Clean Up Woman

Hello Darlings...

How was your weekend?

Mine was just fine and dandy until I decided to tackle a clean-up project.

I decided it was time to tidy up the bathroom and get rid of a lot of "old" stuff.

A few months ago I read a post by Glennon Doyle (she's a mommy blogger who I follow on FB) and she posted a photo of her bathroom and the complete state of torture it was in because she decided to surprise her wife by getting their bathroom organized.

But somewhere in the middle of the process she lost interest in it and became overwhelmed and begged her wife's forgiveness and suggested maybe they just move.

I laughed my arse off at that post because I have been there and done that many times....

started a project just to become overwhelmed by it and then abandon it...

yeah...

many
times....

many
many
many
times...

and today was no different...

I got to looking at the clutter of bath products surrounding my tub and realized that I kept buying stuff because I had no clue as to how much I already had because it was hiding all around my bathroom.

So, like Glennon, I got it all out...

and then...

YOGA WORKSHOP

oh thank you sweet baby Jesus in the manger I had to leave the mess and go to a yoga workshop

(btw the workshop was beyond amazing and although I still hate Warrior 1 and 3 I am more in love than ever with Warrior 2...I call it the sexy bitch pose)

I had managed up until that point to collect a trash bag full of old (like so old they no longer smelled good) bath products and other "why did I think I needed this" stuff and disposed of it.

At one point I am pretty sure I believed that each of those bath products would change my life or at least make my body feel better....but 6 year old body scrub needs to be let go with some dignity or dumped in the trash...

So I came home and worked some more on the bathroom and realized that for once in my life I am damn glad I don't have a man.

because if I had a man he would have seen the trash bag full of bath products and he would now be stepping around land mines that are bath bombs and bath salts.

The bathroom is still a diorama of bath product chaos

I have abandoned it to write this blog

because I have ADD

and I need to step away from it lest I just decide to throw it all away

so I mixed myself a martini and decided to let my brain fly for a bit by blogging because all of this actually has a point and it's not just that I am glad that there is no man to hold up a jar of bath scrub and say:

"really?  really? you paid $30 for this and never touched it?"

(the ex would have done that)

So let's update the "bucket list for a man for Anice":

has a job
nice smile
kind eyes
tells me I am pretty
likes red wine and martinis
won't be grossed out by my love of very rare meat
is supportive of my spin and yoga addiction
brings me lilies
has a sense of humor
knows who Khaleesi and Groot are
doesn't mind that my body looks like a roadmap
understands that my kids do and always will come first
cleans the kitchen after I cook
likes travel (especially to warm destinations)
will watch musical theater
ISN'T JUDGEMENTAL ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF BATH AND BEAUTY PRODUCTS I OWN

yeah...that's pretty much it...

if you find someone who fits that bill send him my way...the first and last items are very important.

So the bathroom is at about a "6" if "1" is total wreck and "10" is perfect condition.

I totally get where Glennon was coming from....she (and I) went into it with a passion to get the room cleared of mess and clutter and unused stuff and halfway through we are overwhelmed and just want someone to come in and decide the rest for us.

So as I abandoned my project to drive across town for my yoga workshop I got to thinking about how we sometimes need to clear space in our lives so that we have room to grow...

to expand...

to add new things...

to make room for something else...

And cancer has cleared A LOT of space for me.

Cancer has shown me who my real friends are....

Cancer has shown me how damn strong I am....

Cancer has shown me that "impossible" is not a word I plan to ever use...

Cancer has shown me what REAL fear is (and cockroaches still count as a real fear)

Cancer has shown me that being a survivor is my only choice

Cancer has shown me what really matters in life (hence my letting go of a guy who has blue eyes and drives a big ass truck)

Cancer has cleared space in my life so that I see my life and what's important

what I need to hold on to and what to let go of

And WE ALL NEED TO DO THAT

We all need to clear out the clutter of our lives and get rid of what no longer serves us and keep what does and maybe find things that were missing that turn out to be just what we need.

So like the 5 year old bath scrub and the old razors some things just need to be tossed out...

Sometimes the clutter is physical (like the bath salts)

Sometimes the clutter is in our head---like when we have "stuff" that is blocking us from moving forward in our lives....or we are hearing voices telling us we are not strong enough or good enough or able to do something...

sometimes the clutter is in our relationships---like when I stayed too long in my marriage...or when we hold on to friendships that are more struggle than love...

sometimes the clutter is in our day when we have things we need to do that we have put off.

Whatever the clutter is we have only these choices:
use it
get rid of it

there is no in between.

yes, you can hold on to something if you KNOW you will use it but like the bath salts unless you know you are going to pour them into a hot bath in the next few months they why hold on to it?

So either trash it or give it away.

As for our relationships that are clutter we only have two choices:
fix what is wrong (and don't put off fixing it)
or
end the relationship

there is no in between

Now I know I have to go back into that bathroom and finish what I started....it's not going to disappear....so I pledge to you when I publish this blog I will go back and finish...

and I want each of you to examine what you need to clean up and make a step toward doing it---whether it is a bathroom or a stale friendship.

When we make space in our lives by getting rid of what is no longer serving us we have room to expand...

we have more room for those in our lives who matter (why waste time on the needy friend when you could be having a blast with the girls that want to enjoy YOU)

we have more time to love those who love us

we have more space to try new things

we have more strength because we aren't draining ourselves on other things.

I'm cleaning up my bathroom so I can enjoy my space more....so I can see what I have and celebrate it....so I can have satisfaction knowing that my tub is my sanctuary...

(and yes, I had so many bath products----things I BELIEVED would make my baths better----that cleaning up has taken a lot of energy)

I got rid of a husband who made me miserable and I made him miserable.  He is now very happy with his girlfriend and she is nice to my kids and gives him things I could not.  I walked away from him so that some day I could have space for a man who fulfilled me in ways my ex could not.  I have not found that man yet but I have high hopes he is out there and one day I will look into his kind eyes and be so very happy I was brave enough to walk away from someone else...

I have space in my home for a man to share life with me....but sadly I do not have the closet space so that will have to be negotiated.  Maybe I need someone who wears a uniform or is a doctor so that he isn't a clotheshorse that needs the left side of my closet for all of his suits...

I start each day with more joy than I had before cancer because I now know just how much of a gift each day is.  I took my days for granted before.  Now I look at each one as a chance to share myself with the world and do some good.

I have cleared space in my days so that I can exercise....spinning and yoga do so much for me that I need time each day to devote to them.  In turn it creates space in my life because I am healthy (other than a bit of pesky cancer trying to kill me) and I have met so many amazing people through my spin and yoga classes.

I have space in my heart for all those who I love...and that's where making space is a bit different.

Sometimes we need to clear space so there is room for others but in our hearts we don't have to---our hearts can infinitely expand to hold all we love....

We need to clear space for the new and hold space for those that fill us up.

So I have a little exercise for you....you want to try?

I'm going to ask you to do two things.

One is an act.

The other is in your head.

For the act: go to your closet.  Select an item you have not worn for years. Something you have held on to but wouldn't put on right now.  Maybe it doesn't fit. Or maybe it is no longer your style but you paid a lot for it. Or maybe it's not quite what you hoped it would be.

Now take it off the hanger and set it to the side and donate it.

Give it to someone who will wear it.

Doesn't that feel good?

And freeing?

Maybe you find a few more things.

I'm not asking you to go crazy...just to find one thing.

Now here comes the harder part.

Sit down quietly for a moment and look inside the "closet" that is your head.

Find something you tell yourself that is not serving you.

Find something you have been avoiding....or someone....

Find something that is taking up space in your brain and won't go away.

Now get rid of it.

Clear it out.

Stop saying or feeling it.

Call the human that you have this blockage with.

Do the thing that is scaring you or holding you back.

Make space in your brain to fill it with something that is worthwhile...
that fits....
that serves you...
that brings you joy...

Clear out the clutter and give yourself room to grow....

It's not easy...but it is worthwhile.

So now I am gonna go back and finish the bathroom. 

I don't want to have to set a bomb off in there....

and you find space in your life for the good things...throw out the bad stuff....and have some "me" time in the hot bath in the space you created...

Inspiration Song: "Clean Up Woman" by Betty Wright...because I am a clean up woman...cleaning up my life and my bathroom....

Bye Darlings---after the tub area I am hitting the drawers and makeup next week...pray for me...