Ok so it's been ONE WEEK since the surgery...the "mommy lift"...the tummy tuck and boob job...
Yeah, I am an open book...not many secrets here...
Do I regret it?
NOT EVEN ONE TINY ITSY BITSY TEENY WEENY LITTLE BIT
Not even when:
I ended up allergic to the pain meds and I itched more than I hurt
I had to drag around drains and they were gross...and empty them...even grosser...
I realized that the torture chamber device (compression garment) is worse than spanx
I figured out that you have to be a contortionist to get in and out of the compression garment and it is not fun when you need to pee...
that I was informed today that I have to wear that garment 24/7 for 6 weeks
I am forced to sleep on my back even though I am a fetal side sleeper
I try to force myself to stand up straight but realize I can't
the pain meds slowed my gut down (ok, maybe that is TMI...but consider it a warning...)
the doctor removed the horrid drains and it felt like an alien crawling out of me
I couldn't shower until the drains came out
I ended up with tape burns because my skin is sensitive to surgical tape
So yeah, that has been the only downside to this...
I cried in Dr. Baldwin's office again today...I told her that she had given me back the "me" I had hidden for so long...the me that was buried...the me that had once turned to food instead of fitness...she and the nurse started crying too...I told her she was my fairy godmother again...and if you need a fairy godmother I have her number...no magic needed...she is AMAZING!
And I told her that even with the swelling, and even with my boobs still high up (they have to "drop"...I am learning all kinds of new things about breast augmentation...email me if you want details because I'm gonna spare everyone else here...), and even with my bikini line looking like an old map of Route 66 that I felt beautiful...
For the first time...
in like...
forever...
But here's the deal...
It's not a flat belly and perky "Baywatch Babe" boobs that make a woman beautiful...and just another aside here---don't panic...I did not go all "Pamela Anderson" on myself...I'm just a full "c"...in my clothes I won't look any different than before...just minus the heavily padded Victoria's Secret bra
No it's not being skinny...or looking like a Victoria's Secret Angel (because I am neither) that makes beauty...it is the inner beauty...
And for me I have always tried to be more beautiful on the inside than the outside...
I don't always succeed...far from it...good grief I am on Santa's naughty list every 3rd day...but I TRY to be good...I TRY to be an inner beauty...
I had a male friend tell me "you are already gorgeous...you will be stunning...but it's your inner beauty that I love the most"...
awww...isn't he sweet?
yes, those are some very great words to get me through this...and I have held on to the last part...the inner beauty part to help me get through...and to stay focused on why I did this...
So like I said before, I was just trying to fix the outside parts that made me sad...that reminded me of the fat miserable girl...
For me it was an exorcism...and she's gone...and now I will spend the rest of my life keeping this body I worked so hard to get.
Because 90% of it was my diet and exercise...it was just this 10% damage that no amount of planks, or lifts, or spin classes were going to get rid of...and frankly I just wanted that girl GONE.
Now lest you think that I only find beauty in skinny woman...well, you would be wrong...
some of the most beautiful women I know are not a size 2...or 4...or 6...or even 16...
I have one friend...let's call her Victorius...when we were teens she was overweight...and still drop dead gorgeous...and now as an adult she has conquered that weight...and is still drop dead gorgeous...because she is gorgeous inside...
I have another dear friend....no names...who makes me so proud because she is trying her best to conquer her weight problem. She is a stunning woman. Skinny or overweight she is stunning. I pale next to her. But I want her healthy...and so does she. She has had a hard year...this year she will end the year as a healthy woman...and to that I will cheer her on...but her inner beauty is beyond compare no matter what her size...
When I told GOTT I wanted to lose weight he said "why?"
I said "because I want to be beautiful"
He said "you already are"
Yes, I love that man as much as a woman can love a man she is not married or related to...he is my brother and "second husband"...and for those words alone I will love him totally...
After he said "you already are", I said "ok, because I want to be healthy"
And he said "I can get behind that...you have my support"
And I had it every step of the way...and when GOTTESS came over and brought me goodies the other night I felt so very lucky I had the love of that family to lift me up...
I have had a lot of help to get through this...being a single woman is not easy when you need help to get up and get across the house...so thankfully I had my housekeeper to do that for me...and Twirler Girl the first night I was home...
I thought Ke$ha Barbie was going to help but she has spent her break as she should...visiting with friends and having fun...not playing Florence Nightengale to her mother...and that's fine...
People have brought me meals and food: GOTTESS, Marvelous Margaret, MarvelousMelisa, my Aunt Jane...
and Tamster and JayVee came to see me to make me laugh and Tamster took me to the doctor today...
I'm so lucky to have incredible friends...so very very lucky...
You can't do this alone...you can't be sliced across 60% of your midsection and have your muscles pulled cut and pulled in and have your boobs pulled up and stuffed with fake ones and a little lipo of the inner thigh without a lot of good help...and I have had it...
And I will never be able to thank them enough...or to thank all of you enough for all the well wishes and prayers...
I told my Dr. Baldwin today that I did this to myself...well actually SHE did it with my permission...but I chose to do this...
I didn't have an accident that caused me to have a spleen removed...
and I didn't have breast cancer that caused me to have breast reconstruction...
I GOT MYSELF FAT...I GOT MYSELF THIN...and I chose to remove the damage...
So I don't feel sorry for myself with the pain, or any of the "problems" I have had...because on a scale of 1-10 on how much a pain in this ass this has been I am at a "4" right now...
Now next week when I am climbing the walls to go to spin class I might say "5" but today I am at "4"
So at one week I got to shower...and on Saturday I can drive again....and I'm off the Vicodin except for bedtime (doctor said go a few more days)...and I can lay on my side for a few minutes before falling asleep...and the drains are gone...and the compression garment is not fun but manageable...
So yeah...I'm at a 4 on how much trouble this has been....
Which is a hell of a lot better than feeling like I'm a "4" on the 1-10 scale of "hotness"...because outside now I feel like a "7" and heading towards "8" but inside...
Inside...
I'm a "10"...
Because I love my life...I love my family and friends...I love my doctor...I love my new body...and I love what this new year has to bring me...
Yeah, it's all good...
Let's make that an "11"...
to hell with the scale...that one and the one in my bathroom....
Inspiration Song: "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies...fun little song...a lot can happen in one week...
Bye Darlings...I've had a week to recover...and I feel fine!
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