Running Up that Hill

Today you get two blogs for the price of one...actually "Santa Baby" is just a silly little thing on my part...if you missed it and want to read my reworking of the song, look to the right side of the page where it lists post and click on it...

Well, I must have done something right because I was able to walk today and the knee wasn't killing me. I got through spin class with absolutely no pain.

It did, however, hurt a bit after working out with Dimples today...but that was because I ran. So we stopped the running part and the hurting stopped.

Dang...just when I thought I was going to like to run...nah...I don't think I was ever going to LIKE running...

He did get creative...

we went to the PLAYGROUND!

But that was only after he made me do some horrendous thing on the ground that kept him laughing at me...and me covered in grass and dead leaves. I won't even try and describe the torture that the excercise was, but suffice it to say that had I ever been a debutante and took a "Texas Dip" bow, this excercise would have made that easy...

OK, I'll describe it...because you might really want to do it yourself.

Lie on the ground. Bend your right knee. Raise your right arm straight up (like a "chimnney" he tells me). Left arm down on the ground at a 45 degree angle. Push up with left arm, keeping right arm straight up in the air. Slide left leg under right knee. Use left hand and right quad to stand up. Keep right arm straight up. Do the opposite to go down. Reapeat 10 times FAST. Change sides...

Hell...it was hell...

And then we jogged over to the playground (a tiny jog) and I got all excited because I thought he was going to push me on the swings but instead he made me use the playground equipment to do push ups and pull-ups and lat pulls and nothing nearly as fun as swinging.

But it was a change of pace.

After 20 minutes or making a circuit of it we jogged back to the park part and he decided that I needed to run up that damn hill.

I knew when I found the park for us that the hill was going to be the devil in my day. And every workout he finds a new way to torture me on the hill. But today he truly outdid himself...

Because he made me run up the hill to him....over and over...run as fast as I could up and then jog down...multiple times....

When I got to the point where I was ready to throw up he grabbed the huge black rubber band thing and had me hold one end and he held the other and I pulled HIM up the hill...while I went backwards.

I don't like to go backwards...so the whole time he was telling me I was fine.

I had flashbacks to pulling my heifer around. He was like my heifer...I had to pull pull pull to get her (and him) to go anywhere.

See, once upon a time I had a heifer who was wonderfully named...

5

yes, the number 5...

because it was her brand number.

I named my steers names, but my cows were just numbers...I don't know why...

My steers had names like:
Sirloin (peverse, I know)
Filet Mignon (again, perverse...)
Idi Amin (he was big, black, and mean)
and...
Monster (my BFF Amy named him because he was so big)

Monster was a sweetheart. 5 was not. She was awful. Idi Amin was awful but I sold him after the first stock show. Monster was my ticket to championships...and so was 5.

I showed them at the stock shows my Senior year of high school. I calculated that because of livetock shows (and one golf tournament that I think I finally broke 200, yes 200, in) I only went to school 5 days during the month of February.

5 liked to drag me around...she would just start going and I would hang onto her halter for dear life. My friend Trey once deciced he was going to "show her who's boss". He told me that since she had control of me I was never going to control her so he was going to fix it and do it.

His brother and I had a moment of joy as we waited for him to "show her who's boss"...

I think his heel track marks are still in the pasture....

Needless to say, 5 was still the boss.

One day I had to leave high school because of 5. I got called to the principal's office (that was a big "oooooohhhh...she's in trouble" moment in my Trig class) and he told me the following:

"Tiny called. He says 5 is loose. He says that you have to get to the barn and get her because all the men are in the rafters".

Then he asked me what that meant.

I asked him if I could leave and he said I could if I explained the message.

I told him that basically she was horrible and if she was loose, the men that worked in the cattle barn were scared of her and she was obviously causing terror.

He let me go.

I got to the barn and found 3 men in the rafers (cursing in Spanish) and Tiny (who weighed 350 pounds) and Hank (who was 6'7") locked in their office.

And one very mad cow stoming about like she was a bull.

We had a little showdown. She stood at one end of the barn and I stood at the other.

I looked her in the eye. She glared.

And then I yelled at her to get back into her stall and quit being so bad.

I know you think I am kidding. And I know you think I am lying when I tell you she put her head down and walked into her stall.

She snorted as I shut the door. The cursing in Spanish continued.

I left the barn and went back to Trig...which was over by then...so I guess I went to English...

She pulled one other stunt on me and drug me around the ring during the San Antonio Livestock show. I never let go of her halter. I think my boot skid marks are still in the arena.

I won the show.

The judge told me that the only reason he didn't toss me out was that I didn't let go.

So today as I was dragging Dimles up the hill all I could think of was 5 and how she would refuse to go where I tried to drag her. I told him he was a heifer...and explained...

Thank goodness he is a cute heifer or I wouldn't have bothered with all the pulling and dragging...

I'll save my Monster stories for another blog...they are good but long and I think one or two cow tales are enough for one blog.

I still have 5's trophies...I am looking at them as I type this blog. She lived a happy cow life after we won all that we could on the stock show circuit.

But I bet she terrorized the other cows...

And back to my workout today...he made me do it all...the running up the hill/jogging down 5 times, the pulling him up the hill 5 times...he made me do it all...TWICE...

my quads are screaming...

I think tonight is a night for Advil...and wine...it's a great combination!

Inspiration Song: "Running Up That Hill" by Kate Bush (the original and haunting and beautiful)or the version by Placebo that is strangely beautiful...both are good...I have both on my iPod...

Lyrics:

It doesn't hurt me.
Do you want to feel how it feels?
Do you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making?
You, It's you and me.

And if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
Say, If I only could, oh...

You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware, I'm tearing you asunder.
Ooh, There is thunder in our hearts.

Is there so much hate for the ones who love?
Tell me we both matter don't we?

You,
It's you and me,
It's you and me who won't be unhappy.

And if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
Say, If I only could, oh...

You,
It's you and me,
It's you and me who won't be unhappy.

Come on baby, come on darling
Let me steal this moment from you now
Oh come on angel, come on come on darlin'
Let's exchange the experience oh...

And if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems...

Say if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems...

Say if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems...

Say, If I only could...
Oh...
Be running up that hill,
With no problems...

If only I could,
Be running up that hill...

Bye Darlings...go running up that hill and see what is up there...for me it is just my fabulous and adorable trainer...but on the other side is...fitness!

Ice Ice Baby

I know, I know...you are horrified by the blog title...and scared that THAT song is actually on my iPod...well, it is...and I'll get to it later...

And yes, I know it is one of the 10 worst songs ever written.
Along with:
"Run, Joey, Run"---there is no excuse for that song
"The Pina Colada Song"---really? really?
"Muscrat Love"---shameful
"Merry Christmas, Darling"---GOTT and I mutually hate that song
"Billy Don't be a Hero"---ugh!
"Seasons in the Sun"---a soap opera in a song and it is awful...
"Cats in the Cradle"---see above...

ok, there are more...and I'm sure you have some suggestions for my list...but this blog isn't about bad music...someday I will do one on that...

it is about...ice...

Ice Ice, Baby...

Because today my heart was declared "good" but my knee gave out.

You see, I had to have a stupid stress test. Apparently when Gorgeous Doctor did my physical my EKG was "funky" and a little off. So I had to have the stress test. Dimples and GOTT laughed about it since they both know that the only way to get my heart rate up is to make me run.

Well that, and Alexsander Skaarsgard...shirtless...

Oh, and Ryan Reynolds...shirtless...

And the guy from "Spartacus"...shirtless...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....

but I digress....

moving on...

So I had the stress test today. I was emailing/messaging/texting Dimples because he received my fussy email from Saturday where I basically told him I was going to go postal if my weight didn't drop and that my knee was killing me and that I was depressed that I had to go to a funeral. I emailed him right after getting off a MILE JOG (yes, I jogged a mile! woo-hoo!)and my knee was SCREAMING...my knee that has been operated on twice for the meniscus.

So he was checking to be sure that I was still breathing...I was...and I told him I was having the stress test...

I survived the weekend and the celebration of my friend Patrick's life. Won't go into that here...but it was lovely and we all miss him. I got happy before the funeral by shooting (with a CAMERA) my 8th grade precious angels playing soccer along with Coach Cuteness. The game went into overtime. You can't be late to a funeral...

So I dashed home, changed clothes and made the GREAT decision to put on 4 inch stilletos for the Celebration of Patrick's life.

I don't think that helped my knee that was already hurting...I sat with TTG and he just shook his head at my choice of footwear...and understood why it took me so long to get from the parking lot into the sanctuary.

So today I go in for the stress test and the first funny thing that happens is that the nurse misreads my file and thinks I am 64 instead of 46 so she was a little shocked when I stood up when my name was called.

I was in a waiting room full of people with walkers...it wasn't doing much for my confidence.

Saw the doctor and he wasn't overly concerned and sends me off for the stress test and ultrasound (I think they call it an "echo"...whatever).

I get on the treadmill and am doing fine and rocking along and then...

YOWZA...

the knee starts to scream...

I ask the guy if I have gone enough and he says "yes" so I say "stop" so I can preserve what little knee function I have left.

It all turned out ok but now I think I have to go see the ortho guy...again...

And that, my friends, really scares me...

Because I was not afraid of my heart being in trouble...because I knew I was fine.

But I am afraid of having to stop excercising because of my knee.

So now it is me and the ice ice baby...and some Advil...but no wine tonight (remember Jeanette---wine and Advil are a great combination!) because I am trying to really behave so I can get my Christmas present...

to be under 200 pounds...

That is what Santa needs to leave under the tree for me...

And now he needs to heal my knee too...

I think I will re-write "Santa Baby" for my next blog...we'll see...

I worked out with Dimples and did nothing but scare and frustrate him with the knee. Scared because he was worried he had caused it (I assured him he had not) and frustrated because it is hard to get me in the target heart zone without jogging, running, squatting, lunging, etc.

But he's trying and he's getting creative...

And I'm scared...

And right now it is cool outside and really nice in the park...no ice ice baby there, just cool so I don't sweat to death...and I love being in the park but this knee thing may alter our plans.

He's going out of town this weekend to ski (some ice ice baby for him) and I think he is going to tell me to rest my knee while he is gone.

One tiny problem....the spinning master class that Jay Vee and J'taime Jamie are teaching on Saturday...can't miss that...

I'd love to ski again...it's been years...I have been too fat and out of shape. But with this knee stuff I'm not sure I will again.

I haven't skied since college. I went with my best friend, Christopher. He was an EXPERT skier. I drove up to Vail and then Aspen with some friends and Christopher met up with us. He missed our first day which was a shame since my friend Camille and I managed to find ourselves with a very bad "Sophie's Choice":

double black diamond mogul run

or

double black diamond straight down kill you run

ice ice baby...

Hey, Mr. Game Show man, can we have the option behind door number 3? The one that is a green or blue run?

No?

The ski patrol told us to get down from high off the mountain because of some pesky blizzard like snow so we were forced to choose...

So we choose "moguls for 1000, Alex" and took off our skiis and went down...on our butts...

by the time we got to the warming up place/restaurant, our bandanas had frozen to our faces...

ice ice baby

So the next day Christopher meets up with us and I opt to ski with him.

I was a magor pain in the @$$ to him...but since he loved me, he had no choice...

First we got stuck on the blasted chair lift for over 30 minutes...

again, my bandana began to freeze

ice ice baby

and then there was the whole problem with the fact that we were so high in the air that I was afraid we needed air traffic control...remember, I am deathly afraid of heights!

I almost fell out of the chair...his ski pole kept me in...

he began to feed/give me sips of cinnamon schnapps from some bag thing he had...to calm me down.

alcohol + altitude + me = trouble

"I'll take "get me off this damn chair lift for $200", Alex"...

it finally started up just about the time that I was going to need psychiatric care...I was just on the "sane" side of nervous breakdown...by seconds...

So the chair starts back up and I am mildly warmed (and drunk) on the schnapps...and Christopher informs me that we are going to take some horrible run that has some sort of awful "catwalk" on it and that we need to hit that part of the run with SPEED SPEED SPEED or we will have to POLE POLE POLE...

I promised him (or rather the schnapps promised him) that I would go fast enough to take us around the catwalk.

He wanted to stay behind me to watch out for me. He was afraid I would fall of the mountain or freak out over the heights and if he was in front of me he would miss the freak out and then real trouble would begin.

I did good until I saw the catwalk and then I freaked out and...

slowed down

so I wouldn't hit the ice ice baby

The rest of the story...I'm sure you can figure it out...we had to POLE POLE POLE around that catwalk and all the while I heard him muttering the "f" word with each stab of his pole...

and he kept saying that if he wanted to cross country ski he would have done that instead...

we got off the catwalk, I hit a patch of ice ice baby and nearly hugged a tree with my face and he got so worried digging me out of the snow that he forgave me and turned back into the guy I should have been in love with but loved too much to love him that way...he was my best friend. He was gorgeous and wonderful and we lost him to leukemia 7 years later...gone too soon and I am lucky to be married to a man who knows I mourn another man (and can't listen to certain Geore Strait songs because of it).

He was an awesome guy...even if he called me every name in the book of bad words on that ski run...

Maybe that's why I don't ski anymore...

I hope Dimples can avoid any ice ice baby because only one of us can be crippled at a time...

I'll let you know how my knee is after some more ice and Advil....in the meantime I am off to put on some

ICE ICE BABY!

Inspiration Song: ok, ok you can give me crap about this one..."Ice Ice Baby"...you can go with Vanilla Ice's version but personally I can only stomach the "Glee" version...Matthew Morrison totally rocked it...

bye darlings....