(You Gotta Have) Friends

Hello Darlings...

Well a couple of Fridays ago I had a little hiccup in my plans for that particular weekend and my life for these next few weeks...

I had to experience something every parent dreads...

a kid with a broken bone

and now...

a cast...

A few weeks ago The Cutest Boy in the World (TCBITW) broke his right fibula in a football game.

(And please please NO JUDGEMENT on the fact my son plays football...he loves it and frankly I already had one friend tell me "but I guess that is what comes with playing football sometimes"...just say your are sorry and ASK HOW THE CHILD IS and don't pass judgement on how it happened...it felt like being hugged and slapped at the same time when that was texted to me by my friend--like saying "sorry but that's what he gets for playing"...ugh!)

I had looked down at my phone to answer a text when it happened...it was a kickoff and I wasn't paying a lot of attention...but at the end of the play there was a boy down on the field and even before RoyBoy said "that is TCBITW on the field" I KNEW it was my kid...

KuteKaren held my hand until they got him up...the trainer and the team doc carried him off the field and even from way up in the stands I could see he was hurting...a lot...

We watched as a gaggle of little girls hung over the railing to check out what was going on with the hurt boy...

I sat glued to my seat like a good varsity mom even though everything inside me was screaming:

MY BABY IS HURT AND I NEED TO GET TO HIM AND HOLD HIM AND KISS THE BOO-BOO AND MAKE IT ALL BETTER BECAUSE I AM HIS MOMMY...

but I just sat there and held on to KuteKaren...

and then the trainer texted me with the dreaded:

"you might want to come down here..."

I kissed KuteKaren and RoyBoy goodbye and made the long trek down the bleachers to my son...

We were at Rice Stadium...it's a big place

It's a long damn way down to the field when you are at the top and with my crappy knees it is even worse (and I was in cute Varsity Mom clothes so I had on this long maxi skirt that I kept tripping over) and then I began to feel like the mom in Poltergeist when she was trying to get down the hall to her kids and the hallway keeps getting longer and longer

that was the longest trip down a set of stadium steps I have ever experienced...

I get down there and one look at my son's face told me everything...

he was hurt...and not just a twisted ankle...

The team doc (who lucky for us is one of the best orthopedic surgeons in town) explained that he thought something was broken and to come to his office in the morning for x-rays...

and he gave us a painkiller prescription (which turned out to be super difficult to find now that oxycodone is one of those drugs that are scheduled and regulated more strictly)

and yes I wanted to take the painkiller myself and no I didn't actually take it...

because we couldn't get any...all the 24 hour pharmacies near my house or the ex's house were out...

When I first got down to my son HotDoc came and sat with me (HotDoc gets her name because I am pretty sure she qualifies as the most gorgeous OB/Gyn in the world and she delivered TCBITW...her son plays on the team and she is a friend...an amazing friend)

HotDoc wasn't going to let anything bad happen to TCBITW...she brought him into this world and she has stuck by him ever since...when he got a concussion 2 years ago she checked him out for me then too...so she sat there with us until the game was over and interpreted everything the orthopedic guy was saying and even helpfully had some super-sized dose of ibuprofen that the ortho guy said "get it now!"...lucky lucky lucky us...

Then PrettyPhyllis came to hold my hand and her hubby LAwsome (that is my hollywood couples combo way of putting two names together...his first name starts with LA and he is Awesome) came to lend us support...

The headmaster and athletic director came by...but weirdly the coach never did and frankly I'm not so happy with the man about that...we were winning 45-0...

We had a lot of emotional support during the second half of the game and after the game while we waited for the boys to board the bus...we are blessed by how wonderful my son's teammates are and their wonderful families are amazing...

I got into my car and called KuteKaren and cried...and then pulled it together and went into mom overdrive mode...

once I got him home and he showered and ate he said he hurt and just wanted to get to bed...

the next day we went to the doctor and did the x-rays and sure enough the bone was broken so he is now in a dandy-fine school colored purple cast...

Saturday and Sunday I got a lot of phone calls and texts and emails (thank you D'Nice,  LovelyLisa, Debquestrienne, and CuteColleen and DarlingDebbie and many more) asking how he was and offering to help and go to the store (Marvelous Margaret and Pretty Phyllis you are amazing) or just run errands for me...

And KuteKaren came by and brought treats so that definitely perked him up...rice krispies treats will do that...that was a rock star move...

And as I sit and write this another friend's son has broken his leg in a game...I know it is a rough sport but these boys LOVE it.  So now my son and his friend will form the "cast and crutches club" at school and since they have the same doctor I have a feeling that poor man is going to get mighty tired of cute blonde boys with broken legs...

I'm just waiting for them to try "let's race down the hallway"...I can see the seniors placing their bets now...

The other mom and I are even trying to work out doc appointments together so that we can help shuttle our broken boys and help each other out...

and that is what I am talking about here...

how we help each other out...

because we all know it takes a village...

especially when it comes to raising boys...

but it has also taken a village to raise me...

When I was young I remember my mom's friends and their kids being around so much...and woe to you if you EVER ignored the command of ANY mom be it your own or another...they weren't moms---they were THE MOM...you just did what any of them said to do...trust me I had not one mom but about 7...and to this day if I was to lose one of them it would be like losing my mom all over again...

when my mom died those women held me together...they were my super glue...they knew they had to take over...I felt their love from the pews at the funeral and afterwards for weeks and the years to come...and some of them, like CuteCarolyn and PhabulousPhoebe still look after me...

and I need a lot of looking after...

a whole lotta looking after...

My mom's death was the most devastating thing to ever happen to me...losing my dad was crushing but losing my mom killed me inside more than just a little bit...

it literally took some of the life out of me...life that I have never fully gotten back...

I was so gut-punched and it was so unexpected and sudden that it was as if it was a dream...

no, make that a terrible nightmare...

but lucky for me I had friends to lift me up and hold me when I couldn't stand alone...

I had KuteKaren who made sure I attended a gala I had helped organize and she got me prettied up and kept me going all night...she made sure I kept going even when I didn't want to and she knew my mom would have killed me if I had sat home that night...

I had NotADullChristy to come and watch my house when I was at the funeral home.  She stayed there with her husband and young daughter and accepted flowers and deliveries and was there to hold me when I got out of the car after picking out my mother's casket.  Her sweet child, who I love dearly, looked at me and said "why you crying?  your Mommy in HEAVEN!!!" and that was just what I needed to hear...

I had friends come over and help me tidy up my cluttered house and bring food and take my children.  I had one amazing friend Fabnessa (she's just fabulous) open her home for the reception after the funeral...and many friends like MarvelousMaura and CuteCindy and CuteCarrie who helped her and made sure I kept moving forward and being someone my mom could be proud of...(and CuteCarrie brought me her dilled carrots which pretty much are my happy place of veggies)

And then there was DarlingDana...if I start to write about how she helped me I won't finish this blog but when she called me hours after my mom died (when almost no one knew) and I heard her voice I can tell you her strength radiated through to me...and when I told her I was going to eulogize my mom she is the one person who truly believed I could do it (she had to do it for her very precious young niece so I knew she could help me)...I felt her strength as I stood in front of everyone in the church and I knew as long as I looked at her and my mom's friends that I could say what I needed to say...I felt as if she was standing beside me holding me up...and she also took care of my son for about a month...and has always been the one person I could always call and say "can you take care of/pick up/wait for TCBITW?"...and she would do it...

I went through weeks in a fog and they were my guiding light...

After some time (about a week) I knew I had to go back to the school and help GOTT by finishing up the costuming of "The Music Man".  It was our first real collaboration (other than a tiny brief foray into helping decorate a set that previous fall---the best thing I got out of that was my BuddyBubba, a now grown man who I love so much I cry when I see him...).

Anyway...

(can you tell the ADD is on def-con 5 today?)

Anyway...I went to school and  crept into the back of what I thought was the empty fine arts center only to find the entire 8th grade class having religion in the room...I tried to be stealthy but...

I wasn't stealthy enough...then sweet LovelyLauren sees me and asks Father W if she can go hug me...the next thing I know I have about 50 kids herding to me...and I was crying so hard I could barely stand...those children literally loved the hurt out of me and to this day I have so much love for each and every one of them that I wish I could call them all my own...they will never know what that meant to me but I know it when I see them...

It's a mighty thing when your friends come together to help you out and to love you out of whatever pain you are in...and I feel that I often don't do my fair share in return...

And even though my son's broken leg doesn't compare to losing my mom it still felt good and amazing to receive the outpouring of love from our community and to have so many mamas offer to help us out...

you may never know how much it means to a single mom who can't leave her child how wonderful the offer of going to the store can be...

or to have a mom call and ask how your child is feeling and that they are sorry he is hurt and just let you cry a bit or express your sadness for your child's injury...

or to have an amazing young lady text me that she is praying for him and me (my little Hummingbird angel love girl...) through the night...oh boy I needed that one!

or to have 50 comments or posts on facebook telling you that your child is in their prayers and thoughts..

or to have a friend come by and bring treats to cheer a patient up...

or have someone bring your child home so you can take a much needed break and get yourself sane with a spin class (PrettyPhyllis to the rescue again)

sometimes when I realize how little it takes to truly lift someone up I get mad at myself that I don't do more for others...

it is wonderful and amazing to give time to charity and worthy causes but it also does a world of good to do some random acts of kindness...

like...

pay the toll on the toll road for the guy behind you...

or let someone in front of you in the check out line when she has 3 items and you have a basketful

or if you will just sit and listen when a friend says "can I come over and talk...I need advice" (you know who you are woman and I am proud of you and how you are moving your life forward)

or to cook dinner for a friend who is sick...and don't forget to give her the recipe so she can cook it later when she is feeling better...

or to offer to pick up a friend's child from school when you know the other mom is busy...

even a Facebook shout-out can lift someone's spirits to new heights...

or a text that says you are thinking about someone when they are having a tough time (and try not to be judgmental if it's something they did...just send love...the lecture can come later)

big gestures like throwing a party are wonderful but what is even better is when you have a friend that says "I will cook you dinner for your birthday" and it is the most delicious meal ever...
(yes that happened and yes it was amazing and perfect because it was D'nice who did it and she's an amazing cook...I'm not big on big parties anyway but I do love her chicken piccatta more than anyone else's)

I used to delight DarlingDana by making an extra batch of my special chicken salad when I would make it for a party or teachers...just showing up with that Tupperware container of chicken salad goodness put a smile on her face and I know she misses that salad since she moved to another town...but it is little things like cooking a bit extra of a favorite meal or treat that your loved ones will remember...just like I remember CuteCarrie bringing me those yummy carrots...

It's almost Thanksgiving so I want to challenge all of you to do a few random acts of kindness in thanksgiving for all the love you receive...I'm going to try and to some little something each day because I feel so very blessed by my friends...I will try and do things for my friends and strangers alike...

I am so grateful for my life...

I have two amazing children that bring me joy every single day...I love them more than I thought it was possible to love anyone or anything...

I was able to leave an unhappy marriage and still make a home for my kids...and it is a  beautiful and comfortable home...

I have a job I love where I get to be with some amazing and awesome kids every day and their love and hugs sustain me...

I have a car that is practically new and kitties to cuddle...no man but for now the cats will do just fine because no man would willingly take on my schedule these days...

I have a wonderful place to workout and keep myself healthy...and I love each and  every single person there...my Revolution Studio friends do more than hand me towels or get me sweating...they lift me up...

I have an amazing family that I love so very much...sisters and a sister-in-law who put up with my nonsense and explain to their children how I am pretty much Auntie Mame...and my cousins who keep the fun in my life and my aunts and uncles who love me despite of myself...

and I have friends...so many wonderful loving friends...friends I have known for years, friends I have recently met, friends from the schools I work at, friends from working out, friends from my son's school...and friends who appear in my life from what seems like nowhere and are angels...

you gotta have friends...

they are your team...
they are your parents...
they are your guardian angels...
they are your support staff...
they are your light in your life...

So do a little something for a friend...or a stranger...

you never know---that stranger may end up being a friend...

So for me I want to have as many friends as I can...because I can't make it without them...

YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS...

at least I know that I do...

Inspiration Song: "Friends" by Bette Midler...there are about 1000 songs named "Friends" so I am distinguishing this one as the "you gotta have friends" one...because you GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS...

Bye Darlings---and thank you to all of my friends who love me through my troubles and mistakes and help me raise my kids and take such great care of me...