Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old)

hello darlings...

it's me....

Princess Whineypants

aka

She Who Complains A Lot

aka

The President of the "there is something wrong" club

aka

"that woman who blogs and bores us with all her medical issues"

yep...

that's me...

I have a few more titles but I will save them for another occasion...

So your Magical Unicorn Glitter Princess here is still dealing with a nagging hip.

I did get some answers...

sort of....

So I went to go see Dr. Joint and he was out on spring break.

So I asked if I could see Dr. Needles in the Knees but she too is out on spring break...

But luckily Dr. Hips was in (he specializes in hip pain) so I got to see him.

KuteKaren came with me...I needed a driver and she's a good set of listening ears...she often goes with me to these "I need to meet a new doctor" meetings so she is the perfect wingman.

Dr. Hips orders Xrays and then examines me.

He pulls up the X-Rays and I say: do you see cancer there?

Him: no, I don't see cancer

Me: ok then anything else you say is just fine...just as long as you don't see cancer.

He thinks I have torn my labrum---the labrum is the ring of cartilage that cushions your hip joint.

Damn

So he suggests the first line of defense is to get a cortisone shot in my hip.

KuteKaren and I go downstairs to see if I can get it done and there is a waiting room full of people who look like broken toys.

And sadly the doc who does the injections---
is out on spring break

He said I needed to see an "interventional radiologist"

Ha!

I know one of those...

she's a beautiful badass of a doctor...and a yoga instructor so yeah she is not only the most gorgeous creature who is smart and badass and bendy but she can fix you and teach you how to do a good down dog. (my students are obsessed with her instagram because she is such a rockstar of a human and her dogs look like toys...seriously they love her).

So I call Dr. Yogi and she can't do it but hoped her hubby could (sadly he could not but he tried) and all the docs she called---

were out on spring break

(I'm beginning to hate spring break)

But then my WarriorTwinTrish got involved and she found me a doc who could stick a needle in my hip. She never gives up and we have both battled the beast that is Uterine Cancer and both have the same docs, both cold capped to keep our hair, we are both blonde and we met at spin class. Not kidding. How perfect is that? I call us "Dr. Angel's Atomic Blonde's"...he is slightly terrified that one day we are going to force him to be in the same room with both of us...she was good preparation for him so he was good and ready for the Unicorn Glitter Princess...

So today I took myself down to see Dr. MoreNeedles and he stuck a big needle in my hip (guided by ultrasound) and shot in some lidocaine and some steroid.

I was hoping the lidocaine would numb me up and give me some relief but alas it didn't...but in a sense it did because I hurt but not the way I did earlier.

I am still in pain and this will take a few days if it works. If it doesn't it's another treatment and then surgery if that fails.

But I like Dr. MoreNeedles so I am having faith it's gonna work.

The mornings are the worst...

my knees already hate me for getting them up and walking but the left hip is basically screaming the whole time (or maybe that is me---because yes I have literally screamed out loud so loudly that I worry the neighbor will fear I am being attacked and send the police)

it hurts like a "motha"

(and no I do not mean moth...I mean the very bad word)

It took me 7 minutes to make my coffee this morning because the pain was so bad.

And I have a Keurig people so it shouldn't be that hard!

Anyway....let's hope this stuff helps my hip because I am not happy being away from the bike and my mat.

I need Revolution to keep me happy.

And I am missing my Glitter Man who is Jason Wimberley (using a real name here because he is a celebrity) who is coming to town to teach cycle classes and I was booked front row for his 90 minute ride on Saturday but I have been banned from the bike. The dude trains my favorite drag queen and celebrities, he high kicks during class and does the splits....he dances for us...he jumps on my bike and gives me sweaty kisses...and he loves me and I love him and he is one of my favorite humans in the world...

and I have to miss him and his class...

(excuse me I have to cry a little more right now...be right back)

(ok I am back...mascara running)

and when I don't exercise I can basically only live on air and water and lettuce and lemon juice...I need to workout to be able to just eat like a healthy person...I'm not even asking for pasta and bad stuff here....but even clean eating won't let me drop weight if I can't ride and flow

not kidding

not
kidding

so

not

kidding

and kiddo is coming home for spring break and he likes mom's good cooking...

I don't think he wants "air gumbo" for dinner...

and...

and this will be shocking to some of you...

especially those who know I hate country music...

I have a ticket to Garth Brooks for the Sunday show.

I
WILL
NOT
MISS
GARTH

I have waited almost 30 years to see him

and I finally get to with my Aunt Jane (and my sweet Aunt SuSu who gave me her ticket so I could see him because she knows I love him so much).

Last year when I was having chemo and it was announced that Garth was coming to the rodeo I told Aunt Jane "oh how I want to see him"

(in reality...and this is truth...in my head I was saying "I hope I live so I can go see Garth"...I never told her that)

Last week she called me and gave me the news and I cried...because it's Garth...

So bad hip or not...I'm gonna see Garth!

I've been fighting for the past 16 months and believe me I will cry through his concert because when I heard he was coming all I wanted was to live so I could see him...I needed something to fight for and he was one of those things...he was on the list of "what to live for".

What was on the list?

I'll tell you...

my kids
my Aunt Jane
my family
my friends
my students
GOTT, GOTTESS, GOTTSON
spin class
yoga
my instructors (MelV and KuteKim on top of that list)
JayVee, TwilerGirl, AngelAmy, KuteKaren and their kids
my #rideordie crew I met at Revolution who are now family
Dragon (and ok Zulu but he's a pest)
musicals
Tommy Tune Award nominations
watching children sing
getting do to Legally Blonde
seeing Hamilton and Dear Evan Hanson
and
Love---that I would find love before I die
and
seeing Garth Brooks perform

yep...that's what kept me going...

that's what I prayed for every time my veins filled with poison or that I laid down on the table and got nuked

so my hip be damned I will go see Garth on Sunday...

(oh and in the middle of it the nominations are announced for the high school musical awards so there will be that...)

I can't believe I am falling apart like this...it's like I am made of glass...

I have stage 4 UPSC
my knees are shot
I am in full blown menopause (and all that goes with it)
my eyes are terrible so I have contacts (for distance) and readers to see everything tiny
I'm overweight
my blood pressure is a tad high (but fully controlled)
my hair is thinner (but still here so not really complaining)
I have wrinkles (but my creams and botox help)
i get insomnia sometimes
I'm hot...then cold...then hot
and now my hip...

I feel like I need to be some little old granny lady with a sweater on and a cane that eats dinner at 5...

I'm 53...

not 83...

My body might be broken down but my soul is young and alive and wants to see the world, fall in love with a man who thinks I am worth the risks, do years more spin and yoga, and live life to the fullest.

I'm not ready to accept my AARP membership (I haven't...not ready to admit I am there yet)

I'm not ready to feel this old...

Thankfully my hair is not grey so I have that going for me...but not much else...

I don't need to parade around in a bikini but I would love to not hide when I go to the pool...and I still have a lot of life left in my stilletto collection and I'm not ready to wear old lady clothes yet...but don't worry you won't see photos on Instagram of me in a barely there anything....

I'm young at heart but my body sure isn't cooperating.

And frankly I'm not sure how to fix that other than exercise and Botox...

I used to think 50 sounded so very old.

And then I turned 50.

And yes, it sounds so damn old.

But I also know that I may be trapped in a 53 year old body but I am not 53 in my heart and head.

They say you are only as old as you feel....

well my body feels 80 but my heart says 35 and the brain says 40 (I loved being 40)...

A few weekends ago I had a little reunion with some girlfriends I knew in high school. We escaped to the hill country and sat around drinking a lot of wine and coffee and had good cries and girl talk. I even brought a silly mask that we put on that briefly made us all look 100 years old but then freshened our skin like a facial. But honestly as I looked at my beautiful friends I did not see age...I still saw those girls that I thought were so beautiful in high school that are even more beautiful now. These were girls who's beauty I always envied and who always caught the eyes of the cute boys. Their beauty was and is in their eyes and smiles...and yes in the few gentle lines in their faces that tell their age and lives well lived and loved. I love them dearly and more than ever. And for that weekend I wasn't old...I was back in high school and we were having a slumber party.

So my body might betray me but my heart never will...

age is a number...

life is to be lived and not counted...

beauty is beauty and it's not always about makeup and enviable figures and lots of hair...

beauty is in the soul

and my soul is eternal...

I just wish my hip was too...

Bye darlings: Inspiration Song; "I'm Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old) by Garth Brooks...#becauseGarth

Bye Darlings---my body is aging but my heart isn't...I'll fight it as long and hard as I can...I didn't survive cancer to become a lonely old woman with no life...and I'm not ready to act like one either...Princess Whineypants is signing off for tonight---she wants to become Princess WineWearingPants...

#garthbrooks #garth #uterinecancer #uterinepappillaryserouscarcinoma










2 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Let me try again. I thought when a comment was deleted, it was DELETED. Sorry about that. I messed up something and THOUGHT I could edit it easily. Deleted the comment, thinking it would disappear and I could start again. Surprise!

    I'm surprised I still HAVE a Blogspot account! I signed up six years ago, and forgot about it. Apparently, Blogspot doesn't prune inactive accounts. That's good ... well, for me. :)

    Anyway, how was Garth?

    Thinking about you, and hoping you get relief soon. The last thing you probably want or need is to be homebound when the weather is actually getting nicer out there. And while you may be aging, you still LOOK pretty darn good!

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