my head that hasn't bothered me once in the last hour and a half but suddenly it is all consuming to move the bobby pin

Move the bobby pin!

Move the bobby pin!

no I'm setting an intention

move the bobby pin!

so I move the bobby pin

and I am back to the breathing and the intention

oh crap what's my intention...breath that's a good one...no maybe strength is better...is it a better intention? can you have a better intention?  which is better---breath or strength? Or maybe stretch?  Or maybe love...yes, love....oh crap we have moved on...

and suddenly we are in table top and doing the cat/cow things with our bellies and backs...

I feel like a combination of my heifer Henrietta and my cat Dragon...but sadly I am more heifer than sleek cat....

this is nice...focusing on breath...yes, that's my intention...breath....breathe in and breath out and breath in and breathe out and...

can we just stay here for a bit?

But now we move on and start our flow...

and we go into downward dog...where you put your hands and feet on the mat and basically make a triangle out of yourself

ahhhhhh.....that feels good...stretching the arms and back and oh this is nice

and why the hell are my thighs so huge

don't look at your thighs Anice look at your feet

damn I need a pedicure

and then we start our sun salutations and we move to the front of the mat and do forward folds and half lifts

and damn I really do need a pedicure

and now we reach up to mountain pose (basically just standing straight with hands over head) and everything hurts as I reach up and then we flow back down to forward fold

and damn I really do need a pedicure

and back up again and it all stops hurting and back down again and now we do our vinyasa flow where we get in plank and lower down and then arch back up in up dog...

except I have tennis elbow and it hurts so I just sort of play along with it and go straight back into downward dog where I look at my thighs and ankles again and swear no enchiladas for 6 months

then we start really flowing and we are lifting legs and doing lunges and I am very very grateful for the blocks

what are the blocks and why are they good?

well....

the blocks are hard foam bricks that you can use to help you reach the ground when you are old and stiff like me...think of them as extensions to your arms...

and since I have arms like a T-rex I need the extra length...not that my legs are supermodel long...

it's just that my arms are extra short...

So lunges and twists and poses happen and all the while I am thinking:

why does this hurt? because I am old...

why is this so hard? because I am old...

why am I sweating so much?  because I am fat...

and damn I need a pedicure

but as we are flowing other thoughts creep into my head:

I can do this!  I can do this!

wow that was pretty good I pretty much nailed that pose

yay I held that one second longer than yesterday 

I feel strong, powerful, and beautiful

ok so that last one is me being a cheerleader to myself but hey everyone needs a cheerleader...

then we sometimes go into these balancing poses...where you have to stand on one foot...

ok so all you young people please know that I am going to pat you on your little heads right now because you are siting there thinking "what?  standing on one foot is NO BIG DEAL!"  and as you read this you will probably check yourself and stand up and stand on one foot and place the other on your standing leg so you are like a tree and you are all smug thinking it's easy...

and for all you 50 year old and older peeps who just stood up and tried to do it and fell over...

YOU GET IT!!!!

because the older we get the more we lose our balance

if we didn't the "Help me I have fallen and I can't get up" ads on tv would not be so successful...

because when you age, you lose balance...

and so for me hitting the balancing poses is a struggle...

I fall

I fall

I fall

I fall

but I get right back up and do it again...

and all of that has paid of because I am getting better at it...practice makes it better and GoodGollyMissMolly and I had a class once where it was just her (the instructor) and me so we worked on the stuff I don't do well...

practice pays off

focus pays off

working through what you are bad at pays off

today I even stood on one leg and lifted the other up in my hand like I was some sort of jazz dancer and held that pose...

for a solid 3 seconds!

(It's the little things people...the little things..)

So I stand on one foot

and I fall over

and I stand up again on one foot

and I fall over

somewhere in there I do manage to sorta kinda maybe a little bit stay balanced but I'm far from the days when I could stand one one foot forever with the other leg held high or posed on my thigh...

and this is the dialogue in my head as I do balancing poses:

ok the wall is next to me so I am ok so lets do this and stand on one leg and now pick that foot up!  Pick that foot up!  You can do it---PICK YOUR DAMN FOOT UP!  Oh hell now I have fallen over so why the heck did I pick my damn foot up?

It goes on like that for some time...every time...

And then sometimes we do these stretches and the splits.

Yes I said the splits

I did one of my first yoga classes with my friend Sweet Sandra who I refer to as "Hot Tamale"...we were flowing along and splits time came and bam!  Boom!  that girl hit the splits like a high school cheerleader!  I was so impressed I almost hit the floor.  She did it on both legs.  And she stands there all cute and smiling after and says "I didn't know I could to the splits!"...she's so dang cute you just have to hug her sometimes...and yes she does the splits perfectly.

At 51 the last thing in the world I thought I could do was the splits but yesterday I did...I did the splits...with both legs...and GoodGollyMissMolly saw it...ok so maybe there was about and inch or so between me and the floor but I'm gonna say that was the splits for a 51 year old...

I like the stretchy part...and now that I can do the splits maybe I should call the Texans and see if they need a really really old and fluffy cheerleader...

Then comes the time when we lay down on the floor to stretch...

oh thank you sweet baby jesus in the manager we get to lay down and the ground feels so good to be laying on and not standing on one foot on the floor

and we do all these stretches that make me feel one of the following:
1) how did I lose my flexibility?
2) OMG OMG that feels so good
3) OMG OMG I have a cramp
4) I need a damn pedicure...

And then  the best part of class happens...

Savassanah

Corpse pose

(for non yogis it's just laying still on the floor with eyes closed and just letting yourself be totally utterly relaxed)

I have almost fallen asleep more than once...the music is soothing...there are candles...sometimes the beautiful instructor comes and gives you a little massage...

and sometimes I cry

actually I cry a lot

because it is...

BEAUTIFUL

and the practice of yoga is beautiful...

and if you are wondering why I keep saying the word "practice" it is NOT because it is some sort of "yoga girl" affectation (like Giada on Food Network and her overly pronounced Italian) but I call it a "practice" because it IS a practice...

that's what we do in yoga...we PRACTICE...

we work at our yoga...we grow in our yoga...we try things...we learn things...we expand...and you never ever are "finished" with yoga...there is always more...

So I guess I am a yoga girl...I literally crave time on the mat...I also feel out of balance when I have times I can't get to yoga...it really has helped me so much.

I work things out on the mat both with my body and my mind...

My soul is released and with each breath I find growth, self love, and joy

So if this rock-and-roll loving "let's go hard or not at all" spin-loving 51 year old fluffy woman can become a yoga girl I pretty much think anyone can...

If it's available to you I urge you to give it a try...share space with some humans and move...try things that you think you can't do and you might find you can...

And if yoga is not available I urge you try take 2016 as your year to try something new that scares you or seems very "out of the box" for you...

try ballet
try a barre class
try martial arts
try spinning
try pilates
try biking
try running
try weight lifting
try zumba
try a dance class
try Crossfit
try BodyPump or other Les Mills classes
try boxing

try YOGA

try ANYTHING

and don't be like me and quit after once or twice...I think there is some magic in that third try so don't walk away...

and who knows...maybe one day you will find yourself with your very own yoga mat flowing away in a studio and realize that you LOVE it...

I know I do...

Inspiration Song: "Yoga" by Janelle Monae...because Marvelous Mel played it in spin class one day to honor KuteKim because she was going to become a yoga instructor...and she did...and I love her classes...

I dedicate this blog to all my yoga instructors at Revolution, and to Anna Banana, and to all my friends who support my yoga habit...and to Mel for giving me the mat I stand so proudly on (because she knew I would never buy it for myself...)

Bye Darlings...you don't have to become a yoga girl...but give it a try...I'll see you on the mat...mine is pink and gives me power...




























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