Alive

Hi Darlings,

You know what cancer feels like?

Or rather what uterine cancer feels like?

It feels like:

NOTHING

Oh there was pain before but I don't think that was exactly the uterine cancer

But cancer treatment?

How does it feel?

It feels like:
pain
a bunch of surgery
needles everywhere
endless blood draws and pricks
bruises from big iv's
pain from surgery
nurses checking on you every few hours
difficulty walking
pain
nausea
feeling blown up like a balloon
not sleeping
no appetite
pain

And emotionally?

How does that feel?

It feels like:

I'm not ready to talk about it...

But there is fear mixed with faith and terror mixed with a warrior spirit

But yeah, I need to leave that one alone for a bit

So here's what you need to know:

I had surgery on Monday, November 28.  Because of traumas and the number of surgical cases I remained the last person in the "day surgery" ward and they finally wheeled me down to the OR suites at about 6:15 that night.

I spent the afternoon wearing a tiara and joking with my aunt.  I saw Dr. Gorgeous and Dr. Husband and they helped keep us company.  Jane and I preoccupied ourselves with trying to keep me from sliding on the bed because they had some sort of plastic thing on it that would make it easier to move me to the OR table.

All I know is if you are built like an Oompa Loompa it's not gonna keep you in place in the bed and you slide around a lot.

I think it would make an excellent exercise---can you stay in place?

We didn't discover until about 3 hours in that we could change the channel on the tv and didn't have to continue to watch the deer and the antelope play and the purple mountains majesty that was on the "keep the patient calm and bored" channel on the tv.

So we watched Jeopardy and learned we don't know where lakes are...

They kept pushing the surgical time back and finally around 5:30 Dr. Resident came in and I burst into tears seeing her.  I cried more when she assured me I was going to get the surgery that night.

The rest is just sort of a blur of more doctors coming in, Dr. Rockstar laughing when I told her I dreamed she walked into the OR to "Cherry Bomb" and a lot of questions about whether or not the pain block doctors were still there.

They weren't.

Oh well.

(They wanted to put a pain block in place so when I woke up I would have less pain.  It was an excellent plan.  Sadly they were overwhelmed and I was the last patient)

I got wheeled down to the OR suites and in pre-op I finally got the "calm her the hell down" shot and Dr. Husband showed up to make sure I was getting the best care possible.

I was.

He arranged for my room to be ready and for Jane to get to wait there in comfort.

I don't remember much else except that the anesthesiologist was a pretty good looking man and telling them to "save my damn life".

I woke up in pain but not agony

I went in at 7

Came out at midnight.

Jane said Dr. Rockstar was exhausted.  She felt good about it.

Sadly I have two scary lymph glands that might need further attention (i.e. "lets lose all that hair" chemo) but the rest she handled.

Not sure what "stage" I am in and for the first time in my life I can honestly say that is a stage I don't care to know anything about but sadly I must.

We will know later...so please don't ask.

The rest of it is just a lot of stuff about my recovery that is frankly so boring that if I type it up I will fall asleep and not finish this blog.

I will say that nurses and doctors have a preoccupation with farts that rivals that of 10 year old boys and I can't believe I am a 52 year old woman who had to discuss if I had "passed gas" yet or not on an almost hourly basis.

I currently resemble a TeleTubbie.  If you don't know what that is, Google it.  Look up "Tinkie Winkie" and you will get an excellent idea of what my body currently looks like.

I wish I was kidding

really...

I do...

and i have bruises on my arms that make me look like a crash victim

I have a nice 10 inch scar down my midsection but here is what is cool:

THEY GLUED IT

yup, it's held together with glue...no stitches...

it's soooooo cool

I also want to say right here and now that the care I received at Memorial Hermann was more than good...it was exceptional.

i had great nurses...no make that EXCELLENT nurses

they were amazing...like the best ever...

and every single staff person I encountered at that hospital was wonderful from the sweet woman who cleaned my room to the guys who wheeled my gurney about like a magical chariot.

I did get my pain block on Tuesday and I swear I must be on some sort of "you get all the gorgeous doctors" trajectory because Dr. PainKiller was a knockout.  And never wears scrubs. And pretty much would have made my son's eyes come bugging out like some sort of cartoon.

Damn she was pretty

And she likes to spin...

yeah, God made her for me...she likes fashion and spinning and refuses to look like everyone else---that's my girl...

I didn't have much appetite, I finally started "passing gas", I no longer had a fever, I was getting up and about pretty good and so on Friday Dr. Rockstar said I could take my happy little cancer kicking ass home.

She's warned me about the chemo

It's most likely gonna happen.

Now I am gonna give you some good stern advice here people.  And I am warning you because I have made this very mistake myself so I'm gonna stop you before you do it to me or any other woman with cancer and I'm gonna save you from her (or my wrath).  I'm gonna keep you from having me come for you with something sharp.

Whatever you do please head the following.

Memorize it and follow what I say.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER SHOULD YOU EVER TELL A WOMAN WHO IS FACING CHEMO THAT MIGHT TAKE HER HAIR THE FOLLOWING:
BUT IT WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE
BUT IT WILL GROW BACK
I HAVE FRIEND X AND HER HAIR IS SO CUTE NOW
YOU WILL LOOK CUTE IN SHORT HAIR
IT MIGHT NOT FALL OUT
IT WILL GROW BACK IN NO TIME
HAIR OR YOUR LIFE? TAKE YOUR LIFE
THERE ARE GREAT WIGS!

YEAH...UM...HELL TO THE NO WITH ANY OF THOSE STATEMENTS OR ANYTHING LIKE THEM

(yes, sorry for the yelling)

Unless you have yourself, and not some friend or family member, but YOU as a woman, personally lost all of your hair to chemotherapy---you don't get to say ANY of that.

You get to say:
I'm sorry

That's it...because there is nothing else you can say.

Because it hasn't happened to you

i"m a 52 year old overweight single woman who has never ever in her life looked attractive in short hair.

Never

I have a yard of hair on my head

And I'm probably going to lose it

So before you go telling me how precious your friend Susie looks now that after a year her hair is growing back just zip it and say:

I'm Sorry

Because now I'm gonna look like Tinkie Winkie for sure...

Ok that's all the updating I can do.  I've stayed off social media for the past day or so and plan to continue to do so, so I will post this and literally get off FB because I just need to focus on me right now and I can't focus on answering everyone...and I know you understand that.

So where do we go from here?

I keep healing and moving forward, spreading my message for women to take care of themselves and you people keep praying and going about your lives.

I'll know more Friday when I see Dr. Rockstar again...

and....

I'M ALIVE

Inspiration Song: "Alive" by Sia....she's my favorite and her words speak to me...and I'm Alive!

Bye Darlings---I'm Alive and will continue to be...I'm blessed...and they didn't let me wear a tiara to the OR but they did let me wear it out of the hospital....so I did...