If We Have Each Other

I'm gonna take a break from talking about me, me, me in this blog---ok there will be some "me" here but I'm not gonna talk about what has happened with El Diablo right now...maybe tomorrow...maybe next week...but I want to talk about other stuff...because medically I am a hot damn mess and I need a break from it...so look for a blog (maybe tomorrow) that is my usual year end summary and I'll fill you in on El Diablo and my latest nemsis The Devil Drug Lenvima and my Stupid Spine...so here we go...

Hello Darlings...

2019 is coming to a close...end of a year and a decade.

it was one of a lot of change for me but I'm not gonna go into that today...it can wait...I feel like sharing feelings tonight and not my latest medical battle.

But there is one thing this decade has taught me---that being alone is hard.

You need family...and friends...and friends who are family...and for me I need #teamunicorn...

Today was a perfect example of needing my team...my car wouldn't start.

After a call to my service guy at the dealership we concluded my battery was dead/dying. 

So Marvelous Megan came over and Valiant Vicki and her daughter KuteKaelyn arrived as well. Megan had a jump start thing that we tried to no avail...and just as we were about to push my car into the driveway to try to jump it (don't worry those of you who know my medical situation I was not pushing) I realized

I HAD FORGOTTEN TO PUT THE KEY FOB IN THE CAR...

yes, I am brilliant...

let's blame chemo brain...I get to ride that train for a little while longer...

so once the fob was in the car the charger thing worked like a champ and I got the car to the dealership and a new battery in and V and K took me to lunch while they were working on the car...

but I couldn't have done it without those ladies...

friends who show up for you are the best...

because when you take a moment to go out of your way for a friend in need you are an angel...

and lately I have needed a lot of angels...

and speaking of angels---let's talk about nurses.

My nurses and doctors are the best.

I'll fight you on this one...I have the BEST nurses and doctors in my life.

The best..

None better.

And the very best nurses are at the Memorial Hermann Cancer Center and at Memorial Hermann The Medical Center 3 Jones.

Well actually all nurses are angels---these are just the ones that help me.

And Dr Rockstar and Dr Sweetmeds are the most amazing cancer doctors.

Ok so I'll talk a little about what has happened with me...for those that don't know I ended up having spinal surgery on my birthday.

Happy Birthday to me...

But my nurses and doctors were so kind...they gave me a birthday party in the hospital...complete with cupcakes and presents and morphine...

Dr Sweetmeds and her daughter even went shopping and bought me unicorn treasures...

And all of my nurses were so amazing---they so lovingly cared for me.

Amazing Adam stayed after his shift TWICE to access my port so my veins would not have to suffer the morphine and antibiotics.

Marvelous Mimi came in on her day off to help out under the condition that I was her patient. I've been her patient almost every time I have been in the hospital. She is my sister from another mister.

Extraordinary Ericka not only was super fun and helpful but even went to the cafeteria for me when we discovered that I had forgotten to order dinner and room service was closed. Yes...she used her break to go get me a burger and Gatorade. She is a goddess.

Lovely Lorena was new to the floor...we bonded over the long nights post surgery...and when I gave her a #teamunicorn bracelet she cried...

Helpful Henrietta took tender care of me...she's a nun and marvelous...and every time she starts her shift she comes into my room and rearranges it while she sings a happy tune...she likes everything "just so" and as I watch her move chairs around and tidy up the room I'm reminded that wellness doesn't just happen in a hospital bed. And that Disney needs to make her into a Nun Princess who sings happy tunes while she works...

Super Sierra and Helpful Hawa were stuck with me the most and we laughed and cried through it all...

and Reliable Rex, who has had me several times as his patient, asked to be my nurse so we could have some laughs again...

and perhaps the kindest of all was sweet Cheerful Chizo and Extraordinary Elysee who tenderly bathed me and changed my bed linens and dressed me and tucked me into bed with hugs when I could not do any of that for myself...the act of kindness of her lovingly pouring water over me and washing me was an act of service I shall never forget and I hope some day to bring her a gift to thank her (but I don't want to be a patient when I do it).

All of those beautiful humans took loving care of me just like they do all of their patients...I'm just so blessed to have them in my life.

It's not fun to empty a catheter bag or wake up a patient at 4 am for vitals but they did it in the gentlelest and most loving manner...and not once did I feel ashamed or stressed (ok maybe the morphine and dilaudid helped with that).

And my chemo nurses: Dawn, Ledi, Kim, Haley, Andrea, Sammi, Aaron, Maria, and a few my tired brain are forgetting are incredible as are my nurses that help my doctors, especially sweet Jackie.

Without them this journey would be so awful...but they make me feel special...like I count...like they care and love me...just as I care about and love them.

Recently I had an experience that reminded me that sometimes we touch lives in ways we never expect or know. Sometimes we matter to someone who may not necessarily be friend or family but is someone you interact with that thinks more of you than you know...

I frequent the Whataburger by my house enough that I have made friends with Radiant Raphael. I'll call her RaRa. We chat when the order line allows and a few years ago I told her I have cancer. She's a doll and she always is smiling and cheerful. But I went on a diet and gave up my Whata and my Diet Dr Pepper's so I hadn't been to that Whata since March.

I pulled up and paid. RaRa wasn't working the line that day. But she was there.

And she saw me through the window...

And she screamed...

And ran outside...

and opened my car door to jump in and hug me...

with tears streaming down her face...

because she thought the worst had happened to me since she hadn't seen me...

her loving and caring brought me to big ugly tears...

I mean a very ugly cry...

because this incredibly sweet lady cared enough about me...she has hundreds of people she helps and serve each day and yet she had noticed I wasn't there...and it affected her.

We go through our days in such a hurry sometimes we don't always see the ways we affect the others we interact with.

Whenever I go through the line I always ask for her and say hello if she's not working the line...so I notice HER and I am grateful she notices ME...

It's all just a reminder that we need to take the time to get to know the people that God puts into our paths...

So when you find a server at a restaurant you like ask to be seated in their section (your tip might be what let's them pay for insurance that month)...

or when someone gives you great service at a store, or the hospital, or like today at the dealership for my car write an email to let their boss know they made a differance...their boss might do something in return for them doing a good job (I know this for a fact as far as the hospital goes...)

fill out that survey that asks you how someone did...it might get them more pay...

tell the cashier checking out your groceries that her hair looks cute...because she may have gone 5 hours on her feet with no one saying something nice...

for years now my Marvelous Mel always makes us say hello to the person next to us on our bikes before we start spin class...over the years the people next to me are some of the dearest humans in my life.

3 years ago when I was about to start chemo they were the ones who all showed up in matching t-shirts with my name on them and had a celebratory lunch with me...

we laugh, we cry, we drink, we eat and we love each other as a little tribe of humans who are very happy that we sat next to each other on a bike.

One of that tribe has moved far across the ocean and tomorrow I get to see her once again before she heads back...we connected the day I sobbed on my bike thinking about my mom and it moved her to tears and moved her enough to call her own mom just to tell her she loved her...and I miss her each time she goes back but I'm grateful that despite a time difference i know she is just a message away...and I love her dearly...

one of that tribe presents a tough front but I know deep inside she's a sweet marshmallow and is a very loving woman who cares and loves her friends deeply...and I have a very soft blanket to prove it...and she makes me smile and laugh and I love her...

one of that tribe has confirmed his true gender and it has been an honor to watch his transition...I love him and I'm honored to have been a small part of his journey as I supported him from the minute he said he was going to be his true self...

one of that tribe is our social director and can always be counted on to bring us together and to keep us informed about when another needs some extra love...and she never fails to give me things to remind me I am strong---even if it is just a coffee cup (but a coffee cup I must drink from each time I have chemo)...and each time I hold one of the special coffee cups she has given me in my hands I am reminded that she loves me and I love her...

and one of those beautiful humans is a woman I admire so much for her loving heart...and years ago we began a little tradition of whenever we were in yoga and could be next to each other we would lay in savassanah and hold hands (and often cry) knowing that we are two Mamas in this world who have found another woman who feels the same feels...and I do love her and her children so very much...

I've met so many incredible people at Revolution that I feel blessed to just be a part of the tribe...instructors who have become family to me...staff that are real friends...fellow riders/yogis that are very much a part of my life.

So that girl next to you sweating it out on the elliptical? Say hi and tell her she's doing great...

that guy next to you on the treadmill? smile...he might be your next date...

that lady who always seems to end up next to you at yoga? maybe God has her do so so you can become friends...

not just when we workout...but in every day life...a little kindness and a smile might just be what that person ahead of you in the grocery line needs that day.

One of the people who is dearest to me used to work for my radiology oncologist. I went in there and sat around that waiting room so much we went from friendly to friends. She's important to me. I love her. Dr Angel might not ever realize that he helped me not only by putting me on the radiation table but also because he hired an angel to sit behind the desk and greet his patients. She's my sister of my heart...because the very first day I went in there she knew that the silly woman in glittery shoes was scared and needed someone to be cheerful and kind.

My dear Sweet Suzanne has been my friend since we were little girls at camp. And yesterday she took me to get my Keytruda infusion and cried with me while I talked to my doctor about how much I want to survive this. Her tears told me how much I matter to her...and how much she matters to me...

I have friends I've met recently and dear old friends who have known me a long long time...and I need all of them in my life.

I've had to learn to accept help and let my friends help me when they want to help me and not just be the person who tries to help everyone else.

I haven't been much good at helping others the last few years because I have been so in need myself.

I've had to be selfish in ways I never imagined I could be because of my illness.

I've had to put myself first at times I didn't want to.

But all of you have been there...

you are all #teamunicorn

When we are there for each other we are there for ourselves...

I've said before we are all given mountains to climb...but isn't it nicer when we have others on that same mountain with us helping us to make that climb?

When we face those mountains it's nice to have a sherpa or a guide...or just someone who will say "can I hold your backpack for you while we climb the next 100 feet?"

I don't need a team to cheer me...I need a team to cheer WITH...

So as I close this chapter of another year of my life I want to thank each and every one of you who prays for me, checks on me, drives me, picks me up and takes me places, sits with me in a waiting room, reads this blog or my silly FB posts, visits me when I am lonely, sends me texts to lift me up, hugs me, and makes room for me in your heart...

I can't do life alone...if I tried I would fail by day 2...

so love ALL the people around you and reach out and help someone because one day they will surely help you...

we only have each other

God gave us the gift of being able to communicate so we can be there for each other...

friendship is a blessing...

and I am beyond blessed...

Inspiration song: "If We Have Each Other" by Alec Benjamin...beautiful song about being there for each other...and it reminds me of my sweet Dreamy Deanna and I when we lay in savassanah at the end of yoga holding hands knowing that we are there for each other...

some of the lyrics:
The world's not perfect, but it's not that bad
If we got each other, and that's all we have
I will be your lover, and I'll hold your hand
You should know I'll be there for you
When the world's not perfect
When the world's not kind
If we have each other then we'll both be fine
I will be your lover, and I'll hold your hand
You should know I'll be there for you

Bye Darlings---when the world's not perfect and the world's not kind just know I'm there and we'll both be fine...thank you for holding my hand when I need it...even if it is just a virtual hand hold...