It's Christmas Eve.
I have a confession to make:
The only Christmas decorations up in my house are the 2 poinsetta plants outside my front door.
I bought the plants as part of a school fundraiser. I paid for them in August and picked them up a few weeks ago. It is a miracle that they are still alive.
There is no tree in the living room.
My Snow Village and North Pole Village houses are still in boxes in the attic.
No wreaths on the door (although that might get fixed today).
I was getting ready to hang the stockings but I can't find my stocking hangers.
No holly, no greenery. No Nutcrakcers. No "History of Santa" figurines.
Although my "Radio City Music Hall at Christmas" snowglobe is sitting out...
So why no decor from a woman who used to spend days decorating not one but 4 themed Christmas trees (each one more over-the-top than the other) and it took a week to get the little light-up house villages set up just right?
It's not that I have a "bah humbug" attitude...I love the holidays...
I just got lazy...but I also lost interest when I lost my mother and now I am out of the habit.
My husband hates decorating for Christmas and the only thing he EVER does to help is to (sometimes) drag in the tree. My kids don't care...they really don't...Oh, they wouldn't mind seeing the tree up but they don't want to help do it.
So I don't...
2005 was the first year without my mother...we went away for the holidays and have pretty much done that ever since. So why decorate if you wont' even be here to enjoy it? We are here this year, I just never got around to it.
In 2008 we were just post-flood, mid-construction and we were living in our study. My den didn't even have a floor since the wood floor had gotten drowned in the flood.
Last year we were just post-renovation and I had no idea where any decorations were except for my Nutcrackers and the stockings.
So why I have I lost pleasure in something I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE?
I don't know...except that maybe I came to realize that a lot like the Who's down in Whoville after the Grinch came and "stole Christmas" that it comes without ribbons, it comes without tags, it comes without packages, boxes or bags...
I love admiring my friends deocorations...I love looking at their trees, all the mantle stuff, and the lights---I do love the lights!
And maybe next year I will find a new tree and decorate it (because my old one is a big mess)...but for now, it is what it is...a house without a tree or ribbons...
I miss my mom...I miss her helping me decorate...I miss her cooking our dinner...I miss her busily wrapping presents so that they look like something you shouldn't tear open. I miss her...
But, Christmas is not about all of those things. Christmas is about a baby.
A baby who was born to a young woman who had to be scared out of her mind and her very confused husband. A baby who was God's gift to us...
And so I let go of my hurt and my sadness and focus on the gift that is this holiday...and I thank God for His grace...His perfect love...His giving us His Son to be our Savior. And I thank God for loving me...
And I thank God for the family that I do have. And I thank God for my friends who are also my family now (as I said to GOTT and GOTTESS and GOTT-SON when we had our little Christmas together yesterday).
And I forgive myself for not putting up a tree...and I go to my friends' houses and enjoy theirs...and I thank God for my friends...because they (you) are a gift to me. And you don't find that kind of love and friendship under a tree...you find it beside the tree as you express your love for each other...
Inspiration Song: "We Need a Little Christmas"---Glee Cast. Excellent version of the song. Iv'e never been a big fan of the musical "Mame" (although I totally love love love the movie "Auntie Mame"), but I do love this song.
Bye Darlings...enjoy your gifts (and I don't mean the ones in packages!)