Thursday, November 8, 2012

The First Cut is the Deepest

So I have decided to have plastic surgery...a mommy lift to be precise...

I've spoken of it before...but it has taken me a year and a half to have the courage to book the surgeon and the surgery...

I go under the knife the day after Christmas...it is my Christmas and Birthday gift to myself for the next 20 years.

I feel a bit vain doing it...but after you lose over 130 pounds in a year and are over age 40...well, things don't go back to the way they were before the fat without the help of a talented surgeon and scalpel.

I met my surgeon in April of 2011.

I interviewed several and had the recommendations from many friends but the minute I met Dr. Baldwin I knew she was "the one".

She came highly recommended from a friend.  I won't say who because I don't give away my friend's secrets (although I do give away my own and my families...but only stories I know won't make them banish me from family gatherings).  I'm not sure my friend would care but I do go on a bit of anonymity here...

So I took her name and number from my friend.  My friend is a nurse, married to a doctor, careful with her choices for her family.  Dr. Baldwin did some work on a family member.  My friend is one whom I completely trust for her choices in parenting, life, and herself...so I took her word for it that Dr. Baldwin was an excellent doctor.

The minute I met her (Dr. Baldwin) I knew my friend had given me a gift.

You have to like and trust this person who will open you up and change your body.

And I do...

I knew she could make me feel pretty and whole again.

I knew she could give me back the body I have worked so hard to get yet could not complete the final step on my own.

I also know that she won't make me look like someone who is more at home dancing on a pole than one who likes to dance in her bathroom

(Remember...I am a prima ballerina...in my bathroom...when no one is looking...I often do "The Rose Adagio" from "Sleeping Beauty"...)

I've got a lot of "under armor"...and no I'm not talking about the athletic brand (although I do have a good bit of that too for workouts)...I'm referring to Spanx and padded bras...but I want to not see the loose skin hanging about my midsection when I am undressed.

I want to be able to wear the jean size I REALLY can wear but can't because of the extra skin.

It's not pretty...

Gaining and losing enough weight to equal several teenagers over a lifetime of 48 years will leave its mark.  With the weight I have lost I could probably field a basketball team of middle schoolers...

Lucky for me my insides have fared better than the outside.  My heart is in great shape (physically...although emotionally I miss Ke$ha Barbie and my loved ones who are gone).  I have very strong muscles.  Under the flab and skin I have pretty great abs (according to the doctor who plans to uncover them).

I don't plan to go parading around in a bikini next summer...but who knows...I just might...

I'm not doing this for a man...because there is not one right now...

I'm.Doing.It.For.Me.

I don't like seeing the skin hanging when I'm in a plank.  Among other things...

I'm no stranger to plastic surgery...

Let me rephrase that...I've seen a lot of plastic surgery in my family.  I myself have had none...

Unless you count the poison I have had injected into my forehead a few times to ease up the wrinkles that make me look like I'm sorta mad all the time.

"Hello my name is Anice and I have had Botox".

But that little bit of poison does help and my smooth brow keeps my children guessing if I'm only a little made or really really pissed off...

(And yes, I will disclose here that I go to Town & Country Medical Spa...713-467-0146 or
/www.yarishmd.com/medical_spa.htm...they do a good job there...she uses a light hand...and they make you come back 2 weeks later to see if they did enough and if they have to retouch it is FREE).

So yes, I am vain...

My mother had a lot of plastic surgery in her lifetime...facelifts, breast augmentations, nose jobs, chin lifts, chemical peels, eye lifts, lip plumping, etc.

Some of it was good...some of it...notsomuch.

She once had a chemical peel that made half her face droop.

Her 3rd nose job ruined the perfection of the one before it...there was nothing wrong with her nose and I don't know why she undid the perfect job that the doctor did.

She did something to her eyes that made one droop for a while...

And frankly, towards the end of her life her face had begun to resemble Joan Rivers or Mary Tyler Moore a bit.  My mother was always beautiful...even when she had the "trout face" that so many older women who do too much have...

But my mother always seemed to be fixing the outside instead of the inside.  The outside was beautiful...inside she needed the work.  No more than the rest of us mortals...but she was working on the wrong parts of her body.

She was gorgeous...and in my eyes the most beautiful woman ever.

As I type this I gaze at my favorite photo of her that sits on my desk...she's in her 30's...good nose job, blonde hair (borne brunette but she made a good blonde)...her gorgeous eyes and smile looking back at me.  She was simply stunning.

I even interviewed a doctor in her "last" surgeon's office.  The doctor came out of his office just as I exited the exam room of his partner (a man I liked but wasn't "the one").  He looked at me like he had seen a ghost.  I knew who he was and introduced myself.  He gave his condolences on the loss of my mother and pronounced her to be one of his favorite and most beautiful patients (and yes I am sure he mourned her loss as he probably had to get a smaller Mercedes that year without the income she was supplying him...).  He said I looked a bit like her.

That was a compliment I will always gladly take.

So when I began to consider doing this surgery I thought a lot about whether I was trying to fix the wrong thing.

Nope.

I've worked on the inside...and I've sculpted my body and lost the weight.  I've dealt with the issues that made me fat.  I got a divorce.  I am grateful to my ex but happier without him.  I'm a pretty happy person...I have 2 great kids and a good life.

I don't have a man who drives a big ass truck but that's for later...

I just know that every time I see myself in the mirror that I feel bad about the damage I have done to myself and I don't want that reminder every day.

I hear that tummy tucks hurt a lot.

I'm hoping the pain (and the scar I will have) will be my reminder never to let myself go again...I will not be the fat girl ever...

ever...

I know things can go wrong...but I am healthy and I have a good doctor.

What happened to my Aunt Jane weighs on my mind.

I don't think she will mind me sharing this story...

My mother offered to "treat" her to a nose job (my mom liked to "treat" relatives to plastic surgery...she "gave" my grandmother a facelift).

We have a dear family friend who was a plastic surgeon...he no longer practices or else I would be having him take care of me.  The good doctor lives in Florida.  So Jane went out there for her nose job. He did a great job.

She recovered at his home with him and his wife...remember, these are old family friends.

A few days post-op he, his wife, and Jane were in the kitchen.  He was retelling a story about what had happened on the golf course.  I can't recall EXACTLY what happened but somehow he was demonstrating a swing and...

yes...

you know what comes next...

he connected with the very nose he had just fixed and reset...

My poor aunt's nose was re-broken.  He tried to fix it but the damage was done.

But you know what?

She's still beautiful

VERY VERY BEAUTIFUL

In fact, she gets more beautiful to me every time I see her...nose or not...and her nose is fine...and it fits her face...and she is beautiful.

So things can happen even when you are not on the operating table.

When I met Dr. Baldwin last year she told me that she wanted me to get to the weight I wanted to be and "stay there".

So I have...for a year and a half.

I'm where my body is going to be.

I will lose a few pounds when the skin is gone but for the most part I will look the same...at least when you see me on the street.

But in front of my mirror, well...that will be better...

And I won't be so hard on myself...

or frighten some man who drives a big ass truck if the time that I am not fully dressed should arise...but that's a long way off and I'm not doing it for the mythical "him" because there isn't one...

I'm doing it for me...and that is the only reason I should.

So if I don't chicken out on December 26 I will be in the hands of Dr. Baldwin, her scalpel and her abilities.

Oh yeah...I will blog about it...you will get ENDLESS blogs about me complaining about pain, and pain killers, and compression garments, and missing my workouts...

Yeah...that part is actually what scares me the most...not being able to work out for 6 weeks.

Me...without spin class or Shock Wave class or JayVee's Total Body Jam or Body Pump for 6 whole huge long interminable weeks...

THAT is the hard part.

Painkillers kill the pain...but losing the muscle tone in my shoulders is really gonna hurt...

But I'm going to do it...

Because every girl deserves a makeover...everyone gets to feel like Cinderella once in a while.

My fairy godmother is a surgeon...

And like Cinderella...underneath it all I will still be the same girl...just with better "accessories"...

Inspiration Song: "The First Cut is the Deepest" by Sheryl Crow.  A song I like...and since this is my "first cut" it will be the deepest...and maybe the only one I ever do...and please promise to stop me if I ever say "I think I will get my lips filled"...I don't want to look like Cher...

Bye Darlings...do what makes you feel good...as long as you do it for yourself...Botox...Restylane...facelift...eyelift...body contouring...whatever makes you feel better about yourself...just please don't end up looking like Joan Rivers...one of that face is enough...

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