I haven't blogged in...like...forever...
And I'm gonna be quiet for a while except for this posting because on Wednesday Dr. Bonnie Baldwin is going to wave her magic wand (or rather pick up her scalpel and cut) and create a new improved me.
Yes, my surgery is on the 26th...
I.Am.Terrified.
But I am also excited...and sorta at peace about it...
Here's the way I look at it...all that loose skin is wrapping up and covering up the REAL me...the one who has been dying to get out for oh so long...you know, the skinny girl that lives inside me...
Well, maybe not a skinny girl cause I am one chica who will never be called "skinny" but relatively speaking I will FEEL skinny...
I feel like a Christmas present that is ready to be unwrapped!
I love wrapping Christmas gifts...I love putting extra treats on the top instead of bows (did that for GOTTSON's gift last night...wrapped the Legos but put a thing of silly putty on top and he LOVED it!...so take note...Silly Putty is fun ALWAYS!)...
I love putting on bows...or wrapping things around the handles of gift bags...
And for the last year and a half I have very much enjoyed wrapping myself up in much cuter clothes that are way more fun to buy and wear than the ugly old tents I used to get at "Tents R Us" or "Muu Muus for You!" (actually it was Lane Bryant and Avenue and the clothes weren't hideous...ok, maybe yes they were...).
But anyway, now I do enjoy decorating the little package that is me...especially with heels! That's like the bow on top but instead they are on the BOTTOM...but they are my little jewels...
The other night I went out with my sweet girlfriend I shall call MarvelousMelisa...she is one hot gorgeous chick...and we met some of her other hot gorgeous chick friends at the oh-so-trendy and oh-so-fabulous Uchi for dinner.
So I walk in and meet HotCarey and HotPam and HotGretchen...who are all gorgeous and all sweeter than they are pretty...
And for once I didn't feel out of place...I felt like we were a group of 5 pretty girls and not just 4 pretty girls and the wannabe...
It's silly because I have been out on girls night before but I think because I only knew my sweet beloved MarvelousMelisa that being among a new group of friends brought that out in me...for once I felt like I didn't look like "theres the fat old one..."
Maybe it's the confidence my upcoming makeover is giving me...but more likely it was that I was with a group of sweet girls who just happened to also be drop dead pretty...
And yeah, I looked pretty cute in my sparkly champagne colored silk top and skinny jeans...
But REAL beauty...the kind that doesn't come from a bottle or surgeon is from INSIDE...that kind of beauty is timeless and has nothing to do with dress size, age, bra size, or hair color.
My mother never really saw that in herself...
I do...
I know I am a nice person.
I am a good mother.
I am a loyal and loving friend.
I don't even let shopping carts run loose in the HEB parking lot...
So when I met with Dr. Baldwin for my pre-surgery final consultation one of the things we went over was that I had to acknowledge that this surgery wasn't going to "fix my life and bring me a new husband"...that this was a cosmetic procedure not a mental overhaul.
And we talked about it...
Because to me it is a bit of both....
No, it will not bring me a man...nor do I want it to. I have a man in the house...he is my teenage son and he does the things I need a man to do: kill the bugs, take out the trash, and skim the pool.
I do it for me...
But it will change my life...
Every time I look into the mirror I see that hanging flab...and underneath I can see the muscles that I (and JayVee as my head cheerleader and fitness trainer) have worked so hard to create in me.
But I also see the very unhappy remnants of the fat girl.
And I have moved on from her yet this bit of skin..this wrapping...has her still haunting me...like Moaning Myrtle from Harry Potter, she cries for attention...
So I am going to have an exorcism...
And Dr. Baldwin is going to cut her away..and with that loose skin almost 2 years of very hard work will remain and the sad fat girl can go to her final resting place.
Doing plastic surgery is not for everybody...
And I don't judge if you do or don't choose to do it.
For me, it needs to be done...because I think I still need to be unwrapped...like that last little present under the tree.
I lost weight for me...
I am doing this for me...
Not everyone who loses weight wants or needs to do what I am going to do...and Lord knows that after I come out of surgery I may think that I should have thought a little harder about it...
and then I will say "NAH!" and just ask for Demerol...
I don't do this to be beautiful...like I said, I don't think you can buy beauty...you can buy great things to wrap up with but not REAL beauty...
I do this to complete my journey...
I started as a 300 pound size 26 fat woman who looked 50, felt 60 and ran out of breath after one flight of stairs...
And I will finish as a size 8, 165 lb (yes, that is my weight) woman who looks...45? and feels 30...and can beat an 18 year old athlete at rowing 300 meters...
I want to unwrap that woman and let HER shine...and if along the way I can inspire just one of you to unwrap the beauty that is you then this blog has more than served its purpose.
But what exactly to I mean by "unwrap the beauty that is you"?
I mean that if I can inspire one of you to push away from the table and make healthy choices...or hit the gym MORE THAN ONCE...or buy yourself a fabulous pair of shoes that make you feel like you are as fantastic as a movie star...or go to Victoria's Secret and get yourself some sexy unmentionables...or throw that pretty lipstick into your cart at the grocery store...or give yourself one extra minute before bed to slather on some moisturizer...
THAT'S what I am talking about...DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD!
But if you want to do something that REALLY MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD...
UNWRAP YOUR TRUE INNER BEAUTY AND DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE TOO
Because when we do something for others, we really shine...and that makes us beautiful too...
so do BOTH...
so often we do one without the other...and I think you should do both to feel good. It's great to take care of yourself but do a little something unexpected for someone else and you will GLOW!
And if all you do is take care of others (which is what I do 99% of the time except for the few hours a day I exercise or groom myself...) it's very easy to forget to do something to make you feel good or pretty about yourself...
JayVee has been home after some surgery...I have been taking meals to her and going to see her...I do it because she gives so much to me with her classes she teaches and by being my friend...and I love doing it for her...and she is my biggest cheerleader for this surgery...so if by making her some chicken spaghetti I can brighten her day, then taking 30 minutes to cook for her is SO easy!
I surprised another instructor at the club with a really cool scarf from lululemon the other day...I do it because although I have only recently begun taking her classes she has always been sweet and friendly and supportive to me...so I wanted to surprise her because she always admired my scarf...(BTW it is the coolest gift ever...vinyasa scarf...I have 2....LOVE LOVE LOVE...I would post a link but can't find it online)
It's those unexpected little fun things...like taking dinner to a friend or giving a gift to someone you don't know all that well just to make them smile that help you to find that inner beauty...
So, you wanna help me recover?
Then post things to me on facebook about how you took my advice and you are doing something for yourself...doing something to make you feel pretty, or sexy, or healthy...AND that you did something unexpected and fun for someone else...
That will make me feel better...
That is the kind of little gift that I want to unwrap...
OK so now that I have brought up gifts again I can see that once again the magical elves DID NOT SHOW UP to wrap the kid's gifts so it is up to me to finish up the presents and get them under the tree...so I will WRAP UP THIS BLOG...
I will be fine...but please pray for me...and pray for Dr. Baldwin too...she's amazing...
And pray that Ke$ha Barbie can find her way to the hospital to pick me up (I will drive us there but she won't be paying attention I am sure)...
I will keep you posted...
ONE LAST THING: Lest you think that all this talk about ME ME ME should get lost in the true meaning of the season...
God gave us a gift...His only Son...Jesus...we all have better and eternal lives through HIM...
It's not about ribbons and bows and trees and Radko ornaments and lights on the house and Toys R Us and gifts...or a man in a red suit...
It's about a baby...and a very scared young woman who had FAITH...
It's about a REAL gift...the gift of eternal life...
So receive THAT gift...BELIEVE!
Inspiration Song; oh how i love this one..."Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses...a totally 80's Christmas Classic...Glee did a great version too...
Bye Darlings...unwrap your beauty...but more importantly BELIEVE...in Him, in yourself, in others...
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