I Can't Drive 55

Hello Darlings...

Last night I did something I can only describe as "totally redneck".

I mean this goes up there with making "beer can in the butt of a chicken" chicken.

And lest you think I am insulting the friends who I did this with...said friends described it as "totally redneck".

So what did I do?

Last night I went to the dirt track RACES...

I went to watch my friends RowdyRoy and KuteKaren's son race his midget sprint car.

Scariest damn looking little machine I ever saw...

Their son, who I shall dub "Speed Racer" for this blog has been racing since he was like 8 years old. The kid is a driving genius. He beats adults all the time. He will one day be spraying champagne all over pretty girls at Daytona or Indy I'm quite sure...

Unlike me with Ke$ha Barbie, his parents didn't panic when he started driving REAL cars...cause he's been driving since he was like...well, 8 years old.

Now I can happily call this "redneck" cause like I said in a previous blog...I am a redneck girl myself.

But this...well this was redneck on steroids...not as redneck as say the tractor pulls or the monster truck rallies, but this was a dirt track and when the scary midget sprinter cars weren't racing they had the track full of beater cars that had been souped up.

Beater cars that looked like the "General Lee" from the Dukes of Hazzard".

I totally needed to be wearing my Daisy Dukes but instead I had opted for some khaki shorts and an "Oprah" t-shirt.

Those General Lee cars were ugly and LOUD...and I kept waiting for them to start crashing and smashing.

The took the turns fast and were often drifting on the side.

The only thing I can relate that to is the scene in "Cars" where Lightning McQueen learns to take a turn from the car voiced by Paul Newman.

So there we were in the big city of Willis and we got the red clay dirt track and plenty of women in dubious clothing.

And 4 wheelers...lotsa 4 wheelers...more on that later...

I'm pretty sure they were selling corn dogs and funnel cakes there but I avoided the snack stand.

But I could have used a beer...

or vodka...

Next time I will bring my own.

I needed it to calm myself down when I watched Speed Racer get behind the wheel of that tiny little and extremely fast machine and take it around the track. More on that later...

Rowdy Roy has a really cool trailer to haul the fast machine...

Now i have been in plenty of fancy horse trailers but this thing is like a mobile machine shop on wheels. And it is organized to the nth degree.

Very cool...

And the racing machine...capable of hitting speeds well over 100...

EXTREMELY COOL...

Here is a photo...it will not do justice to just how cool this thing is...

and sorry, it was taken with my iphone so it is not very clear.

Speed Racer and RowdyRoy have all kinds of gear and stuff to get this car ready to race...I really enjoyed seeing how they prepped it to get out and haul...well, you know...

We missed watching him race the qualifier as we were stuck in downtown Willis trying to get out of the very slow Pizza Shack (but the food was great).

So the time came for the "Main"...the big race. KuteKaren and I had watched the General Lees race so I thought I knew what to expect but I was completely unprepared for this race.

Here is Speed Racer in the car getting ready to race. You can't see his handsome (this kid is gorgeous) face but it gives you an idea of the size of this machine he drives...and he drives it very well thankyouverymuch!

So he gets into the car and RowdyRoy gets on the 4 wheeler and PUSHES the car with the 4 wheeler. I learned that you don't start those machines until you are on the track and they push them to the track with 4 wheelers. Once ready and on the track they start the cars and the noise is...

DEAFENING

Like the largest swarm of mosquitos you ever heard.

It's a buzzing noise that is hard to describe...mosquito is the best word...

So we walked out into the center of the track to watch the race from the middle of the track behind some cement barricades.

I do not recommend this viewing site at all if you get dizzy because I spent my time spinning in circles as I watched Speed Racer go around the track.

The cars started and off they went...at speeds that I can only describe as...

TERRIFYING

I spent the entire time ready to vomit (not just from the spinning but because I was incredibly scared for Speed Racer---he has flipped that thing before in a very crowded field of racers).

I wish I had vodka before watching....or a valium...or a tranquilizer gun...

As much as I loved watching him race around that track every turn he took put my heart into my throat.

I love that child.

Very much...

And I have loved him for 12 years or more so I had a hard time remaining as calm as his parents, girlfriend, sister and her very adorable boyfriend.

I'm sure he was doing well over 100 mph out there.

You know, you and I would get a helluva speeding ticket for that...not that I ever plan to try. I am the child of a man who raced cars (Daddy raced a bottle green Jag when he lived in Argentina) and Daddy had a lead foot...and I have been known to easily slip up to 80 mph when the coast is clear but once I hit 90 I get a little afraid...but maybe that is just cause I"m driving a suburban.

So the race ended in mere minutes but it felt like an eternity (the spinning might have contributed to that) and I was so very very glad when it was all over.

Speed Racer came in 3rd...a minute or two longer or had a yellow caution been thrown and he would have taken the race.

Did I mention he was racing MEN...adult men...not other kids...he is 18 but I still call that a kid?

Yea...he did GREAT!

And I was really blown away and impressed with what he could do.

I should tell you his real name because mark my word one day you will hear it in conjunction with some really important racing...but for now he will remain as anonymous on my blog as everyone else. But you will hear his name...you will KNOW his name...when they make "Cars 10" he will have his own character.

After the race was over and I had calmed down (without the help of vodka...but could have used it) I came to the realization that he does something very scary...yet thrilling...

And how to often we don't do those things that scare us and we should.

And as parents we often don't let our children do things because they are "too dangerous" or "too scary".

Now some scary and dangerous things we SHOuLD always keep our kids from doing:
drugs
drinking
driving while intoxicated or under the influence of drugs
jumping off the roof into a swimming pool
riding a motor bike without a helmet

you get the picture....

Ke$ha Barbie wants to go to art school for college. Her father finds that scary. It scares me a little too because I worry what kind of job she can get. But in the long run she needs to do it...she is an artist and she needs to pursue it...so even though it scares me I need to support her and let her do it.

She will be amazing....

But this (racing these cars) is something that some people would consider "too dangerous" to do but I can swear to you that his parents have taken every precaution to protect him...and there was an ambulance ready and able to hit the track if something happened.

It was scary to watch but my pride at watching a child I loved do something so impressive took over and even though my heart stayed in my throat and I wanted valium, I really enjoyed watching the race.

Redneck as it was...

Next time I am totally wearing my tube top and Daisy Dukes...

And I'll sneak some vodka into my drink...

And when he takes the title to some big race you can all say "I heard about that kid"...yeah, mark my words...you will...

Inspiration Song: "I Can't Drive 55" by Sammy Haggar...I love Sammy...and like my Daddy, I can't always drive 55...but I won't do 110...I'll leave that to Speed Racer

Bye Darlings...let your children do something a LITTLE scary...you never know what it could lead to...