Beautiful

What is beautiful?

I can tell you right now it is NOT beautiful outside in Houston...it is ugly...but we had about 10 minutes of beautiful at 10:45.

Now some people might think it is beautiful...because it is raining and replenishing the earth and the ground and the water sources and we don't need to turn on the sprinklers so I guess even "ugly" weather can be beautiful. But I like sunny and clear. That is beautiful to me.

I just watched a 40-year-old episode of "The French Chef" with Julia Child on the Cooking Channel. She roasted a chicken on a spit. It was beautiful. Mine never look that good...this one was glistening and perfectly browned. I liked Julia Child...I can remember watching her on PBS when I was a kid---I've always liked cooking and learning about cooking. We went to the Smithsonian National Museum of American History about 5 years ago and my favorite thing was seeing Julia's Kitchen...I cried. One year for our anniversary George gave me some of her cookbooks. I cried. Perfect gift...but I have never cooked from them. I thought I would after seeing "Julie and Julia" but those books intimidate me...but I like looking at them. Julia was beautiful...

I think my children are beautiful...because they are...but mostly because they look like people I love. My son looks like my father and my brothers...and he has these beautiful blue eyes and my father's hair and head. He is built like my father. It makes him beautiful. And he has the most beautiful smile...and he is the sweetest child so he has an ever more beautiful heart than his face. Beautiful...

Ke$ha Barbie looks so much like my mother it is sometimes disconcerting to me---she has all of my mother's beauty and my father's remarkable hair. And oh what hair it is! Thick, lush, golden with streaks of light blonde (thanks to God and not a bottle...she has never put chemicals or bleach on her hair), course (so it holds a curl), wavy, and long. Beautiful hair on a beautiful girl with her father's beautiful blue eyes. And she has my mother's amazing beautiful athletic body, just like my aunts. She is thin but not skinny...really a perfect body...she could easily model for a fitness magazine. But she doesn't think she is beautiful---what 16 year old girl does---and she only sees her flaws. I only see how beautiful she is and I thank God for letting my mother's face shine through on my gorgeous child so I get little reminders of just how beautiful my mother was.

Her legs have scars on them from her ACL replacement surgery. Those scars are beautiful...they show she is a warrior. She hurt herself playing soccer and those scars remind me of her courage when she went through a painful surgery and recovery and she was only 13 years old. Her legs are...beautiful...

I've never thought of myself as beautiful. Oh, I have had times when I looked in the mirror and thought "not too bad" or even "pretty" but not beautiful...at least not when I am fat. I had resigned myself to the fact (long ago) that there were beautiful women in the world and I was not one of them. I was "cute" when I was young and as I have aged I guess "attractive" is about as complimentary as I feel I deserve.

When I told GOTT that I was going to lose weight because I want to be "beautiful" he said:
"you ARE beautiful"
yes friends, that is why I love him and he is one of my dearest friends...that was the RIGHT answer...and he meant it...I love him and am blessed to have him as a friend...his wife said the same thing to me...love love love her!
I answered him back with:
"thank you, I love you, and how about I want to lose weight to be healthy?"
and he said:
"I will support you in that"
and he has...as have many of my friends...TTG helps me with my "Lose it" program and tells me how proud he is of me. I have great friends...you can't do this without your friends' support...

One of my favorite moments on "Glee" this season is when the beautiful (but pregnant) blonde cheerleader tells the beautiful overweight girl that she is beautiful and WHY she is beautiful...because she is comfortable in her own body. This is after the overweight girl has gone on a crazy diet and passes out from not eating. It was a beautiful moment...

It made me think about what was beautiful and why, by most people's standards, the blonde girl would still be the beautiful one (even though she is an unwed teenager in the storyline) and that the other girl would just be the "fat chick" even though she is every bit as pretty as the blonde. Because what is considered "beautiful" in the U.S. is just that...a tall skinny girl with clear skin and perfect hair.

Heidi Klum = beautiful (she is German...not American...just sayin')

but Jessican Simpson is only beautiful if she is "thin"...at least that is what the media leads us to believe...I think she is a beautiful girl in any size...she is a lovely blonde just like Heidi...just sayin'...

Most of us would all like to believe it when we say "it is not what is on the outside that matters...true beauty is on the inside".

They even have a tv show about it...

But if you ask most people to name who they think is beautiful, I bet most of us would answer with the name of a supermodel or actress. And yes, we all can appreciate that true beauty is what is on the inside but its not what we think of when we say "beautiful".

I have a lot of beautiful friends...but if I was to show you their pictures, some people would disagree because they don't meet our standard for beauty. But trust me, they are beautiful...

I have a friend who is gorgeous. She struggled with her weight when she was younger. She was one of those girls who I would hear people say "she would be so gorgeous if she would lose the weight". You know what? She WAS gorgeous, heavy or not. She still is. She is now thinner than me. She will tell you she had issues with food. She suffered for it. She married a man who told her not to look at fashion magazines because of the unreal standard. I haven't met him, but I can tell you...he is beautiful and I love him. When I finally do get to meet him I might cry and have to hold him for a while because he is a gift to my beautiful, gorgeous friend and she deserves that awesome man...and he got himself a pretty good wife there...she is REALLY beautiful, but then, she ALWAYS has been...ALWAYS...

When I told GOTT that I wanted to be "beautiful" I meant it in that most shallow of ways...at that moment what I wanted was to have that unattainable "thin with great skin and perfect hair" beauty...and when he told me I was, he meant that I was on the inside...and THAT is what struck me the most...he didn't say "on the inside" but he sees me as beautiful because we are friends and he loves me and he knows that I would give him a kidney or drive in traffic to pick up a prop for him.

But THAT is what is important...I want and need to be more beautiful inside than what everyone sees on the outside. And his statement made me realize that I can be perfect as anything on the outside but I needed to stay beautiful inside...

A few years ago when I lost a lot of weight and looked good (and I knew it) I had a friend point out to me that it changed me, and not in a good way. I was angry with her for saying that. But she was right...she was very right. I had let myself change in not a beautiful way because as my outside became thinner, so did my heart. We struggled with our relationship for a while but we have been "good" for quite some time now. She was right to say that to me. I needed to hear it. I am glad she did it, even if it caused us to struggle. I have nothing but love for her now and I am glad she loved me enough to say it to me. I love her. She is beautiful...inside and out...

So I am losing weight and exercising so I can be HEALTHY, and yes, I want to look "cute"...but I know that I have work to do on my INSIDE to be a really beautiful person. I need to clean up the inside Anice as well. And not just because of the diverticulitis...

So today when I was on my elliptical I listened to some positive songs. I even played a few worship songs. And I have been, and will continue to, ask God to help me be a beautiful person...INSIDE...

Now if you read nothing else or remember nothing else about this post, please read the following:
I DID NOT WRITE THIS BLOG SO YOU CAN ALL WRITE ME OR POST ON FACEBOOK AND TELL ME THAT I AM INDEED BEAUTIFUL. I DO NOT WANT THAT. PLEASE DO NOT. BECAUSE THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. WHAT I DO WANT...AND I MEAN THIS...IS FOR YOU TO ALL LOOK AT YOURSELF AND LOVE YOURSELF AND TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE YOU ARE! YOU ARE! EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL...IN EVERY SINGLE WAY...

So don't think that I need an ego boost because I don't...I'm doing good. And I think that my inside beauty and my outer self are on the road to getting better...and more beautiful.

Inspiration Song: "Beautiful"---Glee Cast Version. Sung by the gorgeous girl who is not the blonde one! (her character is "Mercedes") Wow does she have a voice. Christina Aguillera's version is lovely, but I choose this one because it is special...and my Glee show got 19 Emmy nominations today so I want to celebrate that my favorite show is awesome...

bye darlings...