Run

Hello friends...

Longtime readers are looking at the title of my blog and asking "did she start running again?  Wasn't she like banned from that?"

The answers:
No
and
Yes

No I am not running.  I value my knees too much.  And yes, I am still banned.

How I wish my knees had not been so abused by 300 pounds...but they were...and some days I feel it more than others.  I know Dr. Harvey will happily fix my left one up as good as my right but frankly if I am going under the knife I would prefer it was for a tummy tuck and not my knees...only because selfishly I want a flat stomach that no amount of crunches will take care of...only Dr. Bonnie Baldwin can do that kind of magic...and it requires surgery...

So I take care of my knees.

I don't run...

I do however modify things in exercise class so I can continue to WALK...and since I am so obsessed over this class that JayVee teaches I modify so I can keep doing it.

What? I haven't blogged about my obsession with her Total Body Jam (TBJ) class?

Oh dear...or maybe you are just lucky because I am OBSESSED with it.

I'm also doing her Strike class which I like but do not LOVE like I do the TBJ class...mostly because I am sooooo uncoordinated in Strike which is a cross between kickboxing and being a samurai warrior.

Not kidding...

And they both kick my bootie...but in a good way.

The first time I took TBJ I texted JayVee that it literally hurt to turn my steering wheel and I had to ask The Cutest Boy in the World to help my pull my top off.

Speaking of TCBITW...I just have to share...cause this is funny...so the other day he is playing Xbox and linked up through the DevilBox (my name for it) with his friends...he is playing "Call of Duty" and I go in and kiss him and he says:

"Um Mom...don't kiss me!!!!  I'm trying to assassinate people here!!!!"

Yeah...I texted that to DragonLady right away...

Words I never want to hear uttered again by my 14 year old son...

But I digress...and I have wandered off topic YET AGAIN...I do that alot...my children have threatened to crush their ADD meds into my coffee...

Ok so back to TJB and Strike...I burn mega calories and it makes me feel a bit like an athlete to do it.  I mean spin is awesome and fun and still my favorite form of cardio but TBJ and Strike make me feel like I'm you know...kicking some butt....

You see I am sooooooo not an athlete...

I was literally the last person picked for teams during PE...always...

I'm a good dancer...particularly ballet and contemporary...and drill team stuff...and I was a cheerleader but I have no skills when it comes to hitting things with a stick or catching things or throwing things...

Epic fail...

and I do mean EPIC FAIL!

I think I may have mentioned the day one of the lacrosse coaches tried to teach me how to throw a ball into the net and was in danger of losing valuable body parts...my son experienced the same thing trying to teach me the same skill...

I can't play golf...I even had a golf coach once tell me "close your eyes and pray for the best"

I can't play softball...

I can't play basketball (heck I even have trouble with the tiny bit of "dribbling" JayVee has us do in TBJ)...and tossing and catching the 4 lb ball...fuhgetaboutit...

No skills...no skills...

I just can't do anything that requires handling balls...

Oh go and get your minds out of the gutter because as I typed that I came to the same conclusion about that sentence but I am leaving it because I can't handle them...

or should I rephrase to...

I can't do anything that requires handling SPORTS balls...

as to the other...well, that is just TMI...and right now we are discussing TJB....

So as I meander along writing this blog you are wondering just where the heck is she going to end up?

First it was running...then exercise class...then TCBITW and video games...then sports...

Well...that is where we are ending up...

SPORTS

Because it is my favorite TV time of all...the Olympics!

Actually I like the Winter Games better but I honestly can't get enough of the swimming and diving and running and gymnastics...

I'm not going to dissect the Opening Ceremonies here (yes, they were good...loved Sir Paul...loved the big house with the video screens) or the fact that Ryan Lochte is hotter than crap...you can go elsewhere for that...

although every once in a while I might have to spontaneously bust out with a "Ryan Lochte is hotter than crap"....

I bet he can drive a big ass truck...too bad he's too young and out of reach for me...

He.Is.Hot.

So I plan on od'ing on sports watching since I obviously can't play any sports.

I DID try to do gymnastics but I found I had 2 major hurdles to overcome that I just couldn't seem to get myself over:

1) I am deathly afraid of heights (and yes that balance beam is HIGH and so are those bars)
and
2) I am afraid of going backwards...

yes, backwards...

I was flexible enough and I have good rhythm...and I am strong...and I can launch myself pretty high...but when it came to getting on that damn beam and doing flips...

fuhgetaboutit

So I never mastered a back flip flop or a back flip...

I even tried to take some gymnastics classes at the high school in Kingsville when I was in the 7th grade.  The head coach at the high school was Coach Lewis.  He called me "Little Miss Won't Bo Backwards".  I love him anyway...

7 years later when I was at A&M I worked in the computer lab in the Ag department.

My boss was a woman named Carol Lewis.

I loved her...she loved me...so one day she got her husband to come up and meet us for lunch.

Yes...you guessed it...

He walked in...Coach Lewis...looked at me...started laughing and with tears streaming down his face he said "well if it isn't Little Miss Won't Go Backward"...I loved them...they were great "extra" parents for me when I was in school.  And try as he might, he could not get me on the beam or to go backwards...

(And we stop now and take a little commercial break from this blog so I can say once again that Ryan Lochte is hotter than crap)

So yes, I have utterly failed at every sport I have ever tried.

It's just not in me...

Unless you count cheerleading (not the competitive crazy ponytail and glitter competitive kind but the basic high school cheerleading), I am not an athlete.

I was a cheerleader my senior year of high school.

I did it to tick off the drill team coach.

My plan backfired when I made cheerleader.

I loved the rest of my cheerleading team and once I got over being laughed at at cheerleading camp because everyone thought our team name (The Antlers) was hilarious, I sorta enjoyed it.

And yes, Antlers is a stupid name for a team.

But hey...we were in a district with the likes of the Billygoats, the Gobblers, and the Unicorns.

I'll take Antlers thankyouverymuch...

Ok so Lochte is getting ready to swim.

Have I mentioned that he is hotter than crap?

So no...I don't run...and no I don't do sports...

But I do enjoy watching the Olympics and I do especially enjoy the swimming and the track and the gymnastics...

And in my dreams...I can swim like Dara Torres...flip like Gabby Douglas...I'm as gorgeous as a member of the Dutch Field Hockey team (have you seen those girls? As Daddy would say...chickipoos!)...I look as good in a bikini as Misty May-Treanor...I can throw a javelin and look as gorgeous doing it as Leryn Franco (look her up...OMG)...

And I can run...and I run like the wind...like Malibu Barbie running like the wind...and my knees don't hurt...and my flab doesn't jiggle...

But in real life...well I am no where close to that...but you know what?  I don't care...

I got JayVee and Total Body Jam...

And that, my friends, is as good as it gets...and I'm just fine with it...

Because when you can have fun while burning calories and one of your best friends (who is awesome) teaches it...

Well, that is a gold medal in my book...

Because from where I came from (not being able to go up the stairs without losing my breath) to being able to do 17 "burpees" in 45 seconds and not puking...

Um yeah, that is winning a medal...at least to me...

Now get me to that podium, throw that gold around my neck, and hand me those flowers...

and cue that National Anthem...

Because any day you can push yourself and work hard...well, you may not be in London at the Olympics but you are a winner...

Inspiration Song: "Run"...soooooo many versions of this song...I first heard it in Body Pump...but then I heard the original version by Snow Patrol and loved it...and then I heard Leona Lewis' version and I became obsessed...but my favorite version was sung by Katherine McPhee on the tv show "Smash" but stupidly NBC did NOT release that version on iTunes...but if someone knows how I can get it I will be grateful...it is a GORGEOUS song...makes me cry...pick your favorite...for me until I can get Katherine it is Leona...heartbreaking and beautiful song...

Oh, and did I mention Ryan Lochte is hotter than crap? Even if he didn't hold onto the lead in the relay he is still hotter than crap...

Bye Darlings...enjoy watching what the best athletes in the world are doing in London...but be a gold medal winner yourself...try something new...try something that scares you...(shout out to RadiantRita...I'm holding your hand baby girl...you know what I 'm talking about )...like Nike says...just do it...

tomorrow...I'm gonna go backwards...maybe just a back roll...but I'm gonna do it...