We R Who We R

I can only be who I am...

I mena, I've made some changes...physically and to my "status" (in Facebook terms...and let's face it, most of us live on Facebook or at least check it...).

So yeah, I've lost some weight...about 400 pounds if you count what I have lost on my body and an ex-husband...

But inside...

Same old me...

Same mixed up, overly-emotional, loves-almost-everybody me...

And that's not such a bad thing...

It's one thing to change how you look...another to change your heart.

My heart hasn't changed...well, not in the sense of who I am. I've changed my heart towards the very fine man who once was my husband but that's been a long time coming and to some it might seem that I've made a big change with that but really it is more of a discovery that I wasn't who I thought I was...at least as far as my marriage was concerned.

I often lay myself wide open here on this blog...maybe I tell too much...so perhaps I shouldn't say much more about my divorce except:
1) my ex is a great man...catch him if you can if you are single...
2) I am very happy and do not regret my decision to divorce that very fine man
3) my kids are just fine and that gives me comfort that I did the right thing because they do not seem to need therapy to cope with it...

But the other day I sat back and had a little chat with myself...about the changes I have made to myself and I came to the conclusion that I can only be who I am...and who I am is who I am right now...at least for now...

stand by...

that could all change...

but for right now, I'm in a good place and I'm pretty happy with the "me" that is me.

I think right now I am happier than I have been in a very long time...but I am the same me...just a happier, thinner, healthier me...and I am loving life.

I've been spending my days teaching drama camp...something that I love. Because I love kids and I love working with GOTT and TTG. I enjoy getting to use the creative side of myself to costume the kids and figure out just how to make a girl look like a bird or a boy look like an elephant or an old rich guy...andI particularly like getting to turn a girl into a princess...I mean, who doesn't want to be or look like a princess? Way more fun than a bird...

I'm staying on my fitness plan...working with Dimples, taking spin from Spinderella, JayVee, and J'taime Jamie...and I still enjoy it and miss it when I have to skip.

I get to spend more time with my girlfriends. My bestie, D-nice (remember her? her name rhymes with mine...she just has the "D" front) and I have gotten to spend more quality time together. Our boys are at camp and Ke$ha Barbie would rather have needles stuck in her eyes than spend an evening with me so D-nice and I get to hang out more. She's good for my soul...

And I get to see more or Twirler Girl and I'm excited that AngelAmy is moving here so we can spend more time together. And Trainer Girl and I have spent many days hanging out at my pool and going out for ritas.

So why the active social life? Because I am, at heart, a very social girl...I love to spend time with my friends...I love to chill and grill, I love to have drinks at my club, I love to dress up and go out...it is part of who I am...

I'm a consumate care-taker...I take care of kids, I take care of my friends, and I especially take care of my children. I love it...I thrive on it. I know it sounds crazy but I totally love spending the day taking care of a friend...be it costuming kids for a show, cooking for friends, or simply helping a friend organize their home.

I've got a friend who has needed some help...he's single and needed some help shopping. So I went shopping for him...he now claims to be the best dressed guy at work. I also helped him get his home organized---the poor man didn't realize that you can put a basket out to toss your mail in or a little container that holds kitchen utensils can free up a drawer...he claims that his life is easier thanks to said basket and container. He told me I should make a business out of helping single men get themselves organized and dressed...he may have a point...I'm good at that. Maybe I'll give it a try...I'm really good at shopping...I have a second degree black belt in it...and I really know how to work the Container Store and Target...

So if you know any single men that need some help...well, give me a shout...my rates are good!

And funny thing ism I enjoy it...or maybe it's just spending someone else's money that I enjoy...I do that well with the school's money for costumes...

So who am I?

Domestic Goddess?

well....

maybe not...my home is not perfect but getting there...

Gourmet chef?

ok, I'll say I come pretty close...I had the best teacher ever (my mom) and tonight I put a plate of food in front of a friend and he literally sighed and looked at me and said "you DO know how to cook some Mexican food and those are the best enchiladas I have ever tasted". I'm not ever going to open a restaurant but I do love to cook for my friends and entertain. Martha Stewart ain't got nothing on a little gal from Texas who knows how to cook and serve a beer...

Super Mom?

hmmmmm....I do think I have terrific kids but that comes from the gene pool and not me...but I do think I am a good mother.

Creative Genius?

nooooooo....but GOTT thinks I do a pretty good finding things at Goodwill...

which brings me to:

Black Belt Shopper...

oh yes...that I am...be it Goodwill or Nordstrom, I am going to find the bargain and the perfect thing. And I do love to shop....my American Express bill proves it...

What else am I?

Lover of musical theater...mom to many who I did not give birth to...friend to many...stranger to none...

Do I wish I could be someone else?

Sometimes...

I wish I could be a real dancer...but I am only a prima ballerina in my bathroom when no one is looking...and in my dreams Maks from "Dancing with the Stars" is my partner...

I wish I could sing...but thankfully no one hears me when I sing along to the radio...

I wish I could play guitar...a friend gave me a cd tonight of a friend's music...great guitar...I spent my time listening to the great guitar work and wishing I could do that...

I always wanted to be an aatronaut...I had a very dear friend who's father was the 3rd man on the moon...I could listen to his stories about his dad endlessly and wished I knew t
what the moon looked like up close and personally...

I wish I liked to run...still don't...

I wish I could be naturally thin and not have to fight it all the time...but not in my gene pool so it will always be a fight...

I wish I didn't like wine so much...oh, hell...that's not true...I don't mind that I like wine...

And sometimes I wish I was younger...like when my knees bother me...or when a very cute younger man asked me out and I pointed out to him that I would look like he was dating his mother (I patted him on the head and thanked him for the compliment). The best part is, I never thought that would happen to me (younger guy asking me out). My mother was asked out by a student when I was at Texas A&M orientation and I was awed by it...but then again, she was pretty fabulous... But I don't wish it when I look in the mirror because I think I am pretty happy with the me I am now...wrinkles and all...although the body needs the help of a surgeon.

And some things I think I can do....like maybe become a spin instructor...or a teacher...or maybe I can be the "organizer of single men who need help"...those all are possibilities that live inside of me. So maybe what I need to change about myself is the fear I have of trying to be those things.

So I guess what I am saying is...

We are who we are...but that doesn't mean we can't be something different.

But it also means we need to love who we are...

And right now, I may make some changes and try new things but I also am pretty happy with who I am...

I know this is a bit of rambling blog...but then again, that's who I am...a rambler...

Inspiration Song: "We R Who We R" by Ke$ha...I'm very fond of the Fred Falke Club Remix that is on her "I Am the Dance Commander" album...it's We R Who We R mixed with some old-school disco in the form of "Everybody Dance" by Chic....awesome...very very very me...a little bit of new mixed with the old school good stuff...

Bye Darlings...be who you are...you are who you are and should be proud...