Sunday, October 21, 2012

Somethin Bout a Truck

So Ke$ha Barbie is up at school in Boston and therefore doesn't need her big ass truck.

So I'm driving it...

It's a Ford F150 double cab King Ranch edition...waaaaay too much truck for either of us but the ex and I decided to put a lot of metal around her when we were looking for a set of wheels for her (she wanted a MINI COOPER) and we got a great deal on it because it was used and we bought it from a friend.

Those of you who know me should find some irony in the fact it is a King Ranch edition...

Those who knew my father should find that VERY ironic as my father never drove a Ford (that I can recall...although we did have a few for the ranch) and my Daddy at one time had a GMC/Chevrolet dealership down in Kingsville.

I also find it ironic that if ever there was a man who was meant to drive a truck it was my Daddy and I can't recall him ever driving one.

He had a lot of cars...but I don't remember him behind the wheel of a truck.

Suburban---yes
Jaguar---yes
Mercedes---yes (he abused it)
Cadillac---yes
Porsche---yes

and various other silly cars...

But I don't recall a truck...but maybe some of you can enlighten me...

He bought my sister N a huge Dually (is that how you spell it?)...that thing was HUGE.  It was a diesel and it was LOUD.  I was never as comfortable driving it as she was...heck she even pulled a big horse trailer with it.  N has a lot of skills I don't have...like her ability with horses and trucks...

Once a car dealer brought a truck and trailer to one of my father's horse sales.  He had it specially painted with our ranch brand and colors so my father was pretty much compelled to buy the thing.  That thing was LOUD but not because of the engine...but because of the obnoxious paint job (Lovely Linda---you and Scott should remember that rig).  Daddy called it "the calliope"...maybe because it was loud and obnoxious.

When I was little I used to ride around in Chale's truck.  Chale worked for my dad and was like a second father to me.  He had grown up with Daddy (they were born 4 days apart) and would remain a permanent fixture in my father's life until Daddy's death and he was a permanent fixture in my life until his death.

Chale always had on the "Mexicano musica" (his words) on the radio.  I SAT on the armrest on the passenger side.  N was often found standing in the middle of the big bench seat with Chale's arm wrapped around her to keep her from flying around.

There were no carseats in those days so Chale's arm was pretty much it.

The fact that I once had a "caboose" small enough to perch on a built in arm rest still amazes me...

Everyone who was friends with me at one time or another rode in Chale's truck...makes you smile doesn't it (those of you who did)?

So back to me and this big ass truck...

I waited a while before taking it out for a drive...

It needs to be driven but for a long while I was unable to get inside that truck and be reminded of just how much I miss Ke$ha Barbie.  I still can't go into her room...in fact I have yet to climb those stairs and look at that empty bed.  Only my housekeeper goes there now...and the cats...but I think they have given up looking for her up there.  We can't say her name without a cry from our big fat Bengal cat...he mourns her going away the most...

The Cutest Boy in the World ventures up there occasionally.  He has toyed with the idea of moving up to that room but I told him it was up to him and his father to move the furniture up there and repaint the turquoise walls and take down the crystal chandelier...

Needless to say NONE of that has happened.

So I got into her truck a few weeks ago and started it up and noticed something on the floor...

No, not a vodka bottle...

TATER TOTS

yes, I told her to clean up the truck before we left but somehow getting the old sonic bag and the various tater tots strewn about the cab of the truck did not manage to find their way into the trash can...

EWWWWWWW...

say it with me...I know you are thinking it...because that is what I said...

EWWWWWWW....

I stopped and got the dead tater tots out of the truck before I fully pulled out of the driveway.

She has an awesome stereo system in the truck...and I can plug my iPhone into it and listen to my own music (and yes, I did change all of her preset music channels...what the heck is "Chill"?)

Or rather I WOULD plug in my iPhone to listen to my own music but I decided that before my old iPhone died an untimely and ugly death I would go ahead and upgrade my phone to the new iPhone5.

And therein lies the problem...

Because Apple saw fit to change the PLUG for the phone...so now I am waiting for a converter in the mail so I can connect the phone to the stereo...

("Dear Apple...thank you for making my life more complicated than it was supposed to be with this new phone...sincerely, your only-slightly-happy-with-her-new-phone customer")

The truck makes me feel...

a little


BADASS....

I see why she liked driving it.

It's not really any bigger (well a bit bigger) than by suburban...but it feels..."beefier"...

And I feel like the ranch girl I was born and bred to be when I hop out of it.

Even if it is a Ford and not the Chevy's I am used to.

I feel a bit sexy in it...

Until I try and park it.

When Ke$ha Barbie was in school the powers-that-be realized that she was not great at parking.  She knew it too so she was always at school early...so she could shove that thing into the space she was assigned before the other two cars beside her made her have to thread the needle.

Her high school, like most in Texas, has a parking lot full of big ass trucks and SUV's.  It may be a private school but the kids at her school favor trucks for hunting and sport.

She fit right in.

But most of those trucks are driven by boys...I think she may have been the only girl who drove a real truck...in fact I am pretty sure she was.

Once her college counselor saw she was having a bit of difficulty parking the truck and she went outside to help Ke$ha Barbie.  She ended up parking the truck herself.  She (the college counselor...who I shall name "GODDESS" because she got Ke$ha Barbie into a fabulous college...and I plan to erect a statue in her honer) told me and her husband this story one night at dinner.  Her husband began to laugh and turned to me and said: "your daughter must be a terrible driver if my wife, who is not the worlds best with a big truck, had to park the truck".  I reminded him that his wife drives an SUV that is on the same wheel base as Ke$ha Barbie's truck...college counselor and I clicked our glasses in a toast at that comment...

My daughter was given a GREAT parking spot her senior year...one easy to park in and no one on either side of her...I think everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

So none of this was lost on me last week when I drove that truck (shall I call it "MY" truck?) to the school to watch my son play his football game...

I drove around a bit until I saw a truck the same size exiting a parking spot and I took that (and prayed) and managed to park the truck just fine.

(The spaces at the high school are TIGHT even for a Mini Cooper)

My biggest issue now is if I decide to sell my suburban in favor of driving the truck for a while (The Cutest Boy in the World wants to inherit it) will I be able to handle it?

And will my pet valet men at Nordstrom know me in my new vehicle?  Now THAT worries me...

But I do like feeling like a sexy badass in the truck...

And since I haven't managed to find a man who drives a big ass truck to squire me around I might as well do it myself...and just wait until TCBITW can do it for me.

But in the meantime, I think I like the truck...

even if it is a Ford...and the King Ranch stuff unnerves me a bit...

And hey, maybe there is some man out there that drives a very nice sedan that would like to date a woman who drives a big ass truck...

I'll hand him the keys...

Inspiration Song: "Somethin Bout a Truck" by Kip Moore.  OK, those of you who know me well know I pretty much loathe country music...but this one fit...and it's not TOO bad of a song...and since Aerosmith hasn't gotten around to recording a song about big ass trucks this will have to do...Toby Keith has a song about a woman driving a truck called "Big Ol Truck" but I liked this one better...

Bye Darlings...I may drive a bad ass big ass truck but I'm still just a suburban housewife...


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