Afterlife

Are you sick of me endlessly blogging about my "mommy makeover" yet?

yeah...me too...

but too bad...you get another one today...

But this is sort of a "show and tell" blog...complete with photos!

So I went to see my Fairy Godmother last week and she removed all the tapes covering my incisions and told me I could quit wearing the surgical bra...yippee!

I do sorta look like the Bride of Frankenstein...

So much so I have been practicing my hiss just like hers but I'm not sure I can ever manage the upright hair...

I'm cut from hip to hip...literally cut in half...

So here's the deal...I just assumed when she did the tummy tuck that she pulled the skin UP...

But noooooo...

so the day before my appointment I was checking myself out in the mirror (I do that a lot these days...I keep getting afraid that one day the image in the mirror will talk back to me like the Magic Mirror the Evil Queen had in Snow White...or that one day it will just CRACK because I am constantly staring into it)...anyhoo...

so I am staring in the mirror and I notice something...

the mole on my stomach...

that is right next to my "new" belly button

(I have to admit getting a "new" belly button was the one thing that gave me pause...because my belly button was, as strange and perverse as it sounds,  my connection to my mother as that WAS our connection when I was in utero...and maybe I am just a weird belly button person but that little connection seemed special...but WTH...I'd rather have no loose skin so off it went).

So I have this mole next to my belly button and I am thinking...where did this come from?

Then it dawns on me...

It used to be higher up...

and I notice the scar from the laparascope from my gall bladder removal is now...

4 inches LOWER

Wow...

So I check the photo I took of myself the night before surgery and sure enough that mole has moved down 4 inches.

I told the doc to check out my before photos and she said it was a great indication of how much skin she took and how they don't just take the stuff from the bottom where it is droopy but she took that and then PULLED DOWN the skin...

4 inches...

That's a lot...

Now I would post those photos here but they are rather graphic and it seems a bit gross...but if you are considering doing this surgery, message me and I can send them to you privately to give you an idea of what happens.

Now why did she need to take so much skin off...

OK, so let's revisit the "old" me...the "before" me...and when I say "before" I mean the FAT me...

Yup...there I am...in all my big girl glory...

Those photos were taken the summer of 2009.  I didn't start my diet until March 2010.

The first photo was taken at Zion National Park.

The second photo was taken on the top of a nuclear submarine.  I almost didn't fit down the hole you have to go down to get inside.  Going down and coming back up were terrifying.

So yeah...I look like I am pregnant with triplets...but sadly my last baby had been born 11 years before that photo was taken...

That is what 300 pounds looks like...

So now...drum roll please....

Here is the NEW me...this photo was taken on January 12...

And these were taken 1-22-13

The first photo is  a side view...and yes I have my super spanxy compression garment on...but I'm not "sucking in"...this is how it is...yay!

This next view is front with compression garment on:

This photo I have removed the compression garment...but I'm not "sucking in"

So I am pretty happy with the results and I"m looking forward to seeing how it all turns out once the swelling is gone...and without the compression garment.

And for some crazy reason I am more swollen this week than last but from the research I have done that is "normal"...whatever "normal" is...

I know I sure as heck am not nor will ever be "normal"...

And I am fine with that...

I'm so glad I finally had the courage to do this surgery and not keep waiting...I had a lot of excuses about waiting but finally I just had to do it.

I was tired of waiting...

I was tired of the loose skin...

I was tired of looking in the mirror and seeing the sad fat girl looking back at me.

So I did it...

So now that I have had the surgery...you may ask: "what next?" or "what now?"

What next and what now are...live my life to stay looking and feeling good.

So as soon as I can I will be back to the gym...I am desperately missing JayVee's spin class...like to the point I cry when she sends me her playlist and I really want to just go and WATCH it because I miss it so much...plus I think I would have a grand time yelling at my friends Tamster and CuteChristine and Jackie Blue and April Showers to "crank up that tension" while I sit on a stability ball.

They would hate me...

I would love it...

I have at least 2 more spin classes on Tuesdays that I can't go to so I might just have to do it.

And I miss Body Pump with J'taime Jamie...wow do I miss that.  And it's going to kill me to go back to it because I have not been able to lift a darn thing heavier than my little cat so I will have to go back to really light weight when I start back.  I lift like a guy...so that will be super hard on me.

Even harder I can't imagine doing crunches or planking or doing push ups...

That will take a lot of time and work to get back into as well.

But as soon as Dr. Baldwin says "go" I plan to...even if it means I can't finish a spin class (at least I would START it), or can't lift but half of what I usually do with biceps (at least I am lifting) or if I have to beg off doing things at SuperSally's Boot Camp (she totally knows and gets it) I am GOING TO TRY and do whatever I can without putting my recovery in jeopardy...

I CAN'T WAIT TO SWEAT!  And I mean on a bike or lifting weight and NOT because of this stupid compression garment.

And after all, the first time I decide to exercise in almost a decade (when I started my diet) I got on the elliptical and did an hour.

I did not throw up...but I did want to die...

A week later I did an hour and a half....that time I did throw up..but I didn't want to die.

I'm a pretty determined byatch when I set my mind to it...but I also need to listen to my body and I promise you I will...

For now, since I can't do much more than "stroll" or sit on my stability ball, I am eating right and trying to be as good and clean with my food as I can.

I still eat a lot of soup...and thankfully I don't have a huge appetite.  I try and eat salmon for at least 4 meals each week and I'm good with eating a lot of veggies and brown rice.

No real desserts...just a lot of fruit...or Tasti Delite...

And I will continue to work out and eat healthy and maintain a healthy lifestyle albeit one that includes red wine (not so bad for you) and dirty vodka martinis (ok that is bad for me but a girl has to have a vice or two...or 12...or 20...just count it as one of my "few" vices...remember Ke$ha Barbie can be Satan and I have to watch The Cutest Boy in the World wrestle).

And I will enjoy having this new body that I worked hard for and paid a lot of $ for...but I also will no longer have any excuses to not look or feel good about myself.

And lest you think I am going to end up looking like "Mama Elsa" from "The Real Housewives of Miami" (Google her...please please google her...and google "before" pictures...) or Cher or Joan Rivers I can promise you that won't happen.

I do regularly have poison shot into my forehead (Botox) so I don't look mad all the time but I don't plan to let anyone, even the amazing fairy godmother Dr. Baldwin is, put a scalpel to my face...

Ok, maybe I shouldn't say "never" because...well, you NEVER KNOW...

but at least in the short term...in the foreseeable future...I do not plan to have any more plastic surgery.

Instead I will keep taking care of my body...use my Mary Kay Timewise stuff on my face...get some Botox when I start looking like I might shoot someone...exercise daily...eat right...pray hard...play hard...drink red wine when it is appropriate...drink vodka when Ke$ha Barbie tells me something crazy...and love my children, my friends, and my life...

And maybe...down the road...when I find me a wonderful sweet man who drives a big ass truck who can look beyond scars and sees the woman INSIDE but likes the outside too I might rock a bikini in the hot tub...and if he doesn't tell me I look "awesome and amazing" I will do my best Bride of Frankenstein hiss....

And trust me...

I can do it...

Inspiration Song: "Afterlife" by Switchfoot.  A song JayVee introduced me to (introduced to her by her fabulous and amazing husband who I would gladly steal from her if I didn't love her...yes, he drives a big ass truck and has blue eyes...I call him "The Hunk").  I love that song...just like I love JayVee and the Hunk.  It is my "power" song...one that gets me to feel really good about life and moving forward...about living my best life...about not waiting...

some lyrics:
Every day, a choice is made,Every day I choose my fateAnd i wonder "why would I wait 'til I die to come alive?" To come alive?Every day, every day, every day I still feel the same,And I wonder "why would I wait 'til I die to come alive?"I'm ready now I'm not waiting for the afterlife

Read more: SWITCHFOOT - AFTERLIFE LYRICS 

Bye Darlings...live in the now...don't wait for the afterlife...I am in my afterlife...and I'm glad I didn't wait