Thursday, May 2, 2013

Lime in the Coconut Part Dos

So I left you with a little cliffhanger last time...it's been so long since I have blogged I figured I better give you a reason to keep coming back...

So pour that glass of wine, mix that drink, brew that coffee, or get that soda over ice (and if you are sipping cucumber water as you read this I am not sure whether to feel sorry for you or be proud...)...pull up your chair and finish my little Sedona girls trip with me...

A quick recap:
GOTTESS planned a trip for 6 girls to Sedona...we had a long flight, I met TonyFab, we managed to be 6 women with one grocery cart but only one bag of pita chips, we had deer in the backyard, we went hot tubbing, we took a fun Pink Jeep tour ride while GOTTESS look like the Unibomber and I matched the Jeep, my daughter Ke$ha Barbie was in danger in Boston (not really but it felt like it) so I used that as an excuse for a massage with the adorable Victor, we had our dinner served by a magician, and some of us got up at 4:30 in the morning to take a balloon ride...

Here we go...

LIME IN THE COCONUT PART DOS

Chapter 13: UP UP AND AWAY IN MY BEAUTIFUL BALLOON...EXCEPT THAT I AM STYING ON TERRA FIRMA THANKYOUVERYMUCH

GOTTESS and SuSu and KuteKerry got up at 4:30 (or was it 4:00?)

KuteKatie, Darling D, and I slept in...

Actually I had booked an 8:30 facial so while I did sleep a lot later than the Balloon girls, I didn't sleep all that late...and I was very grateful to not wake up to frantic emails about bombers in Boston.

Now those of you who know me well know very well why I DID NOT take the balloon ride...

But for those of you who do not know me well, here's why:

I.DON'T.DO.HEIGHTS

EVER

MAKE THAT NEVER EVER

Um, I will almost not even get on a step stool...and a ladder?  fugetaboudit....

I don't like to be high (except on life...).

I don't climb things

I don't do rockwalls...I don't take scary bridges...I don't zip line (but I might...maybe...)...I don't like gondolas or sky rides...never gonna bungee jump...and there is no way in hell I will ever sky dive...

Let me put it this way---

I LIKE STAYING ON THE EARTH

The only "floating" I do is in the water...not gonna float about ground.

And the other factor in my decision not to take the balloon ride (beside pure terror and all the horror stories I have seen on the news about balloons and power lines and crashes) is that I am very very claustrophobic...and the thought of being in the basket made me cray-cray...plus the "up high" part...

So there was about as much chance that I would ride the balloon as me flying to the moon...

NOT.GONNA.HAPPEN.

and I also knew that my freakout was not going to add to the enjoyment of anyone's ride...and yes, I can state emphatically that I would have freaked the heck out.

KuteKerry offered me some King Cake Vodka for courage (see the blog "Mardi Gras Day" why that is funny...and not a good idea) but even that...or Xanax...wasn't going to make me fit for flying...

So they took the ride...and we stayed on terra firma...

I am happy to report they had a great time and it was a wonderful adventure for them...I am happy to say they returned intact and happy they did it...

I am happy to say I did not...

Instead I had my lovely relaxing facial...

Chapter 14: WHY DOES MY FACE SMELL LIKE STRAWBERRY YOGURT?

I love facials...

In fact, I think I can say they relax me more than a massage does...

I need to have more facials...

(Note to self: Have more facials...they make you happy!)

So while the lovely Ginger piled on all kinds of food smelling stuff on my face (and yes, I find it ironic her name was Ginger) I laid (or is it "layed" or "lay"?  I never got that one straight...MarvelousMargaret or sweet DelightfulDonna (an English teacher) please tell me!)....

anyway...I was laying down...or is it lying?  lie-ing?

ok I am digressing...

let me start again...

Ginger piled stuff on my face while I reclined on the facial bed...and I found it very relaxing...

how's that?

and I was super happy I wasn't in a balloon...

So after all the cleansing and moisturizing and massaging and putting on of masks, I was a very happy girl...even if my face smelled vaguely like strawberry yogurt...

I don't usually care to smell like strawberry yogurt...or food in general...

although sometimes I do enjoy smelling like chocolate...(see my new obsession with Palmer's Dry Oil...it's the bomb...go get some at the grocery store...it saved my skin)

So after all of that deep cleansing I decided to do the only logical thing...get myself sweaty and ride a spin bike for an hour and 15 minutes.

I went to the spa gym, put on a playlist and rode the bike...and made myself pretty happy doing so since I felt like I was being a slug missing spin class...

after all that virtuous working out I figured the next thing I needed was food...

stat...

so I looked at the spa menu and bingo...salmon...

Chapter 15: WHY WINE AT LUNCH IS ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA WHEN YOU ARE ON VACATION

I went to the spa restaurant (recommended by KuteKerry and KuteKatie who had eaten there the day before) and had a really delicious salmon dish...salmon on homemade ramen noodles with miso broth...if I figure out how to make it I will share the recipe

although I highly doubt I will be making homemade ramen...

To replenish my depleted electrolytes (I worked out HARD) I ordered coconut water...

(is a lightbulb going off in your head now?)

I hate coconut water...

but I figured...let's give it a try...again...

it came with a slice of orange...

I tried it...

I liked it...

but I also ordered a glass of white wine...

my alcohol consumption level was beginning to get out of equilibrium so I needed it...and it went well with my meal.

So yeah...wine at lunch while on vacation on a Saturday...color me happy....

I read more of my book and loved the fact that 6 of us can go and do our own thing and nobody objected or felt left out...

that is why you travel with perfect companions like I did...

So what's the next thing you do after having your pores cleansed and your face still smells like strawberry yogurt?

Chapter 16: FALCONS AND HAWKS AND OWLS...OH MY!  YES!  LET'S ALL HOLD AND PET THE BIRDS OF PREY...

So I tossed on my suit and I headed to the pool...I figured at least one member of our little party would be there and I was very happy to see GOTTESS there and then we found DarlingD.

GOTTESS filled us in on the balloon ride...DarlingD and I agreed it sounded like fun but were very happy we stayed on the ground.

Some of the girls were headed to the spa for other treatments and GOTTESS and I wanted to go to town to shop for a few souveniers so we headed back to the casa but along the way we saw...

BIRDS

now they were not randomly flying birds but rather birds set upon perches so that the guests could look at and interact with them.

There was a falcon, a hawk, an owl, and some little baby bird that the bird man kept telling us was NOT a baby but rather a full grown SMALL bird but to GOTESS and I it was a baby bird...it was tiny and cute...even if it could rip your eyes out.

It was a kestrel...GOTTESS opted to hold it...Miss Fraidy Pants here did not...I have a photo of her holding the bird but I do not post photos of my friends...only myself...but here's some shots of the birds...they don't care if they are on my blog or not...









GOTTESS and I petted the owl.  That falcon did not look like it wanted to be petted (and yes, I don't believe any falcon looks like it wants to be petted) so we just looked at it.  When it began to flap it's wings I began to worry if my hair looked too much like some sort of food it would like (I have a problem with goats and llamas thinking so) but then I remembered it is a raptor and my hair didn't much resemble some sort of rodent (at least right then...although it has been known to resemble one when I am wearing a hairpiece...KuteKerry and SuSu and GOTTESS refer to it as "the ferret"...see the blog "Mardi Gras Day" if I have confused you).

KuteKerry is fond of birds so we texted her to come and have a visit before the bird man took them away.

I have to admit, even though they could have taken out my eye, they were pretty cool...and that owl was about the softest thing I have ever touched...

now I want an owl of my own...

but I don't think my cats will approve...

but Ke$ha Barbie would totally be on board with it...

I do have chimney sweeps (birds) in my chimney right now...but they don't count...and I am so off topic with this I do believe I need to go and take one of my son's ADD meds...

so back on topic...we left the birds, found KuteKatie by the "adult only" pool and proceeded to get cleaned up so we could shop...

because....

Chapter 17: I HAVE A BLACK BELT IN SHOPPING FOR A VERY GOOD REASON

Let me preface this by saying that I got called not once but TWICE by American Express Fraud alert while I was in Sedona...

do you think maybe they were worried?

I'll get to more of that in a moment (because KuteKatie and GOTTESS will be disappointed if I don't)

So DarlingD, SuSu and KuteKerry decide they don't want to go into town to shop but KuteKatie, GOTTESS and I do...so the 3 of us load into the suburban and head into town.

First stop is this really cute shopping center that was built to resemble a mercado somewhere in Mexico.

We shop around...I buy spices, GOTTESS buys a ring, KuteKatie considers some necklaces.

I'm after the spices and some authentic jewelery, GOTTESS needs presents for the parentals and GOTTSON and KuteKatie is looking for fun stuff...and we all become obsessed with the salted caramel fudge I felt compelled to buy.

yeah...it was THAT good...

basically if you put salt, caramel, and chocolate together you can't help but find a winner there...

We found a store that had some cute clothes in the window.

You know how when you see something in a window that just screams "This will totally be like Julia Roberts in the shopping scene from Pretty Woman" so you go in and look at it and...

it's crap?

yeah...that's what happened...

I've seen better looking clothes in the stalls at the local Fiesta store...

but from the window they looked REALLY cute...

so we abandon the darling shopping center and head back toward the main shopping street in Sedona.

We just luck into a cute little shopping center and voila!

Souvenier time!

We buy dream catchers (my children need them for their nightmares even though they are teenagers...although maybe I should hang one from my bed so I quit having bad dreams and dream of a man with a big ass truck), Christmas ornaments, and I find gifts for JayVee and D-nice.

I wanted to go to that particular shopping center because they had a store there that had stuff that GOTTSON would like...it's a store full of things that change color in the sunlight.  My kids always enjoyed their stuff so I knew GOTTSON would too...

GOTTESS fixes up the gifts for GOTTSON and KuteKatie and I wander into the next store where we find blinged out sunglasses...

I try a pair on...they look pretty cute...GOTTESS takes my photo...I'm thinking "mine!" until KuteKatie notices that they are $270...

no...

never gonna happen...

I may be considering purchasing a $400 blender (a vitamix...please tell me if you have one and love it!) but I'm not stupid...

So we leave that store and find ourselves in the olive oil and vinegar store (very similar to the one I visited in Boston when I took Ke$ha Barbie to school).

The woman who works there is sweet but basically clueless so I fill her in on all the awesome combinations of vinegars and oils I enjoy (and maybe one day I will blog about it but not today).  She takes notes.  They ship for free so GOTTESS and I are sold and purchase a few bottles of goodies to enjoy at home.

I will say one thing...

they had bacon flavored olive oil...

I might just consider drinking it one day...

it's the bomb to fry an egg in...

KuteKatie finds a store with necklaces...she is still on the hunt...she finds one that she likes but GOTTESS and I tell her to back away slowly as the stuff on it is bigger than her pretty head...so she wisely does...

By this point we are hungry and desperately in need of a something alcoholic so we ask the shop girls and they recommend a place down the street.  We head there...margaritas are calling our name.

We sit and order...KuteKatie gets a regular margarita (with a souvenier glass!), GOTTESS orders one that has cucumber and mint in it and mine is pretty much the same with the addition of jalapeno...

I highly recommend you try a margarita with a little jalapeno muddled in...

trust me...

it's...amazeballs...

We had a fun dinner (the other girls opted to stay at the resort) and shopped a bit as we headed back to the car.

GOTTESS found a cute little picture in one store that she held up and said "this is you!":

"A little glitter never hurt anyone"

yeah...that's me...

and GOTT has me costuming a show again so I think I might staple it to my forehead (he is not much of a glitter fan and I pretty much sweat it I love it so much...Glitter is my life...remember I am Tinkerbell)

There was a gay man running the store...GOTTESS and KuteKatie pretty much had to drag me out as I tend to want to just hang out with gay men whenever possible...because I lurvs them...and I seem to be catnip to them...

So we head back to the resort and face the fact that the next morning we have to pack up and leave...

Chapter 18: LIME IN THE COCONUT

yes!!!!

here it is!!!!!

Well...sorta...you gotta read a bit more...

DarlingD, Susu, KuteKerry, and GOTTESS decide to go on a hike Sunday morning.

KuteKatie needs her rest and sleeps in and opts to have a leisurely yummy breakfast in the restaurant.

I get up and head to the spa gym and my nemesis the spin bike.

I say nemisis because the damn thing was one of the Lance Armstrong Lifecycle things and I hate it.

HATE IT

People built like me knock their knees on the stupid handles under the handlebars...not built for me.

I love my Keiser at the club....

It's like driving a Ford when you are used to a Mercedes...make that a Maserati...

So I do my time on the bike to pay for my sins and head to the spa restaurant for a late breakfast.

Egg white omlette

coffee

coconut water

WITH LIME

bingo!  I have found a way to like coconut water...

you put the lime in the coconut and drink them both up...

got it?

Good!

If not you are too young to be reading this blog...

I have my breakfast and head back to the casa to shower and pack.

KuteKatie and I pack and dress and enjoy watching "Anchorman" on tv...and we begin to panic wondering where the rest of our little group is...

They finally make it back...scarf down the remaining food and shower and pack and we hit the road for Phoenix.

Chapter 19: I USUALLY ONLY EAT TACO BELL IF I AM QUITE DRUNK BUT WHEN YOU STOP FOR A POTTY BREAK THERE YOU SORTA HAVE TO GET A TACO

We needed a potty stop...

Taco Bell was on the way...

so a few of us indulged...

I did not have one of the "oh so talked about" Doritos flavored tacos (can you believe they need a whole new army of workers because of them?  I'd like to see the day a restaurant needs an army of workers because they have started serving salmon burgers...)

We head into Phoenix and I begin to worry that we are a bit late and me and my big ass bag will miss the "check your bags in" deadline...

mercifully we did not miss the deadline and the big ass bag made it onto the plane.

Sadly I did not have TonyFab or anyone fab to sit with me on the return flight but the plane did have tv on it so I watched "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" and was entertained.

We got to Houston and managed to find all of our bags at baggage claim.

Sadly KuteKatie and I couldn't remember what floor the car was parked on in the garage so we did take an extra tour of the airport parking garage but we found it and were soon on our way...

I dropped her at her house, headed to mine, and got home in time to be screamed at by a cat...

Why the hell did I ever leave Sedona?

I came home to CATS...no man, no son, no daughter...CATS!

Epilogue:
I have now been home over 10 days...I want to go back...I came back to sub teaching at my children's former school...this week I got to have not one but 2 jobs...technology and helping my friend MarvelousMargaret with the little chil'ren...(and yes, moving little kids is exhausting...blog coming about that).

Is it possible to detox from your detox?

All I can say is...go there...with good friends or loved ones...and enjoy!

Oh, and read "Let's Pretend this Never Happened"...

Inspiration Song: "Lime in the Coconut" by Harry Nilsson...you put the lime in the coconut and drink em both up"...yes, put LIME in your coconut water...and the song is silly but fun...and I do love the movie "Practical Magic" and the Midnight Margarita scene...and yes, I named my blog after a non-alcoholic drink I had on my last day in Sedona...how do you like that?

Bye Darlings...go to Sedona...have lime in your coconut water...travel with fun sweet friends...be grateful your child isn't near a bombing...have a facial even if it makes you smell like strawberry yogurt...a masseuse who is good looking and great is always a good thing...jalapeno muddled into margaritas is amazing...hot tubs are fun with good friends...stay outta the balloon if you are afraid of heights...pink jeeps are fun...

but coming home...even if it is only to your cats...makes a vacation really...

wonderful!

xoxox









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