Put the Gun Down

No...this is not a blog about gun control...

After all I am the daughter of a man who was more at home with a gun in his hand than a pen.  My dad LOVED his guns...we had a room DEDICATED to displaying them...

Besides I save my "soapbox" moments for things I really feel strongly about...you know, like Gay Rights and Marriage Equality...and no, you won't change my mind about it (I AM FOR FOR FOR IT!) so put the gun down...don't kill the messenger...

My blog.

My opinion.

That is what leads me to what this is really about...going off half cocked...

Cause I do it a lot...and I'm working on it...you know...not to pull the trigger when I shouldn't...

I often find myself with the proverbial "gun in my hand" (not really I don't even own a gun) and ready to blow someone away for something innocent.

Texting is one of the things that has lead me to pick up the gun when I shouldn't...

Yes, texting is VERY convenient...especially when you have teenagers who use that as their preferred method of conversation.

I have even had texting conversations with my children WHEN WE HAVE BOTH BEEN IN THE HOUSE AT THE SAME TIME AS ME.  Sometimes it is the only way I could get their attention.

Once poor Ke$ha Barbie texted me something that completely got misconstrued because we both were confused about something.  We had a 10 minute text argument until she realized she had forgotten one little word in the text and I blew up because of it.  It was stupid...stupider still because I was at Nordstrom Rack.  What the argument was about isn't important...the fact that we had the argument because we weren't TALKING was...

I put the gun down once I realized we were misunderstanding each other.

I had that happen again this week but it was more of a "technology fail" than a misunderstanding...I was expecting an answer about something important from someone and for some reason Verizon or AT&T failed us and this person's answer didn't show up until 12 hours later...I thought I was being ignored about something but the truth was the text just didn't show up...

stupid...

cause I almost picked up the gun and blew that person away...and the poor soul had no idea that the text never reached me...

I'm gonna shoot AT&T...

My dad had a bad habit of misunderstanding things and would pick up the gun and blow me away for something I did not do.  My stepmonster was often the "missing link" in the problem...and once it was one of my sisters.  He and I had a mighty blow up over something because my sister decided to not tell the whole truth about something...he and I argued and when I told him until I was BLUE IN THE FACE that I HAD NOT DONE what he was saying I did I finally walked away from him in frustration and got in my car to go home...when he came up to the car (I was married then) to ask why I was leaving I told him that I was tired of telling him "that never happened" and for once to please believe me and not her.

I put the gun down and got out of the car once he apologized and said he understood why I was angry...but I am still not sure he ever believed me.

I've picked up the gun plenty.  GOTT always refers to it as "calling in my flying monkeys" (lucky him he's not had them called on him and I have never pulled the gun on him either) but he's seen me do it.

I have a temper...but I try and keep it in check.

I turned the gun on my ex many times...when it came to the point that I was worried I might get a real gun and shoot him I asked for a divorce.  He's a nice man but one can only live with an unhappy marriage for so long---and because I was miserable I was hard on him.  Sometimes it was his fault, sometimes it was mine...but mostly it was that we had grown apart and no longer belonged together.  We had differences of opinion but the worst part was the indifference we felt towards each other...

So I picked up the gun and ended the marriage...shot it dead...that was one time when I needed to NOT put the gun down...we are both better off for it and so are our children.

I've been ready to turn the gun on myself these past few months because I can't seem to get rid of the 10 pounds I put on over the summer.

Every time I get on the scale I wanted to shoot myself for whatever "not so healthy" thing I had eaten the day before.

Now I keep the "gun" locked up before I get on the scale and I just calmly look at the number, shrug my shoulders and move on.

I'll get the weight off...and if not, well I am ok where I am and better after my surgery...

And maybe I should just take the gun and shoot the scale...

Yesterday when I did JayVee's killer "Pedal to the Metal" spin class and then went and did "Shock Wave" class with Je t'aime Jamie 3 hours later I did want to turn the gun on myself...

But I put the gun down and finished the class and was proud of myself for getting through it without vomiting.

I'm good with a REAL gun...I won the riflery award at camp (my but Daddy was proud of that one) and achieved the highest marksman status you could get at camp, but I don't shoot animals.  I have no problem with those who do but I just don't enjoy it myself.  I've shot 2 deer and a javelina and that is enough for me.

But it's the proverbial gun that I have trouble with.

The times my temper gets the best of me...

Or when I want to give up on something...

or when I someone lets me down in some way...

or when I "get too much into my head" for my own good...

Well, that is when I need to put the gun down and pick up a lily (I like them better than roses) and stop and smell the flowers and let things work out for themselves...

I'm working on it but I have a long way to go...

Inspiration Song: "Put the Gun Down" by ZZ Ward.  Killer good song...it's starting to pop up on tv commercials.  Get to know ZZ she has some good music but this one is my current obsession...

Bye Darlings...put the gun down and don't blow anyone away...count to 10 or ask for clarity...don't be too hard on yourselves...just because you pick up the gun doesn't mean you have to shoot it...