Independent Woman Pt. 1

Hellloooo my darlings...it's been a few weeks...

Another provocative blog title, no?

Usually I wait until the end of the blog to explain a title but today I want to start with a little story..

So back in about 2000-2001 Queen B wrote these lyrics:

(yes, I know that some of you may  not know of the royalty I speak of but I am referring to the one, the only, the amazing dazzling Beyoncé)

The shoes on my feet, I've bought it
The clothes I'm wearing, I've bought it
The rock I'm rockin', I've bought it
'Cause I depend on me if I want it

 

The watch you're wearin', I'll buy it
The house I live in, I've bought it
The car I'm driving, I've bought it
I depend on me, I depend on me

 

All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin' money
Throw your hands up at me

 

All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me

The song was part of the "Charlie's Angel's" soundtrack and then appeared again on the Destiny's Child album "Survivor"

(yes, I know they are not really albums anymore but rather cd's but to me they will always be "albums")

I enjoyed that album and movie and I liked the song when it came out...I thought the lyrics were powerful and of course the fact that it was a Beyoncé song made it a hit with me...but at that time it was just a song...just another fabulous Beyoncé song..

(yes, I know it was Destiny's Child and totally no offense to Michelle Williams and Kelly Rowland, but for me it is all about...Beyoncé...)

Now that I have established I am a Beyoncé fan I will get to a point...

(yes, I know it has taken a while...)

Up until a few years ago it was just another "woman power" song to me (this is where you start humming "I am Woman" if you are of a certain age).

but now, as a divorced woman living on my own (along with 3 cats and a part-time Cutest Boy in the World and Kesha Barbie off at college) the words resonate more powerfully with me...

Because now I live in a house I bought myself...chose myself...but I will admit I didn't decorate myself because D'Nice helped me with that one...but at least in this case I got to choose what I liked without regard to pleasing a partner...

The clothes in the closet...the shoes in the closet...hell the whole closet itself: I BOUGHT IT

The car I drive I chose it and bought it...when I did the ex asked me why I chose it I said "because I have always wanted one"...it wasn't about HIS choice for me it was about MY choice for me...and I have always wanted to have a Toyota 4 Runner...

(and yes, if you know me, you know that I named my car "Beyoncé" because I think my car is sleek, sexy, powerful and pretty...just like Beyoncé)

All of my life I have preferred to be part of a group and sought the approval of others. 

When I was younger I was almost never the leader and just wanted to be part of the group.  When I got older I learned I liked sometimes being the leader but as long as I was included I was usually happy. 

(and yes when I was in high school I was so desperate to get to "hang out" and drink beer with the cool kids that I took an empty beer can and filled it (after cleaning it) with diet Dr. Pepper and pretended I was drinking...because if I really had my Daddy would have killed me...and there were a lot of deer between me and the hangout spot...all went well until a football player busted me by grabbing the can and taking a swig...)

But one thing I haven't gotten past is the need to be told I did something right...

I had a total breakdown of fear and worry that my costumes for "Beauty and the Beast" would not live up to the mark but then when GOTT told me he was proud and my sweet friend MarshaMarshaMarsha (who's daughter was in the show) and my amazing friend the Divine Miss Tam told me I did a good job I finally felt I had...

hell I can't stand to exercise on my own---that's why I spin. 

(and yes, I also spin because it is my favorite way to make myself feel strong and powerful along with getting and keeping me in shape)

I tend to constantly need reassurance...I guess that is why I feel so compelled to give others reassurances...

(and yes, every time a spin instructor calls me out or comes and stands in front of me to urge me on it is totally what makes the pedals keep going)

I don't particularly enjoy being the "single girl" at the party...sometimes it would be nice to have a date with me...and I have turned down some opportunities because I don't want to go alone (things like a ball or a trip).  I am usually fine at a party but when it comes down to being alone when everyone else is a couple I am not exactly comfortable...and I miss having someone to dance with or be my date

(and yes, my ex never danced with me so I don't know why I would miss that but maybe because I never really had it)

Heck I can't even decide what I am ordering for dinner until I know what everyone else at the table is having so that I can assure myself that there wasn't a better choice...

(and yes, if you have had dinner with me you know this routine...and that 9 times out of 10 I still order salmon...or a very very rare filet...

But there are some things that have helped me to become an independent woman:

I don't mind being alone in my house...that has never bothered me...I have almost never been afraid at night except when I read "Silence of the Lambs" when the ex was out of town...that sent me to my mom's house overnight

I like being able to choose what I eat for dinner and not have someone tell me that they don't want to eat that or that the house smells after I cook salmon...what ends up on my plate at dinner is my decision and mine alone

(and yes, I did admit that I have to take a poll at a restaurant but I'm talking about home cooking here)

And I don't mind whipping up a full meal for myself...I fully believe in eating healthy and part of that is that I cook myself a nice meal...so just about every night I have a nice dinner and glass of wine even if I am all by myself

I like that I have the closet to myself

I am fortunate and blessed that I have the money to pay for my home, clothing, car, and food and don't have to depend on child support or alimony to pay for it...

I don't consider my political views to be strictly right or left-leaning...I'm an independent in the middle because I think gay people have the right to get married just as much as I do but I also like the fact I can have a gun...

And I was fortunate that my parents showed me that you have to make your own happiness and not depend on others and to make my own decisions

My dad did not want me to attend Texas A&M (even though he briefly went there)...but I knew it was the place for me and I was totally determined that I was going to go there even if he would have chosen a dozen other colleges (several of which I was accepted to and only agreed to apply to so he would let me apply to A&M).  I defiantly told him I would go to A&M or nowhere at all...and that I would major in agriculture.

(and yes he was a rancher and it is ironic that he did not want me to go there and study that)

I watched my mother whine and whine and whine for years that she wanted to get married again and have a partner...yet for all her whining she really became so independent that I don't think there was really room for a permanent partner---at least not one who lived with her.  For someone who had divorce thrust upon her and would have easily stayed married to my dad forever and loved being a wife and mother, she became quite the independent woman.

(and yes, I know I endlessly blog about wanting to have a man who has blue eyes and dimples and drives a big ass truck so I guess I am a little like her in that way)

But when I was married I was not happy and thankfully I found my inner independence to know that I would be happier alone than in a marriage that wasn't working and had lost the love.  I asked for the divorce and knew I would be ok...

I have my children...I am not alone...but I am independent.

And I hope I have taught them to be the same way.

I look at my beautiful talented bright daughter and even though we challenge each other at times when I look at her I see a very independent little soul.

She died her hair green...and then blue...

she refuses to shave her legs

(and yes that one bugs me but I have learned to choose my battles)

she dresses in a very unique and different way that totally works for her and she dazzles me

she attends a school in the northeast that is a tough school to get in to and she felt it was a better fit for her than a more mainstream university that most of her classmates decided to attend

(and yes the Aggie in me loves the fact she turned down the University of Texas)

She is finally learning to walk away from situations that make her crazy and not care if other people tell her they don't like her unshaved legs because she isn't going to change.

My daughter is a rock star of an independent woman...

And I am so grateful she is...

because given my need for the love and approval of others I am glad she is not that way...

and I hope the students I work with will also learn some things about being an independent woman from me...I love my girls and I remember how hard it was to be in high school so when they come to me with issues I try my best to tell them to fly on their own (and my precious "Hummingbird" (she knows who she is) I want you to remember this and know I love you very very much! And I am always here to watch you soar...)

I feel like I am sort of like my political views...somewhere in the middle...I like things about being a single woman on my own but I do enjoy the company of others and I do hope that some day I find that blue-eyed man with dimples who drives a big ass truck that will not complain when I cook salmon and will be ok with my obsession with spinning and putting costumes on children doing musical productions...

I come as a package...I have two children who are first and foremost in my world and that I will always put ahead of anything else...but I am independent enough not to rely on them to provide me with happiness and fulfillment...

And I have learned that "Independent" does not mean "Alone"...it means that I make my own choices and take care of ME...and I am free to do so...so yeah...Independent to me means...

FREE TO BE ME

So Queen B...I feel ya and I am throwing my hands up at you...

(and yes, I always will....)

And since I have been giving you some recipes lately in this blog I will tell you about my new obsession that my ex would have hated and my children won't get near:

SPAGHETTI SQUASH

Now basically you risk cutting fingers off to do this but it's worth it...I think maybe you can get by without cutting the squash open but this is how I have done it and the independent thinker in me thinks it is just fine...

So heat your oven up to 400...

Line a pan with foil.

cut the ends off the spaghetti squash and then cut it lengthwise down the middle.  Scoop out the seeds.

Place the cut squash cut side up in the pan and drizzle with olive oil, salt and liberally sprinkle with pepper...

bake at 400 for an hour or so until it is fork tender

Let cool and then take a fork and shred the strands out...

at this point you can do many things but I love to saute it in a little olive oil and minced garlic with a little cumin...sometimes I add mushrooms and it's delicious with a little leftover protein (steak, chicken).

and if I am in a pasta mood (and not able to haul myself to George's Pastaria for my favorite pasta) I oven roast some grape tomatoes and garlic cloves with a little olive oil, salt and pepper (you can do this when you roast the squash) and once the tomatoes are popping and opening up and the garlic is soft take it out of the oven and roughly mash it with a potato masher.  Add in about a teaspoon of agave nectar (tomatoes benefit from a little sugar but I am off sugar these days).  If you want it to me "Mexican" add in some oregano and cilantro...for Italian add in basil and parmesan...use a blend of red and yellow tomatoes for great flavor...

top the squash with that roasted tomato mixture and happiness will occur...

So there you have it...it's easy and I love it...no one else in my house will eat it but I don't care...

Inspiration Song: "Independent Woman Pt 1" by Destiny's Child...because those lyrics resonate with me now and I love me a Beyoncé song for inspiration...

Bye Darlings...be INDEPENDENT...not ALONE but in control of you and your choices...I don't think Beyoncé let's anyone make her choices for her and neither will I...