No Matter What

Hellloooo my darlings!

Long time...no blog...

That's what happens when you costume a show and then move from a home you have lived in for 14 years.

I'm dying to tell you all about the new house but I really want to wait until I have photos for some "show and tell" and I'm waiting on some bookshelves to get finished...but soon darlings...plus I know you are DYING to listen to me endlessly complain about how awful cardboard boxes are...

But today something happened that I just had to blog about...and this is a platform that I can use to brag on the ones I love...

So today the Tommy Tune Awards nominations came out...

for those of you who aren't involved in high school musical theater here in Houston the Tommy Tune Awards (TTA) are awards given to local high school musical productions and...

THEY ARE A BIG DARN DEAL TO THOSE INVOLVED

A few years ago when GOTT was considering a job change I encouraged him to do so...he was ready for a new challenge and teaching high school kids instead of middle school (19 years there I think) would help him to grow...and I told him that within 2 years I expected to go to the Tommy Tune Awards with him and GOTTESS and that GOTTESS and I would cheer wildly because he was nominated.

Last year was his first year there and I didn't expect any nominations for him but the show did garner a few.

This year when I agreed to costume the show he said "you might get a TTA nomination too..."

I didn't believe him

But then things started to come together and I got my sweet MOD (My Other Daughter) as my assistant...

and I met and grew to love the kids...especially my Sweet Caroline, my Morgan LaFab, Katherine the Great, my Belle Morgan, HannahLove (Hannah G baby that is you), DarlingDuna, and The Duck...as well as all the other kids...and I loved the opportunity to get to work alongside my precious CrewBossCass who I have known since she was a veeeery little girl and is now a senior...

So as I worked the thoughts of TTA were pushed to the back of my mind and all I cared about was making the kids happy and making them look great.

I was haunted in my dreams by cutlery and peasants and candlesticks and beasts...and I worried endlessly that my work wouldn't be good enough.

MOD pushed me and helped me and encouraged me...

GOTT pushed me and encouraged me and believed in me

But somewhere in there I totally began to doubt myself.

I knew I could work with the kids but I didn't want to let them down...I wanted them to look as good as the performances they were giving.

And this is where this blog goes from being a brag fest to a confessional...

I really started to doubt myself...and panicked a little...

And there was one morning when I wasn't sure I could drag myself out of bed...I was in total panic...I had sold my house and had no where to live...I had just gotten over the flu...I had a ton of costumes to finish...I had cutlery to make...

and I literally did not want to get out of bed

And then I remembered back to 2005 when I was costuming my first show for GOTT.  We were doing The Music Man.  And in the middle of it...my mother died...

it paralyzed me to lose my mother

But I had about 80 kids depending on me to do a job I had never done before and I needed to finish it.  I dragged myself out of bed and tried to sneak in but one of the kids saw me and the next thing I knew I had about 30 kids trying to hug me at once.  And the last performance of that show was on Mother's Day and one of the amazing sweet boys made his dad take him out in the rain and buy me flowers because he knew it was a hard day for me (this time I will use a real name because I will love Zach Sendukas for that forever because it literally is one of the sweetest things anyone ever did for me).

So while I lay there paralyzed with fear and doubt I remembered that day and got myself out of bed and headed to the school where MOD and I managed to overcome a few hurdles and my fear of that morning was over but not forgotten...

Because it taught me that I can't let my own fears stand in my own way...and that day I almost did...

We all need to do things that scare us a little...it's good for us...and this downright terrified me but once I got over the fact that it was NOT about me but all about the KIDS I got my act together and pushed through...

But don't worry...I still have fears and you will never see me on Survivor or The Amazing Race because I am terrified of heights and I refuse to eat bugs or vermin...but I will eat raw beef and sushi...go figure...

Last night I slept fitfully because I was too excited to see if we had gotten any nominations for our show...I knew we did a good show but it's always nice to be validated...

So I got on the webpage with the nominations list and...

well I didn't go straight to "best costumes"...

I decided to just go ahead and peek at who was nominated for "best musical"...because, well, maybe we were...I think we did a great job but you never know what appeals to others and judges...

So I looked at the list and started reading...

and...

there...

we...

were!

Best Musical nominee...

I started crying so hard I couldn't see the computer screen...

it took a full minute before I looked at the next category...Best Direction...

and...

there...

we....

were!

GOTT did it...just like I said we would...

And then I looked at the next category...by then I didn't give a damn if we got nominated for costumes or not...

it was Choreography

I knew we had that one in the bag!

but...

WHAT THE HELL?

Our name wasn't there...

no
no
no

could not be

GOTT and Morgan LaFab (and her helpers HannaDoll and BeautifulJess)worked too hard getting those numbers perfect and amazing...

I mean come on...how do you not give a nomination to a musical where over 20 kids are clinking pewter cups perfectly while dancing?

So that took my breath away...

but then I kept looking...still crying...still trying to text GOTT (he's on vacay) at the same time...

we got CREW  (yay CrewBossCass) and LIGHTING (yay to my DiscoBallAdam! love you babe!)

and then...

there it was...

"Best Costumes"

and it said "Houston Christian High School" among the list of names

I fell on the floor and cried...and texted GOTT

And he called and I cried some more...

Because when you have the best job in the world and you work with the person who is literally your soul-brother and you work like a well-oiled machine together and you get to love and be proud of amazing kids...

well getting a nomination for your work is like finding out the caramel cake is not just caramel cake but it is SALTED caramel cake...it is just that much better

and when GOTT told me to start believing in myself the way he did...well, maybe now I do...but it isn't the nomination that did it...it's that HE and the KIDS believe in me...

I texted MOD and congratulated her and told her to find a pretty dress for the awards...I could not have done it without her...and she deserves all the credit for keeping me focuses on the whole costume and not just the buttons (that's a thing I told her to tell me when I would get bogged down in silly details).

So while I was messaging with my friend DivaGlamTam (she's the BOMB people...sings like Aretha and has a real job too...) I mentioned I was put out that we didn't get choreography and since she is a judge for the TTA she knew it wasn't right...

yup...

just a typo...they forgot us

So BOOM!

We had one more..."Best Choreography"

I got to call Morgan LaFab and as I cried into the phone I am actually happy it worked out that way because I loved that I got to be the one to tell her that she was nominated...

But here's the deal...

I FINALLY get it when someone says it is an honor just to be nominated...

well...

it is...

and even if we don't win a thing we have already won...

Because it was not about winning an award...

It was about so much much more...

it's about entertaining an audience...

it's about kids putting themselves out there...

it's about fun...

it's about PRINCESSES people (not really but to the 5 year old girls in the audience it is)

The night before our first show I told My Belle Morgan that her job was not to perform for the judges...her job was to sing and dance her heart out for a 5 year old little girl in the audience who goes home and wants to be her and dance in a big yellow ball gown with a prince...and to be on the stage...

(Oh yes...she got a nomination! and so did Katherine the Great! and the boy who played Gaston!)

That's why you do it...not for awards...not for attention...

but to carry someone in the audience away for a few hours and letting them experience a bit of magic

And that is why we do it...

So win or not...we have already won...

(but yeah ok it would be nice to win...I'd be lying if I didn't say so...but that's not what is important)

So to all my HC kids I love so very very much...and to GOTT who I believe in with all my heart and soul and who is the ONLY director I will work with...

CONGRATULATIONS!

You deserve the nominations!

I'm so proud of you!!!!

Inspiration Song: "No Matter What"...because no matter if we win or not...we already won...we put on a great show...and my "win" was the love I got from the kids and their parents...oh yes---"No Matter What" is a song from the show...because no matter what I will love every second of working for those kids...

Bye Darlings...if you know a kid from HC that was in the show tell them congrats...they did an amazing job...and now I am going to go and cry some more...so proud...so proud...