Second Chance

The school year is coming to a close...I tend to measure my years not in calendar years anymore but rather school years. I've been doing that since Ke$ha Barbie started school.

So now my year is coming to a close...and summer vacation is ahead of me...

so I look back on this past year and I see what I have gained and lost...some of it pounds, some of it baggage...some of it...well some of it was a husband.

The school year started with me having to go to the school and do the day of first aid and CPR training...that was where the head of school announced I had lost 63 pounds to the entire faculty and staff.

EMBARRASSING....

Guess what...I have doubled that number...more than doubled it...yippeeeeeee.....

The school year also started with football.

Now I like football but don't love it...well, maybe I love it when my son plays but otherwise...

notsomuch...

I do love lacrosse...don't ask me why...I still can't figure out that game but there is something about how crazy it is that totally appeals to me...

I think my new ambition should be to become a lax bro...

anyhoo....

so the school year started with football...

That would not be really significant except that football gave me the greatest gift of all...

DIMPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You see, Dimples, the best trainer in the world and my personal therapist and adopted baby brother, is the bomb...and he was The Cutest Boy In the World's football coach.

A friend of mine who coached one of the other teams introduced me to Dimples. He (my friend) was afraid that we weren't going to get along all that well...

hahahahahahahahahaha....

we get along a little too well...he is not only my personal trainer and therapist but some day he needs to show up in a priest's collar because I confess ALL my sins to him...and some of them he figures out on his own.

We get along just fine...but my friend was afraid that I was going to kill a coach...be it him or his assistant...

all coaches were alive and well at the end of football season.

This same friend did the same thing with the lacrosse coaches...he introduced me and then warned one of them that I possessed witch powers. He warned the poor guy that if he didn't do my bidding I would "make the monkeys fly" (a reference to the Wicked Witch of the West and her flying monkeys). That coach never made me call out the flying monkeys but I did enjoy him fearing me for a bit...but now he loves me...

That's my talent...I get coaches to do my bidding or at least think I am awesome...

Not sure Dimples thinks I am awesome but he SOMETIMES does my bidding...and for some strange reason I do his bidding...

except for jumping jacks...still saying "no" to those...

But I digress...

So football season comes with the start of school and I discover that Dimples is not just the best football coach ever...he is a personal trainer.

So one day we have a conversation that goes like this:

Me: So, what do you do when you aren't coaching football to 7th grade boys?

Dimples: I am a personal trainer.

Me: So, do you train "real" people or just athletes?

Dimples: No, I train real people too...

Me: do you train housewives?

Dimples: yes

Me: Do you want a challenge?

he looked at me with a puzzled look...

Me: I am the challenge...you game?

Poor baby didn't stand a chance...he said yes and I think he regrets and loves it all at the same time...

School year rolled along...I lost weight, my son's football team went undefeated, Dimples started training me and I got fit and lost more weight.

After the holidays I decided to lose 260 more pounds...

in the form of a husband...

So I moved on from a husband but realized that I really had a second chance to live my life...

I have a second chance to find someone to spend my life with...

I have a second chance to keep my body in shape and stay fit and trim and more importantly, stay healthy...

I have a second chance at moving my life forward...

I wish I had a second chance to meet Oprah....but you know what, once might just be enough because it was a dream come true...

I spent the year moving toward my second chance...

So now I have my second chance...a second chance to live a new life...in a better body, with a better frame of mind, with all the good things about my life still intact.

I'm excited to see what next year brings me...because this year has been great!

I know some of you might wonder how I can say things have been great when I am getting divorced but I can assure you it is one of the best things I have ever done...along with Dimples...and I have the greatest kids ever that just keep amazing me day-by-day...

I"v been given a second chance to get it right this time...with my health...with my life...with my love...

And I am damn lucky...

And as for summer vacation...well, that is for laying in the sun and enjoying my kids...and keeping on the path of health and wellness I have maintained this year. I may take a vacation from being "super volunteer" but I won't take a vacation from the rest of it.

And next year...well, I'm not gonna worry about next year...I still have 3 months of fun in the sun to enjoy before that comes about....

So for now...I will be grateful for the second chance I have...and I thank God and all of you for it...

Inspiration Song: "Second Chance" by Peter Bjorn and John...very very very cool song...I have to listen to it every day...really...

Bye Darlings...go and find your second chance...at whatever...

The Ballroom Blitz

Ah...Lacrosse season has started and is in full swing.

I have come to love lacrosse...even though I still don't understand one single thing about the game. I am trying to learn...

Last year I wrote a blog (not on this blog site) about my complete and utter lack of understanding of the game of lacrosse.

Because I am lazy, I am basically going to copy it here...but add a bit to it...edit it...update it...but not much has changed about my understanding of the sport since I first wrote it a year ago...

So here goes...here is me vs. lacrosse...

What the heck is this sport called lacrosse?

It's not like other sports...it not only has its own rules and lingo, it has its own culture (and strange wardrobe)! This was not clear to me until Ke$ha Barbie came home and told me that she didn't want her brother to become a "LAX Bro".

"What is a LAX Bro?" I asked.

"Oh, they are the dudes (yes, she said DUDES) that play lacrosse and think that lacrosse is the greatest sport ever invented." She then went on to explain that they have a "look"---most have longish hair (the better to wave out behind the helmet), preppy clothes, and all they do is talk about lacrosse and use the lacrosse lingo. Frankly I thought that was what a "preppy" was---polo shirts and prep school sports---but apparently this goes one step beyond...it seems that they are not terribly nice to the girls (at least at her high school), but rather looking for the "hottest chick" to hang on their arm and come cheer them on until they find a prettier/cuter/"hotter" girl in the stands to romance via...TEXT MESSAGE...

She used the word "tool"...I don't want to know what that means if it is anything other than something you can buy at Lowe's but I think I have a pretty good idea...and from what I understand now, it seems that the various traits of the lax bros varies by geographic region...I won't even try and figure that out.

Thank goodness her boyfriend is a motocross guy...and I can't believe I just typed/said that...he is also an Eagle Scout.

So this conversation got me thinking:

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS SPORT?!?!

(yes, at the time I thought it in all caps with exclamation points)

I know nothing about this sport. Football I can somewhat understand. After all, I was the only cheerleader on my squad who could tell if our team was offense or defense when we were playing at a school that didn't have the little football light up on the scoreboard next to the name of the school that had possession (yes, I do know a couple of football words) of the ball. Perhaps this is my only achievement in understanding football (we have the ball=offense), but it wasn't alien and foreign to me and I had heard the words and lingo before. And now that I have a football coach that is also a personal trainer as MY trainer, I am learning all kinds of football lingo like "depth chart" and "left tackle"...thank you, Dimples...

When my son decided to wrestle I knew I was entering a new world...very strange sport, wrestling is (wow, that makes me sound like Yoda), but although I could not understand one thing that was happening on the mat, and could never tell what gets you points, I did know that it was hand-to-hand combat and it only took a few (very long) minutes...and that they wear a leotard to do it...You want it to end and end quickly...your son is out there fighting another boy...something we send them to detention for doing unless they are wearing a very strange-looking leotard thing and are grappling each other on a mat...

very. strange. sport.

So my son then selects as his 3rd sport to play at middle school---Lacrosse. Maybe it is the fact he is an Aries and although I don't attribute anything to astrological signs and what they supposedly say about you, I did find it ironic that my boy is born under the sign of a RAM. As in a sheep that wants to RAM things...hit things...

How about track? Let's do that...that's what I thought when he started playing lacrosse last year...track I would have preferred...

I get running, I just don't do it myself...not since my orthopedic guy informed me that I can only run short distances lest I risk my knees.

I like my knees so I think I will skip running...

But no, he picks the sport that the coach tells us from the get-go that the boys will be hurt and beat up and must wear the dreaded...cup...

How about track? Let's do that...that kept running through my mind...

that mantra ran through my mind ALL last year...

Football is violent...sorry guys, but it is. The sole purpose is to hit each other while some guy runs the ball down the field trying not to get hit. Wrestling is combat on a "I am a guy and I will beat the @$#% out of you" level...but LAX is a sport not unlike hockey where your bruises and scars are like some badge of courage.

I remember my cousins, who all attended East-coast boarding schools where lacrosse has been played since the beginning of time, showing up to our family reunions with new scars...all the result of some violent thing called "lacrosse". I'm pretty sure they didn't wear all the padding, etc. that they wear now...at least I hope that is the reason I remember those scars and broken bones and knocked out teeth...

How about track? Let's do that...

So I decide to look on the internet and find some rules and explanation of the sport. Ke$ha Barbie did not play girl's lacrosse. She ran TRACK in middle school...

And in the ultimate act of irony...she now plays lacrosse...never played before but as a junior in high school she joined the JV girls lax team because she needed a PE credit...and her best friend wouldn't do dodge ball with her (and yes, they give PE credit for dodge ball at her high school) so they decided to join the "no-cut" JV team...

How about track? Let's do that...

over and over in my brain until the season got running last year...

So I find the rules, etc. about lacrosse. And I tried to make sense of them.

Last year I asked Precious and Adorable History Teacher about it---he went to a prep school so I figured that even though he was a baseball and football player he may have had some exposure to it. The man is a coach (a LAX coach at that) and a very fine teacher, but once I asked him to explain it to me I decided I was better off letting him tell me that there was some culture called "Kush" (he teaches 6th grade ancient history) that I never heard about in all my schooling, than to ask a guy who understands and "gets" sports as a whole to tell me about it. I am "sport stupid" and bless his heart, I am amazed he didn't fire me as a parent as he tried to explain a sport to me.

So he (Precious) goes and grabs a marker and takes me to the white board in his classroom and starts drawing "x's" and "o's" on the board and starts in explaining the game to me. I almost burst into tears of frustration...about the time he said something about a "crease" I must have gotten an extremely confused look on my face and he just gave up.

He literally looked at me, reached out and hugged me and said:

"why don't you watch a few games and we will try this again"...

I wish I could tell you that after watching an entire season of lacrosse that I have a better understanding of the game but I don't, but I do know what the crease is. And this year Precious is The Cutest Boy in the World's coach so as I stand on the sidelines taking photos and I hear him yell things like "wheel! wheel!" I just keep looking in the viewfinder of my camera and pray that once I look at my photos I might understand what I am taking photos of.

I have a college education. From a good school (and yes, you UT people, A&M is just as good as your mecca of orange and white). But I don't get this sport. I still have no idea what any of it is about. I get that you put a ball in the net and the goalie tries to stop you...my kids both played soccer and my daughter played the female equivalent so LAX (field hockey...girls LAX is way tamer). I get the "ball in the goal" thing. But it is all this other stuff? There is a whole dictionary devoted to lacrosse terms:

http://www.e-lacrosse.com/laxicon.html

I don't understand most of them...

How about track? Let's do that...

I tried in vain to figure it out last year...I almost decided to pay some 8th grade boy to sit next to me and explain the game to me as I watch. I really wanted to know what the crease is and why the attacker can't enter it...thankfully this year, I do know what the crease is...but not why the attacker can't enter it...

But we got through the season, and I did learn a few other things---like the goalie can leave the goal and score...but most of it is still very foreign and strange to me.

But, weirdly, I really like the game...and Dimples will not be happy to hear that at all...sorry, Baby!

So this year our season started and the boys have won 2 games. Precious and Adorable History Teacher is the coach. I am the team mom (a deal we struck last year...because I am the worlds best team mom and I love Precious so he got me...).

And in another act of irony---I am the boys lacrosse equipment manager for the school. Yes, I am in charge of helmets and shoulder pads...and I used my witch powers to obtain the boys some practice jerseys...and now I have 4 men really grateful to me and happy for my witch powers...

I'm trying to learn the sport, so that I can understand how that equipment is used...but mostly I still just take photos and get the concession stuff ready and take it out on the golf cart.

Now about me and that golf cart...

Before the first game I was struck with terror that I was going to have to get the cart out of the shed and drive it. Last year I almost turned it over the one time I drove it so I was a little afraid to try again.

I expressed my fears to Coach Supersweet...while the darling 8th grade coach is watching this with a bemused expression on his face. 8th grade coach likes me...it's the practice jersey thing...but I think he also thinks I am nuts (which I am...but shhhh...don't tell...)

I tell Coach Supersweet and Coach Darling (8th grade coach...guess I will name him too if I mention him more than once in this blog)that I am afraid I will overturn the golf cart and that I am afraid to drive it.

Coach Supersweet tells me it is like riding a horse after you fall off...I just need to get back on.

Coach Darling contines to look bemused and a bit confused by this whole conversation...

So off I go and I get that darn golf cart...

And I drove it like Danica Patrick...

Me and the golf cart...we are friends now.

Although I did make Precious put it back in the shed for me...there are limits to my witch powers and my golf cart driving abilities.

So LAX season is here...I'm pumped...let's see how much blood we can get from the kids...

and as for track...I'm glad we aren't doing that...

I like lacrosse...(sorry Dimples---I like football too)...

Go LAX!

Inspiration Song: "The Ballroom Blitz" by Sweet...because watching lax is like a ballroom blitz...and I couldn't come up with anything else that fit...

Bye Darlings...go and learn about something new...for me it is lacrosse...