Most Girls

I was all set to finish my blog about something important that I wanted to share with you...I want to spread some awareness of things I have learned during my fight with cancer.  But today I saw something on tv and social media that got me feeling the feels (and not the good kind) and I just had to blog about it...so here goes...and I'm gonna just write as I go and hit publish without editing...wild ride ahead...

Hi Darlings...

This morning when I tuned into Good Morning America (it's my morning show) they featured a story on a young millennial couple and the husband's Instagram post gushing about loving his plus-sized wife's curves...(to me she looks like a pretty girl who likes tacos like me)

apparently social media went wild for this...and then there was some backlash...

story here:

http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/husbands-post-wifes-curvy-body-incites-backlash/story?id=49068614

So this husband goes on social media to declare how much he loves her "thick thighs, big booty, and cute little side roll"...

I'm giving a big eye roll here...

we are supposed to think this guy is great for LOVING HIS WIFE BECAUSE SHE IS NOT THE SIZE OF A VICTORIA'S SECRET MODEL?

He's supposed to be congratulated because he married a size 12 girl and not a size 2 and is ok with it?

They interviewed an author on body image and here was her take:

“I think it ends up coming off as a backhanded compliment,” she explained. “He’s like, ‘I love you so much, and the media marginalizes you, and you fill out your jeans, and I still love you anyway.’ I think partly that falls flat. I also think this reminded me a lot of when dads are congratulated for babysitting their own kids. It’s like, ‘Dude, that’s part of your job description, so you should probably just go do your job without getting a whole big sensational story out of it.' This is the same thing. It’s part of a husband’s job description to love his wife.”

I agree with her...it does seem backhanded...and I also really agree with her on the dad's being congratulated for babysitting their own kids (my ex expected a damn parade).

I think maybe the guy's intentions were good but how about TELLING HER THAT WITHOUT POSTING IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA SO YOU LOOK LIKE SOME SORT OF A HERO...

What it made me feel like was this: I am a curvy girl...I have dimples on my thighs and a huuuuge butt and side rolls and so I guess if some guy ever loves me he's gonna be a damn hero because hell who wants a woman with cellulite?

I have some great qualities: 
I'm very loving
When I love I love hard and fully
I'm very devoted to those I love
I'm a good cook
I can organize a closet so pretty it can be scary
I'm faithful
I give of myself 100%
I always put others first
I forgive pretty easily

But then there is a list of things that make me harder to love:
I'm stubborn
I'm very emotional
I will delay dinner because I need to spin or do yoga
I can't fry things---I burn them
I hate to bake
There is no room in my closet for someone else's clothes
I have irrational fears of heights and cockroaches
My feelings are easily hurt
I get scared a lot
I get angry easily
I like to sleep...a lot...

And then there is the whole 52 year old divorcee who has cancer...and is NOT the size of a Victoria's Secret model...

So basically I am an overly emotional middle-aged woman who is chubby and fighting a disease that is trying to kill her....

what man can resist that?

(maybe I do actually need a hero...or an angel...because it might take that...)

Women come in all shapes and sizes...and I think all of us are beautiful...

some of us are tall and lean...
some are petite and don't have an ounce of spare flesh
some of us are tall and amazon-like
some of us are curvy
some women many would call "fat" (that's an ugly word unless you are discussing fat in food)
some women are thin

I could go on and on for the different ways women are shaped...

When I see my #girlcrush KuteKim and MarvelousMel and their strong lean bodies on petite frames I do sorta wish I could look just like them...but age and genetics aren't in my favor...

and then there is Gal Godet---I mean who wouldn't kill to look like Wonder Woman?

Those of you who have been with me on my journey since I was an unhappily married 300 lb woman know I have been all sorts of sizes...I got myself down to a much leaner version of myself by losing over 140 lbs and had a tummy tuck to get rid of extra flesh and added on some implants to make my boobs better.  I'm an open book about it.  I am also open about the fact I get Botox and fillers and really like good skincare.

I started to gain back weight almost the minute I recovered from the tummy tuck...it's like my body said "Ha!  now that you look REALLY GOOD I am going to rebel and unless you live on air and ice you will gain weight"...

and the weight crept on...

and then cancer...

now I am trying like hell to get myself down to a healthy weight and body fat percentage...not to catch a man or live up to society's standards but because I just literally fought for my life and I'll be damned if I am going to let diabetes, heart disease, or some other malady related to weight take me under...

My internist Dr. Beauty is helping me...she suggested I follow a low-glycemic diet and I go in weekly for weigh ins so I am accountable.

When she checked my body fat percentage it was high---well over 40%.

That's not cute and not healthy...

So I am losing weight to live and not just to be cute in my white jeans...if I ever decide to wear white jeans again.

I eat the way I am eating because I feel better doing it...I honestly have more energy and less gut issues (other than those related to radiation) and I'm not hungry and don't feel deprived.

I work out every day not just to help me lose weight but mostly because IT FEELS DAMN GOOD and because I literally love going to Revolution Studio and sweating.

I love the feeling I have after a spin class---I feel strong and powerful and like I just survived a booty kicking that most women my age would struggle to do.

I love the feeling I have when I am practicing yoga---again I feel strong and powerful  and kind of sexy as I flow through the poses and do things like the splits.

Yes my fat old legs can still do the splits...

I love a good workout and how good I feel after...and that I can actually do it...

I am trying to keep my body healthy because God gave me a second chance...He had Dr. Rockstar and Dr. Angel cure me and I need to take care of this gift I have been given.  They worked hard to do it and all of you prayed hard for me to live.

I'll never be skinny...or thin...or "small"...I'll always be thick and curvy...it's my genetic makeup...I didn't get the "thin" genes for anything but my thin hair.

But I do want to be in better physical shape than I currently am...and I would like to wear things other than the sacks I sported during my illness...I'm ready to wear white jeans next year, pull out my pretty high heels, and dress in something that doesn't make me look like an old fat lady...and I have a "goal dress" that I plan to wear to the 2018 Tommy Tune Awards while I watch my kids perform on the Hobby Center stage...

I never judge a woman for her size...a good portion of it is genetics and beyond our control.

I know curvy women who rock their look and love food and have no desire to go down a few sizes...and they are truly beautiful women.

I know thin women who rock their look and love food but have the genetic makeup that their metabolism works such that a chicken fried steak doesn't end up causing them to gain a pound...

if I LOOK at chicken fried steak I gain a pound...

All that matters is that you love your body no matter what size or shape you are...because IT IS YOUR BODY

Do we all need to look like a Victoria's Secret Model?

no

But there are a lot of men out there who would rather have one by their side than a size 14 woman...

I tried match.com for a hot minute years ago...the men who reached out to me for the most part were not my type...and by my type I mean that I had an age limit and they were exceeding it by a good 15 years and lying about it (hey when your photo features you next to your car and it is a 1995 model YOU ARE LYING ABOUT YOUR AGE when you say it is a recent photo).  And more then one of them told me I was "fat" after I declined their kind offer to be their girlfriend...

not kidding...and I was a size 8

I'll fully admit I have a "type" of man I am attracted to and I also know that I am not every man's cup of tea...

But lately I have found that my "type" has gone more by the wayside in favor of someone who can make me laugh and smile....that can make my heart flutter with a smile just as much as dimples and blue eyes do.

I'm not looking for George Clooney (and he's not looking for me)...

I'm looking for a man who makes me laugh, tells me I am pretty when I am a hotmess, kisses me when I am cooking, brings me lilies, does the dishes, is willing to try spin and yoga because I love it, is great at conversation, and has kind (but not necessarily blue) eyes...and he has to know who Jon Snow and Groot are (or at least be willing to learn)...and he has to have a smile I smile back at...

notice I said nothing about body type there...

because that isn't part of my list...

No one applauded my ex husband for staying with me when I was 300 lbs...but more than a few men told him "wow you are lucky your wife looks great" when I lost the weight...sadder still I think he liked that...his new girlfriend has a cute figure...but she can't cook...lol...

So back to Mr. Instagram "I love my curvy wife"...

he says he wanted to celebrate "real women"

guess what buddy?

WE ARE ALL REAL WOMEN

whether we are a size 2 or 22 we are ALL REAL WOMEN...

If you are a size 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 16, 18, 20, 22, 24, etc YOU ARE A REAL WOMAN...

This guy doesn't need to be celebrated for being a thin man married to a curvy girl who professes his love for her on Instagram...he married her so he should damn sure love her no matter what her size is.

Women are beautiful---we are all beautiful...and the men and women that love us do not need to be called a hero for loving us despite our size...no matter what our size is.

Now lest any of my men friends who read this get offended---I am not picking on YOU and if you are my friend who I let into my life you are a good guy...I love my male friends and most of them are married and they all have fabulous wives...

But if you are one of my men or women friends who is married after you read this go tell your wife she is beautiful...because she is...and sometimes we just need to hear it from the man we love...

and if you are a woman who is finding herself not loving her body much these days (we have all been there no matter what size we are) ask yourself why you aren't loving your body and find a way to appreciate it...

These days when I look in the mirror I see my curves...I see my scar that runs vertically down my tummy that will forever remind me that I am a damn warrior...I see my breasts that I like and thank my plastic surgeon for because they look real and natural...I see my wide hips that once protected my uterus that carried two beautiful babies to term...I see my thick thighs that have been dimpled since before I was 30 and always will be...I know my legs are strong enough to spin hard in a spin class and support me in every warrior stance that yoga throws at me...

I see a body that is the body of a mother...a warrior...a goddess...a body that made and birthed life...a body that survived deadly cancer...a body that has served me for 52.5 years...a body that is never going to wear a bikini in public again but might be sexy to a man who loves me...a body that is mine...

I am grateful to my body...it fought cancer and survived chemotherapy and radiation...it will (hopefully) age more over the years and the skin will sag and my muscles won't be as tight and defined but I will cherish my body if I am lucky enough to have an old body because if not for some pretty great doctors my body might not have the opportunity to age.

One day I will find that superhero or angel man who will love my body because it belongs to me and not because of whatever size it is...

and I will take care of it because God gave me a second chance to appreciate it...

No matter what your size is your body is a wonder...and it is yours...

You are beautiful if you are a petite or plus sized girl...if you are tall or tiny...if you are thick or thin...if you are old or young...

your skin is gorgeous no matter what the color...

your body is wonderful...because it contains YOU

So I'm going to end this with a little exercise...it's one I have been doing since I came home from my hysterectomy...

stand before your mirror naked....take in the view...and find at least ONE thing to love about what you see...see if you can't find two things...and then three...and then four...and instead of looking at the things that are NOT what you like, focus on the things that you DO.

And thank your body...

your body serves you every day...and if you are healthy and taking care of it, it will serve you for many years to come.

And if you see things you don't like and they bother you then do what you can to change it...and it's ok to do that because it is YOUR body...lose weight, have plastic surgery, decorate your body with beautiful tattoos, gain weight, body build for muscle....it's all good as long as you are happy with it...

Last thing: LISTEN TO YOUR BODY...if something feels wrong or hurts or seems off---go to the doctor...you have one body to live in---TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT

Love your body...I've learned to love mine and it didn't take a man to declare it on Instagram to make me like the skin I am in...

Inspiration Song: "Most Girls" by Hailee Steinfeld...the lyrics are pretty great:

Some girls feel best in their tiny dresses Some girls in nothin' but sweatpants, looking like a princess Some girls kiss new lips every single night

ADVERTISING

They're staying out late cause they just celebrating life You know some days you feel so good in your own skin But it's okay if you want to change the body that you came in 'Cause you look greatest when you feel like a damn queen We're all just playing a game in a way, trying to win that life Most girls are smart and strong and beautiful Most girls work hard, go far, we are unstoppable Most girls, our fight to make every day No two are the same I wanna be like, I wanna be like most girls I wanna be like, I wanna be like most girls I wanna be like, I wanna be like I wanna be like, I wanna be like I wanna be like, I wanna be like Some girls like to keep their physique real private Some girls wear jeans so tight 'cause it feels so right, yeah Some girls, every day searching, keep the blades turning Sleeping in late cause they're just celebrating life You know some days you feel so good in your own skin But it's okay if you want to change the body that you came in 'Cause you look greatest when you feel like a damn queen We're all just playing a game in a way, trying to win that life Most girls are smart and strong and beautiful Most girls work hard, go far, we are unstoppable Most girls, our fight to make every day No two are the same I wanna be like, I wanna be like most girls I wanna be like, I wanna be like most girls I wanna be like, I wanna be like I wanna be like, I wanna be like I wanna be like, I wanna be like Most girls, yeah Most girls Wanna be, wanna be, wanna be Most girls, our fight to make every day No two are the same I wanna be like Most girls I wanna be like, I wanna be like most girls I wanna be like, I wanna be like I wanna be like, I wanna be like I wanna be like

Bye Darlings---love your body...love your lover's body....be grateful for health and that your body serves you....and you don't need an Instagram post to prove it...