Birthday

Hello Darlings...

In case you missed it, during the month of November I officially became "old"...but I prefer to think of myself as "vintage"...like a fine wine...

yeah the big 5-0 happened

and although the world didn't come to an end, it did shake up MY life a bit...

I knew it was coming and I don't know why I let it bother me so much, but I will be honest:

IT DID

I loved being 40...I really did...and the day I turned 40 was last birthday I got to have with my mom so it was pretty much my last good birthday....

I considered very carefully how I wanted to approach the day.  And if you had told me 5 years ago that I would want to celebrate it by doing 2 spin classes back-to-back I would have said you were beyond crazy.

But that is what I did...

I turned down offers to go to dinner or have dinner made for me or a party given in my honor...

basically I turned down wine and vodka in favor of sweat

what the hell was I thinking?

But truly all I wanted to do was to prove to myself that 50 was a number and not a number that defined me and that I was capable of strong amazing things...and then to have dinner with the only man I truly really love---my son.

I would have killed to have had Kesha Barbie with me but she is up at her college in the northeast and getting her home was too much on her and me...we will celebrate both of our birthdays when she comes for Christmas...

as a child I loved my birthday...

my mom always gave us great parties so I had some fun times with people like MerryMaryLee and
JoyfulJanet when I was young (please note the happy names for happy birthdays)...I had slumber parties and costume parties and one birthday party where the huge disappointment was that the silly string didn't work...

I think one of my favorite birthday gifts I ever got was...

no surprise here...

my Barbie Dreamhouse

it was 3 stories tall and had an elevator

oh how I loved it...

my Daddy tried to sneak it into my bedroom so that the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the pink townhouse...he carried it in but tripped at the foot of my bed and it came crashing down

and he said a bad word

what he didn't realize is that I was awake but was pretending to sleep...so my eyes were closed and I had to work very hard to not open my eyes when he cursed because he almost never cursed around us

I didn't want him to know I was awake...I wanted him to think he had gotten away with the surprise...

so I laid (or is it layed....Darling Donna please teach me English again!) there very still and pretended I was still sleeping until he got it set up and left the room

and then I immediately bolted from my bed and gave the elevator a test drive (you pulled a little string)...I went back to bed and slept (it was about 5 am when he brought it in) and acted like the most surprised girl in the world when our housekeeper woke me up (she wanted to be first to tell me happy birthday...I loved her like a mother).

that is truly my favorite birthday memory from childhood...because it was the one thing I really really wanted and that my dad wanted to surprise me like that...he loved surprising us!

(and as a side note I have to give props to my ex who knew this story and one time added to my Snow Village collection by giving me the Barbie Dream House and he had to drive pretty far out to get it and he totally hated my Snow Village...just sayin that he wasn't always the perfect husband but every once in a while he managed to be a great one)

I really don't have any other birthdays that stand out for me except the "milestone" ones...

When I turned 30 my ex threw me a surprise party at my mom's house...he enlisted the help of my friend LovelyLinda who would babysit for us from time-to-time as a favor (KeshaBarbie loved her).  They managed to pull off  the surprise and the best part was that LovelyLinda brought KeshaBarbie to the party so that I not only had my daughter there but my friend too! (Kesha Barbie was 1)

When I turned 40 (and my ex turned 47...yes we had the same birthday) my mom and aunt surprised me with a limo ride with my kids and we went to Ruth's Chris and were joined by our dear friends "Aunt" SweetSal and "Uncle"JohnJohn and my Aunt Jane and my mom...it was lovely and Uncle JohnJohn almost fell out of his chair when KeshaBarbie convinced their daughter Kate the Great to eat a very rare steak...weirdly that is what I remember most!  Oh and my sweet friend Cute Cindy and her husband Awesome Andy were there and made the party complete...it was a very nice night and one I will always treasure since I got to spend it with my mom.

I wish she was around so I could tell her how I now understand things like:
Botox
Spanx
night sweats
insomnia
waking in the middle of the night needing to pee
having a plastic surgeon you trust (I think hers still mourns her passing as she was his best customer)

I used to wonder why she greased her face up every night before bed...

I GET IT NOW

There is an industrial sized tub of Aquaphor on my nightstand and every night it goes on my face and hands and elbows and feet and sometimes the rest of me too

And here's the part I don't get: I STILL NEED CLEARASIL

Today I have had to use my son's medicated acne medicine twice on my face...

I just wish my skin wasn't so manic-depressive!

(and no I am not using that term lightly because I am sensitive to bipolar disorder but in this case it is the BEST description of how my skin is...manic with the acne and depressed with the dryness...ugh)

My hair has lost a lot of it's luster...and needs washing less frequently...

and my eyes...once the part of my face I considered my best feature...are heavily lined and wrinkled...

And I love Botox...yes, I love Botox...

I could write a sonnet to Botox...

I have not reached the point where I want to pay for an AARP membership, want to eat at Luby's at 5:30 (I still prefer to eat dinner after 7) or have hot flashes

THANK YOU SWEET LORD FOR THAT

I wouldn't say I am fighting my age...I'm just not giving in to it just yet...

I think exercising helps me the most...it keeps the blood flowing so my skin looks good and my muscles toned up and the joints moving...and I have a blast doing it

I try to eat healthy (although last night my son insisted on pizza and after being a gourmet cook for the last few days I agreed and Papa John's it was..).  I eat a lot of salmon---I think it helps my skin (not my face but the rest of me)...my skin is in good shape and I think it is all the Omega 3's in the salmon I eat...

and all the red wine I consume helps....well whatever red wine is supposed to do for you...whatever it is I have that covered...

So back to my birthday...

I slept in...had a great lunch with KuteKaren at Carrabbas (had an incredible wood fired salmon filet...there I am with the salmon again)...picked up my son from school...prepped dinner...relaxed a bit and then went to Revolution Studio for my double class...

I clipped in at 5:30 with KuteKristina riding with me to keep me going...she is often my ponytail slinging inspiration...

then we had a little break

at 6:30 she passed me off to KuteKara and when I walked back into the studio there were a dozen roses on my bike and...and this was awesome...a lovely note signed by everyone that is part of the Revolution team that knows me...

I burst into tears...

KuteKim (who owns Rev) clipped in beside me and I had JiantJoel next to me on the other side and KuteKara next to him...

Marvelous Mel taught both classes and when I say "she brought it"...well she damn sure brought it...

I bawled through the last 2 songs...literally cried so hard I could barely ride...KuteKim grabbed my hand and helped me thru it and I had JiantJoel egging me on in the best possible way...and I didn't stop crying until I walked out because after we stretched the whole Rev team came out with a lighted cupcake and champagne and their beautiful smiles

it was the best 2 classes of my life...

because I didn't let myself feel 50....I felt 20...

and I was surrounded by so much love and friendship that I could barely contain myself...

and the music was awesome and MarvelousMel gave it her all for me and I had KuteKim and KuteKara there with me and it was simply...and KuteKristina gave me the sweetest journal to write my thoughts in and it is now on my nightstand...and the cover of it is---wait for it---bikes!

PERFECT

when I got home and read the notes from the Rev team and the sweet card from KuteKim I cried all over again...

and The Cutest Boy in the World and I had a delicious steak dinner and I had some very nice wine...and we shared the cupcake....

And later that night I got the best and sweetest present of all...my precious SweetCaroline wrote a blog about me and how I had helped her and literally it was such an amazing gift of love that it took me forever to read it because I was crying so hard.  It was genuine and heartfelt---just like she always is with me...and like the love I felt at Rev that night and the lovely lunch I had with KuteKaren and all the sweet messages I received during the day.

I survived my birthday...

If you had asked me 5 years ago how the day would have gone down I would have said "dinner with the hubby and my son (because I knew my daughter would be in college)" but in truth I would have really been a fat, miserable woman who was very unhappily married and the day would have probably marked the day I hit 345 lbs on the scale...

If you had asked me 4 years ago I would have said that day I would have celebrated with a party with friends...and that I was happily thinner and divorced

and if you had asked me on my 47, 48 or 49th birthday what I would want to do and spend my 50th with I would have said "hopefully with a boyfriend doing something fun"...

but this year there is no man...and that's just fine...my son is always the best date ever...even with a big cast on his foot...

and this year I DID do something fun...

It might not be everyone's idea of fun but for me spending my 50th birthday surrounded by the love of the community I have gotten to love and know over these past 6 months and proving my body is not an old woman's body but one of a fit and healthy woman...and that the only man I wanted to have dinner with was sitting across the table from me---my son...

it was perfect

So I have decided that 50 is not going to define me...

I DEFINE ME

50 is just the age I am....not WHAT I am...

This isn't the greatest photo of me but it was taken a few weeks ago...

and I am going to use this year to celebrate myself...to try new things and do new things and be happy that I am so blessed with so many friends that are in so many aspects of my life: work, school, students, Rev, old friends and new ones...

I'm going to use it as a year of refining myself...of challenging myself...or changing myself in only the best possible ways...my friend MyTommy used his 49th year to do something like this and damn if I can come out of it looking half as good and being half as happy as he is then I will be in great shape

(and did I mention what he does for a living?  HE'S A SPIN AND FITNESS INSTRUCTOR PEOPLE...must be the bike...nah...it's just him---he's always been awesome especially when he was getting me out of certain fraternity houses before I did something stupid...)

I'm going to grow....because I have a whole lot more learning and growing to do...

I may be 50 but I have a lot of living left in me...a lot more things to see and do and try...

and when I turn 60...I will do it on a spin bike...

and maybe I will just do 3 in a row....

Inspiration Song: "Birthday" by....oh come on how could I NOT go there---KATY PERRY!!!!! We all know she is my girl crush and I lurvs her...MarvelousMel even played one of her songs during class to make me super happy...

Bye Darlings---age is a number and doesn't define us...and I had a great birthday even without a party because my party was on the bike and with my spin peeps...and I want you all to join me in spreading your own wings and growing up with me...let's not let our age define us but let ourselves be defined by our acts...in which case I am defined by---SWEAT,...hahahahaha