Friday, December 28, 2012

Bippity Boppity Boo

Warning: I am writing this blog under the effects of Vicodin so no telling what I might say...and if there are any resemblences to actual events other than my own they are purely coincidental...blame the drugs...

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE PRAYERS AND WELL WISHES...I AM DOING GREAT BECAUSE OF THE LOVE I FEEL FROM ALL OF YOU!!!!

So my fairy godmother gave me my tummy tuck...and now I am home recuperating...

If you need my fairy godmother, her name is Dr. Bonnie Baldwin and she is AMAZING...

I had a wonderful Christmas with my kiddos...Santa was good to everyone...except my son did not get the assault rifle he wanted (he is sooooo Bobby Shelton's grandson)...but there are limits as to what Santa will put into the sleigh...

My Christmas gifts were that I had my kids to enjoy and that the next day I was getting my new body...

The Cutest Boy In the World (TCBITW) went to his dad's house while Ke$ha Barbie stayed with me so she could take me to the hospital the next day.  We spent Christmas night endlessly watching "The Princess Bride" (one of the greatest movies EVER in my opinion) and I got to bed early so I could get up early...and my sweet doctor called me around 8 to make sure I was not nervous and to answer any last minute questions and to just check that I was ok...now how amazing is that for a doctor to call on Christmas Day?

Like I said...she is AMAZING...

Wednesday morning I jumped out of bed at 5:30 am and took my last shower for a bit (until the drains come out I can't shower)...threw on my sweats and headed to the surgical center.

Once I got there and got into my beautiful designer surgical gown they let Ke$ha Barbie come back and keep me company...which was great until she started telling me why she thinks she needs to be a philosophy major and not an architect...

My blood pressure, which is NEVER high was a bit high that morning...she was making it get higher...

Just at the right time the anesthesiologist came into my little curtained "room" and overheard what Ke$ha Barbie was spouting out...she leaned over to me and whispered "that's ok...I have one too...she's a FRENCH major!"...

We were kindred spirits from that moment on...

She got me hooked up to my iv and then World War 3 erupted...

No, not me and Ke$ha Barbie...but rather it seems that my wonderful Dr. Baldwin is the most coveted surgeon that practices at that surgery center and ALL of the anesthesiologists want to work with her.  The doctor I had been dealing with came in early just so she could claim her...

After some bargaining that I think the President and the Speaker of the House could learn a lesson from it was finally decided I got to keep my kindred spirit "knock me out doc" and I was a happy camper.

You know how you have a good feeling about someone?

Well I instantly had a good feeling about her...and not just because she also has a crazy teenage daughter...I just knew I was in good hands the second I met her...just like Dr. Baldwin...

So then Dr. Baldwin came in and marked me up like a road map of Texas and we were ready to go...

The anesthesiologist came in and gave me a little bump of happy juice in my iv and I kissed Ke$ha Barbie goodnight (I never say goodbye before surgery...bad luck)...

They took me into the operating room...I moved myself from the gurney to the operating table...Dr. Baldwin held my hand and the next thing I knew I woke up in recovery...

6 1/2 hours later...

easy peasy...

I woke up easily and sucked on some ice and Twirler Girl was allowed to come back and keep me company...she is an awesome friend...I lurv her lots!

After a bit of recovery time and a feel about for my strange new body they took me over to the hospital.

I amazed the nurse that I moved myself from the gurney to the bed...

Thank you JayVee and J'taime Jamie for all the crunches you make me do...it's my strong abs that were buried underneath the flab that is making the difference in my recovery and ability to move!

They got me settled in the bed and Twirler girl kept me company for a bit and once they hooked me up to the painkiller pump I was good to go...

One small problem...

it seems that me and the drugs they can put into a pump don't get along so well...

I once was on a morphine pump and I itched like a dog with fleas...

Well, now it seems Dilaudid does the same thing to me...but thankfully I was able to be on it for a good 12 hours before the itching became unbearable.

It felt empowering to hit the little button and hear the "ding" tell me I was getting a dose of drugs...

I didn't sleep but dozed most of the night...but after all I had a good long 6 1/2 hour nap so I was fine.

That first night I even got up and sat in a chair to eat my dinner...Thank you JayVee and Jamie and those planks you make me do...

The next morning the itch became crazy and so I was taken off the pump and given a good dose of Benadryl...it helped but it was hours before I truly felt any relief.

I can honestly say that the itching was worse than the pain...

All in all it was not nearly as horrible as I feared it all would be...I mean, I hurt but i'm not in horrific pain and hey, I did this to myself so I better buck up and put on my big girl panties and deal with it...

except that I can't put on any panties because I am in the worlds most compressive Spanx you have ever seen...

Yeah, this is definitely NOT what they sell at Victoria's Secret...I am sporting a really ugly sports bra and a big high waisted girdle...

Hot...but only in temperature...

but then again the "hot" lingerie can come later...

My chest feels like I did a bunch of chest presses...no big deal...

My stomach is mostly numb

the only real pain comes from my abdominal muscles...now that hurts...but again, not unbearably...

oh...and then there are the drains...

that's the worse part...the drains...

if you are the least bit squeamish, stop reading here and skip down a bit...

the drains are GROSS...and pretty disgusting to deal with...and they are like having testicles attached to me because they are at the lower part of my bikini line...

um...not fun at all...

I'm not even going to go into what they do...it is just too gross...

but thankfully they will be out in a week and they will just be a memory...

and if that is the worst part of all of this (that and the itching) then it's no big deal...

So Thursday morning Dr. Baldwin came to check on me and said that everything went beautifully...and from what I can tell despite stitches and swelling, she is 100% right...she gave me the body I have dreamed of...

I started crying when I told her that she was magic...she is my fairy godmother...she waved her magic wand and made me Cinderella...and she changed my life...

because the fat unhappy girl is gone...

and she is replaced with a much happier woman...although right now I shuffle about like my 93 year old grandmother did and have drains attached and ugly compression garments...but even so I am much happier...

She got rid of the last of that sad girl...all by using her scalpel...

I got to leave the hospital about 2:30...I could have left sooner but I was under the care of the worlds most inept male nurse so it took longer than planned...

I got home and Ke$ha Barbie, my housekeeper and Twirler Girl got me settled into bed and I got a bit of rest...and then Twirler Girl heated me up some chicken spaghetti and D'Nice came to see me so we had a bit of a party in my bedroom...me on Vicodin and my peeps keeping me comfy...

I rested last night pretty well...it's hard for me to sleep on my back since I am a side fetal position sleeper and my bad 19 pound Bengal cat seemed to think he needed to be on top of me but thanks to the drugs and getting over surgery I did get some rest...

Today I have been moving slowly, eating lightly, taking my meds, resting, emptying my drains, and just taking it easy...

So there you go...a little magic happened to me and now I am not a NEW person but certainly an IMPROVED person...

Of course tomorrow I might take it all back and tell you that I want to die...but I doubt it...

I know there is not much fun to this blog but I wanted to let you all know I am just fine...and it's not a bad surgery if you are considering it...and if you do, call Dr. Baldwin!

Ok, gotto go pop some pills, drain the drains and put my feet up...

Inspiration Song: Bippity Boppity Boo...from Disney's Cinderella...because the Fairy Godmother sings it when she changes Cinderella into a princess...and Dr. Baldwin has made me into my own version of feeling pretty...

Bye Darlings...just like Cinderella, only my outside has changed...Cinderella got a ball gown and glass slippers...I got a flat tummy and boobs...it's just the packaging...inside I have ALWAYS been a princess, I just needed my fairy godmother to make me feel like one!


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