Monday, March 2, 2015

Big Yellow Taxi

Hello Darlings...

Oh I know you are just itching to know why the hell I would post "Big Yellow Taxi" as a blog title...

are you thinking I ran off to New York?

Stay with me here...don't scroll to the bottom to see why "Big Yellow Taxi" is the name of this blog...just roll with me...

I have been sick for the past 2 weeks...it started off as a little sinus infection and blew up into a nasty respiratory infection...like I could totally relate to the Mucinex commercials...

it was vile...

It took a major antibiotic and a narcotic cough syrup to get me through it...and a lot of broth and tea and Mucinex and time in bed...

it was like the flu without fever...

and I sounded like a 90 year old ex-smoker with emphysema...

nasty stuff...

I whined and moaned about it endlessly on Facebook...

(yes that does help you feel better when you whine and moan on FB)

GOTT called me in for a meeting and I think he regretted it 2 minutes in to it when my coughs were literally shaking the curtains in the black box theater...he kept saying "you sound awful"...

duh...

in his defense I told him I was doing better...but he wisely kept his distance...

I tried to fight it off but it became apparent that this was going to take drugs...

big powerful strong drugs...

when I saw the doc he told me "go home to bed"...I informed him I was going to drive to Dallas as soon as we were done and he almost jumped off his stool...

once I explained it was The Cutest Boy in the World's (TCBITW) state wrestling championships he "got it" but he still didn't love that I was driving from Houston to Dallas by myself...

so I went and filled my prescriptions and headed to Dallas and literally walked into the gym just in time to see TCBITW on the mat and wrestling.

He fought so hard...

at one point he was winning...

and then he got pinned at the last second...

I saw my son literally crush under the weight of the kid pinning him...the look of disappointment on his face was crushing to me...he went and sat by himself for a while and then he came over and sat in the bleachers with the rest of the team and their families...

"I should have won"

"You COULD have won"

"but I SHOULD have won that match..."

and then I reminded him he had been back to wrestling for less than 3 weeks...he was still recovering from a broken leg...and basically all of last season he was laid up with an elbow injury so he hadn't really been on the mat for almost 2 years.

The other boy had been training since November...he had had many matches...my son had wrestled 3 times since January of 2014 when he had 3 matches and got re-injured on his first time out for the season...

I drove to Dallas NOT to watch him wrestle...

I drove to Dallas to be a mom...

and despite the fact I felt horrible and just wanted to go to bed I knew I was supposed to be there for that conversation and to tell my son that he was the most amazing boy in the world and that it would all come back to him...and that next season they better watch out because TCBITW was going to be a hurricane...

we went back to the hotel...he went with his team and I checked in and ordered room service and watched shark tank and instantly regretted that I was staying at the same hotel at 3 wrestling teams...

but then I remembered they had curfew and sure enough the floor was so quiet I needn't have worried...

wrestlers are good boys...

I showered and drank a glass of wine and took my narcotic cough meds and

wowzers...

I mean...

woah!

That stuff knocked me out...

I am sensitive to any kind of drug and I pretty much passed out...

one glass of wine NEVER does that to me so I knew it was the cough syrup...

(I am, after all, a black belt in wine drinking...)

at 6 AM I was bolted awake by the coach texting me asking me if the boys had breakfast...

8 texts later we got it figured out and I pray to the good Lord above that I made sense because at that point I think I still was "under the influence"

nothing like looking like an idiot in front of your son's coach...especially if you are the team mom...even if it is by text...

So I headed up to watch my kid wrestle a few more boys and was so excited to see him pin his next opponent...

and then...

uh oh...

he had to wrestle his friend Diesel...

(his real name is not Diesel but in middle school that is what we called this sweet boy because he was like a diesel engine...unstoppable...)

The reason Diesel wrestles is because TCBITW talked him into it in 8th grade...

they like each other....they don't hang out...but they do like each other...

they have been friends since they were 4 years old...

So Diesel goes over and tells TCBITW that they are going to wrestle each other...Diesel's mom and I laugh about it...

and then it happens...

it's a fair fight...

they wrestle their hearts out...

and Diesel pins my son...

they hug after...and hug again...

and my son comes over to the bleachers to me and gives me a hug but this time there are no tears in his eyes like the night before...

there is no defeat there...

there is acceptance that he was bested by someone who has been working at this for months and he has been working at this for 3 weeks...

(just as an aside here...my kid is the captain of the team so even though he only hit the mat for 2 tournaments because of his broken leg he went to EVERY meet and watched EVERY match...I am proud of him for sitting through roughly over 100 hours of wrestling while just sitting in a chair)

he knew that Diesel had beaten him because he had worked harder at it...this time there was no "I SHOULD"...he GOT it...

you can't just show up and win...you have to work for it...

I mean yeah sometimes you can just show up and win but the victory is far sweeter if you have put the effort in to it...

Diesel was to wrestle for 3rd place...and just before he was to take the mat again I looked for my son.  I was going to suggest he go and stand at the side of the mat (what you do in wrestling when your team mate or someone important to you is on the mat) and support his friend...

I looked for my son...

he wasn't sitting in the bleachers...

he was walking to the mat to support his friend...

Diesel's own team mates were not there...they were watching another boy...

but my son was...

he was right there where his friend could see him...

and he yelled and cheered and coached him and when it was over and Diesel won...

my son hugged him...

at that moment I was prouder of my boy than I would have been if he had won a medal himself...

I will give up medals for class...

for showing up for your friend...

for putting someone else ahead of yourself...

for being a person who can give up ego in favor of friendship...

it meant the world to Diesel and his parents...and I couldn't stop crying...

when I saw my son I told him I was prouder of him at that moment than I would have been had he been on the podium....he thought it was no big deal because he KNEW it was what he should do...

Can you tell I am still busting proud about this?

to hell with state titles...give me a kid who GETS it!

I hugged Diesel and told him I was proud of him and loved him...he told me it meant everything to him that TCBITW was there for him...

That was awesome...

My son lost a wrestling season...he lost last season too...he loves to wrestle...he loves the sport and being on the mat...he love the victory and he accepts his defeats...

But when you lose a season and come back and the gold medal is in your grasp and slips away...

you don't know how much that can hurt...

and how much you miss what could have been...

when it was all over my son got on the bus and headed to In N Out burger and inhaled 2 double double animal style burgers, two orders of fries, a shake and a diet coke...

I had that minus the 2 of everything and no shake...

I headed back alone in my car and had to pull over halfway home to wake myself back up from my food and residual drug coma...

um next time I might listen to the doc...

maybe...

I hit up Bucees for jerky and steaks and made it home fine but tired...TCBITW was about an hour behind and came home full, fed, and not as disappointed as he might have thought he would have been..

and then the "gunk" hit me full force and I was pretty much laid up for the next week...

the worst part was that I couldn't work out....

I was missing my beloved spin classes...

and it was killing me...

but you have to be able to breathe to spin and I pretty much could not draw breath without coughing up a lung...

I had already missed most of the week before and now I missed another full week...

ugh...

every time I called to cancel my bike I cried...

I missed the classes and the sweat....

I missed the way I could lose myself on the bike

I missed just feeling a beat and riding to it and not thinking

but more than that I missed the people...

I missed this great community of people who work at the studio and that come and work out at the studio...

I missed sweaty hugs and high fives after surviving the evil that has been thrust upon us by tiny humans that are truly the nicest people ever until they get in front of you and bark at you to "reach down and turn it up" and make you spin your ass off...

I missed seeing someone who you only knew there in the studio but knew that person was riding beside you and working as hard as you...

I missed the young girls who call me their "mama Anice" who lift me up each day...my KuteKara and my KuteKatie and my AmazingAshley and my BrookieBrooke and CarmenMiranda and BeautifulBritta...oh how I missed those beautiful girls...

I missed my spirit animal Jose...who tells me to never give up...

I missed the incredible instructors not just during class but for the laughs and love after...and the studio team who literally sometimes are the best part of my day...

I missed that beautiful place full of people who not just ride together but have formed friendships and bonds and greet each other with love and enthusiasm at the start or end of a long day...

When you have to be away from something you love it is so very hard...

but tonight I came back...

I totally wanted to die...

I cried because I made it through...and Marvelous Mel played my Miley anthem for me and I rode that bike 6 like I was it's boss...

Coming back is hard...it is hard knowing you are going to want to DIE about song 3 and that you might puke....

it's hard to breathe and not cough up a lung when you have been sick...

but I had to get back on that bike and back to my peeps...

if my son could get back on the mat I after a broken leg I could get back on the bike...

my son missed getting to wrestle...he loves to wrestle and he missed being the one on the mat fighting so hard and working so hard to beat the other boy...

I missed having sweat pour off me as I pushed my body to do what I never ever thought it could do at age 50

I never thought I would be 50 years old and literally cry because I couldn't go to a spin class...

when I was 40 I just figured I would be a sad overweight woman in an unhappy marriage that was content to watch tv and eat whatever she felt like eating because she gave up...

but thankfully that girl went away in favor of a girl who loves to exercise and sweat and eats healthy and is happy...and divorced...

So...have you figured out why this is "Big Yellow Taxi"?

Joni Mitchell is a wise woman...

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT TILL ITS GONE...

For me I missed sweating and working out (but rest assured just because I mentioned my marriage NOT ONCE did I miss that once it was gone...I missed having a human next to me to cuddle but NOT THE HUMAN I WAS MARRIED TO)

My son missed getting to wrestle but found happiness and satisfaction in cheering for a friend who had worked hard all season for it...

We all miss things in our lives...

stop for a moment and appreciate what you have...what you love...what you would miss that might surprise you...

I don't think my son would have told you "I miss being on the mat" if he had not broken his leg...

and I wouldn't have realized how much I would miss the community I ride with and how much I miss sweating (and how much I still miss sweating with JayVee) until I was forced to not get to go...

(thank you nasty respiratory infection)

yes we miss the big things in life...our parents when we go away...our lovers when they go on a business trip...our kids when they go to camp or college...our family and pets when they pass away (ok that is a HUGE one and should not be lumped in here... but you get where I am coming from)

but sometimes it takes us by surprise when the things we miss are not what we expected...

so appreciate all you have...even the little things...even sweat...and boys killing each other on a mat...and DVRs (so much better than VCRs) and food on the table and sunshine and all the little things in life that make it good...

appreciate all you have been given

appreciate...

everything...

Inspiration Song: "Big Yellow Taxi" by Joni Mitchell...a song to remind us all that we need to appreciate things before we lose them...or before we miss them...this song moves me every time and every time I hear it I am reminded to appreciate all that I have...Counting Crows and Amy Grant did awesome versions of the song if you aren't a fan of Joni...listen to it...

Bye Darlings...don't pave paradise to put up a parking lot...and if you don't know what I am talking about here are the words to this awesome song...and if you don't know who Joni Mitchell is...well learn who she is before I pat you on your darling little head...

They paved paradise put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swinging hot spot

Chorus:
Don't it always seem to go,
That you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.
The paved paradise put up a parking lot

They took all the trees, put 'em in a tree museum,
And they charge the people a dollar and a half just to see 'em

Chorus

Hey farmer farmer, put away the DDT now
Give me spots on my apples, but leave me the birds and the bees
Please

Chorus

Late last night, I heard the screen door slam,
And a big yellow taxi took away my old man.

Chorus x 2

The paved paradise put up a parking lot x 2
Ha Ha Ha
Lyrics from eLyrics.net

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