Love Me Again

Hello Darlings...

Before you read this know that this is a long rambling therapy session with myself...this blog has taken weeks to write...and more than a few days to decide to share...I share it so others who may feel as I do will know they are not alone...I share it to let you know what is going on in my crazy head because that is what I do...I do not share this as a way for any of you to affirm to me anything about myself...

I want to fall in love

I need to fall in love

But not with some blue-eyed man with dimples who drives a big-ass truck

I need to fall in love with myself...

Because as RuPaul says (and we all know Ru knows how to tell it like it is):

"If you can't love yourself how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen up in here?"

Wise words...

from a fabulous drag queen who I find incredibly inspiring in so many ways...

It's an interesting relationship I have with myself...and I find myself on the slippery slope of becoming more like my mother with my worry about how I look on the outside.

But unlike my mother I love my inside very much...

I know I have a good heart...I love other humans...I give of myself completely...

if I am your friend then you know I love you and I am there for you

I often say that the outside of me is like window dressing in a store front...it's just some fixed up stuff...it's the inside the counts and the inside of "my store" is filled with priceless items and fabulous things that I give freely to all who love me...

But lately I find myself worried about my appearance....

and mostly the weight I have gained over this past year.

Because once you have been at a very scary weight (and I visited that weight more than once in my adulthood) you know you have to fight every day not to go there again.

Every.damn.day.

It is a huge fight and struggle...I have to think about everything I put in my mouth and literally beat myself up for it sometimes...

I looked and felt so darn good after my surgery...I had the flat stomach I had always dreamed of...my thighs (always large) were not bad...my bootie will always be big but it was firm...and I had my Barbie boobs...

But then...ever so slowly...the weight started to creep back on...

At first I noticed things were getting a little tight but I thought I could get it off quickly again...

but then I got busy doing things and eating right and working out got thrown to the backseat...and a little more crept on...

and that pattern continued for a year

and then one day I finally saw myself in the mirror as I really was...I had put on more than a few pounds and working out only twice a week was not doing me any good.  All of my cute new clothes didn't fit or looked terrible and lumpy on me...

It's almost as if for a year I had a magic mirror that blurred the lines so that I didn't see what was really there...but then one day the fog cleared and I saw myself

and

I

cried

no let's make that "I bawled my eyes out"...

Oh I am nowhere near where I was when I was at my heaviest...but I certainly had gained a couple of dress sizes

and what was tight and firm now jiggled like Jello

And I came to the sorry realization that I had let myself go and was no longer putting my health and well-being first...

So I decided to do something about it...

JayVee was instrumental in getting me to get back on track...she suggested I give a new indoor cycling studio a try...she knew I needed more than just her class two days a week and although she never ever once said a negative thing to me about my weight gain I know she saw it and loved me too much to tell me outright...so she guided me...which is what a very very good friend will do...

I had been once before with her to the location near her house but it wasn't all that convenient to my old house...but then they opened a new location so very close to me I couldn't use distance as an excuse...and now that I am in my new house their original location is also close...

So I took myself down there and found...

a revolution

Revolution Studio to be exact...

Now the purpose of this post is NOT to promote one business in particular (although I will fully admit that I am a complete fan of this studio and what they do and I urge you to give them a look if you are looking for a great place to spin!  I will go with you!) but I mention this studio in particular because I'm getting something there I need and it's not just sweat.

Because when we are in class...and we are working so very hard to "tap back"  and keep the beat (and for me in particular this is a challenge when it is fast hip-hop music because I very much have "white girl's rhythm") the instructors feed our souls as well...

It's hard to describe but it truly is more than just a ride on an indoor bike...there is so much love and life-affirming that goes on there that when you get off the bike you find that you are sweaty but somehow feeling so energized and happy that you are truly at your happy place.

There are days that I feel so damn old and fat...and tired...and just like "why the hell do I bother" and then I get in class and Jen the Awesome or KuteKim or MarvelousMel or QueenB or Sweet Charisse or SunshineSydney will say "this is your house of opportunity" and I realize it truly is...

Those 45 minutes are my opportunity to change my body...to be strong...to open my heart to possibilities...to be better...

And that the only person I have to compete with is the person I was yesterday...

It doesn't just make my bootie better...it makes my SOUL better to ride and let it all go...and to hear someone tell me that I AM good enough...strong enough...fast enough...

For a confident person I have a ton of self doubt...

I worry every second about my costuming until I see it on stage and then I know I knocked it out of the park and I did a damn good job...and GOTT will constantly tell me it all looks great but there is this part of me that says "maybe it's not right"...but I am conquering that a lot better this year...

But the biggest part of me with self doubt is about my body...and there I am an epic fail...

Because it has always always always been a struggle....

And it always will be...

I like food...

no let's rephrase that to "I LOVE FOOD"...

and I'm a good cook...and my style of cooking is usually down-home full of butter badness...Paula Deen and the Pioneer Woman are pretty much my cooking spirit animals...but I have learned over the years how to cook very healthy food and be very happy with it...

but let's face it...I never met a french fry I didn't like...

well, to be honest, I only REALLY like french fries from Houston's or King's Inn but trust me I still will eat an albino fry from Whataburger just like it was a nice crispy golden one from McDonald's back in the day...

the fact that I can perfectly describe a really good fry should pretty much tell you how much I like french fries...and how connected I am to food...

I worked so hard...so very very hard...to get those 140 lbs off that I lost a few years ago...I had such drive to get it done...to go from a size 24 to an 8...to go to the Oprah show...to release the girl that was inside me from her fat prison...

And to have let it go and gotten all "fluffy" (ok let's call it what it is---fat...) again is such a disappointment to myself because it makes me question why I let it happen...

because there really was NOT a magic mirror that blurred the lines...i just was blind to myself...

and I have all kinds of excuses as to why...stress...lack of time...hurt knees...moving...blah blah blah

but the heart of the issue was that I stopped loving myself enough to take care of myself as I should...

and then I have the other issue of hating myself for not being a perfect Barbie bodied girl...

it's a love/hate thing...

wow...

I could make a therapist really happy with that realization...

but it really struck me a few weeks ago when I was in spin class and KuteKim and MarvelousMel were teaching...and at the end of the class I cried... and I cried again when I hugged them after because I truly took in what they were saying to me about loving myself and loving that person I see in the mirror...and moving myself forward...and a few days later at Marvelous Mel's Hip-Hop bike party class I found myself in tears through the last two songs as I felt something in me release...and a sense of pride of my ability to DO THIS...

it was very emotional

and hot...it was very very hot...and sweaty...

but it was a hot sweaty epiphany and when I got home and I peeled my wet clothes off of my body and I looked in the mirror and was ready to just HATE my big thighs full of cellulite dimples and my wide middle and extra padding on my hips and let's not even talk about my ass...

I looked in the mirror

and even though I didn't LOVE the body I saw...

I knew that my body was strong enough to kick ass in a spin class even though I am just a few months from 50...

that my body MADE and gestated the two most amazing humans I have ever known (my kids)...

that my body has been through years of yo-yo dieting...and that I will never ever ever look like Heidi Klum or Giselle Bundchen and that's ok because there is only one Heidi and one Giselle and I don't have the genes to be them...

but it is MY body...

and I can change it with what I put into it and the work I put out from it...

It will never be a perfect Barbie body...

I will never be called "thin"

I will never have a "hot body"

but I can have a healthy one...

and now I have to work on THAT being my ideal...not a perfect body but one that is strong and healthy and able to wear the clothes I want to wear...

I am a happy person...I am happy with my life...

but I am not happy with my body right now and I just have had to do a check on myself to see WHY it is so important to me to look "beautiful"...

is it because I am single? (well...yes...I know it is easier to meet someone when you are nice looking and men who are my age are looking for a hot 35 year old not a 50 year old...)

is it because my mother had such value in her own beauty that she spent so much money trying to perfect it? (probably has a lot to do with it)

or is it because somehow I equate looking good with being good?

I can say "NO"to that one...

make that scream "NO" to that one because I never judge anyone by their looks...(although I am shallow enough to admit that if I don't find a man attractive to my sense of what I find attractive I don't want to date him no matter how nice he is because I have to have a physical attraction to someone to be more than friends...and yes that is so shallow that you can throw rocks at me for it)

I am just disappointed that I let myself go and didn't keep up my hard work...

So now when I look in the mirror I still see the flaws and all the extra flesh and I am still disappointed that I am heavy and wish I was that cute little size 8 I was when I got out of surgery...

but I don't HATE myself for it...

and I am working on it...and trying to make sure that this time I keep it off...

because I am happier with my body when it is fit and thinner...

I know my inside is beautiful...I love my friends and family and I give 100% of myself to others and I would give you the shirt of my back if you are someone who needs it...I know I am a good mom and that is what I think is the MOST important thing about me---that I am mom to two wonderful kids...

but I need to quit worrying that the outside of me is beautiful and just focus on the healthy part...

and as I close out this blog that is one rambling therapy session I have to stress this last part...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT THINK FOR ONE SECOND I WROTE THIS BLOG SO THAT PEOPLE WILL TELL ME I AM BEAUTIFUL...

Please...don't...

and don't say it to me...

that is not how I work or feel...I wrote this blog as a therapy session for myself and to reassure some of you out there who feel the same way that you are not alone...

I am learning to love myself again...to quit worrying what the size label in a dress says and love how I feel...

to forgive myself for having dimpled thighs and just cover them up with a skirt...

to know that all my hard work in spin class and eating right will pay off and I will get back into my cute clothes and be able to wear jeans and darling tops like all the other football moms (see the blog "Don't Play No Game that I Can't Win" for why) and to put on my pretty dresses and feel confident and sexy when I go to dinner with friends...

it will come back...

but first...

I have to love myself...

and then the rest will fall into place

Can I get an AMEN up in here?

Inspiration Song: "Love Me Again" by John Newman.  JayVee introduced me to it and plays it during spin class for me...it's a great song to spin to and the sweeping orchestral arrangement is just awesome...

Bye Darlings...I am learning to love me again...and if you have fallen out of love with yourself I urge you to remember the good things about yourself and fall in love again...because how are you going to love somebody else if you don't love yourself?

AMEN...

Don't Play No Game That I Can't Win

Hellloooo Darlings!

In case you haven't noticed...

it's football season...

And this year I am having my first experience as being a "Varsity Mama".

My son has played football since the 4th grade and I thought I had gotten used to this barbaric sport called football but now that he is playing against the big boys I find that I am not ready to be a Varsity mother...he's ready to play Varsity...I'm just not ready to sit in the stands and watch it...

My son has been on the Varsity wrestling team since he was a freshman but at our school there is a BIG difference between Varsity football and all the other sports.

Football is the big time...

The rest.. they are the stepsisters...

This is Texas after all.

My son got to have a sort-of honorary position of being moved up to the Varsity team after his JV season ended last year but he only practiced with them and stood (in his uniform) on the sidelines.  He didn't play one second of Varsity football last year during a game.

And that was just fine and dandy with me!

But he got a taste of what it was like---the team dinners, the special locker room, Chick-fil-A in the locker room after the game...the fun stuff.

I asked him if it bothered him that his wrestling didn't get all the attention and food and parties and stuff that football got.

My son, ever the practical one said:

"Mom, it's wrestling.  We aren't supposed to eat anything"

(lest that comment worries you I can assure you 100% that my son is NOT allowed to cut weight in crazy ways or wear plastic clothing to sweat in or do any of the crazy stuff some wrestlers do.  His coach only allows a very small weight drop at a time and they weigh and watch them constantly.  I manage his weight during the season by cutting out "bad" carbs and salt).

He loves both sports equally and so it really doesn't bother him that wrestling doesn't get the attention...or the cheerleader buddy gifts and Chick-fil-A.

I am learning a lot about being a Varsity Mom...and I am sorta failing miserably at it.

Things like:

1) The team dad sent out an email at the start of the season reminding us to get hotel rooms for the out of town game and something about shirts.  I THOUGHT I had forwarded that email to my ex-husband and although I wasn't sassy I was a bit to the point and said something about "this is football and it's on you"...

Turns out instead of hitting the "forward" button I hit "respond".  Poor team dad got it.  He sent me back an email suggesting maybe my response was not meant for him.

I.was.mortified.

He (team dad) thought it was hilarious.

I sent back and email informing him that he would not need to play referee and that all the fighting would be down on the field.  When I finally met him face-to-face he said he had been dying to meet the woman who literally made him crack up (there was more to the emails but I won't bore you).

So basically I have screwed up looking cool in front of the Team Dad and Team Mom...

2) NO ONE told me I had to look like and dress like a supermodel for these games.

You should see these women...they are all gorgeous and they all look amazing.

And where the hell they have room in their closets for all the fantastic adorable purple clothes they wear  so chicly I have not one clue...but damn...

So here's me at the first game: long black skirt and purple t-shirt...I had to teach that day.

Here's them: white skinny jeans with chic chiffon purple flow-y top and cute wedge heels...or darling romper in gold and cute cowboy boots (Team mom...she's too cute for words and looks like a teenager)...or precious dress and fun shoes...or cute little shorts and fun little top all in purple and gold...

Oh...and they all have great hair and cute haircuts and hair-do's.

I sport a ponytail...although one time I curled my hair and they only knew who I was because I was wearing my son's jersey.

me: fail
Them: supermodels

I have tried to find adorable purple outfits to fit my oompah loompah shape but I have had little to no luck.

It is my mission this next year to stockpile chic and perfect football mom clothes for next year so I can be dazzling too...

but all I really want to wear is yoga pants and a t shirt.

3) I don't know how to behave in the stands...

I sorta have to tell myself my butt is glued to my seat when my son goes down.

During the first game he rolled his ankle and was slow to get up.  The second game he pulled his achilles.

I had to tell myself : "You are a varsity mom.  Varsity moms sit here cool as a cucumber while their son is rolling on the ground hurt.  You do not move.  You sit stoically.  You remain calm and composed.  You do not go running down the stands and out onto the field to check on your baby.  You are as cool as a north wind."

All the while the rest of me is screaming:

"My baby is hurt and he needs his mama!!!!!"

I learned this from watching the other moms.

I wonder if they are having the same conversation in their heads and also want to run down and hold their baby boys.

I also have once or twice stood up and yelled:

"That's MY boy!!!!" once or twice when he has sacked the quarterback and saved us from doom.

The dads just stare at me...

I don't care...

That was MY boy that just brought down another human...and I totally think he deserves a trophy every time he does it.

I cheer just as hard for my friends son's too.  When my friend PrettyPhyllis's son made an interception last game and the crowd was chanting his name I got teary-eyed.  And when my friend DarlingDebbie's son made a touchdown (he is on defense so that's a big deal) I yelled like he was my own kid...

So yeah...I'm THAT mom in the stands...the LOUD one...the OBNOXIOUS one...

Luckily I have another friend DivineDawn who is as loud or louder than me and next year when her son is on Varsity I will sit with her and we can make enough noise for the whole crowd.

(Except I won't look as fabulous as her because she is just one of those women that even yoga pants and a t-shirt look like couture on because she is so damn fabulous and divine...and she has the cool hair twists that this white girl is jealous of...I named her well...divine...)

OMG and when I watch the cheerleaders I cringe and cover my eyes...they are incredible with their tosses and tumbling and throwing each other about.  So I sit in the stands and sit on my hands so I don't wring them when I watch the girls doing their routines and cheers.  I actually think it might be harder to be a cheer mom than a football mom---at least my boy is wearing padding!

When I was a cheerleader all I had to do was jump and hold up TeenyTinyTerry...and she was teeny tiny...

So I am the mom in the stands who has that worried and concerned look on her face when she watches the cheerleaders...

Someone please tell me how to look gorgeous and chic and wear a mask on my face so I don't look "skeerd" (scared) all the time...

4) I don't know how to do all the socializing that goes along with this team.

I turn right back into the intimidated middle school girl at the team parties...

The seniors moms have been doing this for a while and they all know each other...I cling to my friends who I have known for years.

You would think as loud as I can be I wouldn't get shy but at these parties I feel that way.

Part of it is that I may just be the only single mom on the team...so I fell sorta out of place.  Lucky for me PrettyPhyllis often comes as my date because her husband is handling their other sons.

And the parties...wow...

Those people can party.

They really are a fun group of people... a lot of fun...and they throw great parties.

It is my goal next week to branch out and try and meet a few more of the parents...if I can find an adorable purple outfit to wear...

This whole experience has given me a chance to learn some things from my son...

He goes into each and every game ready to play his heart out.

He is a little hard on himself (I see him do great and he feels like he just did ok) but he also knows that he is good enough at his job of linebacker to hold his own.

He won't play college ball but that is fine and dandy with me.  He's too small and I don't think my heart could handle it.

Last week he had to go up against an offensive line that was basically made of trees, not boys...

They.were.huge.

They totally outplayed us and sadly our offense was not having a great day so the kept losing the ball and my son was having to run back onto the field almost as soon as he got off the field.  By the end of the last quarter of the game the defense was so worn out they looked dazed.

When my son got home he was tired, hungry beyond belief, beat up and discouraged.

But after getting a good shower, a Whataburger patty melt in him, and a few minutes to rest he was less discouraged and ready to move on to next week's game.

He recovers quickly...at least his spirit does...his body has taken a few more days than usual to get over that game.

We are lucky that he attends a school with an excellent set of trainers that do an amazing job of helping the boys recover after games with icing and treatments.  My son has had electrical stimulation treatments so many times the trainer now has him help him set the other boys up when we have had a hard game and a lot of the boys need post-game treatments.

That helps him...

but there is nothing that really helps a mama recover...

ah but then again their is...

wine

and

vodka

(but not at the same time)

My son goes out there and commits 100% of himself 100% of the time.

He hits and hits and hits boys.

He takes them down and he gets taken down.

It's the same with wrestling.

And when I look at him...tired, sweaty, bruised, scratched and sometimes bloodied after a game...and he smiles as me and tells me he is tired but I can see that he had fun...

well...

that is one game worth winning...

because love of the game is what it is all about...not the scoreboard

(ok yes it is about the scoreboard but you know what I mean...)

I let him play because he loves it.

He gets up and goes to school most mornings at 6:30 to lift weights and then carries one of the toughest academic loads on the team (2 AP classes, 2 Honors classes and the hardest English teacher) and then goes to practice for 2 hours.

He rarely complains.

He doesn't get a lot of glory or his name in the paper.

But he plays the game because he loves it.

And he wrestles because it is the one thing that is all on him and it's just him and the other boy and he loves it.

And so, I will find cute purple clothing, glue my butt to the stadium seat when he is hurt...

but I will still yell out

"That's MY boy" when he takes the opposing QB down...

because that's how this Varsity mama rolls...

you can dress me up but you can't make me behave...

and thank god for the recover potion known as "wine" or the "Varisty Mom painkiller" known as vodka...

With a few prayers, a little luck, a tiny (ok a lot) of wine, and good friends I can play this game too...and win...

Inspiration Song: "Don't Play No Game That I Can't Win" by the Beastie Boys...because it doesn't matter what the scoreboard says, as long as you play with your heart you will always win...

Bye Darlings: Go out there and cheer for the ones you love for whatever they love doing...Friday Night Lights is not only football...it's about love of the game...ANY game...and as long as the game is played safely and fairly and your child or friend is having fun...that is a game worth winning...

Let it Go

Hello Darlings

Wow once again I let my blogging get shoved to the side of my life...

but...

I'm baaaaaaaaaack!

And here you sit reading this and think:

"glad she's back but oh lordy she has used the cheesiest song for her blog title...come on couldn't she come up with something...ANYTHING else?"

And now you have the song as an earworm in your head and you can't stop singing (in your head):

LET IT GO
LET IT GO
CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE

(and if you have seen the movie your mind instantly tries to erase it and you end up with "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?" I can pretty much guarantee I won't ever use that song title but then again we may have the freaky once-a-decade snow here and have to use it...)

But try as a may for what I want to say today, Let it Go is the appropriate thing...

because lately I have been learning about letting it go and sometimes it is easy and sometimes...

it sucks...

and sometimes you just have to get over yourself...

I use this blog as therapy and a way to work out my issues so today I need to get over myself and talk to myself about something and you my friends are along for the ride.

In the last few years I have let go of a lot of things...

some were easy:
my fat clothes
my old suburban
my extra skin from being fat
having a middle school girl

some took more effort to let go of:
over 100 lbs of fat
chicken fried steak
some of my mother's things
a lot of the "stuff" that I kept over the years but didn't need

some of my letting go required a lot of thought but were not hard to do:
my marriage

and some were hard to let go of:
my old house
my daughter when she went to college
my son being with me every night
my Siamese cat (who now lives with my ex)
my trainer when he moved away (I still miss you Coach Dimples)

Getting divorced meant a lot of changes for me and my kids...I did my best to keep things "normal" for them and to not disrupt their lives too much at one time. 

I stayed in my house for a few more years so my kids could still have "their home".  I wanted them to feel like they still had their place even if their dad wasn't there.

I've gotten used to being a third wheel at things...the "extra"...KuteKaren and RoyBoy babysit me a lot and have me tag along for dinner (thank you precious friends you are lifesavers) and poor D'nice ends up being my date for things a lot (thank you precious friend for being a lifesaver) as does Twirler Girl (thank you my precious friend for being a lifesaver)...it's just part of being single to be the one at the party who is alone
. 
I've been ok at being a third wheel but I have learned a few things like the fact I don't like going to fancy parties with dancing etc by myself...it's uncomfortable for me when everyone is slow dancing with their loved one and I'm twiddling my thumbs at the table...it leads to trouble...it leads to too much vodka consumption.  (my experience at the Bacchus ball in NOLA taught me that)

So I just roll along and I go to what I am comfortable going to and I take a pass and snuggle up with the cats and watch pay per view on those nights that I am better off at home...I have let go of having to be a social butterfly...

I've let go of the desire to have the body of a Sports Illustrated cover model. 

I don't have the genetics for it.  But I can have a strong and healthy body and that I won't let go of (and don't tell anyone but I did eat a few corn tortillas (not fried) with the tacos I made tonight...shsssshhh...our secret) but I try my best and I have let go of punishing myself for eating some bad stuff...

oh...I am supposed to let go of that...the food stuff punishment....

ok:  I ATE CORN TORTILLAS AND TACOS TONIGHT! 

so there...

that was shouted...

I have let go of the thought that prince charming (who drives a big ass truck and has blue eyes) is waiting around the corner for me...I've been alone for almost 4 years now...but who knows someday it might happen but right now I don't feel proactive enough about it to seek it out...but I did sorta hope by now that some dude would at least think I was fun...sigh...

and today I had to let go of one of the last of my "I can still live like I did when I was married" things in my life...I let go of my private club membership.

That one goes in the "hard" column...because I love the club and my friends and most especially I love JayVee and her spin class.

But it was time to move on and save myself some serious money because those dues were not cheap.  And we never went there as a family.  And all that I ever did there was go to spin class. It's a nice club with a fitness center, dining options (and a bar) and great pools.  Not once did I visit the pool this summer and single women are not exactly welcome at the bar (although single men are) so I didn't socialize there much.

I have been considering retiring my membership for a year and lucky for me JayVee introduced me to Revolution Studio so I would have a place to spin.  KuteKim, Marvelous Mel, Sunshine Sydney, Jen the Amazing, Sweet Charisse, and Queen B Bertha have proven to be incredible instructors and I totally love the vibe of the place and what it offers to me...a place to workout my mind and my soul...I love it...I am drinking the kool-aid and happy to pass it around to others...

So once I knew I would have a place to keep my fitness up I took a deep breath and called the membership director and told her that this single mom of 2 needed a pay raise and my club dues were going to be that raise.

I have so many friends that belong to the club...and I have girls I truly love that I spin with and have fun with in class...so letting go was super hard...

And today, when I took that last spin class there I cried through it...I couldn't look at JayVee...I sobbed through songs...I cried after class...I hugged my friends and felt their love...many of them have been with me through my journey to lose weight and become fit...they watched me do it...they cheered me on from the sidelines...they prayed for me when I had surgery...they kept me going at times I didn't think I could tap back even one more time (that's a spin term!)...

but life is a journey and sometimes we need a new path so today I left one road and will stay on another one that also inspires me and keeps me fit...

it was a great class and they will continue to have fun and get a great workout and so will I...and maybe they will let me come on a guest pass every once in a while...

After class today I talked to a friend who was struggling with how to handle some family issues.  Her child is getting married and her ex-husband is being...well...he's being an ass...there is no other word for it.  And there is a brother-in-law issue...but really what all is involved is not for this blog

but I told her to let it go...let the wedding heal things...let it be the best day for her child...

We all have things to let go of...

I haven't done anything particularly inspiring or special...

I'm just on my journey...

But remember my friend Beauty?  From "The Warrior" blog?

She did some letting go that blew me away and when I start to feel sorry for myself I remember her and all the things she is letting go of so she can fight her cancer. 

This Saturday at Revolution they are having special spin classes in honor of Bright Pink to help women with Breast and Ovarian cancer (www.brightpink.org).  I wanted to do that ride but I have a previous commitment...but I am going to donate in honor of Beauty and in honor of my friend Wonder Woman (who kicked ovarian cancer in the ass).

Beauty has had to let go of so much...but she keeps fighting.  She writes a wonderful blog on her Caring Bridge page and the day I read about her cutting off her own hair...well that my friends is some pretty mighty letting go.  She blew me away with her strength and fearlessness.  And she shared it with us...

She's a gifted writer and an inspiration...I asked her and she gave me permission to post a link to her page....and this is the one about the hair...

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/elizabethkanarellis/journal/view/id/53ed2446a589b449752d8174

read all of her stuff...you will laugh, you will cry, you will be inspired...even if you don't know her...

and yes that is her at the top of the page and her hubba hubba hubby...gorgeous creatures both of them but trust me the real beauty is inside of them...

read her words...let her inspire you to be strong..to let go...the minute I finished my class and went into the locker room to change and was feeling sorry for myself and started to dry my long hair I thought of her...and how she let go of her hair and I was crying because I had to give up a club membership...

I took a breath

and let go...

Inspiration Song: "Let it Go" sung by Idina Menzel from the movie "Frozen"...actually I hated this song until I finally saw the movie and now I GET it...it's a powerful song of acceptance and letting go of the things that hold you back. I am trying to do that...

Bye Darlings: if you have something that is holding you back...or something you need to feel power over (like not letting cancer take your hair but YOU take your hair) then sing this song and LET IT GO...

I Kissed a Girl

Hello Darlings...

You knew this was coming, right?  I mean if I'm going to blog Katy Perry songs this one had to make the list because you all know I love me my LGBT people...

but here's where you wonder if I have some sort of confession to make...

Well I am sorry to burst your bubble but this is not where I tell you I have actually (romantically) kissed a girl...not that I find one thing wrong with that...it's just that I haven't met a girl I wanted to kiss..and I like men...

although I guess if I was to kiss a girl it would be Katy Perry and I don't care if that is totally cliche or not...

But this is where I go all "let's piss off the peoples" on you and get on my soapbox and give my opinion on something...

MY BLOG

MY OPINION

Yes...it's a blog about something controversial

actually it ticks me off to say it is controversial because it shouldn't be...but for some the subject matter will be...

because this blog is about gay rights...

that's right people...I'm going there again...

MY BLOG

MY OPINON

The last time I did this I got unfriended by a few people and some argued with me...my feelings weren't hurt because if they wanted to unfriend me for my beliefs maybe we weren't really friends...and I always welcome the view from the other side but remember...

(See blog  "Freedom 90" for my previous foray into this subject)

MY BLOG

MY OPINON

So sit down and open your mind for a minute if it is closed and if you support gay rights please wave those rainbow colored pompoms...

I have a lot of gay friends...I'm not going to list them here because that would be to label them...and I don't like labels much...If I listed my gay friends I would also have to list who is blonde because to me I have so many other ways to describe them than who they sleep with...

I don't want someone to label me by who I sleep with...

which currently would be the label: NO ONE

And although it doesn't bother me to be in the "none" or "single" category I don't really want that to be the most interesting thing about me...

I believe in gay marriage.

I believe that if two men want to get married, or two women want to get married they have as much a right to as I do...

I don't really plan to get married again.

I had my "one and done" and since I am not having any more kids I really don't see the need to...but I have friends who would like to have that option.

Some want the label of "married"...they want to check that box that says "married" on forms...to say we are "Mr. and Mr."...to call each other "wife" or "husband"...

some want/need the tax benefits

and frankly I do not want to see one more gay couple have to face the pain of inheritance tax crap after they have just lost the one they love...that is just...well the word I want to use is not for a lady to say

I find it unfair that just because I was married to someone of the opposite sex that had I died while we were still married he could have inherited my estate without all the taxes that a gay couple would have pay just because they couldn't legally marry...

If a gay couple was together for 50 years is it right that if one spouse dies the other one has to pay a huge tax because they aren't recognized as legally the spouse?  Or , heaven forbid, if one died without a will the partner/spouse then might not inherit anything?

That's just wrong people...

And I am glad things are changing and more and more states are beginning to recognize same-sex marriages.

I don't want to have a fight about Christianity with this either...that is so much of a subject of fire and brimstone that I don't really want to touch it here and somehow it always gets nasty or hurtful.  I have a lot of Christian friends that are flat-out against it...and others that are like me that feel that it is wrong to deny them the right.

You can't control who someone else loves by making something illegal...

you can't control who someone loves...period...

My point is this: is it really going to hurt you if my friends in same-sex relationships get married?

It won't diminish your marriage or marriage in general...it just means that people who love each other can have a legal union just like straight couples can.

This all got stirred around in my head again because Houston passed an ordinance against discrimination and along with non-descrimination because of race, creed, and sex that sexual orientation and gender identity got put into it.

So it got some people in an uproar.

Heaven forbid that you had to hire a gay person to work for you...if not for gay people there would be a whole helluva lot less fabulousness and style in this world...so think about that next time you get your hair done...(ok that was cliche but frankly I think gay men do a great job of making women look good)

and I know many LGBT people in careers far outside of fashion, etc...does it really matter who someone sleeps with if they are the person who does your taxes or gives you your yearly checkup?

When I was trying to figure out the uproar about this I came across two things that made me pat myself on my darling little head because I couldn't figure out why someone would say these things...

1) I saw a comment that said "it will now force clergy to perform same-sex marriages and it goes against their religious beliefs"...

wow

I really don't know any couples---gay or otherwise---who would want to be married by someone who is hostile and forced to perform it.  Why would you?  A marriage should be a happy celebration and no one wants to be married by someone who is against it.  I'm sure if a same-sex couple went to a member of the clergy of their church/synagogue of choice and that person said "I am opposed to your marriage" that they would find someone else to perform the marriage.

But that was an argument against it...

The other...and this one really made me pat my darling head...

2) a pervert could now pose as a transgendered person and go into a public restroom and molest someone

double wow

This person was more worried about someone posing as transgendered (note I say "posing" here because the point of this would be that the pervert was not a transgender but faking it for the sake of access to molest) than the fact that a pervert could go into a restroom (which they can and do all the time ordinance or not).

REAL transgender people are just seeking to use a restroom comfortably.

I think men would likely be more disturbed by a transgender man in a dress coming into the men's room than a woman would be if that same person entered the ladies room.

I don't really care who is peeing next to me as long as I have my own privacy.

And frankly I have known some drag queens and transgendered people who could give me some tips on how to look as gorgeous as they do so I wouldn't mind washing my hands next to a drag queen or transgendered woman...in fact I once had a waitress who offered to stay late and give me a lesson on how she did her eyes...she was born "Bruce" but called herself "Paloma" but all I saw was fabulousness...

I have a wonderful dear old friend who has a beautiful family. (Mind you when I say old it is not because he is old but rather we have been friends for pretty much our whole lives and our moms were friends, etc...).

He has a handsome awesome husband and two gorgeous twin boys.

The only thing I can find to hate about him is not his sexuality...far from it...what I do hate about him is that we are literally almost the same age and he looks so darn much better than I do.  Damn man...like he still looks like we did in college.

I'm happy he lives in a state where he can be legally married to his fabulous husband and that they are able to have a family...I know he is an amazing dad not just by what I see/hear but also due to the fact that more than maybe 20 or 20 million times when we were in college he had to clean up the mess that was me.  Poor thing...but he handled me pretty well so I am pretty darn sure he can handle kindergarteners...and trust me I am not far from being a kindergartener...

It would break my heart for him not to have this amazing life he leads because he is gay...and he is not my only friend who is in this position.

All I am saying here is to keep an open mind...

I love all my friends and I want everyone to be loved and happy...and frankly I can't wait until the day I can go to a gay or lesbian wedding here in Texas...because then it would mean that all of my friends can get married...

I don't have any say so on who someone else loves so why should anyone else?

Because isn't that what is really is about...love?

I'd say I am sorry if I upset anyone...but sorry, I am not sorry...I just want to see this country be fair to all of its citizens...

ok stepping off my soapbox again...but you never know when I might climb back on again

MY BLOG

MY OPINION

Inspiration Song: "I Kissed a Girl"...that's the first song I really got to know Katy with...I may not kiss girls but I know girls who do and I think it is just fine...

Bye Darlings---free your minds...accept humans as humans and not by labels...let everyone love because love is all we need...(and yes, I just got two song titles into that last little bit...)

Firework

Hello Darlings...

I'm holding myself to 7 Katy Perry songs...so far this makes 5...it has pushed me creatively to try and do this and it did get me inspired for my shows for this school year but it has been a challenge to figure out what a want to write about to make it fit...but that is why I did this for the challenge...and I am all about a challenge...

So with that I give you...

FIREWORK

Last Saturday I had the privilege of getting to attend a new instructor's community ride at Revolution Studio.  A community ride is a free ride the studio offers when a new instructor is being introduced to the studio as a solo instructor.

KuteKim opened Revolution with the vision of making indoor cycling not just fun but to inspire, empower and transform the riders.  It is a great vision and she has it nailed.  But to be an instructor at Rev you have to be able to do so much more than put on some music and tell the riders to "put on some tension and run"...

To be an excellent indoor cycle instructor takes training...a lot of training...

Anyone can be an instructor...but note that I said to be an EXCELLENT instructor it takes training...that is why even though I do have a few indoor cycle certifications I am far from qualified to really teach cycle because it takes more than passing a test...it takes work...it takes commitment.  JayVee is constantly taking new classes and training and I know the instructors are Rev don't just teach they take classes as well to keep on top of their game.

KuteKim wants her instructors to not only be excellent but to take it to the next level...so if you are going to take the stage at Rev you are going to go through months and months of training and co-teaching.  And only when an instructor is fully trained is she/he allowed to climb on that bike on the stage and lead a class.

It really is a coronation of sorts...and last Saturday was particularly fitting because BeautifulBertha, who we refer to as Queen B, was leading her first class on her own.

She.killed.it.

Like...it was amazing...

She rocked us out...and at the end of the class we were overjoyed to cheer her on as we took that tension off the bikes and got ready to cool down.

I cried...

I was super proud of her...she has become a friend and when you watch your friend reach her goal and dream you can't help but burst with joy.

She was beautiful up there...she was beaming...the rest of the Rev team was glowing with pride and she was an inspiration to us all...

QueenB...you deserve your crown...and I can't wait to clip in and rock out with you again...

So now you are sitting here reading this saying "here she goes again with the spinning"...but I promise I am getting to a point...

so bear with me...

Football season has started...my son sometimes spends up to 6 hours at the school for practice, training, conditioning, etc (and yes, there are rest periods and snacks).  Football takes a lot of work if you are going to put on those varsity colors and start hitting people.

He has great coaches and plays with his friends.  They are a team.  They work together for that win...

But after football comes wrestling.

Wrestling is different...

Wrestling is man to man.

You are on a team but when you are on the mat it is just you and the other guy.

All you have to rely on is your body and your training.

Wrestling may look like two boys/men out there rolling around on a mat but it is so much more than that.  I'm talking about REAL wrestling here not the entertainment that WWE is...

My son spends hours learning and perfecting his moves.  There are specific holds and things you can do to counter those holds...ways to get out of things and how to avoid being pinned.

My son hates to get pinned

It rarely happens and when he does he gets pretty mad...he would rather lose on points...

When he started wrestling I said "oh! Will you learn how to do Full Nelson?"

The Cutest Boy in the World just looked at me and sighed and said "Mom, that is totally illegal"

So much for what I knew about wrestling...and frankly after all the wrestling I have watched over the past 5 years you would think I know a lot more but sadly I don't...

To me it just looks like 2 guys rolling around on a mat

But I know the hours and training my son has put into it and I know that it is so much more than that.

My son's freshman year in high school he placed 3rd in a state championship meet.  Not bad for a freshman kid who was in the largest (number of athletes not the heaviest weight) weight class.

When he came off the mat he was sweaty and bloody...his mouth was bleeding because he bit his tongue or cut something... he thought it was the other boy's blood but I reminded him he was not a vampire and had not bitten the boy.  He smiled a bloody smile and I cried with pride.  Because I know how hard he trained to get there and I remembered him as a 7 year old boy telling his camp counselor that he would like to wrestle for him.

His camp counselor ended up being his wrestling coach...my son told him at camp he would wrestle for him and he did...and he did coach proud.

He got hurt at the start of the season last year but they still made him captain for this year and next because even when he wasn't on the mat he still trained and helped coach and inspire his team mates.  He's honored they have made him captain and it was something he has wanted since he started high school.

Being well trained and taught can make your goals happen.

That is why I took the training I did for indoor cycle...not to teach but to be well-trained enough to ride better...to ride stronger...to ride smarter.

And so when I was leaving after that great community ride I got to thinking about how cool it is when someone commits to learn to do something and then does it.

My friend MarvelousMargaret put her "bucket list" of things she wanted to try on Facebook the other day.  She asked who wants to do these things with her.

We all wanted to take the wine tasting class....no surprise there...

But she had a lot of other fun things on there and I told her I would try "archery" with her.

I don't think for one moment I will become Katniss Everdeen by learning how to shoot a bow and arrow (and I have done it before at camp but I was terrible at it) but I do think it will be fun and sort of empowering to learn how to do that...

and yeah maybe I will braid my hair and try to channel my inner Jennifer Lawrence badass-ness and pretend I am Katniss...but what I am excited about its that MarvelousMargaret is inspiring me to try and learn something that is sorta outside my wheelhouse.

And I also plan to take some shooting classes with KuteKaren so get ready people...I may just be the most dangerous woman you know...

I'm turning 50 in a few months (don't worry I plan to make all of you know it so I can get through it...but for now lets just say it is coming...) so I like the idea of learning something new...or of improving skills I have...and to train up...

When I sub teach I can honestly say I am not sure I really teach the kids anything...especially if it is math...but I do try my very best to help the kids and to inspire them to work harder for their teachers (one of my favorite things is when I get to sub on test review days and I challenge the kids to make awesome grades and bring them a prize the next time).  But I would like to be a better teacher...so I spend time trying to learn more and I always meet with the teacher when it is a scheduled sub time (like a teacher going to conference) so that I can be fully prepared for the kids.

I train some moms at the school on how to teach some of the art history lessons they teach the kids.  It's a very cool program and it takes a lot of prep work to teach a lesson on Picasso...or Monet...or cave paintings.  I try to not just teach the moms the lessons but HOW to teach the lessons and how to keep the kids engaged.  I don't just want to say "this is the Monet lesson", I want to teach them how to get those kids to want to learn about Monet...(don't even get me started on Bernini....but if you want to know I will tell you...).  I want to train them up so that they aren't just regurgitating a lesson to they kids...

And when I work with my high school kids doing costumes I make sure I teach my student team how to think for themselves and how to work the costume changes as if I wasn't there...my goal is for them to feel like they are in charge...and so far I have let them because they have done a great job.  My sweet MOD showed me the way (and she was the student!) but I think I taught her how to feel a little more in charge of it and we had a great time.  I want the kids to have fun doing what we do and take pride when they see the cast up there in what we have put on them.  I don't dictate with my girls...I let them make decisions and figure things out---I want them to LEARN from it and not just do what I tell them.

I like to teach others but now I am finding I am back to the point in my life where I want to learn some new things myself...

So here is my challenge to you...inspired by my son, Queen B, and MarvelousMargaret...

Think of something you want to do...something you want to learn...something you want to get better at...

and then do it

It doesn't matter what it is...just challenge yourself to grow...

Because as my girl Katy says:'

Do you know that there's
Still a chance for you
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta

Ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on show them what you're worth
Make them go, "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make them go, "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave them all in awe

Read more: Katy Perry - Firework Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

I want to inspire you to grow...to be a better you....

Inspiration Song: "Firework" by Katy Perry.  The lyrics to this song are some of my favorite lyrics to any song...I find them empowering and inspiring..,

Bye Darlings...be a firework and let your colors burst...and leave em all in awe...we all know I love to do that and I want to light up the sky with all of our beautiful colors....

Roar

Hellloooo Darlings...

So yesterday I watched what might very well be one of the most depressing television shows I have ever seen...

and no I am not referring to "Bachelor in Paradise"...that's not depressing...it's just flat out wrong...

No it was the Katie Couric show...and she was talking about...

oh...I don't even want to say it...much less type it...

it was about...

menopause

yes...

the M word

It was full of useful information that was good to know but the depressing part was...

it was good to know...

as in I realize now that I am getting ever closer to the dreaded M word and it has already started rearing its ugly little head and that I might actually find that info useful and needed

You know I am an open book here...at least about myself...so I am not afraid to admit that come November I will turn a very scary number...

a new decade...

one with a "5" in front of it

I don't like it but I am not afraid of it

Which got me to thinking "hey woman!  Why don't you like it?  Don't you know that 50 is the new 40?"

To me age IS just a number...so 50 is just 50

but what I don't like about it is FEELING 50...feeling older and all the crap that comes along with it.

Today when I arrived to take JayVee's excellent spin class I ran into a friend...my sweet friend MarvelousMonica.  I thanked her for advising me to go see my doctor about my knees and to get the cortisone shots.  (Which have helped greatly).

We both vented about how much we hated all the aches and pains that come along with getting older.

My son played football for hours yesterday and today...he gets a little bumped around and sore but there is an explanation for it---HE PLAYED FOOTBALL FOR HOURS

but for me every day seems to bring a new pain or ache somewhere...

and damn I used to be able to do the splits every which way and now I can barely get my leg up on the bike seat to stretch after spin...

and then there is the total fun of having night sweats...which wake me up in the night...just an hour or so after finally falling asleep (yes the insomnia is fun too).  And because I have a temperpedic matress it's like a volcanic hot spot in the bed

thank goodness I only share my bed with 3 cats and not a man...I can move around on the bed and find the cool spot...although sometimes moving a 22 lb cat is harder than getting a man to roll over...

is any of this terrifying you younger women yet? 

sounds fuuuuuuunnnnn doesn't it...

Your hair thins and loses it's luster

you gain weight so much easier

your skin is duller...without that youthful glow

your flesh is softer and jigglier...

caffeine is an evil thing and keeps you up at night when in the past you could down a few espressos with no consequences

you get wrinkles and not just in your forehead...your neck and hands become wrinkled too

you find yourself complaining about all of your ailments...

don't believe me?  I just listed them and that my friends is a complaint...

BUT....

I have decided to fight the effects and enjoy the benefits of my age...but right now I can't really think of any benefits so I'm settling for fighting back with all I can.

I Botox...I will admit it...I have had poison injected into my forehead to keep me from looking like I am permanently pissed off...

I use shampoos that thicken my hair and make it shiny...I wear it long because I think it is more attractive on me than shorter hair

I use mineral makeup to brighten my skin and keep it looking fresh and not cakey and powdery like an old lady

I don't drink caffeine after 5 pm

I take a lot of Advil... a lot of Advil

I exercise to keep my heart strong...to get the blood flowing to improve my skin...to improve my flexibility...to stay at a healthy weight...

But mostly I exercise to kick some ass...because I take great satisfaction that this old broad can get on a bike and ride next to a twentysomething girl and keep up...

As for the night sweats...that one is harder to solve but I think I may invest in a cooling mattress pad...and I wear cotton to bed...

Getting old isn't fun but it's something I can't avoid....

My mother hated getting older...she fought it every step of the way...she Botoxed, she peeled, she had enough plastic surgery to make Joan Rivers jealous...she exercised...she drank gallons of water and ate healthy...

she never looked her age...she looked younger at 40 than she did at 25...but it was never enough because she was convinced her age was why she was alone

and in a sense she was right because men who are my age don't want a woman my age...most of them want a woman in her 30's or at least they think they do...and sometimes a 50 something man and a 30 something woman have a fantastic relationship...but other times...

well as I always say:

If you are going to swim in the kiddie pool you can't avoid drinking a little pee

yeah...there are some pitfalls to dating the younger ones but men get away with it and if I walked into a restaurant with a 35 year old man I would hear the murmurs of "cougar" being thrown my way...

My mom believed if she looked younger she would attract a man but really it wasn't that she looked 40 that attracted them it was because she was beautiful...and in her constant desire to fight her age she almost wrecked her looks...

I learned from that

I don't want to look like Joan Rivers or Mary Tyler Moore or Victoria Principal...

I don't want trout lips or a plastic face...

I want to look like a healthy version of me that is happy and exudes well-being

but more than that I want to be known for my inner beauty because the outside is just the window dressing...it's what's inside the store that counts...and I am stocked with luxury goods and beautiful objects...that are all free to those who love me...

So I will do what I can to stay healthy and yes, not look like an old woman but I want the inside of me to be happy and healthy and ready to fight

So when you see me in spin class...and I am pumping away and sweat is pouring off me and I'm chasing down that beat...and you hear me yell and scream...

well that my friends is not yelling..

it's my ROAR

because just like my girl Katy says:

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar!

Read more: Katy Perry - Roar Lyrics | MetroLyrics
yeah...just you wait...I plan to roar a lot...and not just in spin class...I'm not going to let 50 tell me who I am...

I TELL ME WHO I AM

Inspiration Song: "Roar" by my pop diva Katy Perry...actually when I read all the lyrics to this song I often cry...you may hate Katy but the words are strong and as beautiful as she is...and when I hear this song I am reminded that the only thing that can truly hold me back is....me!

Bye Darlings...let me hear you Roar...tell me what empowers you and how you fight what is holding you back from being your best self...it can't be age because age is just a number...

Dark Horse

Hello Darlings...

Well I am just squeaking in with this one...but by my clock I still have an hour to go before midnight

So the other day on Facebook a friend of my dear Daddy's posted a photo of my Daddy on a horse on a magazine cover...some of you may have seen it...

In the photo he is a dusty dirty mess and he is roping a calf and there are beautiful red cattle in the photo.  Daddy has a look of intensity on his face that I often saw when he was working hard at something...

He was a real cowboy

Not a "weekend" cowboy or urban cowboy but the real deal...

Raised on a ranch and put on a horse as soon as he could sit up.  He was pretty much born in the saddle.

And although he was not an elegant rider by any means he could sit a horse pretty damn good.  I'm pretty sure there wasn't a horse born that my Daddy couldn't ride.

He even won world championships in cutting

For those of you unfamiliar with what cutting is I will not pat you on your darling head for not knowing this because cutting is unfamiliar to about 99.9 % of my audience...I would explain it here but I bet Google or wikipedia would do a better job but in a nutshell you get on a horse, cull out a calf and the horse then "works" the calf to separate it ("cut") it form the herd...something like that...it's been a while...

My dad loved being on a horse...it is where he connected with his soul.  When he had a heart attack the doctor didn't really want him to ride anymore (or drive) and my father was so depressed.  I told the doc there was no point in trying to save him if they took his horse and driving away from him and I guess he convinced the doctors he would be ok so he rode and drove until the day he went into the hospital and had his surgery and later died...

When he died his mare went into a depression...we had her at the funeral and I am pretty sure if she could have she would have gone into that grave with him.

For my father being on a horse was where he was most himself.

My siblings rode horses.

My brother won some world championships as did one of my sisters.  She rode very elegantly...and deserved her wins...

I, on the other hand...

do not ride

and I am a terrible rider

Like awful...

There are two things I totally fail at:
Tennis
and
Horseback riding

I fall off

I fall off so much they named me Tinkerbell because when I did fall it was like a little fairy crashing to the ground

I once heard a story that my grandmother used to get tied to her pony when they would go riding because she would fall asleep and fall off...maybe they should have done that to me...

When friends would come to the ranch they all wanted to ride...I was forced to go and hated every second of it...

I dreaded horseback riding at camp...like really really dreaded it.  And if we went on a trail ride I was so miserable I wanted to cry...

One year they had me lead the horseback drill at camp and I think it was because the counselors felt bad for me that my family was known for riding and then there was me....and because I could remember the pattern.

I can't hear Orange Blossom Special or Wabash Cannonball without shuddering (those were the songs we rode to)

I decided to show cattle instead of riding...I was pretty good at it (I did alright...and have the Houston Livestock Show belt buckle to prove it) and I looked great in my cowgirl gear...

Speaking of cowgirl gear...I got a jolt a few years ago when I was at a horse show for the first time in like forever and I got a glimpse of the bling those western pleasure girls were sporting...

wowzers

Back when my sisters showed it was a big deal to have colored chaps...

These girls looked like escapees from the Porter Wagner show (ok gotta pat your darling head if you don't know who he was...google and image)

The bling was blinding...

now that I think about it maybe if all that bling had been in fashion when I was younger I would have decided to show horses instead...at the very least do a halter class where you don't ride but it's basically a beauty pageant for the horse.

My friends DelightfulDebbie and SuperSarah rides horses...but they do so in the English style.  That is a whole other game than cutting and western riding.

English and Hunter Jumper stuff is so very very Hermes and Burberry...again maybe if that had been the fashion I would have tried it...actually it was and the Hermes company began as a workshop for bridles and harnesses and not as a purveyor of $60,000 handbags named after an English actress (Birkin) or an American actress (the Kelly Bag).

See there goes my ADD again and I am off subject and about to write a rant about the woman here who claimed she built her million dollar closet for charity and then went on tv and blabbed about it and then was surprised when she got robbed...

But I digress...

I've watched SuperSarah strut her stuff at horse shows...she rides beautifully and I really enjoyed seeing another side to the whole horse show business when I went to watch her...she always amazed and terrified me...all those jumps...I would have Tinkerbelled to the ground at the first jump...

Don't get me wrong...I love horses...truly truly love horses...like so much so I used to go sit on the graves of some horses that died and were buried at the ranch and would just wail...because I was sad the horse had died...20 years before I was born...

I think they are brilliant and amazing animals.

We had one show horse that was a stallion and if we didn't literally padlock him into his stall he would get out and go open all the stalls of the other mares and fillies around...never the other stallions or geldings...just the girls...

And my sister had one show horse that could be bribed with Dr. Pepper.  Nothing else but DP.  If you offered him a Coke he would turn his nose up at it.  You could put cans of 5 different sodas on a table and he would pick the DP every time...

So yeah...I love horses but just not riding them...

One day I may try riding again...who knows maybe I will stay on the horse...maybe I won't but I do believe I should try...

I believe that you should keep trying at things you have failed at...you have to...it's part of life...and it's in my blood so I should give it another shot.

My kids ride well.  My son never rode until he went to camp and he ended up winning a big award for his riding...he is a natural...

But me...notsomuch

Ok so maybe today you didn't get much out of this than a laugh but that's ok...somedays I want to inspire you and others I just want to entertain you...

So I will leave you now to go and watch the end of "Bachelor in Paradise"...I already feel like I need another bath from watching the first half of that show.  I mean some of those girls are so crazy I can literally hear Ozzie Osbourne screaming "All Aboard" when I look at them...and if you don't know who Ozzie is and what I am referring to I need to pat you on your darling head...

Inspiration Song: "Dark Horse" by my girl Katy Perry...love it...it's not about a horse but then again despite my upbringing neither am I...

Bye darlings...ride a dark horse and not the white one...let's see who gets that reference and who I need to pat on their darling head...kisses!