Mama Who Bore Me

Helloooo Darlings....

And Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there...

today is always a bittersweet day for me...I always feel so lucky because I AM a mom and God blessed me with two amazing and talented and wonderful children...but for the past 9 years I have been without my sweet mom and that makes today just a bit sad for me.  I miss her terribly...I miss her every day...and I have this 3 month run where once I month I have to confront the fact she is gone:

She died in April so that is always a crappy day...

And then Mother's Day rolls around a month later and punches me in the gut again...

And then in June her birthday comes along and I no longer have her here to celebrate.

I have many friends who have lost their precious mommies so I am not alone in this struggle of joy and pain...and to all of you who have a special angel in heaven you call "Mom" please know I love you and I send you a hug...

I slept in this morning and then The Cutest Boy in the World brought me breakfast in bed...he got up and made me coffee and biscuits and we opted to eat on the couch in my room rather than in bed because Bad Dragon was a little TOO interested in those biscuits so I had to thwart him a bit...

I've been lazy all day and I am just fine with that...I have things I could do but instead I opted to spend 3 hours watching a documentary on the Eagles (the band, as if I have to tell you people...GREATEST AMERICAN ROCK BAND EVER..that's my opinion and if you want to argue it, well I don't want to hear it...).

Ke$ha Barbie called and wished me happy mother's day.  I really should re-name her but I might confuse some of you so it's gonna stick...sorry beautiful child...she's still up in Boston and I miss her so much...but I am so proud of her and her hard work at school...

I wear the title of "Mom" as my proudest accomplishment.  It is the one thing I truly have loved doing...I loved every minute of raising my babies and I am ever so grateful that I did not mess them up or ruin them...

Now as for my fur babies...well, Dragon is still learning manners so I am sort of a failure when it comes to being a cat mama...

I've received so many sweet texts and messages today...but the ones that touch me the most are those from kids I have taught.  I have literally teared up reading their sweet texts to me...because to have a child who is not your own tell you they love you...well, you just can't beat that...So far I have heard from Sweet Caroline, Alexandra the Great, KuteKass, and MyMary...and frankly I would happily call each of them "daughter"...I love those girls so very much because they have opened their hearts to me and they have given me the gift of their love and friendship.  Precious Precious Precious girls...

And I have sweet girls like SuperSarah who treats me like another mom or a very special aunt...inviting me to graduation and to come to the "before prom" photo time...and her birthday...I will miss her when she goes off to college next year...

because sometimes it's not the mama who bore you...but the mama of your heart that you love as well...

I have some "mamas of the heart" too...My friends SuperShari and JoJo are my mamas all the time...they fuss over me, check on me all the time, worry when I have hurt myself (the latest was a nasty burn from bacon grease when God was trying to tell me I no longer need to cook with bacon), and act as a mom when I need a shoulder to cry on.

My aunt Jane is also like a mom to me...more big sister but there are times she stands in as a mom or grandparent for me or my kids.

I was lucky enough to hear from my sister-in-law today....my WonderfulWendy.  She is no longer married to my brother (in fact she has found a wonderful man and they got married!) but she will ALWAYS be my sister...marriages don't matter when you have a sister for life.

All of this got me thinking about what it means to be a mom...because it's not just about giving birth.  I have two adopted sisters who are my SISTERS.  Period.  I only use the "term" adopted when I explain how they started off in my life.  Adopted or not they are as much my sisters as my "blood" sisters are, and I actually am closer to them than the other sisters.  My mother never thought of them differently and neither do I.  They are my sisters.  End of story...

A few years ago my sister SuSu and her family came to visit.  Her daughter June Bug wanted to sleep with me every night.  She would fall asleep and I would stare at her because she not only was so beautiful but she looked just like my sister and it would take my breath away to look at this precious little creature and be so happy that I got to have that experience with her loving me like that...loving me that she wanted to be next to me.  That's how I feel about my Aunt Jane...

So it's not blood...it's not birth...it's about love...

I have friends who don't have human babies but are moms to fur babies...again, that is all about love...

I have a friend I have loved almost all my life who is gay and is father to two twin boys...I love that he gets to be a parent because he is an amazing dad along with his partner...it's not about being a "mom" it's about being a parent...but mostly it about love...

I have friends who have raised their grandchildren because circumstances prevented their child from raising their own child...again, it's about love...

I have kids from school who call me mama...I don't pay for their tuition, or raise them under my roof, but it means the world to me for them to call me "mama" and I will take it..again, it's about love...

So I want to end this post with something I wrote 9 years ago...it's my mom's eulogy. I'm not going to share the whole thing but the part about the lessons I learned from her.  I was going to share it on the anniversary of her passing but I just couldn't bring myself to bring it up...I was missing her too much but was making it through the day without tears so I decided not to.

But today, I feel strong.  And I want to share the wonderful lessons I learned from my mother and her life.  She was a gorgeous woman who inspired me to do many things. I would not be the woman I am today without her...

So in honor of the amazing Debbie Shelton I share this...and I hope today you will do one of these things for yourself.  When I gave the eulogy I made a top ten things I learned from her so here it is...and I have left the last part of the eulogy in because it gives me comfort:

Number 10---Cook with butter! My mother was a fabulous cook…she learned from her father who was also a great cook. She rarely produced a dish that wasn’t incredible tasting. She ate a healthy diet and enjoyed good food, but when she cooked, she cooked with butter. Most of our holiday meals centered on her delicious food and she didn’t skimp on the good stuff. So when you do anything in life, and not just when you cook…don’t skimp on the good stuff…make everything you do full fat, whole hog, and ignore the calories.

Number 9--- travel first class and see this world. It’s not always feasible to fly first class, but why not give up some of those frequent flyer points and get to your destination in a little more comfort? My mother always tried to do that…and she was always more comfortable for doing so. She loved to travel. She loved to go and see my brother Beto and his family in Africa----it’s a magnificent country and she loved to be there. She loved New York City---we traveled twice there with Camiel but she made many trips there and she never tired of the city. She took ordinary vacations to ordinary places but she also loved to travel to exotic and fun places like Hawaii, Bermuda, Egypt, and Europe. Even when she visited my sister Katie and her family in Fort Worth she turned it into a vacation. She loved to go places---whether she was traveling with her children or with friends. We took so many fabulous trips together and I know that I will miss having her as my favorite traveling companion. So get out there and see this world…and send my mother a postcard in a prayer.

Number 8---Sleep on a lot of soft pillows. My mother’s bed was a soft, safe haven for my children and my sibling’s children…all the grandchildren have slept in Nona’s great big bed, surrounded by all of her soft pillows. Sometimes our entire family would pile into her bed. My mother had guest rooms but my sister Susan would always sleep in her bed when she came to visit because Mom’s bed was the best. Everyone who was at her house at some point would find themself lounging about on my mother’s bed. My mother made bed-making into an art form. Her pillows were soft and plentiful and her sheets were luxurious. But translating that to real life, what she did was to create comfort around herself. We can all honor her by splurging on the creature comforts in our home and create that safe, soft haven that welcomes us. 

Number 7---take more pictures. My mother took more photos than anyone I knew---she also managed to display them all. If you were at the funeral home yesterday you saw just a smidgen of the photos she had. And if you were there yesterday I sincerely hope you saw the marvelous video that my Aunt Gayle put together with some of Mom’s photos. She loved photos of friends and family and usually had her photos to the developer within hours of taking them. Take photos and share them with everyone. There is no greater artwork in this world than the human face.

Number 6---Keep a clean house. I have failed miserably at this…she was such a tidy house keeper and I am nothing but a mess…never dirty, just messy. Her home was ready for “Better Homes and Gardens” to come and photograph it at any moment. When her father died she took on keeping the house to help my grandmother out when she went back to work. I was told a story about her neat-nick ways that makes me laugh. Back in the early 60’s, when my mother and her siblings were young, my Uncle Phil was home relaxing. Suddenly my Uncle Steve ran through the house yelling “Run for your lives!” and raced out of the house. My Uncle John soon followed suit and jumped out the window. The next thing that Phil saw was my mother making a mad dash through the house and she forced Phil, along with Jane, Gayle and the others, out of the house. When my grandmother came home she found 5 of her 6 children waiting on the front porch, locked out of the house. It seems that my mother had done her cleaning and they weren’t allowed back in---no matter what. Her housekeeping skills continued on to her adult life. She had a maid that had absolutely nothing to do. She threw out her clutter and kept things so organized. Her closet is a work of art. She never had to worry that her house wasn’t tidy enough for anyone to drop on by. Speaking of which, that brings up:

Number 5----Throw more parties! My mother was the hostess with the mostest. Martha Stewart had nothing on her. She gave great parties. She was the social director for whatever community she lived in. When I was young I can remember sitting with my sisters and brother and watching all of my Mom and Dad’s friends come in to the parties they gave. They had fabulous parties…costume parties, hunting parties, dancing parties, teas, casino parties, bridge parties and benefit parties. They entertained heads of state and heads of the school. We loved to watch her get dressed for a party and always were amazed that she could look so beautiful each and every time. Our home was the gathering place for the web of friends that she had in Kingsville. I remember Sunday afternoons spent with our family friends coming by---the kids stayed in the pool until we were long past the prune stage, the dads would stand around and drink beer until it was time to watch Peyton cook the burgers, and the moms would lay in their chairs sunning themselves while wearing curlers in the hair covered by a silly cap or bandana. Why those women lounged in the sun in hair curlers is beyond me, but I can still see that group of people at my house as if it was yesterday. She could even turn a hairdressing adventure into a party. In the early 70’s I remember her friends showing up, armed with home “frost your hair” kits, Lancer’s Rose wine, and cigarettes for those who smoked. The would seat themselves around my mother’s long vanity area and pull each other’s hair through the frosting caps…all the while yakking and drinking wine. As the evening wore on my sister Noel and I became hot commodities because we could pull the hair through the caps for them when they got a little too tipsy to do it right. They would emerge a few hours later, full of wine, full of fun, with head’s full of frosted hair---they all looked a little like Bea Arthur in her “Maude” days…and my mother was their queen. Those were some of the greatest times of my life, and I think my siblings will agree. Most of the best times were never a planned thing…it was just that everyone knew that our family and my mother would welcome everyone and no one had to put much thought to it. Have a party---we are, because she would want us to!

Number 4----Support education. It was so important to my mother that we got an education. I know the day my sister Sarita graduated was one of the proudest days of her life. My graduation from A&M was a triumph for both of us because she never went to college. Her siblings went to various universities and she was proud of their accomplishments. She tried to give us the best education possible. While in Kingsville she sent us to an amazing Episcopal school. When the time came to educate my own children I feel so blessed that I too found an amazing Episcopal school for my children. I use what she did for us as a blueprint for how to raise my own children and I was pleased that I can give such a wonderful educational gift to them. My mother loved going to St. Francis and seeing her grandchildren perform, or attending grandparent day, or even just picking them up in the carpool line. She so believed in the school that she participated in the school’s capital campaign and regularly gave to the Annual Giving program. But her dedication to good education didn’t stop with her grandchildren’s school----she gave scholarships to A&M, helped build on to our school when we were children, and she helped out with various projects at Texas A&I when she lived in Kingsville. So give to the school of your choice and support it well, she would really like that.

Number 3--- Drink more water and exercise more. Was there ever a time that we didn’t see her drinking water? She never ordered anything in a restaurant but water. She was a connoisseur of water and she drank it by the gallon. She always had a bottle of water and kept several pitchers of it in her fridge. It’s good for you and won’t interrupt your sleep…so toast her with your next glass and drink it more often. And get out there and work out! My mother loved to exercise…she was in amazing shape and she worked hard at it. She loved to walk with her friends in the morning and she also loved going to the Houstonian to work out. She enjoyed trying all kinds of classes but usually stuck to her walks with friends when the weather was nice. I know that she managed to get many of you out of the house to walk with her and I only wish she had made me do so more often with her---then I might fit into more of her gorgeous clothes! Take care of your health---she would want you to.

Number 2---Go to church. My mother loved coming to St. Michael’s. She loved this church and she loved the Catholic Church. She often walked to mass from her house so that she could exercise both her body and her spirit. She loved her faith and she clung to it. She loved Jesus, the Virgin Mary, and God. She prayed for all of us…so let us all remember her in our prayers and thank God for her life because He did such good work when he created her.

Number 1---love your family, spoil your children, but ridiculously spoil your grandchildren. My mother was the most beautiful and wonderful mother a person could have. She did the best she could after the divorce and I think we all turned out pretty well. But where she really shined was in the “grandmother department’. Nona, as the grandkids call her, was the best grandmother a child could have. She spoiled them rotten and loved them with the fiercest of loves. She taught them so many things and she could spend hours listing their virtues to anyone who would listen. She was devoted to her mother and she loved her brothers and sisters so very much. She was the oldest child and was their second mother since some of them are much younger than she was. Her family, children, siblings, and mother and grandchildren were the light in her life…and she was such a strong light in ours. We will all be a little dimmer without her to shine on.

In closing I want to finish with a story of how all of this got put into perspective for me. Over the last few days I have been told so many things and been given much sympathy and advice. But the true meaning of how I, and those of us who loved her, are to carry on were best expressed by Connally Dull. Connally is the sweet 3 year old daughter of my good friends Christy and John Dull. I left the Dulls, Connally, and her 2 sisters at my house to go and sign the papers to release my mother’s body to the funeral home. The Dulls said they would stay to answer the phone and the door while George and I were gone. When I stepped back into the house I began to cry once again. Connally looked up at me with her beautiful big eyes and opened her sweet mouth and said “Why you crying? Your mommy in HEAVEN!” I couldn’t have said it better myself…Sometimes it takes a child to put things in perspective. 


So there you go...things I learned from the woman who bore me...and I have learned many lessons from the women who did not give birth to me but love me like their child...and from my friends who are all amazing moms...and from the children who love me...

The bottom line is...it's about love...

And I love you all...

Inspiration Song: "Mama Who Bore Me"...from the musical "Spring Awakening"...an incredible musical...

Bye Darlings...love the mamas in your life...and love those kids...and just love love love...

No Matter What

Hellloooo my darlings!

Long time...no blog...

That's what happens when you costume a show and then move from a home you have lived in for 14 years.

I'm dying to tell you all about the new house but I really want to wait until I have photos for some "show and tell" and I'm waiting on some bookshelves to get finished...but soon darlings...plus I know you are DYING to listen to me endlessly complain about how awful cardboard boxes are...

But today something happened that I just had to blog about...and this is a platform that I can use to brag on the ones I love...

So today the Tommy Tune Awards nominations came out...

for those of you who aren't involved in high school musical theater here in Houston the Tommy Tune Awards (TTA) are awards given to local high school musical productions and...

THEY ARE A BIG DARN DEAL TO THOSE INVOLVED

A few years ago when GOTT was considering a job change I encouraged him to do so...he was ready for a new challenge and teaching high school kids instead of middle school (19 years there I think) would help him to grow...and I told him that within 2 years I expected to go to the Tommy Tune Awards with him and GOTTESS and that GOTTESS and I would cheer wildly because he was nominated.

Last year was his first year there and I didn't expect any nominations for him but the show did garner a few.

This year when I agreed to costume the show he said "you might get a TTA nomination too..."

I didn't believe him

But then things started to come together and I got my sweet MOD (My Other Daughter) as my assistant...

and I met and grew to love the kids...especially my Sweet Caroline, my Morgan LaFab, Katherine the Great, my Belle Morgan, HannahLove (Hannah G baby that is you), DarlingDuna, and The Duck...as well as all the other kids...and I loved the opportunity to get to work alongside my precious CrewBossCass who I have known since she was a veeeery little girl and is now a senior...

So as I worked the thoughts of TTA were pushed to the back of my mind and all I cared about was making the kids happy and making them look great.

I was haunted in my dreams by cutlery and peasants and candlesticks and beasts...and I worried endlessly that my work wouldn't be good enough.

MOD pushed me and helped me and encouraged me...

GOTT pushed me and encouraged me and believed in me

But somewhere in there I totally began to doubt myself.

I knew I could work with the kids but I didn't want to let them down...I wanted them to look as good as the performances they were giving.

And this is where this blog goes from being a brag fest to a confessional...

I really started to doubt myself...and panicked a little...

And there was one morning when I wasn't sure I could drag myself out of bed...I was in total panic...I had sold my house and had no where to live...I had just gotten over the flu...I had a ton of costumes to finish...I had cutlery to make...

and I literally did not want to get out of bed

And then I remembered back to 2005 when I was costuming my first show for GOTT.  We were doing The Music Man.  And in the middle of it...my mother died...

it paralyzed me to lose my mother

But I had about 80 kids depending on me to do a job I had never done before and I needed to finish it.  I dragged myself out of bed and tried to sneak in but one of the kids saw me and the next thing I knew I had about 30 kids trying to hug me at once.  And the last performance of that show was on Mother's Day and one of the amazing sweet boys made his dad take him out in the rain and buy me flowers because he knew it was a hard day for me (this time I will use a real name because I will love Zach Sendukas for that forever because it literally is one of the sweetest things anyone ever did for me).

So while I lay there paralyzed with fear and doubt I remembered that day and got myself out of bed and headed to the school where MOD and I managed to overcome a few hurdles and my fear of that morning was over but not forgotten...

Because it taught me that I can't let my own fears stand in my own way...and that day I almost did...

We all need to do things that scare us a little...it's good for us...and this downright terrified me but once I got over the fact that it was NOT about me but all about the KIDS I got my act together and pushed through...

But don't worry...I still have fears and you will never see me on Survivor or The Amazing Race because I am terrified of heights and I refuse to eat bugs or vermin...but I will eat raw beef and sushi...go figure...

Last night I slept fitfully because I was too excited to see if we had gotten any nominations for our show...I knew we did a good show but it's always nice to be validated...

So I got on the webpage with the nominations list and...

well I didn't go straight to "best costumes"...

I decided to just go ahead and peek at who was nominated for "best musical"...because, well, maybe we were...I think we did a great job but you never know what appeals to others and judges...

So I looked at the list and started reading...

and...

there...

we...

were!

Best Musical nominee...

I started crying so hard I couldn't see the computer screen...

it took a full minute before I looked at the next category...Best Direction...

and...

there...

we....

were!

GOTT did it...just like I said we would...

And then I looked at the next category...by then I didn't give a damn if we got nominated for costumes or not...

it was Choreography

I knew we had that one in the bag!

but...

WHAT THE HELL?

Our name wasn't there...

no
no
no

could not be

GOTT and Morgan LaFab (and her helpers HannaDoll and BeautifulJess)worked too hard getting those numbers perfect and amazing...

I mean come on...how do you not give a nomination to a musical where over 20 kids are clinking pewter cups perfectly while dancing?

So that took my breath away...

but then I kept looking...still crying...still trying to text GOTT (he's on vacay) at the same time...

we got CREW  (yay CrewBossCass) and LIGHTING (yay to my DiscoBallAdam! love you babe!)

and then...

there it was...

"Best Costumes"

and it said "Houston Christian High School" among the list of names

I fell on the floor and cried...and texted GOTT

And he called and I cried some more...

Because when you have the best job in the world and you work with the person who is literally your soul-brother and you work like a well-oiled machine together and you get to love and be proud of amazing kids...

well getting a nomination for your work is like finding out the caramel cake is not just caramel cake but it is SALTED caramel cake...it is just that much better

and when GOTT told me to start believing in myself the way he did...well, maybe now I do...but it isn't the nomination that did it...it's that HE and the KIDS believe in me...

I texted MOD and congratulated her and told her to find a pretty dress for the awards...I could not have done it without her...and she deserves all the credit for keeping me focuses on the whole costume and not just the buttons (that's a thing I told her to tell me when I would get bogged down in silly details).

So while I was messaging with my friend DivaGlamTam (she's the BOMB people...sings like Aretha and has a real job too...) I mentioned I was put out that we didn't get choreography and since she is a judge for the TTA she knew it wasn't right...

yup...

just a typo...they forgot us

So BOOM!

We had one more..."Best Choreography"

I got to call Morgan LaFab and as I cried into the phone I am actually happy it worked out that way because I loved that I got to be the one to tell her that she was nominated...

But here's the deal...

I FINALLY get it when someone says it is an honor just to be nominated...

well...

it is...

and even if we don't win a thing we have already won...

Because it was not about winning an award...

It was about so much much more...

it's about entertaining an audience...

it's about kids putting themselves out there...

it's about fun...

it's about PRINCESSES people (not really but to the 5 year old girls in the audience it is)

The night before our first show I told My Belle Morgan that her job was not to perform for the judges...her job was to sing and dance her heart out for a 5 year old little girl in the audience who goes home and wants to be her and dance in a big yellow ball gown with a prince...and to be on the stage...

(Oh yes...she got a nomination! and so did Katherine the Great! and the boy who played Gaston!)

That's why you do it...not for awards...not for attention...

but to carry someone in the audience away for a few hours and letting them experience a bit of magic

And that is why we do it...

So win or not...we have already won...

(but yeah ok it would be nice to win...I'd be lying if I didn't say so...but that's not what is important)

So to all my HC kids I love so very very much...and to GOTT who I believe in with all my heart and soul and who is the ONLY director I will work with...

CONGRATULATIONS!

You deserve the nominations!

I'm so proud of you!!!!

Inspiration Song: "No Matter What"...because no matter if we win or not...we already won...we put on a great show...and my "win" was the love I got from the kids and their parents...oh yes---"No Matter What" is a song from the show...because no matter what I will love every second of working for those kids...

Bye Darlings...if you know a kid from HC that was in the show tell them congrats...they did an amazing job...and now I am going to go and cry some more...so proud...so proud...

Be Our Guest

So my darlings I realize I haven't blogged since NOVEMBER...

I need to get back to writing and blogging...and now that I have so much behind me I think I sorta kinda maybe probably have some time to do so...

So since NOVEMBER:

I sold my house

I had the holidays with my kids

I helped GOTT surprise my sweet GOTTESS with an awesome Xmas present---because when a man goes out and picks out the perfect luxury car for your "sister wife" you pretty much better be included and get to make a giant bow to put on it and video her being surprised...I loved doing that so much!

I did costumes for 60+ kids for a high school musical that was worthy of anything TUTS does...(the musical, NOT my costumes)

I found a new house to live in (I close next week)

I fell in love----with 60+ amazing kids that I couldn't be prouder of

and I am packing to move into a house 1/2 the size of the one I live in now...

whew...

I think that is pretty much it...

changes are happening and they are all good...

and for the new few blogs I can pretty much guarantee that the song titles will all be songs from "Beauty and the Beast" because they pretty much fit my life right now...

The kids performed the show last weekend and now I have the worst show depression I have ever had...seriously it's a good thing I am moving because otherwise I would be in bed so sad or up at the school making a nuisance of myself...

Those kids changed me...and just what those changes are I will address in another blog (conveniently there is a song called "A change in me"...lol)

In so many ways...

Last spring when GOTT asked me if I would costume the two shows he was doing at the high school I said "yes" without thinking because that is what happens when GOTT asks me to do things...I automatically spit out the word "yes" and then figure it out later...

That's what happened the first time he asked me to costume a show...he asked if I knew how to do it and I LIED and said yes and figured it out later...

Since we have now done 26 shows together I think I can safely say I have learned how and he likes my work...

But then we plunged headlong into "Seussical" and at the back of my mind I kept thinking "how the hell am I going to do the darn Be Our Guest number..."

And he kept adding kids to the chorus...

Suessical ended and then I did "Arsenic and Old Lace" for him...but that was like 13 kids and was easy...

But many nights...when I couldn't sleep...I was haunted by dreams...

OF CUTLERY

AND PLATES

all singing and dancing

and then he tells me we have like 60 kids

Um....

what the hell?

I would google...I would watch youtube

and many nights I broke out into a sweat about how to make 15 kids look like napkins (thank goodness there were actually only 9)

and then God and GOTT gave me a gift...

I shall dub her "My Other Daughter"...MOD for short...

GOTT tells me that if I can convince the sweet girl MOD to help me I might just have found an angel

Boy was he right

But then again GOTT is usually right...

except about A&M...

there he is wrong (yes darling it is an EXCELLENT school ...end of story)

So MOD comes and meets me one day and I KNEW with all of my heart that the sweet child before me not only would be an enormous help but that I was going to love her

and she was

and I do

she had been helping with the student musicals for 4 years...and she knew all the stuff I didn't...

so I learned a heck of a lot from an 18 year old senior in high school...

we started formulating a plan...some of the stuff we could do...some we couldn't...but for the most part we made it work...

we got 60 "peasants" costumed straight out of the school's costume closet...I spent about $8 getting 2 boys pants because I didn't have their size...

But Be Our Guest was still nagging at me...until one day she suggested we go look in the other closet for inspiration...

and

voila...

we had it!

I won't bore you with details but trust me when you are told you have 9 "napkins", 10 "plates", 9 "napkin rings", 7 "knives", 6 "spoons" and 6 "forks"...well, you panic a little...

we added a "stove" and "salt and pepper" shakers and a rug...

and we styled it all "Busby Berkley" and somehow...strangely...magically...

IT WORKED

I won't even get into what making "wolves" and "gargoyles" was like...I'm saving that for another blog...

I had a ton of help in the form of angels that are otherwise known as mothers of the cast...

But really it was me and MOD figuring it out and getting it done...

And on Saturday night...at the last show...I bawled my eyes out because the kids looked so amazing and IT ALL LOOKED GREAT

I have so many tales to tell of the show...of how my "Sweet Caroline" kept me calm and would kiss my cheek and tell me it was all amazing so that I wouldn't panic...how my "Morgan La Fab" blew me away with her choreography and she is just 18 years old...how my "Katherine the Great" made me cry each night with her singing....how "My Belle Morgan" (yes, there were 2 Morgans) made me so proud I almost burst each night...

but this blog is dedicated to MOD...because she did so much more than fit costumes, organize dressing rooms, and Febreezed the heck out of stinky morph suits...

I LEARNED from her...

not just the show stuff...but watching her with her classmates and the grace she used...her ingenuity on coming up with great ideas...her ability to run it all when I was sick...

(yes, I got the flu in the middle of it all...)

And every responsibility I handed to her was handled with perfection...

even "costume jail" and some incredibly scary quick costume changes...

I learned from a beautiful young lady that I could do my job and make everyone happy...

Because my goal when I do these shows is not to make myself look good...

it's to make the kids look good

that's what GOTT and I do...we try and bring out the best in our kids...

I don't know how I will do this all without her next year but I am giving serious consideration to offering to pay for her to come back here and help me with the show...

I'm not kidding...she's that valuable to me....

But more importantly I have a sweet little extra daughter to love and be proud of as she spreads her wings and moves beyond high school to her future...

and because of her my future with doing high school shows is now so much easier...

I love you sweet MOD...

What's the point of all of this besides honoring a very special young lady?

We never know just WHO our teacher will be...

in my case she was a very special young lady...

OPEN YOUR EYES and see what the youth before us can offer...don't discount what they can teach...

I have learned a lot from my kids but it was also quite sweet and special to learn from some kids who I had not raised...

And I am a very proud mama indeed...

Inspiration song: "Be Our Guest" from "Beauty and the Beast"...if you were fortunate enough to see our show you know it was amazing...and this is dedicated to my sweet MOD who made it work for me so others could be our guest...

Bye Darlings...look to our youth...they will inspire, they will challenge, they will lead, they will teach...and you will find much to love there...

Blessed

Hi my darlings!

Ok so maybe it is a bit self-indulgent to blog on your birthday, but I am gonna do it anyway...

Because it is my birthday...

So 49 years ago...yes, I will admit my age because 99% of you who read this know me and know I am 49...

So 49 years ago I was born to Debbie and Bobby Shelton.

I have lost both my parents but I still have my family...and my beautiful children Ke$ha Barbie and The Cutest Boy in the World

So today I am going to list 49 things I am thankful for...because sometimes I need to remember just how damn blessed I am...and I could save this for Thanksgiving but I am doing it now so I know my blessings then

These are pretty much not in any particular order...except maybe the first one, because they truly are the thing I am most thankful, blessed, and grateful for

1. I am blessed to have my children

2. I am blessed by my friendship with my friend D'nice

3. I am blessed by my friendship with my friend KuteKaren

4. I am blessed by my friendship with JayVee

5. I am blessed by my friendship with my friend and brother from another mother GOTT

6. I am blessed my friend GOTTESS in my life

7. I am thankful for GOTTSON who brightens my world when I am with him

8. I am thankful for the wonderful children I get to work with...especially my student actors and my student directors and stage managers...I am so blessed to get to be with them

9. I am thankful that I had the best mom and dad and grandma in the world

10. I am thankful that there are contacts in this world to fix my terrible near-sightedness

11. I am thankful for reading glasses because the contacts fix the distance but not the ability to read a menu

12.  I am thankful that I attended Epiphany Episcopal Day School and still am friends with so many I went to school with

13.  I am thankful I went to Tivy High and am still friends with so many classmates

14. I am thankful for Twirler Girl and her amazing kids who I love spending time with

15. I am thankful I grew up in Kingsville...because I have so many friends from there...

16. I am thankful I no longer live in Kingsville...sorry....but its true...Houston is the right place for me

17. I am thankful I own a beautiful home that I have raised my kids in

18. I am blessed that I was able to buy a new car this year and that it doesn't eat gas like my old one

19. I am thankful for all the teachers who have taught my children

20. I am thankful for all the coaches who have coached my children

21.  I am thankful for all the friends I have made through my children (in other words...the parents of the kids my kids go to school with)

22.  I am thankful for all the kids I get to substitute teach...because THEY teach me!

23. I am thankful that I have discovered Pinterest otherwise I would not have 1,234 recipes for salted caramel that I haven't tried

24. I am thankful that I have not tried any of those salted caramel recipes

25. I am thankful for Dr. Bonnie Baldwin and the new body she gave me

26. I am thankful for JayVee's spin class kicking my butt every Tuesday and Thursday

27. I am thankful that I was able to lose all the weight I lost simply by eating right and exercising

28. I am thankful for wine

29. I am thankful for vodka

30. I am thankful that wine and vodka are there for me but not a crutch...nor is chocolate...I just happen to really really enjoy a nice cabernet...

31. I am thankful that I love salmon

32. I am thankful that I love chicken fried steak but I am able to be just as happy ordering salmon...most of the time...

33. I am blessed that I have my aunt Jane to lean on when I need her

34. I am thankful that I married my ex-husband because he gave me incredible children and is a good father to him...and although we weren't a happily married couple we are a happily divorced family

35. I am blessed that I am able to get along so well with my Ex and that my kids actually have a better life because of our divorce...and we haven't screwed them up with it...

36. I am blessed to have so many amazing friends...

37. I am blessed to be healthy

38. I am blessed that there is chicken stock to use in my Thanksgiving stuffing in place of all the butter my mother once used

39. I am grateful that I have had so many friends hold my hands through so many trials in my life...even if it is just watching my son play football or wrestle

40. I am thankful I went to Texas A&M University...I am very proud to be an Aggie

41. I am thankful for my sweet pets...especially my new stray we took in

42. I am thankful that I live in the United States...it's not perfect but we are free

43. I am grateful to have this blog as a creative outlet

44. I am grateful that GOTT believes in me and has given me so many opportunities to use my talents to costume his shows...because I love him and love doing it for him and the kids

45. I am thankful for Botox and Latisse...yes, I use them and no I am not ashamed of it

46. I am thankful for the wonderful schools my kids attend and have attended

47. I am grateful to be the woman I am today

48. I am blessed to be a child of God and a Christian...God has been so very very good to me

49. I am blessed, grateful, and thankful to have my kids...and yes, I know I listed them twice...but they are a double blessing to me...they are my alpha and omega...my beginning and my end...the reason I breathe and work so hard to be a good mom...and they are the most precious perfect humans to me...

So here I am...49 years old and grateful for all the love I have in my life...the photo is a little fuzzy but then again so is my brain sometimes...

And I am blessed, thankful and grateful to all of you who read this and support me...

Inspiration Song: I love a good Elton John song and this is one of my favorites: "Blessed"...it is a beautiful song

Bye Darlings...I'm not seeking birthday wishes here...but hopefully I have inspired a few of you to list your blessings before the upcoming holiday!

Better Man

Helllloooo Darlings...

It's been a while!  Did you miss me?

I have to blog more...and now that I am done with a show (but starting another tomorrow) I will have a bit more time to use this creative outlet more often.

So...

the title...

you getting curious if I am writing about:

a new boyfriend? (or boyfriend in general since it has been more than a quarter century since I had one...)

Nah...

No new men in my life other than that stray kitty we took in (and yes, I am totally in love with him).

Nope...

This is about...coaches and teachers...

Because in the past couple of weeks I have been exposed to some really great ones.

Because I dabble in teaching as a sub...and yes, I have no business teaching math and I apologize to my friends who's children have had to endure my attempts at algebra...I appreciate the excellent teachers my children have had every time I stand up in front of a classroom full of beautiful wide-eyed children expecting me to fill them with knowledge...or at least give them candy if they have behaved on a wild Friday...

You all know of my love and devotion and admiration for my friend GOTT (God of the Theater...husband of GOTTESS and father of GOTTSON)...

He.Is.Amazing.

We just finished doing our 26th show together as director and costumer...

And I have loved each and every one of them...and I love watching him work with the kids/students/actors more and more each time.

This show was "Arsenic and Old Lace" with high schoolers...I was nervous but instead I have found myself just loving the kids as well as the other teachers in the department that GOTT works in at the school...shout out to "John the Music Man" and "Phabulous Phil"!

I love watching GOTT direct...he doesn't just tell and actor what to do...he helps them to figure it out for themselves.

Now THAT is teaching and directing.

And he does it better than anyone I know.

He's an amazing mentor and friend to his students.

Why else would my sweet Miss Cass the Class Act have been with him for 14 shows (and she is just a senior in high school) or my Amazing Amanda want so desperately to learn from him and work with him?

He elevates school productions...and the kids learn so much and will take what they have learned from him beyond the stage.

I remember we had one former student who told us that he ran for class president and then student body president at his high school because GOTT cast him as the second lead in his 8th grade musical.

We have another former student who is studying to be a stage manager in college because GOTT and TTG (Theater Tech God) taught her how to do it in junior high

and more of his former students from his middle school teaching days have gone on to win the local high school acting awards than any other teacher in the city

and have I mentioned that he is NICE?

and that my son would walk away from a group of friends to run over and hug him and GOTTESS and GOTTSON at a school event BECAUSE HE TRULY LOVES HIM?

yeah...when I count my blessings GOTT is definitely one of them

My son was blessed this year to get to be coached in football for the second year in a row by Coach E...I love that man because he gave my son such confidence in his abilities that when asked to play with the Varsity team after his JV season ended my son said "yes" full well knowing that he would never get on the field during the championship game but he was good enough to contribute to the team during practice...even though he was smaller and younger than the other linebackers.

And Coach K...who is also his Honors Chemistry teacher...and don't let the title of "Coach" fool you...yes, back in the dark ages when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was in high school most of the coaches who "taught" only taught the blow-off classes.  This man is a graduate of the Air Force Academy and a true chemist...he just happens to also be able to coach football and wrestling.  Poor Coach K gets my son for about 4 hours a day now...thank goodness they love each other.

And we have my beloved WC...Wrestling Coach...who we have known for 8 years now...his belief in my son is what every mom would hope a coach had in their son.  He blew a gasket when the Varsity Coach nabbed my son to continue playing football by asking him to play varsity (to which my son had no choice because the man will be his coach next year and unless he wanted to polish the bench with his butt all season he had to say "yes").  And I will say that Varsity Coach proved to be a really great guy and great coach...but WC was none to pleased...but he got over it.  My son's response to WC's frustration at his having to be off of wrestling for an additional 2 weeks: "WC THINKS he owns my soul...but he only owns 90% of it"...Thank you my sweet WC for being a man my son thinks so highly of...and loves so much...and I know you love him...

My son loves history and is taking AP World History right now because he had 3 incredible men as his history teachers in middle school.  (He had a great female history teacher too but this blog is about the MEN).  He truly loves them and I can tell you that he considers Precious and Adorable History Teacher, and Bacchus, and Smithy to be not just teachers but friends and mentors and we both feel blessed he had them as teachers (Ke$ha Barbie had two of the 3 and she feels the same).  TCBITW remembers so many things they taught him and I know he loves history because those men made it come alive and made it interesting for him.  Something I never had a history teacher do for me...

TTG not only taught my son some theater tech stuff but he was also my son's church fellowship leader in middle school.  My son enjoys every second he spends in his company and sometimes it would be days later but he would quote me something TTG said or some lesson he learned from him...and he still does...

My son has a great father...

But I am so happy he also has some really great men in his life to teach him...to mentor him...to coach him...to make him laugh...to make him learn...to make him think...

And when I walk into the classroom I try and remember all the great stuff those guys do for my son and give a tiny little bit of it back to the kids I am teaching...

I do the same for the kids I costume...I listen...I counsel...I hug...I hold hands..I laugh...and I have GREAT pride in their work on the stage...

Teachers touch lives...

I am not a teacher but I hope just by how I treat children I can teach them to be better humans...and that is a lesson I have learned from each of those men...

So....

Thank you GOTT

Thank you TTG

Thank you Coach E

Thank you Coach K

Thank you WC

Thank you Varsity Coach

Thank you Precious and Adorable History Teacher

Thank you Bacchus

Thank you Smithy

And even though you haven't taught my son but you do teach me things:

Thank you John the Music Man

Thank you Phabulous Phil

I love you all...sincerely...dearly...

And I hope I am 1/100th as good as you when I am in the classroom (look! I used math!)

Inspiration Song : "Better Man" by Pearl Jam...because I can't find a Better Man than the men I have discussed here today...they are truly without equal...

Bye Darlings...I hope you had a great man teach you something...and if you have kids I hope that they have men as wonderful as these men to teach your kids...

Time to Say Goodbye

Hello Darlings...

Don't let the blog title scare you...I'm not moving away (well I am moving but not out of Houston) and I'm not stopping my blogging (although as infrequently as I have blogged lately you might think so...it has been over two months).

No, I am just having to say goodbye to a few things in my life...

Let's start with one I have no control over...because it is under the control of the calendar...

Saying goodbye to the easy days of summer...

It was so nice not to have a schedule...to stay up late and get up late...to laze around by and in the pool and enjoy the time with my kids.

But then school started again and those lazy days of summer were gone.

It's still hotter than hell but no more free days.

My son got to say goodbye to his "play video games all day" days...he literally sometimes would only emerge to demand a feeding and then back to his room he would go to yell and scream like some sort of demented person.

The yelling and screaming was directed at his friends...not me...thankfully...

I don't understand all this video game stuff anyway...he gets on the computer/phone/Xbox and plays with his buddies and they spend most of their time insulting each other...

Chalk that up to another thing in "boy world" I don't understand.

Because if I ever told D'Nice "you are a stupid-ass fool" she would disavow me as her bestie. And I don't think KuteKaren would like being called an "idiot"...I do hurl nasty insults at JayVee but only during spin class...otherwise I treat her like the goddess she is...

So other than being a CIT at camp this year...where my son had to say "goodbye" to being a camper and "hello" to being a counselor...my son spent his summer yelling into his computer at his friends and occasionally swimming in the pool with me.

Rough life. (Joking)

Now he gets Honors Chemistry and Honors Algebra 2 and AP World History and football practice where it is over 100 degrees on the field...and games where he comes home so scratched up it looks like he had a fight with a bobcat...and lost...

Rough life. (Not joking...it's a lot for a 15 year old)

And Ke$ha Barbie was home all summer but she is back up in New England for school and saying goodbye to her wasn't easy either...

It was harder last year when I left her in Boston but I still cried when I hugged her goodbye the last night she was home.

We didn't have an easy time of it this summer...she was used to being on her own schedule and not checking in with her mother every day/night and being expected to be home at certain hours an I was used to it just being me and The Cutest Boy in the World (TCBITW) and we had our own schedule and dinner plans, etc.

I guess it is more than just saying goodbye to her for the summer...this summer I have had to say goodbye to her childhood and to realize that she really won't be living with me again (at least I hope not...I'm paying too much in tuition for her to come home and live with me while she "finds herself").

She says she really doesn't want to live in Texas again...even over the summer...so I have had to say goodbye to her being with me for more than just a few days here and there.

Basically she has gone from being a resident in my home to just a visitor...and that has been hard to swallow...and saying goodbye to her being a kid and now an adult is rough.

She will turn 20 in a few weeks...She now enters the 3rd decade of her life and I have to face the fact she is a woman now and not a child.

But she will always be my baby...

This summer I said goodbye to my almost perfect (for me) body because between stress and rehearsals and a lot of "oh I will eat what I want" I gained a few pounds...so now I am working hard to get that off...I refuse to let all of Dr. Baldwin's work get hidden by some stress weight...

This one is hard....I'm saying goodbye to my house.

I put it on the market a few weeks ago, immediately got a contract but they buyers got cold feet so its back on the market.  I have an awesome agent and I know it will sell again.

Frankly since the holidays are around the corner I'd just as soon wait until January to make a move.

I love my house...I truly do...but it is more than I need at this point in my life.

I said goodbye to one of my kitties.

Thankfully it wasn't a death "goodbye" but rather a letting go...

My ex and I literally shared custody of one of our 3 cats.  He doesn't much care for 2 of them but he really loved our little Siamese.  So she would spend one week at our house and one week at his.

But then I had a moment where I realized that my selfishly loving my little cat didn't necessarily translate to being what was best for her.

So she lives full time with my ex and I get to visit her when I pick up TCBITW.

And so I filled that hole in my life with a new boyfriend...

He's a beast

A real beast...

He likes to snuggle...but he also likes to bite...

No, I did not find a man with a big ass truck to invite into my life...instead I invited the stray cat that has basically been living here since February into the house.

The kids named him "Dragon" which I think is the stupidest name ever for a cat but they are happy with it.  He's named Dragon because Ke$ha Barbie did not care for the name that TCBITW picked out for the cat. He was to be named after one of the dragons in Game of Thrones but Ke$ha Barbie declared that was not to be and he is Dragon.

I think he should have been called "Ninja" because he is stealthy...but I got over-ruled...

He's a gorgeous cat and sweet as pie and we are all thrilled with him...all of us except for fat Zulu and silly Seringa (my other two cats).  They are not on board with this plan of replacing Angel the Siamese (not that they cared for her either).

In a few weeks I get to say "goodbye" to football and "hello" to wrestling and frankly it can't get here soon enough.  It's been a long hard season.  My son and his team have done well...and I frankly love that every Thursday I get to spend game time with my friend PrettyPhunPhyllis and her son LuckyLucas (I'm going to steal that child...I lurvs him...), but I"m ready to not here the sound of helmets clashing and wondering if my son is on the bottom of the dog pile.

At least with wrestling it is one-on-one and I can see where he is...

And we eat better...we have to...we live and die by the scale during wrestling.  I don't let my son diet but I keep only healthy stuff in the house and all junk food is banished.

So in an effort to eat better I tried a new chicken dish that I found on Pinterest...I am attempting to try and cook the stuff I have pinned instead of just pinning willy-nilly with a bunch of stuff...

So here's the recipe...It might make you say "goodbye" to plain roast chicken:

Rosemary Roasted Chicken with Red Grapes...

3-4 lb roasting chicken (do yourself a favor and buy a good organic one...it makes a difference)

1/2 stick butter
fresh rosemary
salt
pepper
2 cloves garlic finely minced...or about a teaspoon or so of the garlic paste kind...
red seedless grapes
olive oil


soften the butter and blend up with the salt, pepper, garlic, and about a teaspoon or so of finely minced fresh rosemary...make a paste of it...

spread some of the butter paste under the skin and use the rest to rub all over the chicken.  Take about 3 sprigs of rosemary and put them into the cavity of the bird.

Place the grapes in your roasting pan (I use my Le Crueset cast iron french oven)...you can take them off the stem or just leave them on...doesn't really matter.  Pour a few tablespoons of olive oil over the grapes, sprinkle with salt and pepper and toss to coat...

Place the buttered up chicken on top of the grapes and put it, covered, into a 425 degree preheated oven.

Roast one hour.

Uncover and roast an additional 15 minutes or so or until done...let rest 10 minutes once you take it out of the oven

The pan juices are slightly sweet and delicious...

My son made half a chicken disappear in 10 minutes...he said "goodbye" to that bird quickly...

Try it...it will disappear...

So my friends, I'm not saying goodbye...and I promise to be a better blogger...but forgive me if I get distracted by costuming (yes, I have that too)/football/wrestling/house selling/etc...

Inspiration Song: oh, this is a good one...so a few months ago GOTTESS and I went to the karaoke bar with SuSu, AngelinaBallerina, Mayzie la Jess, MistyBarbie, and a few other gals...so we see that this guy is up there and he is going to sing "Time to Say Goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman.  We were all like "yeah...right...".  Um...YEAH FREAKIN RIGHT...OMG he was amazing...he blew us away...GOTTESS chased after him to tell him we could use his talents at the theater...people were filming it with their phones...It was a surreal experience because NO ONE a the karaoke bar can pull that off...except for that guy!

Bye Darlings...say goodbye to what you must...but please don't say "goodbye" to me because I need you to get through all of my goodbyes...

I love you all...

Beautiful People

Hello my beautiful people...

Gonna start out by saying I was going to write a blog about something else and was gonna use a Backstreet Boys song as the title...but I got sidetracked by a photo and changed my mind...but never fear the BB's will make an appearance...or maybe that should scare you a bit...

In any case I was checking out Facebook the other day and I noticed this GORGEOUS photo of my friend DivineDawn.  She had changed her profile pic and it stopped me dead in my tracks.

Now DivineDawn is one of those stop-you-in-your-tracks pretty girls...her whole family is (yes, even her mama and don't get me started on her kids or husband)...and I should really hate her because she is not only pretty in person but...

she.takes.damn.good.photos.

le sigh...

I am NOT photogenic (and please please do not think I am seeking some sort of affirmation here how nice my profile pics are...it takes about 5000 for one to even resemble me...my face doesn't photograph well).

DivineDawn looks good in person and digitally...

But in reality it is not a physical thing so much...it's her smile...

she smiles with her whole face...

like Tyra says...she "smizes"...(smiles with her eyes)...

But it's not even that...it's that her beautiful heart is evident.

She's gorgeous on the outside but truly stunning on the inside.

The first time I met her I knew she was a beautiful person...

yes, she is...

I have a lot of friends like that...I would say all of you are...because if I am to count you among my friends I have to LIKE you and I like beautiful people...and by beautiful I mean the INSIDE is pretty.

I have this friend I have told you about before...Glamazon...she is another "stop you in your tracks" beauties...she has the smile that is killer...gorgeous eyes...and she is 6 ft tall...

She looks like a model...she should have been a model...

But her true beauty is her faith and love...and lucky for me I get to have that...

Some beauty is unconventional...

Like my sister KK...she has a lot of tattoos and her hair is usually some sort of shade of blue or green...and she is a tiny bird of a person...but she is a colorful bird and she has the sweetest heart...I don't think I have ever seen her be mean to anyone...

And my sister SuSu is as gorgeous as Julia Roberts (and kinda looks like her) but she rarely wears makeup...or at least not the bordering-on-drag-queen amounts I do.  She is just naturally pretty...and she is the best mommy...and not a mean bone in her body either.

I've told you how beautiful my aunt Jane is...anyone who knows her knows she is as beautiful as any model...because she is so gorgeous inside. She's not the typical pretty when you see her...but then she smiles and laughs and you see that true beauty...

My children are beautiful...I won't even try to describe how beautiful I think they are.  Even when Ke$ha Barbie is behaving Satan-like she is still pretty..just a pretty little demon...and The Cutest Boy in the World is just that...the cutest boy in the world.

My friend JayVee is a pretty girl.  So is her daughter.  Her whole family is incredibly attractive.  But she has a heart that makes her gorgeous and that heart got her her husband I call "The Hunk" and her kids are stunning because their parents taught them how to be beautiful on the inside.  Her daughter SweetKass is so pretty sometimes I just stare at her eyelashes and pretty eyes and she just is the sweetest thing...and I don't even get scared when she gets her scary dental instruments near me (she is studying to be a dental hygienist...she will be popular).

When I laid eyes on my friend TonyFab I knew he was a beautiful person just by looking at him..and yes, I was quite right about that...(darling I have to figure out a way to see you...)

My friend Mr. Gorgeous (MLS...yes, you my darling that I went through school and you now live in NYC) is prettier than me...inside and out...you can tell it the second you lay eyes on him...my daughter wants him and his partner to adopt her (I won't let you dear...I love you too much)

My dearest friends D'Nice and KuteKaren are beautiful woman...and I love it when we get to be silly girls together because we have so much love for each other...KuteKaren's husband is a very patient man with us...thank you RoyBoy for putting up with your wife and "the nices..."

And TwirlerGirl...with her beautiful hair and beautiful smile and beautiful children is a stunner too...because she always has the heart to listen to another person...

And even though I have never met her, I think Jenny Lawson (The Bloggess...thebloggess.com) is a stunner...because she is a really pretty girl on the outside but her openness and willingness to share her struggles with depression and anxiety with the rest of us makes her more gorgeous than Heidi Klum.  Some day I hope I get to meet that very beautiful woman.

I could go on and on and on about all the beautiful people in my life and I will surely leave someone out...I know I will so I better stop before I hurt someone's feelings...

This may seem all rather oxymoronic of me to talk about beauty when I went under the knife last Xmas to vainly remove my unwanted flesh and add a bit more to another part of myself, and yes, I do love me some poison in my face to stop the wrinkles...and yes, I am vain and have a Sephora store in my bathroom to prove it, but all that surgery has made me come to realize what beauty is.  I needed that surgery to remove what I considered a very ugly part of myself---the unhappy fat girl---but it didn't make me beautiful...it just made it easier to wear jeans and look better in camisoles.

My mother was stunning.  Really truly beautiful.  But sadly inside she had her struggles and she always thought by having someone wield a scalpel or needle and "fixing" her that she would be more beautiful and make her happy.  She needed to find her inner beauty and I don't think she really ever did because the outside did not need fixing at all...I found a photo of her at 20 with her natural hair color and before any nose jobs or surgery and she was so beautiful I cried.  I loved my mother with all of my heart and I hope I have learned not just how to put on mascara but how to find my true beauty...even if she never saw it in herself.  My mother was a very nice and loving person, but part of really being beautiful is finding yourself...and being happy with yourself.  Even if you aren't perfect...

I guess the bottom line is that to me beauty is not in the eye of the beholder but rather in the heart.

If your heart is beautiful, you will be beautiful.  It may not always be by society's standards...and maybe no magic mirror would proclaim you "the fairest in all the land", but if you are beautiful inside then the outside will reflect it.

And if you are a good person who gives a damn what a magic mirror says...I've never met a mirror I really liked anyway...

Inspiration Song: "Beautiful People" by Chris Brown.  No lets not get our hate on because he is not a beautiful person for what he did to Rhianna...but the man can sing and make good music and I was sad to hear today he says he is going to quit the music business because people can't get past what he did.  I am in no way condoning his awful behavior but I do like the beats he puts out...but I am betting he won't quit...

Bye Darlings...be...BEAUTIFUL!  And thank you DivineDawn for being my inspiration...in many many ways...

I love all of you very beautiful people who read this blog and support me...no go and be beautiful to others...you did your job here by reading.