I Know What Boys Like

Spinderella took us on a trip back to the 80's today...

And then she threw in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition models...

It was a wild ride...and my quads are still not happy about it!

Her class is divided into 3 sections...45 minutes of spin and 15 minutes of ab work, and then, if you want to continue to punish yourself you can climb back on the bike for another 30 minutes of spinning.

She calls it "video ride" because she plays videos to distract us from the pain she is inflicting on us...but we do burn the calories and work our glutes so it is all worth it.

She started us with videos of Madonna---The Early Years...not nearly as artsy as her later stuff but crazy-good fun.

I can't remember the first video that played, but I can tell you that I remember every video Madonna ever made...what a chameleon!

Lucky Star---Madonna dancing...black and white

Borderline---she leaves her boy toy to become a model for an older photographer but return to the boy toy in the end

Like a Virgin---how can you ever forget the images of Madonna in Venice...jumping around in the gondola in the canal or in the white dress with the lion?

Material Girl---a personal favorite of mine...Madonna in an homage to Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes...love love love it...

Crazy for you---Madonna singing with clips of Matthew Modine in "Vision Quest"

Into the Groove---"Desperately Seeking Susan"

Live to Tell---Madonna sings with scenes from then boy-toy Sean Penn's movie

Papa Don't Preach---our girl let herself go with a bad haircut in this one

True Blue---bad hair is still there as she dances around a blue set

Open Your Heart---Madonna in an homage to Marlene Dietrich...she plays a dancer in a peep show...

Who's That Girl---scenes from the movie...boring video

Like a Prayer---Madonna goes with dark hair and kisses the feet of an African-American Jesus statue...not one of my favorites but I like the song...

Express Yourself---another personal favorite of mine...only Madonna could get away with licking a dish of cream like a cat

And all the while we are riding those spin bikes using speed and tension to burn away the fat and calories...an hour went REALLY fast (including the ab portion).

So then the short ride comes and she changes the video to the Sports Illustrated girls.

That makes the lone male in the room happy...very happy...

We, the women, get a little snarky about how skinny some of the girls are and their lack of sports abilities...

"That whipped cream on the cupcake that she stuck her finger into is the only thing she ate that day" (sadly, she was pretty rail thin so it probably was)

"She totally missed that ball when they threw it at her" (ok, the model was wearing a bikini and HEELS)

"is that a bikini or chain mail?"...

Sort of made us...bitchy...

But THAT is what boys like...not the bitchy part...the girls in bikinis part

Girls in swimsuits with heels on. Madonna with the word "boy toy" on her belt with a bare midriff.

A friend told me when he was in college he once followed a girl across campus (I believe he even missed his own class) because she was wearing a white mini skirt and looking hot. He didn't know her but he followed her anyway. I think he told her he loved her...I don't think she went out with him. Boys....

One time we had a "leading man" (14 years old) at a school production who was cast opposite a girl who was very beautifully endowed. Poor kid didn't know where to look. He kept looking down at her chest in their scenes. I could tell where he was looking but he didn't know it. He came to me because he was uncomfortable because he was supposed to look into her eyes but that bothered him so he said he kept looking down at the floor---trust me, he was NOT looking at the floor! He asked what he should do. I told him to talk and sing to her upstage ear and the audience would never know he wasn't directly looking into her eyes. It worked. Boys...

Apparently this year at camp all the boys had a crush on the picture-taking girl...no wonder they all delivered such dazzling smiles. Boys...

But it's not just girls that boys like...and right now I am glad that TCBITW notices girls but not to the point of distraction. He is distracted by other things...

Because another thing that boys like is...VIDEO GAMES!!!!!

And in my house it is specifically playing "Call of Duty" on X-box Live

If you do not know what Call of Duty (COD) and X-Box Live are, then you don't have a boy over the age of 10 living in your house.

The other day the Houston Chronicle columnist Ken Hoffman wrote a hilarious account of what occurs in his house with the COD and X-box. If I didn't know his wife and know that they have a kid my son's age, I would question whether he was writing about his own experiences or had managed to put spy-cameras in my house and was writing about what happens here....because it was the same.

The boys are able to play with their friends through the "live" feature so they get games going by inviting their friends to play and wearing headsets so they can communicate.

Call of Duty---Modern Warfare is a violent game about war. I don't know much about it except that you are some army guy killing the middle eastern dudes (that is how it was explained to me). Kill Kill Kill

It is very disconcerting to walk through the house and hear my son shout the following things (into the headset but I can hear him)

"Dude, you need to kill that guy NOW"

"I'm going to kill you"

"I just killed 3 of them"

and other equally unnerving things...

Boys like video games. I watched a teacher at school play some silly thing on his phone once during his off period while I worked on something in his room...I was only able to break the spell of him tapping on the phone by announcing I was done and was ready for his help. He promptly quit the game (I guess you can tear yourself away easier when you are an ADULT male) but I am sure he wasn't playing mah-johng...

My husband once spent an entire day playing Tetris. Yes, an entire day. An entire Sunday. I bought him a Nintendo system before we had kids...not realizing that men are just big boys...and he was a Tetris addict. I had to remove the game and hide it so he could function...

We have a friend who told us that when he was in law school he would walk through a corridor that had video games in it and he found himself spending many hours playing "Space Invaders". He finally had to have a chat with himself and said:
"Self, do you want to be the world Space Invaders Champion or a lawyer?"

He is a lawyer...thank goodness...

We had two of the "cocktail table" versions of video games when I was in high school courtesy of my father's friendship with an owner of a large furniture store chain. He gifted us with the games. We had "Ms. Pac-Man" and "Asteroids".

Every date I had in high school wanted to just sit and play the games.

Ms. Pac-Man makes funny noises when you play...there is the little song noise and the "wakka-wakka" noise that it makes when Ms. Pac-Man is eating the dots...and then the "dying" noise when she is killed by a blue blob.

We had parrots. Parrots who would imitate things. They lived together in a cage. You never said the word "goodnight" in their presence or you would be treated to 50 rounds of "goodnight" from the parrots. One man who worked for my father was always fussing about his budget...every time he walked into the house the birds would scream "budget"....And once someone called my stepmother a name and it stuck...I will not say who it was as I might incriminate myself or someone I care for...

So why the story of Ms. Pac-Man and the parrots? Because the parrots lived near the game...and that game got played...A LOT....

So one night at dinner we hear "wakka-wakka" and the "doodydoodydoody-do" noise (the dying noise). My dad yells at us for not shutting off the game. My sisters swear they did. I go investigate (and yes, maybe I was looking to catch them in a lie) and did not immediately return to the table. So here comes my sister....and by then I am laughing hysterically. She starts to laugh. Daddy comes to see what the fuss is about...

The parrots had learned to imitate the game. The noise came from the parrots.

The parrots cage had a new home 5 minutes later.

So...boys like girls, boys REALLY like girls in bikinis (and hot white minis) and boys really really like video games.

Boys like sports. They like to play sports and watch sports. I have seen men leave a dinner table during a dinner party to watch football. I had to plan my wedding around the Aggie football schedule because we couldn't get married on a day that the Aggies played (right then I should have said "hmmmmm"). I've seen guys watch a re-run of a 10 year old game. My husband will GO to an Aggie game and then come home and watch it again on tv ("hmmmmm").

Boys like beer. And when I say "boys" in this case, I men men over the age of 21. I like beer...I "get" that one. I like to try beer like wine. A guy friend told me I should go to some place in City Center (the backyard?) where they have tons of beers to taste. I told him that would be a BAD idea for me because I would likely choose the beer over food for the calories. He's a man...to heck with the calories (and he is thin).

Boys like chicken wings and other gross food. Ke$ha Barbie calls it "football food" because it is the kind of stuff you eat at a sports bar. Buffalo wings, chicken tenders, corn dogs....I've eaten them before and do not miss them while I am eating healthy.

Boys like ketchup...or is it catsup? My guys will cover a plate with ketchup...yuck! They will drown fries in ketchup (unless there is gravy around). I've watched the kids at school eat corn dogs...the girls might squirt a little mustard or ketchup on the plate and daintily dip the corn dog in...the boys squirt half a bottle and drown it. A teacher friend of mine likes to mix ketchup and mustard and eat it together. He is male. I won't eat with him (when I work at the school) if it is corn dog day....I watched him do it once and told him I hoped he had a stomach ache the rest of the day (he ate 2)...he said I cursed him...I told him not to do it on a date...in fact, no corn dogs on a date no matter how much he might enjoy watching a girl eat the corn dog (if she would even touch it...I mean if I was on a date with a cute guy I wouldn't eat something fried, greasy and of questionable origin...but who knows with girls these days...)

Speaking of gravy....boys like gravy...and food drowned in gravy. And ranch dressing...same thing...

And queso....I'm pretty convinced that a man will eat anything covered in queso. I always tell the moms planning our cast parties for our shows at school to get queso to make GOTT happy...if queso or nachos are present, he is a happy man. And I hate it that he eats like that and looks...perfect...I have watched him scarf down a plate of tortilla chips drowned in queso with enough jalepenos to set anyone on fire and then eat...more! So not fair....so not fair...if I ate that I would gain a size...not my GOTT...

Boys like anything fried....just ask Anthony Bourdain...

I could go on and on...what boys like...but I am trying to raise a man so I have to know what guys like. Lucky for me that little man, addicted to COD that he is, will also watch non-sports shows with me (like "The Amazing Race" and "Anthony Bourdain No Reservations") and hasn't shown an addiction to gravy yet...but I bet very very soon he will follow a hot chick in a miniskirt somewhere that he wasn't intending on going...

Inspiration Music: Spinderella put on "I know what boys like" by The Waitresses as we were watching the SI supermodels...so very early 80's...and so fitting...

bye darlings...